Spirit of Equestria

by NeonSpirit

And So It Begins

You can skip this if you want because it’s really long. The story begins where theses a gap between the text.
Ok before you read this story I would like to thank the people who on the first day told me what was wrong with the story. I realized the mistakes that I made. The biggest one being that the character starts out as a Gary Stu. And there were some other things that I needed to be improved to. And I agreed with everyone and took what they said and used it to modify my story and make it better. I’ve changed the character a lot. He used to be a cocky, I’ll do anything Gary Stu, but I’ve changed that. And then he really changes after chapter two.
Oh and another thing. For those who think I’m doing an OC insert of myself because the pony I describe looks exactly like my OC. Well except the cutie mark. It’s not. The character in this is not supposed to be me. But the character does have some of my ideals.
Anyway sorry for the long interruption. Now, let the story begin!

I lay there dazed in my bed; I just can't believe everything that happened since two weeks ago. I mean look at me. Right now I'm lying in a bed inside a shack, that’s in a magical forest, that’s filled with monsters. The girl I've loved for, pretty much my whole life is in a bed right next to me. I now have some crazy powers. Which turns out are quite common. Oh yeah, and here's the big thing we're both ponies. PONIES for crying out loud! Oh, two weeks ago it all changed. But do I hate this... NO. These past two days have been the best days of my life. I guess I just haven't had the time to think about it till now. Okay I know what you’re thinking. "Are you CRAZY, what the hell are you talking about?" Well let me start from the beginning.

At the time I was just taking a walk, thinking about how I wish life was more exciting. I was also thing about how Rachel's (my lifelong friend) birthday was just a few days away. I was thinking about what to get her. I guess there is one thing I could do. But no way, I couldn't, everything would change. Well... then again that is what I want. Right?

Anyway, I guess I was so deep in thought that I didn't realize where I was going. The next thing I knew I heard a car horn. I snapped out of my train of thought just in time to notice that a car was speeding towards me. I barely knew what was going on since it happened so fast. I closed my eyes and covered my face. But I wasn't hit by the car. In fact I couldn't even hear the car anymore.

I felt wind rushing past my body and a tugging on my arm. I looked up to see. I can't say, it I just can't. A flying blue police call box. It was the Tardis. ... Eeyup... I still can't believe it myself but there’s no mistaking that beautiful machine. For those of you who don't know Tardis stands for, Time And Relative Dimension In Space and it's what The Doctor uses to time travel. But it couldn't be. Doctor Who is a TV show not an actual thing that exists. And if that wasn't enough to scare the crap out of me there was a blonde, sort of cross-eyed, girl in her late teens, wearing grey clothes, holding me out of the doors of the Tardis.

"Hey there fella. Nice weather we're havin’ today.?" She called out to me cheerfully with a perky grin. I looked down and saw that I was now about 100ft. from the ground now. Everything was happening so fast that I couldn't think or speak. All I could do was mutter a few whas and whos until he came out. That's right... I saw him, and once I saw him I knew exactly who was holding me from my doom. "Hey Doctor, this is the guy... right." The girl called out to the inside of the Tardis. She then started to look questionably at me.

I couldn't believe it I was going to see The Doctor. I wondered what he was going to look like, since he could regenerate. Well at least that's what it said in the show. The head of a brown stallion stuck then came out of the doors to the Tardis. I looked just like... the one in... My Little Pony. I then knew who the girl who was holding me was. He looked at me from head to toe and then replied to the girl "Yup, that's him Derpy, now get him in and quickly. Even though we still have time left I would like to get this done as quickly as possible." I just couldn't keep up with what was going on. So many things were still going through my head. The situation was so unreal. It couldn’t be real. The Doctor's a pony and yet Derpy's a human it was all so confusing. I mean they aren't supposed to exist. They're fictional characters made by someone, right? But after that my head couldn't take it anymore of this. So I fainted.

