As another comet sailed overhead and slammed into the ground creating an instant crater, Twilight Sparkle finished off her second bag of chips and got started on her third.
Clearly uninterested, she watched as Applejack lassoed a retreating changeling and pulled him to the ground, hogtying its legs together.
Applejack shot her an icy look. “Really, Twilight? More chips? Don’t you think you could pig out some other time—like maybe when Equestria isn’t under attack by every single villain we’ve ever faced, all at once!?”
With her horn, Twilight levitated another potato chip to her mouth, before taking a pull from her pop. She didn’t even waver an inch when another comet (made from cardboard and other lightweight materials) nearly clipped the tips of her mane.
“I’m sure everything will work out fine, Applejack,” she said tiredly. “Always has before, hasn’t it?”
Applejack held her hat to her chest. “You may be right about that, Twilight, but this here just seems so much bigger than usual. And darn confusing, too! I have no idea who’s on our side or who’s trying to kill us or steal the Crystal Heart or what anymore!”
Twilight belched loudly, before muttering, “…just wait until you get a load of next year’s finale.”
Underneath a sky of swirling crimson-colored clouds, King Sombra appeared between the pair of mares. He laughed deep within his throat—the same laugh Scene Break had been practicing on all afternoon.
He sneered at Twilight. “So comes your end, Princess! Any last words before you join that traitorous draconequus in the pits of eternal darkness?”
Twilight rolled her eyes and brought a hoof to her ear as someone spoke to her.
“The line is: no more words, Sombra, only one last sight—the sight of your true self.”
It was Celestia again, feeding her her lines. Too bad Twilight had gone off the script hours ago.
Twilight shook her head. “I’m not saying any of that.”
Then she retrieved from her saddlebag a circular golden mirror, which she held up to King Sombra weakly.
By the sight alone, Sombra shrieked, bringing both hooves up to his cheeks.
“No! Not the Mirror of All-knowing Truth!” he yelled, elongating each word out with a dramatic flair.
Twilight nodded a single time. “Yes. Exactly what you said. That.”
A bright beam of light shot forth from the small mirror, enveloping Sombra’s entire body as he writhed around and screamed. When the light faded away, Sombra laid motionless on the ground, his dark coat miraculously now a pale blue and his horn no longer red and curved.
Rainbow Dash hovered overtop of Twilight.
“Jeeze, Twilight! What’d’ya do to the guy!?”
Twilight angled the Mirror of All-knowing Truth to skim the note card taped to the bottom.
“The mirror gave Sombra back his soul—the one that was cursed and blackened centuries ago. And I’m sure some other things too… whatever.”
Fluttershy went to stand over the unconscious Sombra.
“I hope he gets better soon,” she said softly. “I can’t imagine losing anyone else today, not after Discord sacrificed himself by giving over his life energy to the Tree of Harmony so the cloud of poison joke wouldn’t overtake Canterlot and kill Celestia and Luna that would’ve eventually paved the way for Chrysalis to take over again and turn the whole pony population into bland tasting cantaloupe.”
Rarity put a hoof on her shoulder. “I think you’re getting the facts a little wonky here, darling. It was actually Tirek that wanted Canterlot again, but had used a fake Chrysalis to make it look like it was her all along.” She blinked a couple times, before staring at the rest of them. “Right? That’s what happened, right? We’re all on the same page? Oh, why does this battle seem so much more difficult than usual?”
Twilight loudly munched on another chip. “Fifth anniversary, probably.”
Rarity turned to her. “What was that?”
“Nothing. Never mind.”
Celestia spoke in her ear again:
“Make sure you mention Diamond Bucks while you take a drink from your Diamond Bucks cup.”
Twilight tried to speak just out of the side of her mouth.
“Why should I do that?” she grumbled.
“Because this finale, we’re sponsored by them. Also, it’s the next plot point.”
Exhaling loudly, Twilight took a white Diamond Bucks cup from her bag and pretended to take a sip. She sighed contently.
“Sure do like me some of that Diamond Bucks coffee,” she said flatly. “How I got it in the middle of an active battlefield is beyond me, but, hey, here it is!”
Pinkie Pie bounced next to her. “You got a Diamond Bucks coffee too!?” She flipped her mane around so a matching white Diamond Bucks coffee tumbled out. “Aren’t they just the best? Especially the double-chocolate mocha latte supreme with extra whipping cream and extra chocolate shavings! Now on sale for only three bits all this week!”
Twilight frowned and hissed into her earpiece.
“You never told me Pinkie Pie was in on all this!”
“She’s not,” Celestia answered. “She just really likes that place for some reason.”
Rarity flicked a bit of her burnt mane from her eyes. “As much as I like a nice espresso as much as the next mare, I don’t think now is quite the time to grab one. Also, what coffee shop in Equestria would stay open during all this?”
“Maybe mine would.”
