Prologue
Freestyle walked into Principal Celestia's office, confused about what exactly he was supposed to be doing here. All the principal had told him was that she wanted him to meet five other students. He straightened out his hoodie and black sweatpants, slicked his black hair with a silver stripe in it back a bit more, and wished that his tennis shoes weren't very banged-up. His skin was light blue. He prayed that he wouldn't be meeting any girls.
All of a sudden, another boy walked in and went into a corner of the room. Freestyle recognized him. His name was Coalstone. His skin was tan, and he wore green pants and a black short-sleeved jacket. Freestyle saw a peek of a white muscle shirt underneath the jacket, and he also had black finger-less gloves and black combat boots on. His hair was gray and in a Mohawk. Shy guy, Freestyle thought.
Freestyle continued to pace around when a girl walked in. Dang it, he thought.
She looked moody and unhappy. Her skin was beige, and her hair was dark and light blue. She wore a sleeveless purple shirt with blue leggings and black boots, and she had on a pearl necklace with long finger-less gloves the same shade as the light blue part of her hair. Skye Mist. She rolled her eyes at the sight of Coalstone and Freestyle. "Ugh," she said, disgusted, and sat in one of the chairs laid out across Principal Celestia's desk. "You know, I think Principal Celestia set up these for a reason," Skye sneered. Freestyle rolled his eyes and Coalstone just stayed in the corner.
Another girl walked in. Her white hair was in a ponytail, and she wore a black maxi-skirt with a white T-shirt. She wore sneakers with the outfit, and her skin was violet. As she walked in, she had a bright smile on her face. "Hi! I'm Naturia Harmony! And you are..." She trailed off as she saw a sassy-looking Skye Mist, shy Coalstone, and nervous Freestyle. Her smile wavered a bit as she said, "Oh... the unpopular kids," She decided to sit in a chair far away from Skye Mist and sat there quietly.
The door opened again dramatically and a short girl with very light yellow skin walked in. Her hair was black and white, and had on a white blouse that was off-the-shoulders with light denim short shorts on. To make her look taller, she ended the stylish outfit with black t-strap heels. She looked around the room and gasped when saw Naturia Harmony. "Harmony! I can't believe you're here!"
"Hey, Little Song!" Harmony grinned.
"Yay, one of my besties is here! I don't know why Principal Celestia called us here, so I'm glad to see you! Also, I don't mean to be rude but," Little Song gestured to the other three kids and whispered the rest of what she was going to say in Harmony's ear. "What are the unpopular kids doing here?"
Skye heard what Little Song had said and glared at her viciously. "Hey, don't talk about me like that!"
"I didn't mean it like that," the short girl said innocently.
While the kids continued what they were doing, another boy walked in. His skin was dark blue, and he had black hair. He had on a white muscle shirt like Coalstone, and had on black pants. A speed bag was on the back of his shirt, and he wore white running shoes.
Little Song was the first to greet him. "Oh, Golden Horseshoes!" she flirted. "I'm so glad you're here!"
Harmony simply waved. "Hey, GH."
After a few minutes of the popular kids socializing and the unpopular ones doing the exact opposite, Principal Celestia walked into the room.
"I'm sure you're all wondering why I called you all here today," she began. "Well, I have some exciting news for you. You know about the Friendship Games, I'm sure."
Skye rolled her eyes. "Yes, of course we do. We're forced to watch people roller skate and ride motorcycles and find the square root of 546 all the time when it rolls around. Heck yeah, we know what it is." It was obvious that she didn't care about this important meeting with Celestia.
Celestia sighed as she continued. "Well, as you know, we've started choosing six people to compete as a team, and this year, we'll be going against Trottingham High School, who will follow the same rules as well. Trottingham has already picked their representatives, and I went around your old middle school asking for some bright students, and you guys were recommended. So, I would like you to be in this year's Friendship Games."
The room suddenly got so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Golden Horseshoes broke the silence. "So, we have to... work together in the Friendship Games?"
Celestia nodded. "Yes, Mr. Horseshoes."
He looked down at his tennis shoes without another word.
"So, um... what will we be competing in?" Little Song questioned.
"Firstly, the arts, as in acting, music, and such. Next there will be the Academic Decathlon, then the sports portion, which includes roller skating, motorcross, and archery. Then, as the last event - something to give you guys a little fun and test your friendship skills - you guys will be playing Capture the Flag."
"Um, okay..." Little Song trailed off.
"Um... who will we be up against from Trottingham?" Coalstone asked. Everyone looked at him. He was still standing in the corner, and if anyone had walked in at that moment, they wouldn't notice that he had just finished speaking. But he had, and they were the first words he had said since arriving.
Celestia opened a drawer in her desk and pulled out a piece of paper. "Let's see... Quicksilver, Rose Petal, Layla Hearts, Silver Shadow, Crescendo Hearts, and Vital Sparkle."
