Pinkie and the Party Killer

by WishSeeker

We got a party to plan

Author's Note:

This probably sounds like a broken record from new writers, but If there are any problems please tell me so I can work on them and maybe improve into a better writer.

I intend to send this whole story complete with individual chapters at one time. I didn't want to use one long chapter because that would make it harder for me to structure the story

I loved writing this and I can only hope you all enjoy.
RoaringDecanus

"I can't believe I'm planning Twi's anniversary for becoming a princess!" Pinkie cried, "I've always wanted to plan a princess party for a real princess, and not only that but its our own Princess, Twilight's party and I'm so excited I could just explode!".

Pinkie gasped for air while bouncing on the spot just like a pogo stick, her hair brushing the rafters of Sugarcube Corner. Twilight focused her horn glowing with magic, her purple aura stopped Pinkie in mid jump, "Pinkie, I know your excited but this is a big responsibility, are you sure you're up to this? You only have a week to prepare."

Pinkie landed and quickly wrapped her foreleg around her friend's neck "Twilight, parties are like cakes, when there's a problem throw loads of them at it, or would it be cakeloads and why not muffins too."

"Wait, what?" Twilight's focus was more on how in Equestria Pinkie had escaped her magic than what the pony was saying.

"I've got this in the bag, the party bag! Don't worry, Twilight, I wouldn't let a party or you, down." Pinkie's face widened with a grin, but it was met with a confused look from Twilight.

"I trust you can do this, but please Pinkie, don't push yourself too far. Now I need to go see Rarity about my dress, so i am leaving it in your capable hands." Twilight turned away from Pinkie who was now stuffing two muffins into her mouth, she began to head for the exit.

"You can count on Pinkie!" Pinkie replied as Twilight walked out. "come on, Gummy, we got a party to plan–" Pinkie suddenly jerked at an odor almost as bad as rotten apples " –eww, but first somegator needs a bath."

Pinkie gulped the last muffin down and picked her prized pet up in her mouth; resisting the urge to spit the stinky alligator out across the room she bounced out and raced home as quick as ponily possible.

---

After an hour full of bathing a gator, throwing a mini 'clean gator party' and cleaning up after a mini 'clean gator party' the moon had risen; Pinkie found herself at her party planning desk, her now clean pet attempting to chew a pen. "Hmm, I need a party that'll wow Everpony. Gummy do you have any ideas?"

The gator replied with a blank stare, "That's genius, why didn't I think of that." Pinkie pulled the pen from Gummy's pearly pinks and began writing frantically. "This party is going to be amazing!"

Even as tired as Pinkie Pie felt she found herself scribbling and bouncing around the room for hours, Gummy simply stared on as his pink owner worked. That is the life of the pet alligator to simply stare at the one who keeps him fed, to wait for the day he is called upon again to dare danger and save the world as Gum Gator but unfortunately this is not his tale.

Pinkie made notes and charts on everything from cake and music ratios to an emergency plan in case Fluttershy turned out to be a changeling planning to destroy Ponyville ( well she couldn't take chances since the 'wedding incident'). Once Pinkie had finally finished she collapsed on her desk into a deep sleep; dreams full of dancing, parties and cake filled her mind.

---

Pinkie awoke in a daze; partially to the morning sunlight hitting her face, but mostly to the drool dripping from her favourite alligator. "Is it morning already?" Her mouth widened as a yawn slipped past.

Barely able to pull her eyes apart Pinkie dragged herself from her desk. Before she had fully gotten her bearings a sudden realization shook her to the core. "Gummy, please tell me you saw my party plan?"

Gummy's eyes circled while his lengthy tongue licked his snout. "It's okay, it's okay. Don't panic, Gummy I said don't panic!" Pinkie's breath was lost in a sea of words, she found herself scavenging hopelessly as tears began forming in her eyes. "I can just write a new plan or maybe the old one will appear or maybe I'll remember the old one and write it up again, oh what am I going to do!?"

Pinkie ended her search fruitless, her mind lost in desperate thoughts. She tried to find an answer to what happened or a way to solve this. "If only I had made a copy."

A spark flashed behind her eyes. "Oh yeah, That's right I made a spare copy. Just like I always do, silly me." Pinkie quickly calmed from her previous calamity.

"I think I put it in my back-up drawer." As if the panic from before never happened in the first place she bounced to the back of the room and pulled open a drawer in an old cabinet. "P, Partay parties, Pineapple parties, Piranha parties, Poker parties, Post-apocalyptic parties, Prank parties, Predator parties. Ah here we are Princess parties, Princess Twilights anniversary party - back-up copy," A sigh of relief fell from Pinkies mouth, "Thank Celestia."

Pinkie let out a hum of curiosity. "I've never had to use a back-up copy before, but it can't be much different." She had realised a few years ago that having spares would be important. She lost Applejack's birthday plan, the whole thing was a mess but since then she had never been in such a predicament.

Pinkie knew that finding out what had actually happened to the original plan would have to wait. She had a party to plan and a minor setback like this wouldn't stop Ponyville's own super party pony.

Comments

[Dinkledash]

Pinkie found herself gasping for air. She bounced on the spot in a way that can only be described as like a pogo stick. She was leaping almost high enough to break the ceiling of Sugarcube Corner. Twilight stopped her friend in mid jump with her magic, "Pinkie, I know your excited but this is a big responsibility, are you sure you're up to this? You only have a week to prepare".

This is awkward and has a grammatical error. I do like the fact that you are breaking up your dialog with action; that's very important. I hope you don't mind a few suggestions, and remember, you asked for it.

Pinkie found herself gasping for air. I assume she isn't gasping while she is bouncing, so where's the transition from one action to another? She bounced on the spot in a way that can only be described as like a pogo stick. This is too wordy, all you have to say to make it a simile is 'She bounced in one spot just like a pogo stick.' She was leaping almost high enough to break the ceiling of Sugarcube Corner. Is it a glass ceiling? And you could combine this with the previous sentence: 'She bounced in one spot just like a pogo stick, her hair brushing the rafters of Sugarcube Corner.' Twilight stopped her friend in mid jump with her magic, "Pinkie, I know your excited but this is a big responsibility, are you sure you're up to this? You only have a week to prepare". Two grammatical errors and the action could be stronger: 'Twilight concentrated and Pinkie found herself suspended in mid-air, surrounded by a purple glow. "Pinkie, I know you're excited, but this is a big responsibility. Are you sure you're up for this? You only have a week to prepare."'

Also, would Twilight make a big deal about her own party? If anything, I think she'd say it wasn't necessary or that it should be Ponyville, not her. Now, if all three other princess were going to be in attendance, we could see a proper Twilight Freakout.

Anyway, I'll continue reading, just wanted to give you some feedback. Which you asked for. ;-)

[WishSeeker]

6308686

Thanks for the advice, I decided to reword it around what you said. I really was having trouble writing at the start and i had no idea what to say.

As for Twilight, it's an event that is important to Twilight, I don't want to go into detail but she does come across as more selfish than usual in this fic.

Thank you so much for the help.