• Member Since 10th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Apr 28th, 2017

hailspider


Potentially hazardous to your health.

E

Even years later, a certain stallion can still remember the conversation that changed his life.


A minific of sorts written for one of Haphazred's weekly writing prompts. While technically complete, I might write an additional chapter or two someday; I'm not sure if I'd post those here or as a sequel.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 6 )

This should be fun. A nice romantic lunar adventure. Can't wait to read more.

6318760 This was actually supposed to be the entire story; I just forgot the complete tag. While it may be continued some other time, I can guarantee that it won't be anytime soon.

6318839

Oh. Well that does leave quite a bit of lose ends.

PS you can change it to complete.

A really good story. I would like to read more of it. :twilightsmile:

Hello, here's the review you asked for!

Pros:
1)Nice upbeat tempo you got, it made the entire thing had an aura of brightness and optimism to it.

2) Good grammar, but then again, it just didn't make my eyes bleed.

3) transition of scenes nicely done! Really, especially how you explained the goals of the couple quite fast!

Cons: (Not much, to be honest.)

1) Romance? Um.... to be honest, I would like some development on that... But that's just me hahaha...

2) Details, this story lacks a bit of details. Sure we know it's a rocket, but may we be able to see the rocket as you did? Could we see how you visualize it? So yeah, the Rocket plays a significant role in this, it could help magnify the atmosphere, or build upon it. After all, it's a very important piece of the story, it's the rocket that's going to bring THEM to outer space. So yeah, we would like to see it...

Anyway, that concludes my review, hope it helps!

Regards,
Elusith

6348220 Thanks! This is wonderfully informative.

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