All six of them turned to find Discord, clad in a barista’s uniform and holding a tray of steaming coffees. Instantly, Fluttershy flew to him and gave his side a squeeze.
“Discord! I knew you weren’t really dead! Or had actually betrayed us for the eleventh time in just a single day for no good reason!”
He absently patted her on the head. “That’s very nice of you to say, Fluttershy. And while it is true that I should very well be dead and in the ground, I came back for one very specific reason.” He took a deep breath and gave a pause. “And that is… to tell you… that…”
Then he froze in place. And stayed like that.
Twilight whispered into her earpiece again. “What’s he doing!?”
“Waiting out the commercials… also, selling the cliffhanger like a boss.”
Twilight mashed what chips remained in her bag between her hooves.
She said to Celestia: “I am so co-directing next year’s finale! Hope you got your dancing shoes ready, Celestia, because we're going musical!”
Oh my god. I'm just worried about Starlight Glimmer's role in all this.
Also... musical time? Oh boy.
No more? But Why? I wanted to see Equestria THE MUSICAL. With Twilight and Discord doing a song together about friendship and bla bla bla...
Twilight really does need to get into the merchandising end of this racket.
Free update to a finished story!?!?!? Thank you so much!
Yay!
I don't even--
What?
pre00.deviantart.net/a639/th/pre/f/2012/224/2/5/comic__the_twilight_show_by_sophiecabra-d5avc4x.png
So, i guess this story explains the random musical numbers. they were all paid for by the equestrian government. Tax dollars at work right there.
6395618 not a big fan of underlaying dark themes, but the comedy was awesome
Oh, God Yes! Spaceballs merchandising!
I think the whole line of Pinkie being in on the gag would have been best if celly said something like
"I didn't know Pinkie was in on this"
"Twilight, she's not... and that's what scares me"
while pinkie has an innocent look on her face that in context is terrifying
I wonder how much money it takes to construct the set for every battle.
Also, Twilight, you had better stop eating so many chips! If your plot gets fat, then Celestia's next plot will get rid of your wings and horn, and Sombra will come back with his co-villain: STAIRS!
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/10/12/446844__safe_solo_twilight+sparkle_animated_the+crystal+empire_loop_stairs.gif
Yeah, work those chips off, polish dat flank!
derpicdn.net/img/2012/11/16/153484/large.png
That will be all, thank you.
Plz make a second bonus chapter i wanna know the end to this "season finale". =D
Huh. You know, this explains why Blueblood was such an ass to Rarity yet apparently never had any bad press attached to him before or after.
It was simply a one-time thing for his auntie.
I still liked the merchandising thing better.
MIDWESTERNER ALERT, MIDWESTERNER ALERT
What? Whaat!?
Alright, best short-comedy-one-shot I've read all year.
6397529
That's diabolical!
Getting a bland cantaloupe is like finding out your entire family died in sudden volcanic eruption!
You know, it's kinda disappointing and then you get over it in a day or so, then go buy a new family... (Alondro may have been left ever so slightly jaded and apathetic by life...)
6396942 Eh, they're all pre-fab cardboard crap. Cheap stuff made in China. And yes, somehow it's cost-effective to get it delivered across dimensional barriers... don't ask me how that works.
I think Twilight's dolls will be like this:
6397886 Just because I know how to spell it doesn't require me to spell it correctly.
I'll always spell it with an i, just like I always add an e to the end of 'relax'.
So to you I say 'Pah. It's Canadia.'
If I were in a more playful mood, I'd also spend an hour at least debating whether or not Canada is imaginary.
What on Earth are you sorry for? This was great. I just wish Twilight had had a little bit more of a meltdown. It just isn't quite the same without a nice thermosparklear super-GAU.
6398483 I apologized because I honestly thought this concept would be met with strong hate. Turns out... not so much. And I think Twilight was only holding it all in until she could speak with Celestia alone. Then she'd flip her shit all over the place.
6397895 Yeah. "Strings" seems pretty hit or miss. Glad you're liking some of the other stuff. Remember that secret account with the Discord dick story months ago? Look how far we've come...
6397632 Thank you very much for saying so!
6397529 I didn't mean to.
6397251 I have a feeling any such ending to this particular finale would be as bad as "Lost", "Sopranos", "HIMYM", "Dexter", and "Alf"'s series finales. Too many balls in the air, if you will.
6396815 And as it turns out, Pinkie Pie was in charge of it all, all along. Sad rock farm back story? Made up. Nobody's ever seen her age a single day, either. Celestia's mother, perhaps?
6396683 Things that never should have happened. Sorry about that.
6396633 Dink-dink! Dink-dink-dink--dink--dink--dink!
6396351 You honestly wouldn't want to join in on random musical numbers in real life?
6396313 Ha! Awesome.
6396256 Shh. Shh. It's okay. Don't try to understand it. It'll only hurt more. Just accept that it happened and move on.
6396231
6396221 You're welcome!
6396089 Billion dollar property there, if done right. Buy five of the mane six, get the sixth free. Oddly, most costumers tend to leave the extra Rarity figure in the shop.
