“Yer sure 'bout this?” John asked as he warily eyed the large tub that had been filled with all manner of plants that he didn’t recognize.
“Jus’ get in the tub.” Applejack encouraged him. “Even if ah’m wrong an’ poison joke’s got nothin’ to do with ya, it ain’t gonna hurt ya none.”
John looked into her eyes, so filled with hope and anticipation. She had gone on and on about how she should have thought of this earlier, that it should have been obvious that he had to have gotten into some poison joke. She had been like a little child on her birthday, uncontrollably eager and impatient to get her presents.
He looked over to Big MacIntosh, standing silent vigil nearby. Though he had barely said a word, he could see a similar anticipation in his face. He may not have been as vocal about it, but he realized that he was just as excited as his sister.
“Alright, then, ah’ll do it. Ah jus’ hope ya ain’t disappointed.”
With one final deep breath, John stepped into the tub and submerged himself beneath the surface.
______________________________
John walked into the woods next to his farmhouse, pistol in his hand. He was so very tired. The act of walking alone was enough to drain him of most of his energy. It didn’t matter, though. He didn’t need much energy to pull a trigger.
Gasping for breath, he leaned against a broad tree trunk. He winced as his back was jabbed painfully by a knot in the wood and reached for his pill bottle once more. He popped off the lid and placed the opening to his mouth, swallowing what little was left in one go. He tossed aside the empty container and stood there catching his breath.
A curious squirrel bounded up onto a nearby fallen log and chattered at him noisily. It was almost like it was one of his doctors chastising him for what he was about to do.
“Shut up...” He forced out of his lethargic lips. The squirrel tilted its head for a moment and then continued with its chattering as if John had said nothing at all.
“I said shut up!” He screamed through his tears. What did a damn squirrel know about his pain? What right did it have to scold him like that? The squirrel ignored his order and kept right on with chastising him.
With a cry of rage and anguish, John pushed against the tree to launch himself at the animal. Though he went as quickly as he could manage in his drugged up state, he didn’t even come close to getting the critter. Instead, he landed on top of the log with his face hanging into the dirt.
He knew he should have been in serious pain from the impact, but the over dose of pain killers had him only feeling numb. Finally the pain had disappeared. He knew that his relief was only temporary, though. If the drugs didn’t kill him, it would all come crashing back within a few hours. For now, though, he was at peace lying there with the scent of earth filling his nostrils.
John lifted his head and saw his pistol in the dirt just in front of him. He had forgotten he had brought that with him during his rage filled confrontation with the squirrel. He didn’t know how long he stared at that weapon. It could have been hours or merely seconds. Either way, the cold feeling of loneliness began to seep back in and tears once again coursed down his face.
He reached for the weapon, but for some reason his fingers just wouldn’t work the way he wanted. He gave up trying, and soon his vision faded to black, the gun being the last thing he saw.
________________________________
John woke up with a gasp to the sound of gunfire from some cheesy action film and the painful glare of bright, florescent light. He instinctively brought a hand to his face to protect his eyes.
Hand. Not hoof.
Tears silently coursed down his face as that fact sunk in.
“Oh, I’m sorry...did I wake you?” An unfamiliar voice greeted him with an apology.
John uncovered his eyes and looked off to the side. Lying in a hospital bed near him was a pale, thin boy, a teenager he guessed. He held a remote in his hand and he looked incredibly apologetic.
“I..I can shut it off if you want, it’s okay!” The boy stuttered.
He spied the TV that was hanging from the wall. It played an old action movie and had the channel’s logo emblazoned in the corner of the screen.
The screen flickered as the boy turned it off and John just stared at the blank screen in silence.
_____________________
Three days passed and the anguish John felt faded away into numbness, at least in part due to an increase in pain medication that he was being pumped full of. The teenager in the other bed remained his companion for the entire duration.
The kid watched a lot of television, all sorts of stuff. He marvelled at every show he saw, regardless of what it was. Game shows, movies, cartoons, kids shows, he watched all of it with enthusiasm, almost as if he never had watched television before.
