The prompt: Write an adventure story in which Daring Do teams up with one of the Mane Six to go on a rescue mission to save Rainbow Dash.
Full disclosure: I totally didn't read the prompt right, and so failed to write an adventure story. Have some drama instead.
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“You.” She glared at the Pegasus across from her, anger flaring in her chest. She wanted to yell, wanted to scream, but she couldn’t. Not here, and not now. That wouldn’t be cool. It would ruin her image, and maybe more importantly – maybe – it would make a bad impression on her adoring public. Instead, she kept her voice level and her expression calm. “What are you doing here?”
She figured that keeping calm didn’t have to mean being nice. And she only had so much self-restraint.
A hush hung over the crowd, kids and grown ups – most of whom were pretending to be parents, and some of whom might actually be parents – staring on in silence as the scene unfolded. The kids probably say her confronting some diabolical doer of dastardly deeds. She hoped. She really hoped they didn’t see their hero calling out a terrified yellow mare who hadn’t done anything but say hello. That’d be really, really tough to explain – she could do it, of course. She could do anything. But she didn’t want to.
As for the adults…ugh. Most of them probably didn’t have a clue. But some of them, without doubt, were gazing up at her and thinking things like ‘Oooooh, she’s in love! She totally wants to have her babies!’ That made her angry. It made her furious. Because, if she was perfectly honest with herself, it was true. But they couldn’t know that. They weren’t allowed to know that. She never failed. She was a hero.
“I…I just…you said…” The Pegasus whimpered, and she was pretty sure any chance of her being considered a ‘diabolical evildoer’ flew out the window as she did. If it hadn’t been for the crowd, she might have groaned. Instead she stood, forelegs folded over her chest and leaning on the podium. Her voice, when she spoke, was one of practised disdain.
“Oh, I know what I said. But that was before I knew you were a spy sent to beguile me by…” Think fast. Think fast. Not fast enough. “The Pink Paradox!” Internally, she groaned. What kind of name was that? She couldn’t change it now, though. “And after all the good times we had, you run off with…” Oops “The… diamond heart of…Discord…and leave me for dead!?”
The other mare blinked her adorable traitor eyes, clearly confused. She tilted her head slightly, opened her mouth. Closed it again. Blinked a few more times and then, very very slowly, turned to look out over the crowd of ponies assembled before the stage. Dozens and dozens of them, all staring straight at her. A moment before Fluttershy froze, Daring Do realised her mistake.
Even as the petrified Pegasus began to emit a low whining sound, Daring raised a hoof, signalling for the curtains to drop. She watched, in slow motion, as the mare she loved – had loved – spun on a hoof and tried to bolt away. And she felt the collision as she landed in front of the panicking pony, wrapping her forelegs around her and hugging her gently. “Relax, Fluttershy. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
Even to her own ears, her normally booming voice sounded quiet, dull and empty.
“You…why did you….Discord…there were…”
“Yeah, I know. There were ponies.”
“I…I trusted –“
“Yeah, I trusted you too. Difference is, I didn’t betray that trust.” She felt the other pony shrink, just a little, in her arms and felt a little surge of joy. It was petty. Beyond petty. But she had learned to take the little victories, even when they hurt. Didn’t mean she didn’t hate herself for it.
“You…you did! You made me look like….like a monster in front of…”
“In front of all the little kids who came out to see their hero? Yeah, I guess I kinda did. Thing is, Shy, you’re a moron.” That felt good. If slightly sickening. “You know I don’t take surprises well. You knew I was gonna flip out when I saw you. And you still decided to walk up onto the stage in the middle of a press conference and say ‘Hello, Daring Do. Um, if it’s not too much trouble will you melt like butter and do exactly what I want you to because I’m gorgeous and you’re stupid?’”
“That’s not what I said!”
“No! Really? Ugh.”
Fluttershy pushed away from her – hard – and Daring Do found herself lying on her back, blinking up at the Pegasus, who stared down at her with wet, hurt eyes. “I’m sorry.” She whispered, “I’m so sorry. For everything.” It wasn’t the first time Daring had heard those words, and even now they still rung hollow. Fluttershy wasn’t sorry. That wasn’t the kind of thing you did to ponies if you were just going to be sorry.
She didn’t say it, though. Not for any sentimental reason – when she opened her mouth the Pegasus started rambling again, and she had no choice but to listen.