6396070 If I added anything more, I'd have to start explaining the actual plot to "An End to All Heroes"... and there just isn't one.
6396066 Thank you!
6395951 Thanks for reading! Glad you enjoyed it!
6398879
Don't worry, we're all friends here.
Come and huddle with us while we brace for the six month winter.
6398879 Twenty bucks and I'm in on the musical... then again, since apparently my taxes go to setting the whole thing up... twenty five dollars.
6398879
It was a rhethorical question, really, but thanks for explaining anyway.
Why do you not write for the show?
Oh... My... WHAT?! Dude! How could you call this bad? This was amazing! Every clash and challenge they've faced has been scripted from day 1! That's gold!
Classic! I can see him doing this in the actual show!
That I want to see!
Dude, if you do decide to continue, please, do one for Starlight and bring in Fausticorn!
But great work!
6401337 Honestly, this wasn't the reaction I was expecting for this story. I'm quite happy about the response, but still have yet to understand why this one gets noticed above others. Still, not going to complain about it. Thanks for reading!
The only conclusion I could see for this story would be "Princess Celestia Plots Out The Series Finale". That one would be interesting. How exactly does one sum up the entire show in epic fashion? And how would Twilight help out, knowing what she knows? And would we break down more walls? Audience/performer? Ect. Ect. And just how many weddings would be in the series finale? 12? I think 12.
6401250 Because I'm pretty sure I'd be fired after my first episode destroys everything the show holds dear. Also, when I kill off half the characters during my magnum opus, six-hour, 120 million dollar finale.
Came here from the site's front page. Well, if you ask me x) I don't like insincerity, especially among the Mane 6 and the Princesses./ But this sarcastic Twilight and everything… I somehow liike it. That was fun, have another upvote))
6396942 Also, this comment of mine is hilarious if browsing this on a computer with lag, because that first picture Twilight slows to a crawl, presumably after climbing stairs for so long
6400589 Or I could just be quirky, strange, and live near enough to Canada to enjoy razzing the place.
6401404 Yeah. It kept me laughing for minutes on end. And I'd make it 15. MOAR WEDDING INVASIONS!!!
Ha! Perfect ending. Can't-be-bothered Twilight was brilliant.
...I'm sure Celestia is looking up amnesia spells already at this point. Probably even considering getting one of the Changelings to replace Twilight for their next finale to save ratings (while the real Twilight gets to sit and relax with Celestia).
6408172 A changeling Twilight? That's... not a bad idea.
6408370 Sorry for apologizing for this.
That ending though. A musical finale? That's gonna be flat out hilarious.
A musical, Twilight?
Yes! And I'm writing the songs AND the whole script!
Then I'll take care of everything else.
.... Wait! Celestia!
6420846 You just put a terrible idea in my head with that comment. That Celestia has actually been controlling things for far longer than we thought. Perhaps even Mr. and Mrs. Sparkle only met and created Twilight because of her.
"What do you mean you two aren't having sex yet?"
"We've only been on one date, Princess."
"You make me a Twilight Sparkle right this instant!"
I love musicals.
Holy hell... this really reminded me of the Truman Show... I love that movie
6442781 I'd love to see her decked out in MLP Finale merchandise--including a purple tri-colored wig and foam hoof. Adorable.
6452025 I guess I am.
6401404
Simple: Twilight gets her joie de vivre back when she becomes obsessed with turning "the show" into super-weird avant-garde art that has Important Things About Life to say. But she finds herself caught between a legion of disgruntled bronies who hate it because it's not as good as it used to be and the nigh-unstoppable forces of Hasbro who want to cancel it because it's too complex to sell. The lone artist must move heaven and earth itself in a final battle to make her creative statement.
That's a freebie. You can use that one.
Joke's on you, Twilight, they already did a musical in year three.
In any case, most amusing all around. Especially Twilight's stand-in during rehearsal. Very nice work.
6458723 Thank you! I think someone already commented on your avatar and its similarity to this story. And now it all makes sense!
Heh
Hehe
Sooo funny, absolutely loved it.
6469352 Glad to hear so! You done with my stories yet? If so, have a favorite to help stroke my fragile ego?
6470270
Eh, haven't read Strings and 3-4 others yet.
I rather liked the 'alt-Equestria' twist in Sombra the Highly Unmotivated.
Just realized I shouldn't list everything else I like because I'd end up listing almost all your stories...
I haven't read the incomplete ones though. I stopped doing that when it takes years for ones I really really reaaaally like to finish Like that one I started 3 years ago, and hasn't updated in FOREVER