I awoke to the smell of a bakery, and I say it was the best smell of food I've ever smelt. I was lying on what felt like a dozen sacks of flour. I opened my I eyes to see that really I was. But I noticed something else. Everything looked a little... different. It was like the colors were more... I don't know. Vibrant. And there didn't appear to be any shadows. But I didn't really care about that at the moment. What I wanted to know is where I was and why I was here. I tried moving around. As I did I felt sort of odd. It felt like I was, bigger. However at the time, I didn't seem to notice, since I wanted to know where I was. I was really hungry at that time, so the bakery smell wasn't helping.

I sat up to see Derpy. This time she wasn't human and was back to being a mare. She was sitting in the corner of the room where she cheerfully nibbled on a muffin. As you could guess I didn't know what to think or say. By the look of the room it appeared to be a kitchen. Which was odd, since I never really thought about the Tardis having a kitchen.

I guess Derpy noticed me moving. I was just about to ask her a question when she stopped nibbling on her muffin and looked up at me. "Hello there mister. Glad to see your ok." She greeted me doing that same perky grin that she did earlier. I was in so much shock that I couldn't say hello back. So instead she just kept on talking. "You know you really had me and The Doc scared there for second, you know? You just suddenly stopped moving but we had no time to worry about that. The next thing I knew WHOOSH! We were flying back to Equestria!" I still couldn't talk because of the shock, but then Derpy said something that made me talk. "So mister how does your new form feel? Is it comfy, or does it feel really odd?"

I was in complete and udder shock at what she just said. I then realized how my body felt. I looked down at my body to see that I was now a stallion! My base color was a light, almost pale blue, and my mane and tail color was a dark navy blue with a few light blue highlights. I stared at my hands and feet that had now become hooves. I turned to Derpy and yelled at her. "I-I have a tail. I HAVE A BLOODY TAIL!" Derpy then started to look at me questionably again.

"So. I have a tail and so does the Doctor."

"Yeah but how? I'm a human. Or I was a human. Or... I don't know!"

"Just calm down you silly filly. Have a muffin, it’ll cheer you up. We'll sort this out soon enough.”Derpy then tossed a muffin over to me. She then got up on her legs and trotted over to the door and called for the Doctor.

I didn't know what to think of this entire situation. Besides, why was this happening to me. I know I always wished for something like this to happen. But I never thought it actually would. The Doctor then entered the room and stood next to Derpy.

"Well then young fellow I believe we don't need to introduce ourselves. But you still have to introduce yourself to us." So many questions started to buzz through my head again. But I supposed that I should at least do as he says.

"Well I'm D-"

"Oh and I don't mean for you to introduce yourself in the usual way, I mean for you to introduce yourself as a whole new being." The Doctor rudely interrupted before I could finish my sentence.

"Uhhhh. What?" I asked

"Agh, It figures you wouldn't understand. With you being a human and all.” I felt really insulted by that remark. But he was right, I didn’t understand. But I would’ve understood if he explained it better. “What I mean is,” the Doctor continued “This is a different dimension where names are very different. So you need a new name for this dimension. You should know what the names are like here, so just make one up on the spot. Oh and if you can please hurry, we don't have much time."

I then started to get angry. I mean what was the hurry. Why couldn't they explain any of this to me."Wait, wait... what are you talking about, a new name, a different dimension. And why am I here! I just want to know wh-"

Derpy interrupted me sounding very distraught "Please mister, just hurry. We need to know your new name for this dimension right now. We only have a little time left or else more innocent ponies will die." Derpy's face looked so terrified at that moment. But I merely ignored her. And what she said just added fuel to the flame that was my anger.

"What the hell are you talking about?! Innocent ponies are dying. And my name for this dimension is supposed to save them?" I was furious. This just sounded like some bad joke.

"Hey! Don't you DARE talk to my assistant like that!" The Doctor shouted at me. "I know it sounds crazy, but that’s not what we need your name for."

"Then why do you need it!" I cried out

"I can't say right now!" The Doctor shouted, obviously becoming tired of my bickering. "All I can say is that if you don't go to a certain place right now more ponies are going to die than necessary. So just calm down and tell us what your name is. I promise I'll personally tell you everything you want to know later."

