Dear Resident of Equestria:
We humbly inform you that application 123-431-B and 321-134-A, along with your application for ownership of land rights 444-56-C though 777-56-F have been approved.
Under Neutrality act of 353 ANMM (AfterNightMareMoon) with accordance to sections 123-431-B and 321-134-A, Ambassadorial status has been approved under the agreement of five or more species of Equestria have visited or lived upon Non-governmental la…
“Huh?” That’s about all my brain could translate at the moment, I didn't really know what was happening; all I know is I was awoken at the break of dawn by a Royal Messenger that asked for the owner of the residence.
“Are you the owner of this residence?” He then spouted out my address, street name and everything else that told me where I lived.
“Uh- yeah, yeah that would be me,” I said while wiping the sleep from my eyes. He then hoofed me a manila envelope and before I could shut the door several other guards wearing golden armor came into my house, and I had no idea what was going on. They all brought in what looked like crates of... Celestia knows what before marching out, leaving me trapped in the corner of my living room. It took me half an hour to get to the kitchen where I could finally sit down with the envelope in hand and three stacks of legal papers that stood all of eight inches high… each.
I decided to start with the manila envelope hoping that it would help me understand what just happened little over half an hour ago. It didn't. It was so full of legal jargon that it left my head spinning. The only thought I had been. “Am I being sued?” but that can't be right because... well... I just looked over at the large wooden crates. “It's too early for this,” I said to myself starting my coffee pot and putting in and the extra strong blend. I felt like I'm going to need it.
After getting my extra strength coffee, in my extra large mug that had the words ‘#1 Princess’ on the side; hey don't laugh it's the only one they had in that size; interestingly enough it would change colors from white to dark blue when it got dark out and the sun would turn to a crescent moon and vice versa; and as of right now it was a nice crisp white color and had a yellow sun emblazoned on its side.
Well after I got my coffee I made my way out back to the garden. I really did not want to deal with what was inside at the moment. I took a long draw from my coffee before spotting a pony, waving their butt in the air just like the other day. I just rubbed my forehead with my free hand and made my way around the flower beds.
“Harvest what are you doing?”
“Eep!” came the reply from the pony as I took another sip of coffee. She turned to face me with a large smile on her face. “Oh, um just pollinating?” she sat on her haunches not meeting my eyes.
“Pollinating?” I inquired.
“Yes.” She nodded in now looking up at me, I could see a light blush on her muzzle.
I bring my cup up to my mouth before deciding to speak. “Care to elaborate on that?”
“Oh… OH! Right, you wouldn't know”
“Know what?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Well, you see, Earth Ponies are very good at growing things, and most of them grow a garden of some sort.” I nod as she goes on explaining. “Well as Earth Ponies grow their own gardens they collect pollen in their tails just by being around plants.” She turns showing me her butt, awkward.
“They then use this pollen and spread them other plants and gather pollen from the flowers to take back to their gardens to help them grow stronger and better plants of their own.”
“Huh! That oddly makes sense” I look back down at her as she fidgets slightly before I said, “Don't forget the Petunias if you would.” I turned and began walking back to the house.
“Oh, of course!” Harvest spoke before trotting off to the other side of the flower patch.
I paused next to the Pegasus bath seeing that the water levels were getting low. “I’m gonna have-” but I never got to finish that thought as a downpour of water from above decided to drown me where I stood, most of it flowing into the bath. I just stood there, with my coffee overflowing and my hair plastered to my face.
“Uh, are you gonna move?”
I sigh when I hear the voice, before speaking. “No Rainbow, I needed a bath anyway,” I state sarcastically.
“Oh…. Well okay then.” she said as if happy she could help and went back up making it rain harder.
Sigh.
Oh, dear sweet Celestia am I glad it's the weekend, because if it wasn't, I think I might have pulled my hair out. After coming inside from my Rainbow shower…. shush it's not funny. I remembered that I could not get through my living room, which kinda connects the rest of the house to the kitchen. So now, here I am, damp, sitting naked in at my kitchen table, shuffling through paperwork while on my third cup of coffee of the day and it's only eleven.
