That description looks like a secret government experiment to weaponise terrible ideas. I'm going to assume this is a troll fic (along with every other story you've written), because the idea that you wrote 15,000 words of... this and didn't even capitalise your title is an incredibly depressing notion

That's a really good collab you guys did. I'm impressed.

I'm a little disappointed that daniel mane 6 said nothing about rays mane 6 being sexier than they are. Well maybe further down the line.

Brah i look forward to more of this, and the work you and Shadicbro do together with this one story.

Amazing absolutely amazing I'll be looking foward next chapter.

Deleting comments. Real mature, pal...

7027853 why do you even care? you've been a thorn to my side since sst:he. and now you want to attack me here. i had enough of your negative ways of attacking me with your comments about my inferior intelligence on literature. i can speak english perfectly however like i said before i'm not always a writer by heart and i know that but at least they understand what's happening in each of the scenes and to me that what matters. getting to my point.

you however are so contempt on bringing me down you always try to make yours the good guy by pointing out all my mistakes. what did i ever do to you to have this much hate? what did i said to bring this amount of harassment from you?

i deleted your comments because i know what your going to say and i had enough of it. if you think you so better then why don't you actually say honest ways of making my chapters more.... exhilarating then this. i'm would be happy to hear them. otherwise i'm through listening to you. if deleting your comments means for once some peace and quiet in my stories then i'm happy to take it.

so do yourself a favor and leave me alone. unfav my stories, or heck block me for all i care. i had about enough of all you haters.

7028244

ou always try to make yours the good guy by pointing out all my mistakes.

Yes, it's called "criticism". Accepting criticism and learning from it is how authors get better. Sure it hurts. Sometimes it hurts a lot. But in the end, you'll be better off for it.

7028244

Alright, if you want this chapter to be better, here's what you should do:

1. nerf your oc.

Face it, Raymond is a total Mary Sue; he's a massage therapist, assassin, genius, and sex god. He never makes any real mistakes, always does the right thing, never holds a grudge and has no real flaws. And no, a tragic past or some half-baked "dark side" does not qualify as a "flaw".

2. Fix those run on sentences

Twilight who has been looking at each book was happy that her friends would help her clean the library as she also looks through an old spell book she receive at the Canterlot achieves.

a man who has spent years learning the art of bioengineering and biomechanics science always know it has some pros and cons when face with new challenges, And for science to mix with magic sometimes it’s not always best to mix both of them together.

Despite not being a unicorn himself Ray figured for a spell like this it must take a large amount of magic to cast it since Twilight by the look on her face was putting in a lot more then what she usually puts in her spells

Those are just a few of the many run-on sentences in this fic. Please fix them.

3. Research. Now

It's pretty obvious that both you and Shadicbro haven't done any research on, well, anything. For example, take this line:

“Well, my grandfather and my ancestors are part of an ancient race known as Samurai.”

“You’re a Samurai?” Ray asked shocked. Ray knows from many books and movies back on Earth on Samurai. Honorable opponents, and risk their lives to keep the innocent lives of others safe. If his Rarity knew about this, since she knows a little about them, she would be all over this guy.

Since when were Samurai a different race? Do you know anything at all about Samurai? Anything that didn't come from anime?
If you want this fic to be taken seriously, you should at least sound like you know what you're talking about.

That's all I can think of right now. Hopefully this will help.

Best regards

-Flint-Lock

7028244

i can speak english perfectly

No, you can't. If that were true, you'd be able to look at what you've written, realize what at least a few of the more glaring errors are, and fix them.

Take this sentence, for instance:

what did i said to bring this amount of harassment from you?

Read it out loud. Does it sound right to you? If it does, then you clearly have a lot to learn about the English language. If, however, you realize that if you had been speaking this sentence, you would have used the words "what did I say" rather than "what did I said"... then why did you type it that way in the first place?

7028244

i can speak english perfectly

When you say stuff like that, it might be prudent to proofread the rest of your comment to avoid hilarious irony.
Also, when you were a child, did you fall down a well and get attacked by an angry horde of capital letters? I'm just asking because you seem to have some terrible aversion to them, and as a group we need to get to the bottom of your fears, so that one day you might feel comfortable using them.

Great crossover so far but Will this be in the EHS continuity?

7029409
"Show me on the doll where the capital letters touched you..."
static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/0/7395/2529634-doll.png

This comment section is more entertaining than the story itself. Keep supplying the keks author.