I started to calm down a little, but not fully. I thought about it for a few seconds and then finaly a name came to me. I always called myself this online and it also works as a pony name. And everyone always called me by the first part in my dimension.

"Fine my name will be NeonSpirit." I announced to the Doctor and Derpy.

"Ok, I'll have to remember that. Now Derpy, Neon follow me.” The Doctor said as he got up and started trotting towards the door. "Well, come on then you two chop, chop." Derpy and I both got up and followed the Doctor out the door. As we trotted along I admired the architecture of the Tardis. I was still so amazed at how big it was since they never showed all of it on the show. I also thought about what exactly they wanted me to do. I mean what could I do to stop ponies from dying. After about a minute, we finally arrived at the Doctor's desired point in the Tardis. I couldn't believe my eyes; I was standing in the control room of the Tardis. "Well, what do you think Neon. Breath taking isn't she."

"Well... I'd say, for I can barely speak." I said astonished. Which was very true, I mean, seriously I was standing in a room that’s responsible for time travel. I mean imagine all the places this place has been and all the places it could still go. "But this doesn't mean I forgive for not explaining anything." I said assuring the Doctor. I didn't want him to feel off the hook just yet.

"Yeah, I figured you'd be that way. After all humans aren't to forgiving." The Doctor said as if distracted by something he was thinking about. "Well anyway we’d better hurry." The Doctor said as he galloped towards the doors of the Tardis and opened them. "Now NeonSpirit, this may be hard to believe, but there’s a village down there and right now it's being attacked by a giant rock golem. Innocent ponies are dying down there, and you’re the only one that can save them! And as a plus we even know that you wished for something interesting to happen to you. So you'll be doing both us and yourself a favor."

What! A Rock golem, ponies dying, and I'm the only one that can save them. And how did they know about my wish! But why me, I'm just a human that's now a pony. The Doctor then trotted over to me and said. "I know it’s hard to believe. But trust me; you’re the only one who can do this! I can't say why at the moment. But trust me. After this is all over I’ll explain to you why this is happening. But please right now help the ponies down there."

"I'm sorry. But I can't?" I said feeling sorry for myself. "I mean, I can't fight a rock golem. I'm sorry, but you have the wrong pony. I know I wished for this, but I just can't do it." I didn't know what else to say. I turned to Derpy who was standing right next to me. She was looking at me with desperation, and was on the verge of tears. Derpy flung her front legs onto me, hugging me as she started to cry. She was hugging me so tight. I felt horrible. I know I let her and the Doctor down and ponies were going to die. But how was I supposed to stop a giant rock golem?

"Please Neon..." Derpy beseeched as she turned her head up to look me in the eyes. Her eyes were full of tears and they weren’t crossed at the moment. "Help us you’re the only one who can do it. I know we can't explain right now, but it’s true." When I looked at her face I just couldn't say no. If the both her and the Doctor say I can do it then there has to be a reason for it.

"Ok then, I'll do it." I couldn't believe what I was saying. After all I could die today. And yet I just couldn't let them down.

"Ok then. I’m glad you chose this path. Now follow me" The Doctor said as he trotted towards the doors of the Tardis. "You see that small village down there. Well, there is a giant rock golem there that is demolishing it. What you need to do is go down there and stop it."

"Ok." I calmly replied. I was holding back so much fear right now. And it took a lot of strength just to say that.

"Well, you’re taking this very well."

"Yeah, I know. But if you two say I can do it, then there has to be a good reason. And after all I did wish for this to happen.

The Doctor chuckled and replied "Yes you did.”

"But I do have one question. Why are we flying way above the village? Wouldn't it be easier to land the Tardis a little bit away from the village?"

"Yeah, that would be easier. But I have to do this." The Doctor quickly pushed me out the doors of the Tardis, And I started falling to my death.

"Good luck Neon! And have fun!" Derpy called out to me as I continued to fall.