From what I could make out of it, Princess Twilight Sparkle found some obscure law and decided to try it out, but she didn't know how to do it for herself, so she just sighed me up for it. Well, apparently an inspector came in at some point while I was at work and checked over my property. They then spoke with the ponies around town and the heads of households living on the land and after that deemed it worthy of admittance into the neutral land act of 353 ANNM. Apparently, my property was so popular with the locals and with having so many different species living on or coming and going at all times of the day and night, it was just for the best. I apparently have also been appointed an Ambassador of Equestria to its ponies and creatures therein.
But that’s not even the real kicker… Apparently after all of that, the royalty, meaning the Princesses, have granted me the title of a land-ruler and ‘donated’ around seven hundred acres of land into my possession. I say 'donated' because at first it seemed like I would have to pay taxes on land I never wanted but looking into it more, was quite pleased to find out that my new title of land ruler afforded me multiple perks. Such as not having to pay taxes as so long as I kept the land in a good state; I could have any pony or creature removed from my land and banned if necessary and I was allowed any sentient creatures to have a place of protection when in need.
In which I have apparently already been doing with the Changelings but at the time was more harboring convicted felons than being an asylum for them; In fact, this very morning when the guards showed up was when I was to be carted off; but just before leaving Canterlot, the papers had passed though all measures that they needed to go though and wound up on Celestas desk. That changed the game entirely from never seeing the light of day ever again and rotting in a dungeon to 'Hey! No one can touch you! Oh and here! Have a ton of land and money."
So... Yeah. Apparently the crates that are stacked in my living area are completely full of gold. I’m starting to think this day can't decide if it wants to torture me or make it feel like a holiday. I’m leaning towards laughing at my misfortune, if only because the gold is not technically mine but the lands. Each bit must be accounted for, each transaction. There is also a list of Items that can be obtained with the bits to make the land more acceptable to other species to interact with or live there.
I groan. ‘Make a garden' they said. 'It will help you relax' they said. 'It will give you a hobby' they said. 'There is no possible way it could get you thrown in a dungeon they said.’ “That is the last time I take advice from a farmer, a yellow butterfly, a purple book and a pink sugar pony. I’ll let your imaginations fill in who said what.
“Knock knock knock.”
“IT'S OPEN!” I yelled through my house and then said in a much quieter voice. “If you can get in.”
I heard the door to my living room open only to hit something hard. “Something's blocking the door.” I heard the voice say, I couldn't help but chuckle; somehow the guards had managed to put one of the crates behind the living room door, but still managed to leave though it when they left. I honestly have no idea.
“I know the feeling!” I yelled back
“Where are you?” Came the voice again.
“In my house,” I answered.
The voice let out a sigh, I couldn't help but smile. I have had a roller coaster of a morning and I was not passing up this moment.
“Where in the house?”
“Oh, I’m in the kitchen.” Moments later there was a bright lavender flash and a purple alicorn appeared standing next to the sink. “Oh, hey Twilight; I didn't know you would be dropping by. Thanks for keeping me out of jail, by the way, and oh! Before I forget. Why is my property part of the Neutrality Act of 353?” Giving her a stern look as I asked.
Twilight just give a wider than normal grin, her ears flattening to the back of her head as she bit her lower lip. “Um, Surprise?”
From out of the oven a pink pony popped her head out. “Surprise where?!”
I look at the clock before placing my forehead on the kitchen table while thinking to myself. ‘Today has been a long day, and it's only Noon.’
This story makes me giggle like a madman,
Great hobby overall!
6575850 *Laughs* Indeed it is!
6575809 I know it makes me giggle while i'm writing it! I'm glad it makes other giggle aswell!
6575526 lol; Funny thing is most of the Gardening is done by the earthponys coming by. Though I would not mind that much honestly. Long as everyponys happy!
It's like the
birdpegasus bath came with the low low cost of the world's sanity. I'm wondering what he's going to do that'll draw in the unicorns.they should give him the name Shepard!
