The Adventures Of Vinyl Scratch And Octavia Auditor

by NeonVibeBrony

Manticore

"Open up in there, young lady’s." Spoke yellow, slamming his hoof on Vinyl and Octavia's dorm room. Vinyl and Octavia sprang up from there beds, to gaze at the door.
"Who is it? Who’s there" Vinyl said.
"Security Guard Yellowbadge, of Ponyville school of Preforming Arts." spoke yellow. Vinyl looked at the clock now, the thought of Crowcut, and his recent mutilation. Octavia trotted over towards the door, and twisted knob, a loud creaking sound upon the doors opening.
"Hello, yellow. is there a problem?" Octavia spoke. Yellow could see them now, there manes a mess from restless sleep. There eyes droopy, and clearly vinyl had cried slightly.
"I’d like to speak to you about a fella at this school by the name of crowcut." Yellow spoke with little enthusiasm. he looked hot and angry, like he had gone through hell and back to get to there dorm. Upon the mention of crowcut, Vinyl and Octavia's ears arose. "Oh! Did you find him? is he ok? tell me he is ok!" Blurted Vinyl out in a nervouse panic.
"he is fine. i brought him to the near hospital, Nurse Redheart is taking care of him." spoke yellow, in a tone to make sure Vinyl, nor Octavia blurted out again.
"He passed out on the way there, and continued to say your names along with one named Lyra." Yellow finished and gave them a look.
"He was saying... our names?" said Octavia.
"Yellow, did Crowcut tell you what happened?" Vinyl asked.
"He tried to, but instead he ended up unconscious, like I said. Only thing he was able to get out was 'The end of the Race Horse Trio'" he looked to them for answers, his head tilted and his brow raised.
"Yellow..." started vinyl. "We saw the whole thing, Crowcut, Ravenfeet, and Greengun... they stood in front of the shed they usually go to after school. a-" she was cut off but Yellowbadges hoof.
"Hold up there. Did you say Greengun is involved here? /AND/ Ravenfeet?" spoke yellow, holding his head in his hooves.
"Yes, yellow.... Greengun bucked crow into the wall of the building, then Ravenfeet put his hoof right into his jaw...."
as Vinyl continued, yellowbadge listened in horror. "Greengun.... he bucked crows legs, full force.... it was horrible...." Vinyl finished.
"You should have come to me sooner!" spoke Yellowbadge. Suddenly, another security guard walked up to the door.
"Yellow! Your needed at the trio's dorm, something’s wrong.." spoke the officer.
"Girls. i can get you a pass to excuse you from class. I will need your help, as you where witnesses. Will y-" he was cut off by Vinyl and Octavia saying the same thing simultaneously. "Yes!"

Crowcut lay there silent, staring at the wall. He looked down upon his broken flank hooves, and grimaced. They where completely bandaged, but still a dot of blood peeked its way through the layers and layers of gauze. He tried to arise from his bed, but he fell into a world of pain, the feeling creeping up his spine he lost sense of reality for a moment as he laid himself back down and took long deep breaths, regaining his senses. the smell of coppery blood now filling his nose.
"Ugh...Excuse me, Nurse?" spoke crowcut softly. the nurse heard him just barely, and trotted in to greet crowcuts sorrowful face.
"yes, sir?" the mare spoke in her soft female voice.
"How banged up am i?" crowcut asked with a slight smile. she chuckled and spoke
"Pretty badly, Mr. C." she spoke in more of a jokingly tone. "you have a long rest period ahead of you, we contacted your school. they say that they are going to check on what happened that night." spoke Redheart.
"Wont do any good, miss.." crow spoke. Redheart tipper her head, wondering why. She need not ask the question, crowcut could tell what she was going to ask with her facial expression, and replied
"Well, miss. They never reprimand Greengun, not for the life of them. but my friends will help. I know it." Nurse Redheart gave a smile without joy, and trotted out of the room.

Octavia and vinyl trotted down the hall, following the officer who had not presented his name, and Yellowbadge. Lyra had joined them, as Octavia had not wanted to go without her. they arrived at the dorm of Greengun. As they walked in, they saw the face-mutilated pony lying there on the bed, the room suddenly felt dark. darker than it had before, an eeriness in the air, and Octavia and Vinyls stomachs dropped inches inside of them at the sight and feel.
"But....that makes no sense!" Vinyl blurted. "He had attacked crowcut because he helped us but.... why Raven?" the bloody faced stallion's eyes opened, but he did not move.
"He ran.... he... he left me here, he punched me." he spoke in a whimper. he jaw must of been fractured, vinyl thought though she was no doctor.
"Raven... what happened." spoke Yellowbadge.
"When we got back..... he told me it was all my fault we where in trouble... he said that he is not being brought down by a single friend.... he told me that it is now my problem, and he punched me... he ran out the door last night..... I don’t know where he would have gon-"
he was cut off, as vinyl spoke the words "The Everfree forest."
"Officer, Get this colt to the hospital. me and my friends are going to find him." spoke Yellowbadge, to the unnamed uniform.
"your investigating this with children?" said the officer. "These people are witnesses. I know what I’m doing." replied Yellowbadge. "bu-" he stopped himself, as Yellowbadge and the three mares walked out.