I didn't know what to think. Was this all a dream. No way, this felt way too real. I mean if this was a dream I would’ve woken up by now! Oh my god, am I going die!? If they said I was the only one who could do this, then why are they trying to kill me?! But they said to trust them, so I guess I have to. And they said ponies lives are on the line. You don't just lie about something like that. Well I guess all I can do now is close my eyes and wait. Wait and see if I was right to trust them.

"Uh... Doctor shouldn't you have told him what was going to happen and why you had to do that?" Derpy asked with another questionable look. "I mean what if he dies!"

"He won't. And this is the best and probably the only way to do this."

"But, what if it doesn't work?"

"Then he and everypony in that village will die. But that shouldn't be a problem I mean the power is in everypony that is in this world. All you need to activate it is instinct."

"But that’s what I mean Doctor. You told me it also depends on the spiritual and physical strength of the pony. And not every time a pony is in a life or death situation will it be triggered. You also said that the pony has to have a strong will to live."

"I've taught you well Derpy. But couldn’t you see it in him. There was a reason that she chose him. He’s the type of pony that usually just stays quiet and tries to avoid others. But look at the way he acted just minutes ago. He had enough courage to step outside his comfort zone and come at us head on. And imagine all the fear he felt when he found out what he had to do, yet he concord it. You see Derpy on the outside he's just someone whose afraid. Doesn’t like talking to other ponies. And puts himself down before he’s started. But if we give him push he needs. Who knows what kind of pony he'll become!"

"But Doctor you could be wrong. I mean even if he's like that it doesn't mean he's going to change right away. And it doesn't mean that that ability will awaken within him either."

"I know that Derpy. But what he thinks like will help the odds of it awakening. All we can do now is wait, and hope for the best.”

After falling for awhile I felt something odd. What is this feeling of energy? I feel I can do anything. It’s like adrenaline but it has a different feel to it. And it’s also stronger too. I looked down to see that there wasn't much distance between me and the ground now. This is it; I thought I'm going to die. But the Doctor said that I had to do it this way. I can't die now, there's so much I haven't done. And I'll never see Rachel again. And she'll never know how I feel. I looked back down at the ground that was now just meters away. NO! I can't die. I can't, I can't I can't, I CAAAAAAAAN'T!Suddenly I felt a large burst of that energy, as if it had been doubled. I also realized something else. I couldn't feel the wind blowing past me anymore. In fact, the ground wasn't getting any closer either. I was floating, my head was just an inch from the ground. It was odd how could I be floating, I’m not a Pegasus. I would’ve felt wings on my back if I was. So many questions were going through my head again. And this feeling of not know anything was getting really old now. I wanted to know what was going on. Then I remembered what the Doctor told me.
This was no time to just stay here and wonder what was going on. I had to save this village. But how? I mean I'm just a weak little pony that can magically fly somehow. By the look of it I was in some sort of house that was half destroyed. No doubt that it was the work of the golem. Everywhere I could hear the shouts and cries of the ponies that were in danger. I flew through a hole in the roof to see what the village was like, and it wasn't pretty. Not only were houses in wreckage, but there were places that were just a pile of rubble. The designs of the houses were similar to that of Ponyville on the show. Well if they were partially destroyed anyway. I could see many ponies running around trying to stop fires and save what they could of they're homes. And I even saw some lifeless ones on the ground. It was like I was in the middle of a war ad it was hard to look at. I was terrified. I didn't know what to do, or where to go.

Out of nowhere I heard an ear piercingly loud scream that was far louder and closer than all the others. I turned to the direction of the scream to see a mare and her filly cowering in front of the rock golem. The rock golem looked like a collection of rocks and boulders that made up one colossal body, sort of what I expected it to look like. I'm supposed to fight that! It's ten times the size of me. How am I supposed to fight it, let alone hurt it?! But then I realized that the Doctor, Derpy and all of these ponies are depending on me. After all the Doctor and Derpy said I'm the only one who can stop that thing. But how do I stop it? I can’t fight it I just a weak pony. I doubt I would do any good against it even if it was my size. But Ever since that energy got stronger I got the ability to fly. Maybe I have other abilities, like maybe I'm stronger or something. I doubt it, but it’s worth a try.

