What would have happend when Antasma came back to the World of the Living Beings on the same day Nightmare Moon returned? Join as Antasma tries to realize his dreams in this new, weird world.
"It is time to finally finish vut I started so long ago, SCREEK! on that wretched Island."
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Who in the world is that?
6195864 Antasma is the enemy of the game Mario & Luigi Dream Team. There is not much to his bachground story, only that he once was a normal bat until he began to eat nightmares. The more he ate, the more powerful he got until he became the being that we saw in the game.
That's pretty much about 70% of the entire movie explained in one paragraph. Too bad Antasma didn't stick around for the best climatic ending ever.
6207585 True.
Since you asked to help with grammar:
portal
A couple of the word 'interesting' are spelled as 'interisting'. Yet you spelled 'interested' correctly XD
Town Hall
height
There are a few more, but you get the idea. Some mistakes are probably due to you not double checking.
Quite a bit of run on sentences as well, so you need to add commas and whatnot in. Since you are new, getting an editor or proof-reader would help too. There is a group that you can join to find people interested in the job.
What is that reference?
It doesn't sound right when Antasma consider 'Ponyville' to be a strange name, as the Mario-verse location naming are mostly pretty simple.
I'm pretty sure that's a tie.
Also, cool villains are villains with class. (Legs are overrated as well)
img12.deviantart.net/3adb/i/2013/116/9/7/count_bleck_by_efrejok-d6343eb.png
pre05.deviantart.net/41da/th/pre/f/2015/073/7/1/antasma_by_kanpachi9-d8lnfhl.jpg
Your writing style seems alright, a couple of mistakes here and there, but overall you seem to be alright in that regard. Portal was misspelled as 'portel' in the prologue, but the concept was passed on nicely. I was amused by the whole 'white dinosaur' bit.
The basic back story of Antasma, from what I have read, is that a few thousand years ago he was a normal bat who sought after the power of the Darkstone. He became the bat king by feeding off the nightmare of a Pi'illo's nightmare, then was banished by the Pi'illos, but shattered the stone, turning all of them to stone.
Now here is my main complaint(the only real complaint I have), no offense, but Antasma is a bit overpowered in this story, the Antasmunchies do not have the ability to brainwash any sentient creature, they are capable of raising his attack power, absorb Dream Luigi into one and consume it for a major pow increase, use it to attack while he 'hibernates', and if they are not all destroyed they raise a shield to heal him. Nowhere was it stated that he could enslave any sentient, let alone Nightmare moon/Princess Luna who is an immortal alicorn of great power and has the ability to banish nightmares, which is exactly what Antasma is, according to you.
I am sorry if my comment comes across as crass or mean, but I felt like this needed to be said. As a side note your writing style is pretty good, it just needs a bit of fine tuning to make it truly grand. As an apology, if you are offended by my comment,
have this gif of pinkie iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/tumblr_m0xwl7fAh21r4jx9e.gif
6220631 To be fair, as long as the canon didn't say it is impossible for a character to do something, it still plausible. And after getting hit by a Deus Ex Machina, whatever essence left of Nightmare Moon are probably weak enough to be contained easily. Plus the Antasmunchies are nightmare's container, made to hold nightmares for him to snack on. And from my understanding, Nightmare Moon by itself is but a manifestation of Luna's jealousy and envy, and not an actual 'immortal alicorn' by any mean.
And many 'magical' villains could always use their own essence and energy to create a physical object or even a monster. So i reckon giving NM a body wouldn't be impossible.
I don't think i even need to explain the brainwash theory, as crap load of baddies does that on a daily basis. And many of those are not even a 'Boss' ranked enemy.
Key words:
6220745 You do have a logical point there. Perhaps I was a bit harsh, sorry about that.
6220782 It's your opinion, so there no need to consider it as harsh.
Also, i personally find it okay for a villain character to be overpowered (as long as it isn't to the point of a Deus Ex Machina that is). A lot of video games villains are always introduced at the start by making them look invincible, so it gave the heroes the sense of accomplishment when they finally arrive at the Final Boss room. Especially in RPGs, villains tend to have scripted battles where it is impossible to kill him until either [the heroes loss, villain laugh at them and spare their lives just to mock them]; [something stupid happened and cause the villain to lose his invincibility]; [someone suddenly arrive and help fend off the villain or help heroes escape]; or [heroes used 'The power of Hope and all things Holy...yada yada yada...' and kill the villain in one-shot].
Wow! Incredible.