The boy talked. A lot. He needed no encouragement to do so, not that John had given any. He talked about the shows he saw and their characters. He talked about how he didn’t often get the chance to watch television. He talked about how he preferred the fantasy worlds that television showed him over the real world. John could empathise with this view, better than the boy could ever imagine.
John got the impression that the kid was lonely. He didn’t even seem to care that John hadn’t talked to him at all, he just kept on chattering away in a happy mood, and yet he could tell the kid had a streak of sorrow lurking beneath that cheerful exterior. Through the kid, he learned that he had been fading in and out of consciousness for days before he had properly come to his senses, and that he had always been completely out of it with delusions or hallucinations or something whenever he was awake. It was tremendously painful to know he was alone yet again, but the truth often was.
His life seemed so clear to him now. His mother’s first name? Anna. The town he lived near? Bloomsberg. The forest he lived next to? Okay, he still didn’t remember the name of that one, but it hardly mattered. He remembered his life now. Equestria, the Apple ponies, all of that was about as real as what the kid watched on the television.
Two more days passed. Not a single soul visited him in that time, not that such a thing surprised him, there was nobody to visit him. What’s more, he began to notice that nobody visited the boy, either. They were two lonely people sharing a hospital room. For the first time since regaining himself, John spoke.
“What’re ya in here for?” He asked the kid, who looked around the room in search of the strange new voice until he finally realized its source.
“Oh. Umm...I uh...had an allergic reaction.”
John didn’t believe him, but he didn’t press.
“Ah’m in here ‘cause ah tried to kill myself. Ah had a gun an’ was ‘bout to shoot myself, but I pumped myself full of so many pills ah must’ve passed out. Not sure how ah got here, but it don’t really matter none. Somepony found me, an’ that’s that.”
John realized he had actually said ‘somepony’, and found his cheeks warming up in embarrassment over his gaffe, though if the kid noticed he didn't say anything. Silence fell between them, only the sound of the television cutting through the emptiness of the room. The kid avoided his gaze and John figured that the conversation was probably over. He repositioned himself so that he could be a little more comfortable and went back to watching the cartoon that was currently playing.
“I tried to kill myself too.” The kid finally admitted. John looked over to him, though the kid didn’t say anymore. They just lay there, two lost souls taking comfort in their shared knowledge of unspoken pain.
___________________________
“Okay, Mister Carson, you’ve been given a clean bill of health. You’ll be clear to leave in a couple of hours.”
John looked over to the nurse that was hovering over his companion, who was looking rather downcast at the news. He didn’t argue, though, merely nodded. The nurse didn’t stick around, leaving the two of them alone once again in the room. The kid curled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.
“Where are ya gonna go, kid?”
After a moment’s hesitation, he answered. “Home to my parents.”
“Ya don’t have parents, do ya?”
The kid hugged his knees even tighter. “Yes I do.” He argued faintly.
“Kid, ya ain’t had a single visitor all week. A parent woulda come to see ya near every day. Ya ain’t got parents. Yer alone.”
He began to tremble and a few tears began to flow down his gaunt cheeks.
“What’re ya gonna do?” John asked again.
“I don’t know!” He answered between sobs.
John’s heart broke at seeing somebody so young in such despair. He reached for a piece of paper and a pen that were beside his bed. After writing something down, he forced himself onto his feet, gritting his teeth against the pain in his back. He had refused to take as much medication recently as he had earlier. He was better able to talk with his companion when he wasn’t higher than the clouds.
“Here.” He shoved the piece of paper into the kid’s hands, who stared up at him through the tears with questioning eyes. “Go there. There’s a spare key beneath the welcome mat. Yer welcome to stay there as long as ya need.”
The kid looked from him to the paper and back.
“Thank you.”
_____________________
Two more days passed before John left the hospital. They wanted him to stay longer on account of him having injured his back even further with his attempted suicide, but he refused. He had to get back home.