"A bunch of people who sound like softies," Skye muttered.
Celestia frowned, but then quickly put on a straight face. "Well, I hope you're as excited as I am about the Games. I'll leave you guys to come up with a few strategies," Celestia left the room.
There was more silence, and Freestyle broke it. "I say it's every man for themselves. I can't stand to work with you guys."
Harmony glared at him. "I hate you too."
Little Song was about to make an exit, but before she did, she said, "Of all the worst things that could happen, this is the. Worst. Possible. Thing!" She ran out and Harmony followed her.
Golden Horseshoes frowned. "Poor Song." He ran out to comfort her.
"I'm out too," Skye stomped out of the room.
Coalstone looked around the office, which looked quite vast now that it was empty. He sighed and left his principal's office, wishing that he had gotten paired up with some more reasonable students. But then he muttered something that changed his mind. "Maybe it would be best if we just left each other alone."
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I want to squee so hard right now.
But I must wait to squee.
Layla needs to appear.
I'm pretty sure you'll get her right.
Scratch that.
I'm 120% sure you'll get her right.
I am not dissapointed.
In fact, I'm giving you a cupcake.
I want to hug you so hard right now.
(>^~^)>
I love the way you portrayed Skye. Exactly what I was thinking she'd be like.
Bravo.
38.media.tumblr.com/c26b20d3523d58572c00a59fabfc6650/tumblr_mtzmeqC16Z1qcga5ro1_500.gif
6891510
Layla will come soon, promise. Thanks for the fave!
6891604
I'm glad you enjoy it!
Not bad, though Coalstone isn't that shy like a Male version of Fluttershy, part of the issue is that people think he's scary or aggressive, which granted he can be due to how blunt he can be when he talks to people along with his own short temper.
Not saying it's bad, just saying.
6891667 I just realized what's been nagging at me in my head! Skye sounds like Aria!
No wonder I was like 'how come this seems strangely similar to something?' I like it, still. Don't get me wrong. I can't believe I didn't notice that when I first read it.
EPIC.
6891754
Okay, thank you! I'll apply this in the future.
6892025
Oh my gosh, she does!
6892179
Thanks!
You know I like a lot of your stuff Stardom!
But...
Pace wise the first half of this chapter felt off.
I think it was the rapid fire descriptions of each character that did it, I know each character needs to be brought forward but with a lot of people being descirbed one after another, it broke focus for me and I found myself being pulled out of the story.
I think if you are introducing more than three characters in a single chapter you have to up the word count to prevent this from happening, a way longer chapter would have flowed better.
But being so cramped up I have to give pacing a "C" for now.
Spacing was ok
Too early to grade story.
Detail was here
but boy!! oh boy!!- Too much rapid fire character intros made it feel a bit over used here. I've said in other reviews Detail is a balance game too much waters down the story and too little you go flat.
Here it's tipping a bit on the too much side....I felt the detail was given to the characters which is ok but I failed to really get a picture of what was around!- Remember the setting is a character too.
Characters: Now this was interesting, I liked most of the characers here, they each poped off the page for me and I had a good time reading about them, when I wasn't distracted by sudden intros...J/k.
I like these characters and want to see more, I feel you introducing characters in the Pony Games flowed better due to it being a introduction type ceremony and setting, but here not so much.
I'll track this right now, I think once the characters are placed on the board this story will pick up. Again perhaps a longer chapter layout and more spread across would help. EX. A scene taking place before the office in various locations perhaps with two characters at a time, each on their way to see celestia?
Not to say the story is bad I love a lot of your work, just giving my opinion.
I know you'd tell me if something felt off to you.
You stay awesome girl!!!
I'll Up hoof, Track and might fav in the future.
6893425
Cool, you can check out my story "A Heart Encased in Stone" to get a better idea of his character if you want.
6893542
Thanks for the criticism, but remember that this was just the prologue.
6893701
Okay, I'll try to!
6894591
Okay looking forward to the next chapter.
Awesome chapter!! :3 Can't wait for more! Have a like and favorite! :3
6894643
Yay! Thanks for the fave!
6894675
Your welcome!
I swear, you better be using Harmony's other persona for a reason because while I do enjoy it, I am not going to be happy with her being like that to the unpopular kids all the time!
Otherwise, I enjoy reading this so far! Keep up the good work
6894591 True still interested to see how the chapters pick up after the start.
Speaking of picking up...when will the new pony games chappie be up?-just curious.
6895807
Sometime soon, I'm working on it.
Anybody what to ship?
6899822 I cannot believe that it took me 2 weeks to see this.
That is if you accept.
Since you're asking for somebody to ship your OC with, I volunteer mine!
6957718 sure I think that would be pretty cool.
6958995 I already did
6959089 Oh well then.