He ran as fast as he could out of the dorm. Down the hall, sure as to not wake a soul. past the office, who pretended not to notice him. And out the doors.
"oh man oh man oh man...." he whispered to himself. he trotted outside, then went into full force gallop a crossed the yard. Every step felt like a mile to get away from the school. he couldn’t take the feeling he felt inside. He had beat up people before. but never his friends, or....where they really his friends? He couldn’t shake the feeling of being alone, but the paranoia of being watched. the emotions where the oddest feelings together, a feeling he couldn’t describe. Mixed with anxiety, and fear. his body was a mess, as he noticed how far he had run. he had ran right into the everfree forest. he had always been around the edges every day to play with his friends- or what use to be friends. But he had never entered. The stories of the Forrest where never good. but he knew being at the school was worse. "How did i get this way." he whispered to himself. "why did i get this way..." he screamed.

They trotted down the halls, along with the officer. then, slowly there anticipation got the best of them, and the began to gallop. Out of the building, down the street. they knew where the ever free Forrest was, but they had never even gone near it despite the time they confronted what use to be the Race Horse Trio hangout. They ran quicker and quicker, beads of sweat showing on there ungroomed coats. They approached the edge of the everfree forest, and saw a patch of plants that where freshly trampled leading into the forest. they all stopped at the edge of the trampled plants, to catch there breath. they felt the same feeling they got the day they confronted the trio the first time.
"Ready?" spoke Vinyl.
"Of Course" Octavia replied.
They galloped into the freshly trampled plants, leaving even fresher tracks along the way. They followed the everfree's newfound path until the saw greengun standing there. His head down. His shoulders slumped, his eyes dripping. his mane was strewn down over his face, covering all expression. but the tears, the way they hit the ground.... Even without facial expression they could tell the great sorrow that enveloped him.
"Greengun. You cannot run from your problems. Your trio, its gone. The race horse trio has stopped running. And you should too." Spoke yellowbadge.
"No more running...." spoke greengun. his voice dark, and insane. as if he was losing it. Which in some ways, he was. "You all... you don't understand." Greengun continued. "My life is horrible! And its all my fault!" he screamed this at the top of his lungs, then put his face even farther down. And cried harder than ever. it began to rain suddenly out of the crepuscular sky. Vinyl wondered why the sun had not shown itself, droplets of rain revealing the answer.
"Greengun... it is your fault....but why?" spoke Lyra. Yellowbadge gave Lyra a glare. but she didn’t notice.
"You want to know why? Sweetheart?" greengun spoke, lifting his head. "Everyday, people get mail from there families? I don’t." he said, slowly trotting towards the four." on vacations, when parents usually visit there children at this school? no one ever comes to see me." Greengun continued. "You want to know why? Lyra?" Greengun’s voice rose. "Because i have no family to visit me!" he screamed. "My parents died in a car crash! You have no idea how that feels! and when i came to this school. i was happy i was going to make some friends. but guess what happened? the opposite! every day i was picked on, every day no one sat with me, talked to me, even the teachers saw me as an outcast!" salty, sparkling wet tears strewn across his face. The eyes they arose from filled with pain and sorrow, as he ranted about his miserable life. "I was sick of being the picked on! I was sick of being mentally and physically kicked around like a soccer ball! so i took the place of offence." greengun turned away. "i finally got some respect.... i finally had friends." he finished hushing as he spoke. Vinyl, Octavia, and Lyra looked on in sadness.
"Greengun i-"
"NO!" Greengun spoke to Vinyl. Just then, a rustle from the bush's. rain was bursting from the heavens now, strengthening each second. All five of the ponys turned there heads towards the bushes. Then, the head of a lion arose. Wings of blood red skin, and the tail of a scorpion...
"What the hey is that!" screamed Vinyl.
"Stay still! It’s a manticore... one of the many strange things that live in the everfree..." spoke yellow in a hasty tone. No one moved for minuets, but the manticore would not leave.
"What do we do, yellow!" said Vinyl, whispering.
"I....I don’t know..." said Yellow.
"That’s it!" screamed greengun. He galloped, charging into the manticore, his powerful hind legs bucking the beast of great size into a tree.
"Run!" yelled greengun. The night where crowcut had helped them popped into there heads. The feeling of knowing what he just did was crazy, and that now that its done, they could do nothing to help. They ran, down the path. Greengun grew quickly out of sight behind the underbrush, but they heard the cries, and merciless roars of a manticore. Something nopony could ever scourged out of there throats. They finally made it out of the forest.
"Lady’s... go back to your dorms. I will get the police down here, and search for greengun."
The mares gave little protest, and left as fast as there hooves could carry them. They arrived back at there dorms. Saddened and pale.
"What...but....that.." Vinyl was at a loss for words, there brains still processing the recent events. it was quiet, as the caught there breaths, and let there minds catch up with there mouths.
"I cant believe it... he truly did save us.. " spoke Octavia, breaking the silence that hung over them.
"I....I really hope he is ok." spoke Lyra. "We all do..." replied vinyl. They sat down, being excused from all there classes for the day. a half hour past. An hour. They never fell into boredom, there minds giving them something to pass the time with the recent events.
"Lets visit crowcut." spoke vinyl. The others eyes lit up, and they got ready. Trotting down the hall, out the doors, and down the street towards the hospital, they trotted up to the front desk, and received guest pass's, the room number, and some information on how crow was doing. the news was not great.
"Mr. C, you have some visitors." spoke nurse Redheart. Crowcuts eyes shot open, to see his newfound friends lined up at the doorway, his attempt to stand and hug them tight resulted in pain, reminding him of his immobility. They trotted over to the bed, and sat down.
"How are you feeling?" spoke vinyl.
"Wonderful" said crowcut. "Did you get him? What happened to greengun?" he blurted out, his lack of patience showing. the three mares chuckled and spoke softly.
"Not exactly.." said Octavia. Vinyl began listing the recent events in detail to crowcut, as he listened in sadness.
"a manticore?.....he attacked a manticore to....save you?" asked crowcut. the mares nodded. Crowcut closed his eyes.
"Maybe there is some good in him after all." he spoke softly. he smiled for the first time in weeks, and laid his head down on the pillow. Conversing with his friends, and actually feeling comfortable. He felt better than he had ever before.

