Glistening melon learns about bat ponies

vamps and changlings of equestria591 stories ·273 members

Glistening melon learns about bat ponies

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Comments ( 13 )

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Sean66067

Sean66067 #1 · Sep 6th, 2015 · · ·

Take my like fool.

jdhog77

jdhog77 #2 · Sep 6th, 2015 · · ·

More!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SomethingWicked

SomethingWicked #3 · Sep 6th, 2015 · 2 · 1 ·

Almost every sentence has a grammar problem. The sentences themselves are pretty mangled too; it's a struggle to reform them in my head into viable English sentences. The concept itself is good, though the progression from Glistening Melon seeing all bat ponies as fearful, savage, sub-pony monsters and him respecting and wanting to mate with Shade is very jumpy and far too quick. There should be a better initial connection that acts as a bridge for him to get over his prejudices as he spends time with her. As it stands, this story is in dire need of a good editor and the author needs some practice writing stories.

Wroth

Wroth #4 · Sep 6th, 2015 · 1 · ·

I struggle to read this!

Comment posted by LORDCLOP deleted Sep 17th, 2015

Jasmine Tea

Jasmine Tea #6 · Sep 6th, 2015 · · ·

while I don't notice or care about grammar issues, this guy 6397272 is right. A lot of writers get shit on because of there grammar. That's from my experience anyways, so to a writer to a another. Here, use this link, there's plenty of people who are willing to help new writers settle in.
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors

ClopGander

ClopGander #7 · Sep 6th, 2015 · 1 · ·

I'm liking the story so far......but you definitely need a proofreader......... and an editor

Dan

Dan #8 · Sep 6th, 2015 · · ·

Following. Shower sex is best sex and qt batponies are awesome.

Murder McKillingSpree

Murder McKillingSpree #9 · Sep 11th, 2015 · · ·

I don't want to see more of this....... I NEED TO SEE MOAR!!!!!!# Your doing a fantastic job with this story. It has more than enough to keep me interested. Keep it up and I look forward to the next chapter. Huh I must have read to much on fimfiction never even noticed the Grammer or punctuation issues. Oh well great read non the less.

Golden Touch

Golden Touch #10 · Sep 16th, 2015 · · ·

Duly noted are your comments, I am writing the second part, but the release is going to take some time due to my busy life. I am working on it, but don't except it this week. Next week more then likely the next chapter will be out. Hope you are all still around for the next and last part.

Also I am going to release another story. Yes it will have a bat pony. I am currently editing it as to make it be fit to bring to the site. I'm sure some all will be like , Making me go . Anyways, peace!