- Member Since 29th May, 2014
- offline last seen Last Wednesday
Clues-IHaveNone
I have no idea what I am doing, its fun to make things, even if they suck. It's nice when they don't, though.
Clues-IHaveNone
Joined 29th May, 2014 ·
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You really need some advertising lessons. I might have given this a read if you hadn't scared me off. Cut out all the apologizing, maybe tell a joke in the description, and you'll get a better reception.
6526861 Yeah, sorry. Kinda new and whatnot. Don't really know how things work yet.
6526911 Don't feel bad. I'm actually rather new here myself, But if you need any advice or anything like that just ask, and I would be glad to help.
6527050 Nah, The only thing i need right now is an honest opinion. I just need to know whether or not I'm doing a decent job, or if I am just embarrassing myself by making them. But even if i am just embarrassing myself, they will keep coming, cause these are way too fun to make! Seriously, what do you think so far?
6527067 Hmm, lets see. . . decently long chapters. . . good wording throughout. . . memorable story. . .
I may be no great writer but I think you are doing pretty good so far.
6527092 Aw, thanks dude.
moar plz
6529788 oh there will be, today even. Once I get home I will begin formatting the next couple chapters.
6531426
Tragedy and comedy conflict, there is such thing as dark comedy.
One could also argue that there can be such thing as tragic comedy but In my opinion they conflict.
What the fuck did i just reed?
6543738 something I may not have thought about the reader's perspective before publishing, but don't worry, I am sure everything is fiiiine. Maybe.
OMG MASSIVE CLIFF HANGER you magnificent bastard!!!
6558396 Don't blame me. Blame the clock, it was like... 6am.
Anyway, if anyone is magnificent, it's you. Because you bothered to comment your opinion. And your opinions are rather important to me right now.
You said it would be explained this chapter... you forgot to explain how the hell Dan can see through disguises and cloaking but can't spot a freaking ghost.
6560547 Who said it was a ghost?
6560578 Okay I suppose astral projection would be more appropriate, point still stands, how the hell did dan not see that.
6560603 I was going to remain all cryptic and stuff but... She is actually there. Like... you know. She's there, in the throne room. Dan just can't see her. *Equips ghost voice* For a reasooon nooo-ooonee knooowwwssss... yet.
I don't really know where you got the idea that she wasn't actually there. Like... she said that she 'teleported' there over a long distance with the help of Ebony's magic. Surely a ghost or 'projection' could just do that anyway? Without the use of magic?
Why'd you think she was dead? I need to fix whatever caused that.
6560639
You can still see Twilight when ever she teleports. Plus her age and the fact that she clearly isn't visible to the guy who can, and I repeat, who can LITERALLY SEE THROUGH EVERY ILLUSION OR DISGUISE PUT UP BY PONY OR CHANGELING INCLUDING THE GODAMN ROYAL SISTERS AND SHE GET NOTICE BY EVERYONE EXCEPT THAT GUY? DON'T REWRITE THE CHAPTER JUST FIGURE OUT HOW THE HELL THAT HOLE EXISTS ALREADY INSTEAD OF GETTING SOMETHING FROM CELLY'S VIEWPOINT BECAUSE THE WAY YOU WROTE HIS GOD DAMN POWER ISN'T CUTTING IT. I swear if you use some half-baked trick to explain this like saying "magic" and walking away...*sigh* I'm sorry it's just you clearly said teleporting and I'm going, "I know teleporting, teleporting doesn't make you able to avoid someone with a built in version of the lens of truth if you do it right in front of his face." That's just sloppy writing if you give him a power and the exact opposite of what that power does happens without warning, if there was something that obviously happened that's preventing him from seeing him, in his case it probably would have to be something real drastic here considering the way other attempts at concealment go, but I'm not seeing it here. You really better have a good explanation and it better not be convoluted as hell because what that queen did was NOT teleporting.
6560742 You bring up a good point. It seems I am suffering the consequences of improvising 100,000 words with no planning what-so-ever.
BUT: I've always theorized that changeling magic works differently to unicorn magic, since it looks so different. For example: (In the show) When Chrysalis sends Twilight to the caves under the palace she does so in a convoluted way: a circle of flame. It works it's way around Twilight slowly. Twilight then slowly fades into the flames. It needs to go slowly, because it is hard to do. Then later, Chrysalis literally wrecks Celestia in a laser-fight.
So I always thought that changelings were just bad at teleportation or magic in general, aside from laser-beams, because they fire those off like its nothing. Perhaps they are just really good at combat magic, but bad at like... everything else.
The queen needed the help of both Ebony's full magical abilities (hence the magical fatigue) and the magical effects of a rune. The queen talked to Ebony beforehand, and told him to cast the rune, to allow more ease of access; as the rune allows teleportation to less costly on the ones casting the spell, Or something like that. Would that work?
The fact I am even having to write this shows me that I screwed up. I have screwed up hard enough for someone to notice. Thanks for pointing this out. Even if I have to go back 3 chapters and re-write the whole goddamn thing I WILL fix this. Or maybe I can just start again entirely... welp, this is what I get for improvising.
Heh, sorry, got a little too into it there. Seriously though, you probably just saved me a bunch of trouble later. Imagine if I had made even more chapters after this, before someone told me. I would have to go through the whole thing and fix it. Thanks for catching this thing as fast as you did.
6560836 I wing my stories, too. I have one with over 200k and I planned none of it.
6569844 I narrowly avoided a complete de-rail just couple days ago. How do you deal with any problems that are the result of not having any planning? If you have had any.
6569860 Keep reading what you have already down to keep your mind focused on avoiding mistakes. It will help you to keep your story grounded and going in the right direction. It's good to read what you write. You can also see how you change as a writer and maintain consistency.