(This is the end for people who don’t want to take time out of there lives to read book 2 I will be wrighting. so the passage below is for the people who wish to continue the series.)

Where is Greengun? Did The Manticore Kill Him? Will Crowcut Ever Fully Heal From His Injuries? Was Ravenfeet Just Completely Forgotten About? and finally, Where are the instruments!? Find this All Out Next Time, In The Next installment of ~The Adventures of Vinyl Scratch And Octavia Auditor~

Comments

[PL]

I think its a great series so far, even though it has its error. Three moustaches

Tip: If you enjoy the making this series, please continue. Who knows it might get Feature some day.

[Vynn the Ocarinist]

Got to be brutally honest here. This story is horribly paced. The "boy, that escallated quickly" meme would be very appropriate about now. With all the major events that had taken place, it should be spread to at least 20,000 words.

The details were vague, and there was little character development. Vinyl and Octavia's meeting and opinions of each other should have taken a lot longer than it did. With personalities and styles that different there has to be at least some initial conflict. Meeting lyra with a robbery, though unorthodox, is a nice touch, but it is given so little back-story. If someone broke into a college dorm-room while the person (or pony in this case) who lives there is still in it to steal a musical instrument, ransacking the place in the process, there has to be some reason and more than just some emotional damage done to the victim.

I think the teacher were too fast to judge on whether or not Vinyl and Octavia deserved to be moved up. As far as i know from the fic, Octavia was just improvising the song that she was playing. Orchestras are vastly more complex. The players need to be able to read music, sight read when necessary and many other aspects of keeping in time with the orchestra together. Being able to come up with a good song on the fly takes skill, but to be in any orchestra, one has to audition infront of a panel of judges and play at least one prepared piece (given at least 2 weeks in advance to learn and practice) (usually a solo or an ensemble), and a sight reading session in which the musician(s) is given 8 mins to study over, make mental notes, and practice the song without actually producing a sound with the instrument (using a technique called shadow-bowing). (source: I was an orchestral student for 6 years)

As for vinyl's situation, if a student was late to class on the very first day, it would set a bad first impression. If that same student produced a radio-quality song in 30 mins (which is not completely unheard of, but is very unlikely), the teacher (regardless of how casual he is) would be more suspicious of her and ask her to write another one as he watched (she would have time if she was THAT good, most classes are 55 mins to an hour 20 mins long). Only after the prof witnesses her create the initial beat, work on fading, harmonizing parts, mixing, and countless more steps that go into making a song, would the prof be willing to move her up. And that is still jumping the gun a little bit. There are tons of sub-genres to electronic music. He would still have to see how she does in the other sub-genres.

When it came to Crowcut, you did a little better with character development, but you need to go further into his back-story.

For future extensions of this story, I would highly recommend going into the race horse trio's story. Why Greengun is like that, more details about why the other two ponies got with Greengun, and other such details

I would highly suggest going back through this and focusing on the details of the story.

Overall, the story's concept is very good, but the pacing and character development need a lot of work.

If you would like to hear my thoughts on what should of happened with the earlier chapters (i do have some ideas for them), feel free to send me a PM, I would be happy to help.

[Vynn the Ocarinist]

Also, I apologize for the wall of text.