He took a cab back to his farm, paid the incredibly high fee, and hurried as quickly as he could to the front door of his home. He paused and took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, and then reached for the handle. It was still locked. He found the key where he left it beneath the welcome mat and entered into the house.
He searched room by room, hoping to find that kid from the hospital. The living room, the bedrooms, the bathroom, the kitchen...all were empty. He checked the fridge but couldn’t tell if any of it had been used recently. He hadn’t exactly taken stock of his supplies at any point before he tried to kill himself. He walked up to a window and leaned his forehead against the cool glass with a sigh as he tried to push aside the loneliness that threatened to crush him once again.
John trudged back outside and made his way to the stables. As he neared them, he heard the familiar whinny of Jackie. At least he still had his horses, he thought with a bittersweet smile. He pushed open the door, stepped inside and then stopped in his tracks.
“Oh, hey. I was wondering if you were going to show up.”
The kid from the hospital stood in the middle of the stable, brushing Jackie. His smile as he was doing so was a content one, and far more sincere than the ones he had worn while under medical care.
John stood unmoving a moment longer before he could finally react. He marched forward and pulled the young man into a hug while joyous tears coursed down his face.
An interesting selection of endings. An excellent conclusion(s) to an equally excellent story. I enjoyed this very much.
7330062
Glad to hear it.
Harsh, Robo Bro. I can't decide which ending I like more. Well done; makes me glad I've been following this story.
7330090
Oh? And here I thought people in general would find the first ending much more appealing. Glad to see that the alternate ending gets some love too.
cant help but feel that you got bored of the story or something else and decided to end it, sorry but even with the dual ending it feels rushed
7330167 I kinda get that impression as well.
7330140 I enjoyed the first ending more, and the story as a whole was a fun read any chance of a sequel?
7330209
It's unlikely to see a sequel, sorry.
Between the two endings, there's material for a third, proper ending.
No reason Honeycrisp couldn't have inherited Johnny's life; the poison joke cure could have merely unmuddled the two sets of memories (and souls).
If it wasn't for the boy, I would not have liked this ending, but it works well enough now.
7330369
Yeah, initially I hadn't planned on having the boy and going for the truly bleak ending, but it felt a little too cruel, so I changed my plans.
7330167 Agreed.
Still like the story of course.
It just feels like the author got to the point they envisioned, and saw nothing past it...it happens from time to time.
I am a big lover of slice of life stories so gigantic mega plots don't need to be a part of the story I am reading for me to enjoy it. I can understand though if authors feel the need to have more of a goal than just writing the main characters next day.
Overall the story did feel rushed at the end although it did feel like an end was coming...you just gave it a bit of a push is all.
The first ending made more sense to me, but I did like the fact that he ended up taking in the boy in the second so he could have a family of a sort.
7330460
Technically, a combination of the two. The poison joke would be the bigger cause, though. The nightmare wisps just gave him nightmares so that they could feed off of his distress and when he escaped from them he was aware that it was just a dream, the poison joke based its "joke" on the nightmares that he had by making him believe that the dreams were real and suppressing his real memories.
And like that, the three hundred like milestone is reached.
7330674
Woo! time to celebrate!
7330687 Aye! *pops a cork of a shampagne bottle, spraying the contents all around*
That's it, this is how you're ending the story? I have to tell you I'm both disappointed and pissed at you. The fact you even made two endings is a cheap trick to avoid committing to one and the fact that you ended this story so prematurely, this story didn't even follow a three act structure or anything like that. There is way too much you could have done with this story but you just squandered it all.
I don't know if you just couldn't think of anything or you were just tired or writing this and went for a rushed ending. Also the Pony ending as I call it was just so confusing and didn't really make much sense. I was going to put this on my favs list but after all this I'm not and I'm going to have to change my up vote to a down vote as in the end I felt like I wasted my time with all of this as it had such a bad endings and was cut way too short.
