Return of the Nightmare Bat King

by GermanAntasma

Prologue

Author's Note:

Hello Everybody.

This is my first story so please be nice and help with the grammatic.

Antasma.

A being not seen every day. A creature far more powerful than a few think. A powerful nightmare that could defeat the most powerful heroes. And yet, he was defeated by a pair of brothers. Plumbers to be exact. Since the day he died, he was trapped in a place of Darkness. He liked it there but he still wants to get revenge. Revenge on those Pi'illos who imprisoned him in the Dream World. Revenge on the Brothers who defeated him. Revenge on that fat turtle who dared to betray him and left him to face death by the two super plumbers alone.

While he wandered this dark place, he was able to see other worlds in some kind of portel. He couldn't enter them, why he never cared, and saw some interisting worlds. In one, everyone looked like the red plumber and acted like retarded idiots, in another one a security guards tried to protect himself from machines that looked like animals for some reason. One world was amusing for him. In that world Humans were hunted by Dinosaurs. The strange, white Dinosaur was interisting for him but he wasn't really interested in standing there the entire time and watching it.

Now back to the present, the Bat King floated through this dark place until he saw a portal, one that was different than the others in this place. He saw a weird place with colorful, four-legged creatures. The happiness he sensed disgusted him. What surprised him was, as he tried to touch the portal his hand went right through it. He was able to enter it.

Finally having a chance to get out there, he went right through and found himself near a town that looked like it was made of stone, hay and wood. He saw a sign and read what stand on it.

'Welcome to Ponyville'

Well that was a strange name. Well for him anyways. Noticing that the sun was going down, he had already a feeling that something is going to happen. Being part bat has it good sides. Antasma then went into the town, of course making sure that no one sees him and waited at a building that was actually a tree. He looked through the window and saw the 'ponies' doing a party. Raising an eyebrow, even though I'm not sure he has eyebrows, he watched them playing games and had fun. Again he was disgusted. He said, "Vut is vrong vith them? This is not normal. No living being can be this happy, especially this pink vun."

He watched them until it was 4 or 5am. All ponies of that town had gathered together at a building they called 'Townhall' or something like that. Everything looked normal until someone they called 'Princess Celestia' didn't appear. Instead a mare as black as darkness, like Antasma's body, appeared. Unlike the other ponies he had seen, this one had both a horn and wings. She wore some kind of armor. She said something but he didn't care. But what got his attention was when she said something about 'The Night will last forever' and laughed.

He smirked and said, "Time to take action."

Antasma then turned into his cloud/mist form, making sure his eyes aren't seen, and flew into the public.

*Ponies point of view*

Twilight Sparkle was really having a hard time right now. First she and her dragon friend Spike were sent by Celestia to Ponyville to make friends, even though she wanted to find out more about the legend of Nightmare Moon. Then at the Summer Sun Celebration Nightmare Moon returned and now some strange purple cloud thing was flying around. It couldn't get any better.

Spike then asked Twilight, "T-t-twilight do y-you know what t-t-t-t-that is?" "No I don't Spike. I'm not even sure if something like this exists in Equestria," she answered. Then the cloud split into smaller parts before becoming the strangest creature everypony has ever seen. It's body was as black as Nightmare Moon and even though she would stand on her full heigh, Nightmare Moon would only be big enough t reach the half of it's body size. It had no legs, only something that looks like a tail that won't stop moving like it would be some tail of a ghost. On the shoulders were two long arms with big clawed hands that nearly reached the bottom. The arms were connected with some kind of cloak, which were pink. On the neck was a pink bow with bat wings. The head looked either like a helmet or something else. On both sides of the head was it's fur. It was black, slight purple at the end and it's form were spiked. The eyes were different. They were a pure golden yellow but they had no pupils. The surrounding of the gold colored eyes were black and surrounding of the black color was white. The eyes looked like a mask. It laughed with the deepest voice Twilight has ever heard so far and there were a few loud screeches that only a bat could make.

"Those are better reactions than I avaited. SCREE!"

This accent was unknown to her and everypony present at the moment. She realized that this thing was male. As she took a closer look at him, she noticed that by his lookes that he looked like a giant bat. Twilight then noticed that all ponies besdies Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Nightmare Moon looked at him in fear. Applejack looked more at him in confusion, Rainbow Dash in disgust and Nightmare Moon in anger AND disgust. She wasn't happy about this new being and she knew something was wrong with him. "Who do you think you are, interrupting me! The Queen of the Night!" The Alicorn spat as she looked at him. In return, he gave a smirk and she knew hat he showed her disrespect. 'How can he dare to show so much disrespect to me,' she thought bitterly as she looked at him.

"My name is Antasma. I am thee Bat King."

Comments

[Eonflare]

Who in the world is that?

[GermanAntasma]

6195864 Antasma is the enemy of the game Mario & Luigi Dream Team. There is not much to his bachground story, only that he once was a normal bat until he began to eat nightmares. The more he ate, the more powerful he got until he became the being that we saw in the game.

[Bebop64]

One world was amusing for him. In that world Humans were hunted by Dinosaurs. The strange, white Dinosaur was interisting for him but he wasn't really interested in standing there the entire time and watching it.

That's pretty much about 70% of the entire movie explained in one paragraph. Too bad Antasma didn't stick around for the best climatic ending ever.

[Shinigami]

Since you asked to help with grammar:

he was able to see other worlds in some kind of portel.

portal

A couple of the word 'interesting' are spelled as 'interisting'. Yet you spelled 'interested' correctly XD

Townhall

Town Hall

even though she would stand on her full heigh

height

There are a few more, but you get the idea. Some mistakes are probably due to you not double checking.
Quite a bit of run on sentences as well, so you need to add commas and whatnot in. Since you are new, getting an editor or proof-reader would help too. There is a group that you can join to find people interested in the job.

In one, everyone looked like the red plumber and acted like retarded idiots

What is that reference?

It doesn't sound right when Antasma consider 'Ponyville' to be a strange name, as the Mario-verse location naming are mostly pretty simple.

On the neck was a pink bow with bat wings.

I'm pretty sure that's a tie.
Also, cool villains are villains with class. (Legs are overrated as well)
img12.deviantart.net/3adb/i/2013/116/9/7/count_bleck_by_efrejok-d6343eb.png
pre05.deviantart.net/41da/th/pre/f/2015/073/7/1/antasma_by_kanpachi9-d8lnfhl.jpg