Fallen Hero

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Comments ( 13 )

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Silver Chord

Silver Chord #1 · Aug 2nd, 2015 · 1 · 1 · Stay With Me ·

I think that this has the potential to be a great story. I really enjoy reading stories about soldiers in Equestria, and I believe that you can make this a good story.

NoLongerSober

NoLongerSober #2 · Aug 11th, 2015 · 1 · · Day One and Getting Invite to the Capital ·

So I want to read this because it looks like it could have potential and I love 'Soliders in Equestria' stories but judging by the description, you should probably see about an editor/proofreader. Til' then, you're on my read-later.

Militarybronybear

Militarybronybear #3 · Aug 12th, 2015 · · · New World ·

So before I even read more, you need to fix the shit ton of grammar mistakes in this chapter, the one infront, and the one before. Also the transitions from one topic to another feel just too simple, like a flip of the switch. And for the weapons M4 and M4A1 are two different weapons. Also you left out the detail of what type the grenade is along. With Leo he seems to much of a regular guy then a Captain in the Navy Seals with combat experience of 3 or so years. But you know, just a few things. Almost forgot, weapons and guns are two different words, weapons are used to kill, guns used for recreational uses.

Xzaves

Xzaves #4 · Aug 20th, 2015 · · · New World ·

6310279 Are you saying guns aren't weapons, or that he should be referring to them as weapons as opposed to guns in order to be more politically correct and/or in context?

Also, I agree with needing an editor or a better one.

Rainbow Potato Cake