This is going to be an interesting cross over. I will keep my eye on it. Can't see what happens with these two humans together in this version of Equestria.

Comments sections like this are why I joined the badfic groups.

Daniel rightfully belongs to shadicbro brony

Raymond rightfully belongs to me

Probably don't need to state this, considering nobody in their right minds should ever want to use any of the Gary Stus in this story.

Furthermore:
img.michaeljacksonspictures.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/jackson-im-just-here-to-read-the-comments-72.jpg

13.5/apple pie. OC seems pretty fair and balanced, but could use another Wampa. -IGN

Sheer perfection, 12 sandwiches/9. -IGN

In all seriousness, you have a lot of practicing to do.

7028244 Hey wolfman93 gotta say this crossover is way better then mine and I support you to keep going that ones that are against this have no idea what they're talking about. I have both your sst;he and ehs in my library and enjoy them immensely so far. Hope to hear more from you soon but till then stay awesome.

Peace Wolf Blood

7037670

that ones that are against this have no idea what they're talking about.

Oh, really?

Please refute my comment about his sub-standard grammar. Show me where I'm wrong. Demonstrate that I have no idea what I'm talking about rather than just making a baseless claim.
(Hint: You can't.)

7040204

You know you certainly have a nasty way on informing others on their mistakes have a look at all the comments you've said to others and see how rude they come across as to others I mean seriously what's the deal with that. I know a lot of people who get picked on because they like the show and when they try and write a story that's actually good there you are making things worse for them by criticizing either their grammar or punctuation so back off would ya!

7040451

a nasty way on informing others on their mistakes

The word you want is "of", not "on". Congrats on your fluency if English isn't your native language, but if you grew up speaking it, I have to wonder what's wrong.

have a look at all the comments you've said to others

No need; I was there when I wrote them.

see how rude they come across as to others

No, see, if I were being rude, I would ask either you or the "writer" -- or both -- if your deficiencies with the English language were the result of head injuries.

what's the deal with that

I find that being blunt with instruction is the only way some people will learn, especially if their story has unwarranted praise (such as yours) in the comments.

I know a lot of people who get picked on because they like the show

I've been a fan of the show ever since shortly after the first season ended, so I don't know what sort of point you're trying to make here. It's because I'm a fan that I feel like MLP fanfiction as a whole could and should be better.

when they try and write a story that's actually good

Here's the thing: It's not good.

It's unoriginal, the OCs are uninteresting and seem rather Gary Stu-ish, the ponies are out of character, the premise isn't being handled well, and as previously mentioned, there are numerous errors in the area of technical writing skills.

you are making things worse for them by criticizing

No, see, you know what makes things worse? Letting bad writers continue doing bad things. The function of criticism is to give an artist the opportunity to learn from his/her mistakes. In other words, I'm actually trying to help this writer and others. People like you, however, are promoting stagnation, rewarding performance that is average or below average, and deterring self-improvement by declaring that the writer need not make an effort to better themselves in anything they're doing, ever. You're hurting people far more than I am.

either their grammar or punctuation

I also point out issues with capitalization, spelling, homophone selection, and breaking reader immersion.

so back off would ya!

No.

7041097 This comment needs to go on a plaque

7041097

Give this man a fucking medal.

This shit gave me giggle-chuckle-itis.

7051162

Give this man a medal.

7051130

I'm 22 and have ADD, ADHD, Bipolar, High Functioning Autism (good side of it and "HFA" for short).

Don't worry, we could tell.

As to the rest, please refer to 7041097's comment here. You're promoting stagnation and praising mediocrity for the sake of everyone having their own little safe-space.

This is the internet, particularly a part of the internet born from viscous meritocracy wherein flaws are exploited and scrutinized for the betterment of all. It rarely seems "nice" but it makes the process simple and effective at separating the grain from the chaff.

If someone is scarred off of writing, then they didn't want it enough to become good enough and hard enough to play a full contact sport. As soon as it's posted publicly, it's open to all the criticism in the world.

7051162
Gott mit uns and sieg heil then.
humoar.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/step-one-turn-on-the-gas.jpg
Gas the illiterates, grammar war now.

7051130 Hey don't you give up alright you have as much right to finish you're story as wolfman93, Duelist96 or I do if you stop now you'll only let the so called dirtbags win. This site was created so that we can share our ideas with others in a safe way and if dirtbags have a problem with it let them they can either go read another story or they aren't welcome here. So you listen to me and listen to me good Cyber Phazon GotDM you can stop you're story here or push through the haters choice is yours. Either way just know there's no shame in which one you pick.