“I…I thought if I came in public you’d…have to be nice. You wouldn’t be able to yell. I know that was wrong – you have every right to be angry, and I don’t really have any right at all to ask you for anything. Especially not without…not without listening to what you have to say, first.”
Every right to be angry, huh? Yeah. She did. She knew it. It wasn’t her fault. It had never been her fault. She was Daring Do – she didn’t betray ponies.
And yet…she wasn’t angry. Well, that was a lie. But she wasn’t angry at Fluttershy. She hadn’t been for a long time. She stood, as she spoke, her voice like daggers. “I only have one thing to say. One question for you.”
Her heart fluttered a little as Fluttershy’s eyes met hers – she looked so afraid. Of her. But she nodded anyway. She’d always been braver than Daring.
“Was it worth it?” Celestia, she sounded so pathetic. She shouldn’t care. She shouldn’t want so badly for Fluttershy to be happy. But she did. “Was she worth it? Does she treat you good?” Okay, that was totally three questions. But she was allowed three questions, if she wanted them.
Her heart stopped in her chest when Fluttershy tore her eyes away, casting her eyes down. She knew the answer before she even heard it. “She doesn’t know.” It was only a whisper, but it echoed like…like…a big bell or something. “I never…I couldn’t….”
I couldn’t tell her, Daring Do. I had no trouble at all asking you out. Telling you I loved you. I had no trouble holding you and telling you that you were the best pony in the world. Because it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter if I lost you – you didn’t matter. I just didn’t know it yet.
Daring stomped a hoof, and rolled her eyes, spinning away from the other pony. The stinging in her eyes meant she couldn’t look at her. Wouldn’t look at her. Nopony got to see Daring Do cry. “Then what are you here for? Shouldn’t you be declaring your love and having smooches with Rainbow Dancer or whatever her name is!?” It was Rainbow Dash, of course. She knew it as well as she knew her own. And she hated it. The name, and the pony it belonged to.
“…Rainbow Dash. She um…Oh…” There was a hitch in the Pegasus voice, and it caught Daring’s attention “She’s hurt. Badly. She um…she could die.”
Good. The thought echoed up from deep within her and she hated herself for it. In an instant, it was gone. “Let me guess, then. You and your little friends, you’re a big deal – Elements of Harmony and all that. If there was a magic relic that could fix it, you’d be all over it in a hoofbeat and you and her’d be making out on a cloud somewhere.” She bit down on her tongue as the other Pegasus whimpered. She might have to take her brother up on those etiquette lessons, one day. “And that means one of two things. Either your friends don’t believe there’s a chance, and you don’t seem like the quitting types to me. Or you’ve found yourself a little miracle cure relic, and it’s….I dunno, split into pieces I guess? So you need me to get one of them. About right?”
“Oh…uhm…kind of.” There was hesitation, in that beautiful voice. But also determination like Daring had never heard. “You see…Twilight has to stay with Rainbow Dash. To…” To keep her alive “And um… Rarity, Applejack and Pinkie Pie went off to search for a cure – they came to Canterlot, to talk to the Princess. But…Twilight mentioned this…other possibility. And yes, it’s a relic – heavily guarded, in a temple not too far from here. She didn’t want to risk losing the chance for an actual cure.”
Daring heard a long, shuddering sigh and fought the urge to hug Fluttershy very, very tightly.
“And um…I knew you were in Canterlot so I…” A swallow “I know if anypony can help me find it, if it’s real, it’s you. Please. I can’t let her die. I have to tell her.”
Daring snorted, “I could’ve told you that a few years ago, idiot.” She turned to face the Pegasus and looked her in the eye. “Tell you what – promise me you’ll tell her, as soon as she’s up outta that bed, and we’ll go get whatever doodad you’re after.”
“Promise? But…”
“Promise. If she’s worth saving, if she’s worth feeling this way about, she’s damn well worth telling.”
“I…I promise.”
“Good. Lets go save your stupid little friend.”
As Fluttershy launched herself forward, throwing her forelegs around Daring’s neck, Daring felt a little better. Not a lot. But maybe saving this Rainbow Dash would make her a better pony. A pony who deserved a pony as wonderful as Fluttershy. If not…at least it might be fun. And maybe they’d be friends again, by the end of it.
That’d be….nice.
???? Umm, what? I dont get this whole chapter. What is going on? I only understand a lil bit of the end but nothing else.