The rock golem looked at the two ponies with a dark grin, as if trying to decide in what twisted way he should kill them for his amusement. The golem then proceeded to lift one of his feet above the mare and filly, so he could flatten them into the ground. The mare then let out a scream. A scream the volume of which I've never heard before. Right then it felt like something snapped inside of me. The already immensely strong feeling of energy sky rocketed. I soared with all my might at the golem’s leg. As I soared at it I saw that my front hooves had been lit up with these odd, light blue flames. What the heck was happening? And what was this energy? I crashed through the golem’s leg, making all the rocks from the point I hit no longer be connected to each other. Oddly enough when I crashed through its leg I didn't really feel any pain. It was also very easy to do even though I wasn't going that fast. Was this the work of the flames? Luckily the impact of me crashing into the golem's leg caused the rocks and boulders to fall next to the two ponies and not on them. "Go now! Before you get hurt." I cried out to the mare. She nodded at me then galloped away with her filly.

"Guess this means it's just you and me then huh." I said cockily to the golem. This is going to be easy. I can't believe I was worried earlier. Well I guess I still am a little scared. But it was simple. All I have to do is hit it at a high speed a few times in the right places and then it'll just be a pile of rocks and boulders. But I was wrong. If it was the easy then some pegasus ponies could've just come in and done that. I looked down, and to my surprise the rocks that used to make up the golems leg started to levitate. They then reattached themselves to the golem reforming its leg! Now I was screwed. I now knew why they couldn't beat it. But that still left one problem. How am I supposed to beat it!? "W-Why are you doing this to these ponies?" I asked showing my fear very clearly on my face. The golem then looked at me as if it was surprised, then it started to laugh.

"It is obvious, it fun!" It replied as it continued laughing. It's fun, IT'S FUN! What kind of twisted logic is that?! I mean killing and terrorizing ponies just because it's fun! No other reason! I would've really liked to pummel this thing right then. But I couldn’t. I mean there was no way to beat this thing. Let alone hurt it. And I was terrified enough by his last statement. He could kill me with one blow. I was so scared right then. I had to run away. I had to. I realized right then that my body felt really tired and beaten up even though I hadn't done much. But that feeling of energy seemed to cancel it out. I had to run there was no way I could beat this thing. I mean, nopony could ever hope to beat this thing. I know that this thing was going to kill more ponies as soon as I was gone, but what else could I do.
I started to fly away, only to be blocked off by the golem. "You no go now. There's still fun to have!" the rock golem cried out. It then clobbered me with its fist. I was sent flying into one of the houses. I lay there in the rubble, the pain and tiredness that I felt earlier was now overwhelming and that energy was starting to fade. This made the pain even more unbearable. I guess this is it, I'm going to die. I should already be dead by now what with crashing into this house. It’s hopeless. I looked at my hooves and noticed that the flames were still on them and they were starting to get dim. I then looked more closely at where my hooves lay. The rocks beneath them had been melted. Not into lava, but basically melted. I looked up to see the face of the golem staring down at me.

"Why you no get up pony. You give up? Well then it's been fun." The golem taunted as it raised his foot above me, preparing to end this fight.