Imma smillin´like a Cheshire Cat with each paragraph and boy, do I have a hard time not to loose my head laughing.
Oh, by the way, care for some tea? Its Dormouse flavoured.
Now It lacks only Steven Magnet, or Diamond Dogs who gonna argue with changelings
Congrats on hitting the feature box .
So, Earth ponies... are also pollinators? Somehow this actually sounds plausible. Even if it makes me giggle.
6575858
Hmmm... Glowing crystal decorations from the Crystal Empire? A gazebo with astronomy telescopes?
From the first chapter this story just keeps getting better and weirder please don't stop till discord shows up and saids 'this is madness wheres my room.'
Oh God I love it. XD I love the new fic name, too. BUT I LOVE THIS CHAPTER, and headcanon freakin' accepted for Earth Ponies being Pollinators.
Oh I haven't had an adorable fic in such a looooong time.
Thanks for sating the cuteness, and congrats on hitting the feature box!
If everyone looks at my comment in the second chapter, you will see I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO called it on the Earth Ponies pollinating XD
This man is going to become the king of a nation, just by existing
How many acres are we talking about here?
reclaimingourchildren.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341ce4a653ef017617079da2970c-pi
This man's life in a few hours.
GOING DOWN THE STAIRS WITHOUT WALKING.
i.gr-assets.com/images/S/photo.goodreads.com/hostedimages/1380734899i/3116535.jpg
and i see this happening somewhere...
Thank you for the breath of fresh air. AKA, giggles, snorts, snerks, guffaws, out right laughter, and just plain good reading.
Does this remind anyone else of a more realistic version of Viva Pinata, but with ponies?
6575854 IT'S HERE! IT'S FINALLY HERE! DIPLOMACY! YEAH!
6576897 yay
6576902 I now hereby declare war on Twilight Sparkel.
6577143 Shh...
That goes weirder and weirder...
I love it!
Hey, Cadence and Twilight are getting screwed!
Unless their cutie marks appear if you're in love or being friendly while holding the mug.
6577304 Well, That is a good point... I dont really see him falling in love with somepony though, and its not really a romance story; Maybe strong friendship later on or something? And intersting thought!
Also Cadance does have a husband so that is a distint possibility! ZING! I'll be here all week!
Okay I'll stop now!
6577176 Sleep. Sleep my child!
so his small garden got upgraded to the size of a national preserve through no machinations of his own 0_0 start a garden they said... *snort*
his entire house is literally filled with gold? i dont think he has enough for his new garden/nation...... gartion? naden? what the crap would you call this?
Ok...we have unicorn pegasi and earth pony griffin and changeling.... WHAT WILL NEXT??? YAK?
So... does this mean that instead of the birds and the bees, ponies learn about the pegasi and the earth ponies? I have confused myself now.
(this story is the weirdest goddamn thing, but in a strangely adorable fashion. I approve)
6578918 Gardation, it's hindi, but I can't remember the definition
And the pollination bit makes so much sense
Neutral land! Called it!
Great job. Keep it doing!
I had many giggles.
+1 out of possible 1
when pinky popped out, I imagined him slowly standing up, walking to the oven, and pushing her back in before closing it.
but, when the birdfeeder was described as having a telephone pole I literally asked "why are you(the human) so dumb?" out loud.
Correct me if I’m wrong but wasn’t he sitting in his kitchen naked?
He really had no problem letting ponies into his house to talk while he was naked? Well, ok then.
6668506 It's his house, he can be as comfortable or embarassed about being naked in his own house in front of royalty as he wants, lol
Seems more like he needs liquor today, not coffee.
Another well done chapter, this is getting... interesting
Good show
Shadenfreude is as thick as Anons coffee, i love it.
Wow, already a king eh?
Am I reading this right? Three hundred, fifty three years after Nightmare Moon? Or am I too drunk to number good?
9595701
To be honest when I write anything.... I just kinda wing it... XD.
Omg... Humans can change the face of Equestria with there actios but that is ridicules... I love it
I vote we ban Blueblood.
9697633
Claro, prohíbe al único pony ignorado por Celestia desde que nació.