I kinda like both endings. Though seeing the Apple family get its patriarch back tends to have the first one be a little bit more interesting in my book.
This was a very good story. I liked the first ending.
7330917
Okay, then. That seems a fair bit stronger a reaction than I had expected. If you don't like the way it ended, then so be it. I'm sorry you didn't like it.
The multiple endings was not intended as a cheap trick as you put it. The ending that is canon is not the alternate ending. If I were to write a sequel (no plans to do that), or continue this story in any way, it would be based on the first ending.
I'm unsure exactly why the ending is so confusing, but I have the benefit of knowing what's going on because I wrote it. You don't seem to be the only one who believes so, so it seems I have miscalculated and should have been a little more clear, perhaps with another chapter that went through it all.
7330785
I could write a whole bunch of potential justifications, ranging from how some ponies have been shown to be able to communicate with animals to Zecora being the type that would be willing to extract the venom from the nightmare wisps and experiment with them, but that would just be making stuff up after the fact. What you say is a fair enough criticism, as I simply hadn't thought about it.
Also, the Chekhov's gun isn't just within the chapter with how they were talking about it. If you look all the way back to the first chapter, poison joke is mentioned as being at the exit to the Everfree very near to where she found John.
7331405 You were too vague and unclear while trying to explain things. Plus the fact that the story just ends there is so jarring and sudden that it comes out of nowhere. It feels totally rushed as there is a hell of a lot more to the story but you just end it so suddenly it's very jarring. Plus the whole thing with it all being poison joke is odd as it's never shown to have a mental ability just a physical one. Maybe if you had given some examples of this happening as well to help show that stuff can more than what we've seen in the show might have helped as well.
I didn't like how you made Big Mac responsible for both parents being lost and you even said in the story those creatures have never been known to attack something as large as a pony. So with no real explanation on why they suddenly changed it goes against things you set up in the story itself and is kind of a plot hole. Nothing in the story really explains any of this.
The 'human' ending didn't really do anything. So what the kid just runaways from wherever and stays at his place with no fallout or legal proceedings? There is also the fact that he's still losing his farm he has no way to support either of them. Nothing changed in that second ending, he's still losing the farm, he can't work so he'd have to sell it all off and pretty much live off that and maybe try to get disability payments. None of the problems he was facing at the start of the story were fixed just because he took in some random kid. Plus the hospital bills for this stay wouldn't be cheap either.
7331558
Many of those are fair enough criticisms, certainly. It was not stated that the nightmare wisps never took larger creatures such as ponies, however. It was specifically stated that anything larger than a dog would have to have been considerably weakened, the fact that such a thing is known would indicate that such things have happened before.
Hospital bills....I need to remember that a lot of the world doesn't have public healthcare and that yes, his bills would end up being as crippling as his back if he's in one of those countries that doesn't. The boy was meant to be an orphan, not a kid who ran away from home. I imagined him at sixteen or seventeen years of age. While he's still young enough to be considered a child, he's old enough that he could be considerable help on the farm. Even if they couldn't keep the farm, it would still be two lost souls that had found each other and could take comfort in the company. That ending wasn't necessarily meant to be a happy, everything's solved kind of ending anyway. It was meant as a reality crashes down on him with a bit of a hope spot for John.
A hell of a lot more to the story? I'm not so sure I'd agree with that. I could squeeze out another chapter or two perhaps to more clearly explain what happened, and have him properly reunite with his whole family, maybe even extend that to other characters, but that's about it. Unless you simply wished for me to throw slice of life moments at my readers into perpetuity or come up with a completely new conflict for the story (which would I think better fit a sequel than this story itself), I don't see much more than that left to do.
Poison joke isn't exactly well explained in the show, nor do we see a lot of examples of it affecting characters, but that it has never been shown to affect minds is definitely one of the valid criticisms. Another major valid criticism would be that it ends too suddenly. Perhaps I should put it back to incomplete and write one final chapter to help clear things up.