7051303

This site was created so that we can share our ideas with others in a safe way

You really have no idea how this place works, do you?

There is nothing safe and nothing sacred here.

We aren't out for "hate" we're out to make it the best it can be in terms of quality. Why? For we enjoy quality literature, especially that which contains colorful ponies. We point out the issues and tell people to try again after they've learned and grown as authors so they may return with something of quality.

If you wish to wallow in filth, go, leave this place and return to FanFiction.net and bask in the hugbox of mediocrity.

But if you wish to learn from those who give a damn, stay and listen to our words. If they sting, then you know them to be truth. The truth is rarely a pleasant thing to taste.

The harshest of these truths which you may encounter is that some things are beyond saving. We implore you all to stop and reconsider your choices and actions before you make things worse.

My words will fall on deaf ears, or blind eyes, as I'm an "other." We're the bad guys because we say things you'd rather not hear. We're just "haters" because you've not yet grown to accept that participation trophies will not be bestowed upon the slightest of efforts.

7051251

Rule #3 for arguing on the Internet:

If you can't think of a good rebuttal, try a death threat!

7041097 Okay, you are not wrong. Also you have criticized on my story and helped me out a whole bunch. (No sarcasm intended by the way) You actually did help me. Wolfman got to realize that not everything is going to be sunshine and rainbows. You do something bad you get hate, that's life.

7051130

I'm 22 and have ADD, ADHD, Bipolar, High Functioning Autism (good side of it and "HFA" for short). You think that some authors should watch what they type and post. it could cause depression or worse; suicide, for those who have symptoms like I got and many others.

I'm a high function autistic with an anxiety disorder, and I can handle criticism just fine. Your argument is invalid.

7051130

it took people like "Elric of Melnipony" to ruin it

Somebody else wanders into the woods with a wild look in their eyes and several boxes of matches, and yet the forest fire is my fault because I pointed out that stuff was burning. Got it.

7051251

do you want to die Mafia style or good ol' boy style?

I just took a screencap. You're getting reported, motherfucker.

so what if it's bad?

That's probably the stupidest thing I've read all day, and I've been discussing politics online.

everyone starts off bad

No shit. And they won't get better if people keep telling them that everything they do is good.

I just don't post fanfics anymore due to readers like you.

That's probably for the best.

I mean theirs a limit on what to say and not to say.

Oh, is there? I couldn't tell what with just having read a death threat made against me by some deranged pig rectum.

... your lucky I'm controlling my dark side.

Look, I don't really have time to shiver in fear of you, asshat, but maybe I could pencil in some time next Thursday. No promises.

derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/7/24/942819.jpg

7051130 Please don't hide behind your disorders its not right bajesus.

7051303

if dirtbags have a problem with it let them they can either go read another story or they aren't welcome here.

Ironic, you calling us dirtbags. You see, unlike you, we actually give a few damns about the quality of our cartoon horse-based fanfictions. If we read a fic that we feel is substandard, we try to help the author improve. I admit that we don't always sugarcoat our criticisms- more often, we spritz them with lemon juice and vinegar-but in the end, it'll make the author a better writer. You, on the other hand, would rather trap the author in a cage of mediocrity, containing him behind bars of undeserved praise.

If that makes us dirtbags, then we're the dirtiest, baggiest, dirtbags in the history of dirtbaggery.

Have a nice day.

Flint-Lock

7051251 Shut up.

... I have nothing to say... sorry everyone. i'll just watch season 5. well I think I might do one thing for now. and also. I would never kill anyone. I just like to bull a lot. goodbye everyone...

7052098
You should be apologizing to Elric, not us.

Finding a story title without proper capitalization in the Popular section always catches my eye.

I'm glad I came.
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*munches on popcorn* The comment section is more entertaining than the story.

7051892 sorry eric, your were right... I can't believe how stupid I am! I should of known better. at least I'm ok now. good news I found my old USB Flash Drive that had my old fanfictions. the way I look at them now. I could rework on them and post them. only they are either incomplete or corrupt. i should work on them again now that I found them. i actually lost the flash drive in high school Junior year. i actually should thank you. now i know what to look out for so i have less errors when i finnaly post my stories. again sorry.

7051892
I don't think they'll get better if you tell them it's "probably for the best" that they don't post stories, but you clearly know that it's a viable method of making them a better author, so I'll wait and see where this goes.