From Filly To Mare: A Sweetiebelle Story

by Lefty Flip

More Tragedy Years Later

Many years went by. Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Dusk had all passed away. They will be missed by all three of the crusaders. Now... They're each in their seventies, and their ready to move into the afterlife.

The end.

Comments

[TodayIWriteFanfics]

Why are your chapters so short?

[Mudpony]

Sweetie Belle. Smaller numbers should be written as words, not numerals. Also, I'd recommend brushing up on your dialogue grammar, as there are some issues there.

Those few grammar issues aside, the writing was overall decent. Unfortunately, the snippets are short, and we can't really see how they've shaped Sweetie Belle. If she died at seventy, you've got about twenty words per year of her life... The story needs to be more. Longer chapters, and more of them, so that we get a better sense of who Sweetie Belle is and who she is becoming, and how the events of the past have shaped her.

[Mister Phoenix]

It's Sweetie Belle with a space like Apple Bloom