6569877 Oh, okay. Thanks dude. I do find myself having to go back and check facts from previous chapters. I'll be sure to do it more often, I don't want what almost happened a couple days ago to happen again.
I was going to ask if you had read Diaries of a Madman because this seems to take a couple things from it… then the chair thing happened.
6577028 Ha ha, yeah. It's kinda unintentionally inspired. I had just finished reading Diaries of a Madman when I started writing. So, yeah, sorry if the similarities are too noticeable. Aside from the two references I put within the first couple chapters there are no intentional references or parallels.
I was wondering how long it would take for someone to bring up the chair thing...
6577208 Just started reading, I would have waited until I finished the rest of the chapters before commenting on the similarities but that reference was too obvious not to comment on.
My best advice is to avoid being too misanthropic, so far the humanity hate is at a decent level but too much makes the character seem like a whiny bitch.
6577272 I don't think I went into much detail with the whole 'human hate' stuff. I'm actually trying to avoid it at the moment, but it is a theme that has inevitably come up once or twice. And I'm pretty sure most of those times were brought up by Dan for the advantage of others.
Dan does not like to dwell on the past, so has (and will) only bring it up when he feels it's necessary to reach a more positive outcome.
Thanks for the advice/opinion, those are rather valuable at the moment.
So... what do you consider gore?
6581187 Basically, I think that some people may find it 'gross' or something. I don't want to be blamed for anything, so I put that there.
Really all it is; is descriptions of wounds. I won't be specific, for obvious reasons. But it's nothing that bad. Basically just some graphic imagery. I just don't want people who are sensitive to that kind of stuff to read it without knowing what they are getting into.
I don't think it's that bad, but someone else might think otherwise.
Wine not whine
6581347 ...Oh you beast! Thanks dude! Didn't even notice that!
First the reference, now this... You're a good detective, you know that?
Time travel isn't really that hard to understand. I mean time is like... Words on paper. They're fixed on the piece of paper.
But if change one thing it's essentially erasing a sentence and writing something else in it's place.
Also if celestia brought past Dan to the bar instead of to discord then they would meet causing a paradox since they both exist in the same timeframe.
The reason this doesn't happen for twilight in My Little Pony is because the future twilight returned to the future and didn't stay. But Dan, on the other hand had no way to go back and going back to the exact moment discord reversed time could have disastrous effects... Or it could just do nothing. That's the only part I'm unsure about.
This has been your lesson in time travel.
Man I wish I could go to equestrian since I have so many theories...
Like if celestia poured enough energy into a sun could she created a mini black hole?
Or is Latin really a magical language and our world just lost the magic.
Or how would magic affect us, a race that evolved to the top due to its adaptability and very large and complicated brains.
This would be perfect for me since I always see things in a logical manner eventually. I might overreact unless someone stops me but eventually I'll calm down. I also wouldn't care about getting back even though I have a very good life.
If I've fooled you that I'm a scientist then I shall tell you now I am in highschool.
Also congrats on making the second story I've read with the main character in a homosexual relationship.
And no that wasn't an insulting thing to say since its just not done... I think I have my own story with the main character being gay but I can't remember if I got that got published with my idea overloaded brain...
And how when Dan gets thinking when he's sleepy I get talkative. So sorry if I've annoyed or offended any of you.
Read through this story today and I can say its one of my new favorites, cant wait for more.
6602440 Thanks. There will be more soon, but I will be taking a break after chapter 30 to go over the whole thing and check for those pesky mistakes that keep popping up. It won't be a long break, just a couple days maximum.
I..........am................Not so sure about whether or not i like or dislike this starting chapter.
6603644 In the beginning, I was not taking it seriously at all. I thought it was a one-time thing, but then I went back to it the next day, then the next, then the next... I'm planning on re-vamping the old chapters very soon actually. Since they were made with little-to-no intention of letting anyone read them. At that point I was just messing about in a notepad file, really.
There is a reason standard infantry were not equiped with shotgun as main weapon...or even equiped with them normally
Is Cool.
I downloaded your story to my phone and something's been bothering me. You keep putting "your" when you mean "you're". "You're" is the contraction of "you" and "are", while "your" denotes belonging, as in "your cat" or maybe "your moustache". I'm only part of the way through reading the story so I don't know if you fix this issue later on.
6669230 I sure hope I fixed it. I know I got a lot wrong with the earlier chapters... Well actually I got a lot wrong in general
But I'm trying to be more careful.
I hope my mistakes are not too distracting.
6669332 It's a bit distracting, yes, but it's probably fine.
The other thing was that you kept describing CPR wrong. The chest compressions are to manually pump the heart, and electricity is used through a defibrillator to fix an irregular heartbeat (that's how pacemakers work btw). Electricity doesn't restart the heart, the tissue contracts on it's own (while the cells are alive at least), the body uses electric pulses to regulate the contractions. The Defibrillator isn't used in CPR.
6669444 Well, Dan DID say he probably got it wrong.
6669672 Yeah, but I knew this stuff BEFORE I took biology in highschool!
6669707 I took biology, got a C by the end of it, so I didn't do too badly. Never did they teach me CPR
BLAME THE EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM, YES! 
6669825 I got an 84-ish %. They didn't teach it like a first aid or lifeguard class would, but they did teach the mechanics of how things work and it applied to what I learned in my swim class at the YMCA a few years before.
I don't know what they teach wherever you live, but I live in Edmonton. (The one in Canada. According to my old ipod, I think it was the timezone selector thing, there's more than one Edmonton.)
You used the wrong "too" in where you said, "Those are the ones to scared to use the shortcut!". To fix it, add an o to the first "to". It should be, "Those are the ones too scared to use the shortcut!".
*looks at publish date. Looks at Word count*
What the hell dude?
+1
this was fun,now i play the waiting game