Pinkie Pie wants Princess Twilight's anniversary to be amazing but she finds that may be very difficult. The party planning is difficult enough but things keep going wrong. Will Pinkie be able to solve what's happening and plan Twilight's party in time.
Please give honest feedback and ways in which I can improve my writing and storytelling skills. I ended up having to write this whole thing up on my phone due to my computer being damaged, to be honest it had its benefits but made it very difficult formatting, all things considered I personally think I did a good job, however my opinion doesn't matter.
Chapters (3)
This is awkward and has a grammatical error. I do like the fact that you are breaking up your dialog with action; that's very important. I hope you don't mind a few suggestions, and remember, you asked for it.
Pinkie found herself gasping for air. I assume she isn't gasping while she is bouncing, so where's the transition from one action to another? She bounced on the spot in a way that can only be described as like a pogo stick. This is too wordy, all you have to say to make it a simile is 'She bounced in one spot just like a pogo stick.' She was leaping almost high enough to break the ceiling of Sugarcube Corner. Is it a glass ceiling? And you could combine this with the previous sentence: 'She bounced in one spot just like a pogo stick, her hair brushing the rafters of Sugarcube Corner.' Twilight stopped her friend in mid jump with her magic, "Pinkie, I know your excited but this is a big responsibility, are you sure you're up to this? You only have a week to prepare". Two grammatical errors and the action could be stronger: 'Twilight concentrated and Pinkie found herself suspended in mid-air, surrounded by a purple glow. "Pinkie, I know you're excited, but this is a big responsibility. Are you sure you're up for this? You only have a week to prepare."'
Also, would Twilight make a big deal about her own party? If anything, I think she'd say it wasn't necessary or that it should be Ponyville, not her. Now, if all three other princess were going to be in attendance, we could see a proper Twilight Freakout.
Anyway, I'll continue reading, just wanted to give you some feedback. Which you asked for. ;-)
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Thanks for the advice, I decided to reword it around what you said. I really was having trouble writing at the start and i had no idea what to say.
As for Twilight, it's an event that is important to Twilight, I don't want to go into detail but she does come across as more selfish than usual in this fic.
Thank you so much for the help.