• Member Since 19th Jul, 2015
  • offline last seen Aug 12th, 2019

TwilightDash12


I hope you enjoy my stories! My goal is to improve as a writer here on FimFiction, so comments and feedback of any type is greatly appreciated :)

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Source

Twilight Sparkle was just crowned as the Princess of Friendship, and all is well in her life, until a tragic, life changing event occurs, forcing Twilight to overcome the most difficult challenge of her life.

"Friendship is not about who you've known the longest, its about who came and never left your side."

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 8 )

6352356 Thanks for reading! Glad I could spark some emotions :) :fluttercry:

Thanks for utterly eviscerating my hearth and shredding it into billion o:raritycry

6386193 You're very welcome. That was my goal in this story, so I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll be editing it when I have time.

It is a very nice story, though two facts majorly bothered me.

Luna's stoicity

And the fact that she never used her antique dialect, i believe that in such occasion she would be MUCH more hurt than Twilight, she has just returned after 1000 years of absence from her sister damn, and Celestia dies leaving her alone.
I believe that Luna would be the one to have a mental breakdown.


(Consider that i strongly despise Twilight so i may be saying utter bullshit for the ears of other ponies.)

6389600 Thank you so much for that suggestion. I understand what you mean, and I'll probably end up putting in some more emotional scenes with Luna. It's also very important to hear from someone who doesn't particularly like the main character, so I can try and fix some things to appeal to a wider audience.

I came here from a EQD Drawfriend post.

I don't like this.

The prose is really clunky. I'm pretty bad at describing things, but there's a lot of unnecessary words. The descriptions are either overdone (Spike's uniquely cheerful voice? Why not just say he chirped or said cheerfully?) or just odd. As for the narrative, the first chapter feels entirely useless.

Like, we already got the whole death part from the description. Why not just skip to the letter, and use that to start the fic?

Comment posted by TwilightDash12 deleted Feb 6th, 2016
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