"No it's not over!” I cried as I flew out of the way just in time. I felt a huge surge of pain as I started to fly. "AAAAAAAAGH!" I cried in excruciating agony. "Come on body just a few seconds. That’s all I need." I whispered to motivate myself. I didn't know if I was able to do this or not, but it was worth a try. I then charged all the Spirit Energy to the outside of my body, lighting it up with the blue flames. I quickly circled around the golem’s body melting the rocks and boulders together. Luckily I caught the golem off guard. If I didn't it most likely would've hit me again.
I had circled around the golem’s legs and arm’s making them unusable. I was about to circle around its body, when suddenly I felt that energy disappear from my body. The flames that covered my body vanished and I fell to the ground no longer able to fly. Without the spirit Energy I felt the full extent of the pain that it had been covering up. I looked up to see the golem struggling to move its legs. I guess when I melted its legs I also melted the ground around it. So now the golem can’t walk around and cause more chaos. It was still able to move its arms with its shoulder joints but it couldn’t reach the ground or any of the houses next to it. At least everypony was safe.
I was so weak and I was starting to lose consciousness. My vision became blurred and I my eyes were slowing starting to close. This pain was utterly unbearable. It felt like I'd broken most bones in my body and I was bruised everywhere. Nopony could survive this pain, which made me realize. Would I wake up once I blacked out? The next thing I knew I was unconscious.

TO "POSSIBLY" BE CONTINUED...
End of Chapter 1

Comments

[codejunkie]

So...he can turn Super Saiyan? AWESOME!

[Jellote]

YOUR SERIES IS BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD

[Patient X]

Eh........an...average OC fic/self insert...

[NeonSpirit]

816308 ehh it isn't super sayin. But let's go with that.

[Distrance]

Super Gary Stu to the rescuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue!

[misguidedbrick]

Haters gonna hate. But don't worry about them.

[codejunkie]

816337
Well, I CAN'T find any other word to describe him? Also, when, where and how did Neon learn about his abilities? After the initial revealing, he instantly had a name for it, and knew how to call upon it. At least a little more buildup could have helped. It all seems so sudden.

[Gear Box]

Yeah, very Gary Stu. Considering revising your character.

[NeonSpirit]

816392 what the hell is gary stu?

[Gear Box]

816406
The male equivalent of a Mary Sue. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Sue

[NeonSpirit]

816391 yeah i know, the pretty mcuh the next chapter is goign to be explaining everything and what the stories going to be about. sorry about the lack of details.

[NeonSpirit]

816412 ok I see what you mean now but he gets other traits later on. I pretty much jumped into this with having much thought about hte characters but there will be devolpment for him and he won't be a gary stu, hopefully, Im still a begginer at writing after all.

[Gear Box]

816444
Fair enough. Some other areas for improvement would be your grammar and punctuation. Lots of run-on sentences and comma splices. Keep at it though, this looks somewhat better than the other "human-transported-to-Equestria" fics I've seen today.

[XiF]

816444 You main character is a bit overpowered. I see many strengths, but little weaknesses. You should try revising this. If you need help or tips with writing, check out our group!

[Mr Ignorable]

Finally! A good story to hate. Hate with the burning passion of a thousand nihilists.

[codejunkie]

816413
Oh, OK. When will it be out?

[NeonSpirit]

816492 I'm not sure. But it should be out in 4-7 days.

[codejunkie]

816504
So...sometime next week?

[StayOuttaMyShed]

I was going to link you to our group, but XiF already beat me to it. Yeah, do it for sure. Or in the least bit read the section on OC's in this article I wrote in it. Like those above me said, the main character is way to high on the Gary Stu charts.

[Armalite]

I hate it when people say that someone's character is a Gary/Mary Stu, and the author says that "He will give him more traits later on." No! That is so cliche, and most of the time, it's poorly done, or not done at all. Before you create a character, map out who they are, and what makes them, them. Create an entire history for them, from beginning to end. If a character is good, then you will have a rich backstory, which you don't even have to tell, the character's actions, thoughts, and emotions can tell his backstory for him.

[benxlabs]

Wait a minute...Neon Dude...is that a Chinese character as your cutie mark? The one meaning love, no less. How bronylike.

[NeonSpirit]

818250 wow i'm surprised you nocticed that! And it's not because I'm a brony. The reason it's kanji is because I like many things from japan. and the meaning, "love" is because i've always wanted to find it.

[NeonSpirit]

818250 oh and its japanese not chinese

[benxlabs]

818325Kanji is the Japanese character set based off of Chinese characters, so it's reasonable that one would get confused, since it's only one word.