Hmm hmm hmm... Now that is definitely an interesting pairing. That was kinda heartless of Fluttershy, though.
But yea, it looks like nothing from the prompt.
752405 Essentially, Daring Do is holding a press conference in Canterlot for her newest book, when her ex-girlfriend whom she still loves (this being Fluttershy) walks up onto the stage and starts talking to her, causing her to panic and publically attack (verbally) 'Shy. When she realises how much Shy's freaking out she ends the conference, comforts her and insults her quite a few times as Shy apparently broke her heart quite brutally - for which Shy apologises, sincerely, though DD doesn't buy it.
Anyways - turns out that Rainbow Dash is hurt, and due to a feeble excuse I threw in at the last minute (a magic relic that may be able to heal her if the Princess and the others can't find a solution) Fluttershy came to beg for Daring Do's help in retrieving said relic. Daring is.. less than happy about this, but because she genuinely wants Shy to be happy she agrees to help out. There's a lot more backstory to this than actually appeared, because of the time limit, so I'm sorry if it was confusing.
752542 Well. to be fair 'tis never stated what Fluttershy actually did. Just that she regrets it terribly and it cut Daring pretty deep. But honestly? Yes. And it's probably worse than what you're picturing in your head. And yeah, I know it doesn't. It was still inspired by the prompt, though, so I'm told it totally counts.
752570
753758 thanks for the explanation. This could be actually a pretty good story. With a prolog where the things between Daring and Shy get explained, how Rainbow had this accident, this scene and the whole adventure. maybe with Twilight and the others help Daring or just Dare and Shy.
753844 It could be - it would have been, and I'm still tempted to make it such - but since the idea is to test yourself in a half hour, this is what I ended up with. I may expand on it, in the distant future where Twice Shy is completed and I have finished baking delicious ApplePie for Donny's Boy, because I do like the idea.
Though I maintain that it's already pretty good, because writer bias and Daring Do is fun to write. It could be actually good, though.
And yeah, if I was going to write a full story I'd definitely have the others around in a less poorly explained fashion - whether they'd be included on the adventure itself or not, I'm unsure. But I'd not just leave them out, as I did here - that's just a result of anything that wasn't Daring or Shy being tangential to the story, and me having a time limit.
I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. I shall try and do better next time.
753907 oh no no no, i never said i dont like it. i just didnt understand this part with Dare and Shy. the rest of "A Study In Nonsense" is pretty good. And for 1h (really just 1 hour per story? or half an hour) they all are good. and like i said before: this idea with Dare and Shy is definitely one i would like to read about in an full story.
753962 Oh, well I'm glad you enjoyed it then. And yeah - half an hour a story, except for that Twilight one. Technically, this one took thirty two minutes, but don't tell anyone - that's a secret. Yeah. I may do that, actually - this or another idea that's stewing around in my head shall be full stories, one o' these days.
Thanks for the feedback, by the way - always appreciated.
753997 no prob. its quite nice to actually tell an autor he/she/it wrote a good story. normaly i would probably just say stuff a dozend guys already said or some generic: "You write many words that sound good" because i cant think of something better.
753844 Um... no. No prolog. That's like serving cake first, and only after that giving first and second. It ruins the whole appetite. What happened before should be delivered by bits and pieces during the adventure itself so we could piece the whole picture ourselves. Way more fun that way. Also, an adventure into a dangerous temple, with 6 ponies.... Yea, I can see a ton of stuff going wrong. Bad kind of wrong. They probably should have roles outside of the adventure, and Daring and Shy going on it by themselves.
753997 Would be neat if you did this one as a story, actually. But that's your decision entirely, and I learned to trust your decisions, Professor.
756377 Oh, I'd totally have a prologue. It'd not actually say very much, of course - it'd probably be dear Daring remembering happier times, in a short dreamy kind of way. *Nod* Though yes, the what and why would totally come in story intermissions - carefully parceled out into the cruelest and most diabolical hooks I could forge, for your enjoyment. And yeah, they wouldn't all be around - but I'd probably have at least one accompany them, so I can have some kind of interaction beyond 'Fluttershy being constantly sniped at in the most horrible way Daring can thing of.'
I'm...very tempted. Once I get the other short sorted out I'll probably hold a little vote, so it won't BE my decision. I have too many ideas, and not enough time for them all. But I'm flattered you trust me.