7331569 Wait you don't want to throw slice of life stuff at your readers...in a story that IS slice of life or at least that's the category you picked. If not then I would suggest you change that because that's what I thought this story would have. There are a ton of things, stuff like getting over his injuries, you could have explored through him how the town might be different. Did he have any friends in the area? How was he going to deal with the fact he missed so much of his kids life and the fact that his wife whose has been dead for years was only still fresh for him? How about his age? (I forget if he was supposed to not have aged or not) either way he should either be older or looking at all the years he lost every time he looks in a mirror.
How would the rest of the family adjust, for conflict what about if there was a life insurance policy out on them and they found out that they had to pay it back? The fact that if he hadn't aged everyone he knew had. There is a TON of stuff you could do and all of this I just wrote was off the top of my head.
Also if the kid was an orphan he would have been in the foster system at that age and there would be people like his case worker that would get worried if someone they were in charge of suddenly vanishes. Doesn't look good to your boss if you lose a person.
7331607
All of those suggestions are good suggestions, well most of them, anyway, I don't care much for the life insurance idea, but you did say all that was simply off the top of your head so I can't expect them all to be good ideas. However, the basis for this story was who John was and how he got to Equestria. That was the primary conflict, and it has been resolved. Those suggestions are mostly cases of adding a completely new conflict to the story and, as I said earlier, are likely better left to sequels or maybe side stories.
It had several slice of life moments throughout the story, but simply tossing out random slice of life chapters isn't going to make for a cohesive narrative.
Time for the third ending, where Jonny was actually Discord all along! He just... forgot, or something.
Good story was good. This could in fact be longer if you wanted it too be. Make it so he was really human in the end and go on from there... But I do like the two endings... Not a lot of writers that I've seen do that... Its nice to see two points of view....
I think you should flesh out both endings more. Both of them feel rushed, especially the first one.
This is still one of the best Displaced fics I've read, but you could've done a bit more with it. Of the two endings, I prefer the first one, but even that was a bit of a let down after all the build up. I think it needs a little bit more explanation of how the wisps' nightmares mixed with the poison joke to create some trippy effects. I also would've liked to see Honeycrisp reuniting with Apple Bloom after he regains his memories.
This story stayed in my read it later list for a while. I'm glad I used my day off to get trough it, it was very nice.
Altough, I'm going to join the list of people complaining about the endings. Both of them did not feel right to me. Nor the idea of it being all a dream -induced or not- nor the execution were pleasant.
Still, it was a pleasant ride. I really look forward to see what else you will give us in the future.
7332228
Oh, I suppose the people have spoken. I'll see what I can do about writing another chapter or two to help clear things up and maybe provide a couple more scenes of apple horses interacting together.
7342670
General consensus is that it ended too abruptly, so I've caved in and will give another chapter or two to wrap it up a little bit less abruptly. I should probably make a blog post about it, actually.
Yeah, the original one was too sudden alright - and not all that good besides. As much as this one also seems to be a kind of cheesy "and then, despite all the story before seeming to go against it, they suddenly lived happily ever after" I still like this one better.
Of the two endings, I prefer the first. But both were unexpectedly sudden.
Didn't like the alternate ending at all.
Okay first off I want to say that after I posted my first comment and and a little bit of re-reading my thoughts really cleared up. So after my cluttered brain organized itself I deleted my old comment to bring this one.
Now with added spoiler tags.I was like everyone else. Really, really confused. I also like the first one better but the alternative is okay as well.Edit; it seems like I can't get the spoiler tags to work. I'm so sorry about that but whatever. Every thing between these lines (----------------) Are complete spoilers if my idea is correct. Please read at your own risk.
---------------------
So if I got this all straightened out this is what happened. About twelve years ago after Rosewood was killed defending Mac from a manticore so he didn't go to school from a while. When he went back he was bombarded with a ton of questions by his classmates. Then one asked/said if that meant he is responsible for her death. So he ran home and up to his room and cried because of his greiff. Then his dad Honeycrisp comforts him till he fell asleep.
