Hey-o everyone! Darkmaster0224 here with a brand new story. This is a My Little Pony one-shot story. Not a crossover, and NO ocs this time. I know I’ve said that before, but I mean it this time. BTW, I cried while making this story, but I needed to get it out of my head.
Welcome to Dark Rainboom.
What happens when Rainbow Dash gets so furious, she begins to lose control of herself? With all the anger and sadness built up in her, she attempts to lift her spirit by doing a Sonic Rainboom, but ends with devastating results.
Chapters (1)
...damn.
If only you knew about Dimensional Technologies (Dimtec) when you wrote this..... They could have helped....
Your writing needs work.
Explicitly pointing out settings, flashbacks, and points of view is usually not good style. When you want to begin a new scene, it;s best to use a horizontal line and then continue the story uninterrupted. Rather than leaving a "Flashback" caption, switch to italics and insert indirect clues that indicate a time change. Show, don't tell.
It's difficult to feel bad for Rainbow Dash because the story is rushed and her behavior is melodramatic. She may feel guilty for making things harder for her friends, but it's hard to believe that she would kill herself over it. Rainbow Dash recognizes that her friendships are strong enough to brush off minor inconveniences. As I've said, she may not act like they're nothing, but she at least knows that her friends will forgive her and she will at least try to use it as a learning experience. She also knows how much her friends and others care for her and she would never want to hurt them by allowing something to happen to her. The idea of Rainbow Dash being driven to suicide could work if the story continued over a long period of time--a continuous downward spiral. Things build up and add on and she slowly loses any hope or comfort from the endless suffering. And that's where the style comes in. You want to show her decline rather than tell the reader every little detail. That way, the reader can believe that the situation is real-- that it's really happening to someone they care about-- and they can empathize with Rainbow Dash.
As it stands, the story is rushed. The quick succession of these events makes Dash's suicide astonishing. The story's attempt to elicit sympathy and sadness is undermined by the simple, detached style and the characters' inability to relate to the audience. Do not be discouraged by this comment. I want to help you improve as a writer.
6663387 Hmmm... I'll take this into consideration for future use. I am not discouraged, in fact, I am glad for your comment. I consider myself a great writer, but for someone to tell me my writing needs improvement, inspires me to get better.
Oh, and Dash didn't realize it would kill her, she only intended on majorly hurting herself... I should have said that shouldn't I?
Good plot, but rushed af.
6664475 Yeah I know. I really just wanted to get this one-shot out of my head.
OMG…that's so sad. I can't believe RD killed herself.
Great story
6665053 Thanks n.n
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6665723 Lol funny. I am Darkmaster0224 after all
6665267 thnx
6665112 Your welcome
Yeah you three better feel guilty because of you Dashie is dead. And Twilight, Rarity and Applejack I get but you? Im dissappointed and if you don't mind Im going to cry now.
6671049 Disappointed in what exactly? The story?
6671220 What? No course not I thought the story was awesome. Just dissappointed a little because I though it was unrealistic for Twi to go beserk about her libary being mess I mean she 's use to that, that Rarity was being a total drama queen just because her dress got ruined and Applejack was just acting lazy because the apples were on the ground she could've just picked them up. But overall I loved the story.
6671275 Thnx. I ended up rushing this story. Sorry, I'm working on 6 all at once, and the more that enter my head, the harder it is to work on one. Had to get this one out of my head.
IDK? the concept of this story reminds me of something I watched in an anime, Pretty Rhythm Aurora Dreams ep 46 ~ doki.
Well that's if you're looking at the desciption ~doki
Rarity, Applejack, Twilight, I mean it's partially Rainbow's fully for keeping it all in, and it's partially her friends fault for being so dang harsh!
And then pinkie is like " I did nothing of the sort
"
.... Dashie killed herself?!
Noooooo!!
Well, great story though. Loved it
.