754059 Well, all feedback is always welcome - if a dozen people say it's good, that's one more whole person worth of good work you know you did. That's how it is for me, anyways - but it's always helpful to hear something more specific, too, and I'm glad I could help you understand it.
Meh, I found it easily comprehensible, though the revelation that the ex was Fluttershy set me back a bit.
Interesting. Now I see what you were talking about in your blog. The thing is, this personality you've given Daring Do? She's more educated Rainbow Dash.
I suppose that makes Fluttershy leaving one for the other a bit ironic. She has a clear type, at least.
807032 The parallels are completely intentional, I assure you. The initial thought process was 'how can I characterise Daring in half an hour without it being dumb.' And then 'You know what would be sad? If Daring was a substitute for Dash in every way possible.'
And there you have it. Glad it was easy to follow.
Hmm...A very interesting chapter. It's always difficult to give non-speaking ponies personalities (goodness knows I struggled with Vinyl and Octavia), but I think the one you've given Double Dee (...hee hee, Ed, Edd and Eddy) fits pretty well with her canon actions thus far. Mind you, she's a character with a lot of play in her-- she can be fictional, fictional-but-based-on-a-real-life-pony, a real pony, a real pony who lived maybe 100 years ago and has since died, a real pony whose adventures are in fact highly exaggerated for the sake of the media...any number of things. Throw in some wacky side effects from those magic artifacts she's always chasing, and I bet there's a place for Daring Do in a whole lot of stories.
It's interesting that you mention in the comments about DD being a paralell to RD. I can sort've picture your DD being the Rainbow Dash of a universe where The Mysterious Mare Do Well never happened and that ever burgeoning hero complex never got fixed. Or, alternatively, a Rainbow Dash who simply never found the others in the Mane Six, and had to seek the recognition and affection she so desperately desires from the public at large, being willing to sacrifice the feelings of an individual pony for the adoration of the crowd. It's strange-- privately, I picture DD as an idealised Dash, but your DD strikes me as a rather darker spin on everypony's favourite lovable jerk.
Things that interested me this chapter: "She really hoped they didn’t see their hero calling out a terrified yellow mare who hadn’t done anything but say hello. That’d be really, really tough to explain – she could do it, of course. She could do anything. But she didn’t want to."
I find the number of 'really'-s in that little block worth considering for whatever reason. My inner over-analyst wants to read it as DD's vocabulary locking up under pressure, indicating that maybe she's not quite so calm in ye olde dangerous situations as might be thought. My inner literary critic wants to read it as "...three uses of the word really in two sentences? ...Really? [/humourous hypocrisy]." I don't especially care too much, though.
There are a couple of flubs with punctuation here and there. Notably, “And um…I knew you were in Canterlot so I…” A swallow “I know if anypony can help me find it, if it’s real, it’s you. Please. I can’t let her die. I have to tell her.”
A swallow just looks so...naked out there on its own. Give it a full stop or something to protect its modesty, geez. I know you're an evil genius, but even evil has standards.
Otherwise, yeah. Very interesting and entertaining chapter.
816549 That's pretty much exactly what I set out to achieve when I wrote her - she's a Rainbow Dash consumed by bitterness, where the only way she can convince herself that she's worth something is by doing...well, daring do and obtaining ever more fame and glory. But of course even that isn't enough - Rainbow Dash saved the world. Twice. She's on track to becoming a Wonderbolt. So not only does she have Shy's heart, she's better than Daring (to Daring's mind) in every possible way. So yeah, she's exactly that - a darker Dash. There's a lot more to it than that, of course - I pretty much have her entire history with Shy traced out in my mind after writing this.
It's supposed to be the first - I know it's a disgrace to the second, but I think it's how dear Daring would think, and that's more important to me than proper literary form. I do it a whole lot in Twice Shy, as well - basically, I try to reflect the thought patterns of whoever I'm writing as best I can unless it's going to be especially bad. Dash, and by extension Daring, tend to be the worst offenders though. ^^' Glad it doesn't bother you too much.
And that swallow will get its modesty when it becomes a superior bird, like a dove. Or a penguin. I really, really wanted a penguin.
And I DO have standards, but cut me a break - I had two minutes left by the time I started that line, dang it! I had to cut corners somewhere. But aye. I shall try to do better next time.
Glad you enjoyed it;