This'll be my first fiction or episode of my series called Blitzee
Blitzee here is my first OC who came in my imagination, making sorts of episodes with The Mane 6 and one of my OCs.
Synopsis:
Queen Chrysalis' henchman Blackstone, was ordered to take over the Crystal Empire, and once again the Crystal Heart was hidden. All crystal ponies were panicking at the assault of Blackstone. Shining and Cadence can't defend themselves without 'them'. The Mane 6 along with Spike quickly hurried off to save the Crystal Empire once more at the hooves of Blackstone. Somewhere at the empire, a mysterious stallion with great and amazing powers along with his mysterious friend came here to find the true meaning of this world where Equestria is bound to live in with, will he know about the true meaning of this world by saving the Crystal Empire in jeopardy?
Okay wow, wow, wow
i am cringing so hard right now
Reasons why this is terrible and you need help
1. Oc insert
2. This is written like a script not a story, for example
Could be changed to something like this
3. oh god they speak like English is their first language
4. Many grammar issues that could be seen easily if you actually revised this
5.changeling prince... Changelings work as a hive, there is the queen, then the drones, that's it
6.Shining Armor is easily beaten
7.Princess Cadence is easily beaten by two changelings
8. Barely introduce main characters and anything about them
I think that's it, I'm done shitting on this story
Please revise and edit this before you make another chapter
7169735 Yeah... I know...
I mean, by my own way of making fanfics are a bit difficult.
To my grammars here in this fanfic, I don't know what to put it there...
And I know that Chrysalis had so many drones, minions, or whatever...
And this fic I created is an Alternate Universe fic. I put a tag on it here.
Why is that I'm making Shining and Cadence look weak?
It's part of their plan to quickly knock them down, not by beating them easily. (even though Cadence had fainted by two Changelings)
And about the main characters I forgot to introduce, it'll be in the second fic, and also knowing all about them too.
And I do get your point, I should've revised my chapter before I submit my fanfic.
I'll update and revise my fanfic soon.
And thanks...
7172590
You're welcome
Although, I am a bit sorry for going full shitstorm on your story
I've just found that people fix themselves (or in this case their story) if you make them feel humiliated
Who knows, maybe one day I might click the thumbs up on this story