When Mac wakes up the next day he decided to run away so he could not hurt his family again(which is a bunch of BS but he was highly emotional at the time). So he runs way into the Everfree.
He is in there for quite some time before he is scared by a noise and he makes a run for it. He runs out to a clearing and almost falls off the edge of a cliff. Using his stick he has with him he trips his pursuer with it as they come out of the woods. It turns out that it's actually his dad Honeycrisp and he falls to the bottom of the cliff. Mac then tries to get to him as fast as possible. When he finally reaches the bottom he can't find his dad. What happened is a magical animal known as a Nightmare Wisp got to him. Mac finds his way home and dose not tell a soul now believing he is responsible for both of his parents deaths.
Honeycrisp is held captive by the Wisps for nearly twelve years. While having one big dream. He dreams that he is a human(Because of some comics about a human named Johnny Appleseed) and after a back injury by a horse named Mac. He can no longer run his farm and must leave. So he goes to kill himself out in the forest while hopped up on drugs. When he pulls the trigger he wakes up from the wisps controlled dream 12 years later(unknown to him at the time) He then tries to leave the forest. He is cassed out by a Timberwolf and runs into a patch of poison joke. Somehow making it just outside the forest before collapsing. He wakes up in the hospital after Twilight takes him there. When he wakes up he thinks that he really was a human turned into a pony. That's where this story begins.
When everypony is walking out of the forest and Applejack steps into the poison joke patch after the visited Zecora and talk about the plants effects they come up with the crazy idea of giving John the cure. After the cure his memories unscramble themselves. He remembers everything and it's revealed that he really is Honeycrisp. With everything all sorted out they hug and Live happily ever after.
--------------------------------------------
Is that right? Because it really makes sense to me now if I'm right. I know I made some general mistakes and left some stuff out of that blurb but it should be the rough outline right? Please tell me I'm right.
If so it makes so much sense. I might even completely re-read this at a later date. In fact this seems to be one of the types of stories were re-reading it after one has finished it the first time makes it infinitely clearer at the end.
If I'm right(Please confirm this or tell me I'm wrong) that just makes me love this story all the more and is definitely worth my Fav.
-BFBL
7461673
Yeah, you pretty well got it all. That's a rather thorough summation/explanation of the story. Some slight, minor modifications to be made (such as Macintosh waking up later the same day, not the next), but they're pretty insignificant details that change nothing about the overall picture.
7462914 I was meaning to go back and shorten that up considerably but it just did not happen. You should have seen the peice of jumbled mess that was the first one I had up.
Yeah, I prefer the main ending to this alternate one.
Imo this alternate ending is still sad.
The story is marked as incomplete. The authors note. Are all the other chapters from this story just going to be alternate endings?
What of a sequel to this? If at all possible?
7461673
The spoiler tags aren't working because you need to tag each individual line like this:
The spoiler tag doesn't work if you use them like this:
See?
7479580
Uh I was having one of Those types of days. Plus I was being rushed by family that don't know how to relax and unwind. Anyway thanks for the tip.
7479575
People complained about the suddenness of the ending, claiming it was too abrupt. I have one last chapter in the works to try and get it a little less abrupt.
7479823
Understandable
7544540 Yes and yes, the implications are tragedy of Greek proportions. At least I was mostly wrong but it still was pretty tragic, yet resolved nicely.
At first I kind of wanted him to be human but after reading the fuckery that is poor Macs life I needed him to be the real Honeycrisp as much as Mac did and was surprisingly happy with the ending. Id like to see some slice of life chapters and an epilogue of reactions but its honestly fine as it is. Abrupt? Maybe. But it satisfird my feels. I was actually holding off reading this story because it was incomplete.
Interesting way to end things, many stories can have does moments of "What if". Separate perspectives can exist... though it's hard to tell from which is fantasy, and which is reality... because... All are possible, but one is the truth.