Return of the Nightmare Bat King

by GermanAntasma

Spying and making a new Servant

It has been now a week after the defeat of Nightmare Moon and life went back to normal in Ponyville. Well almost. A few were still scared about Antasma and wondered when he would attack. Celestia was told about him but was impressed that there was a being, which was able to overpower her once evil sister in a battle. She tried to locate him but he was good at hiding himself. She didn't gave up but it was geting harder for her to get along with her business as a princess and trying to locate a threat to her little ponies.

Meanwhile Antasma was spying on the Mane Six to find out any weaknesses but so far he only found out that all of them were crazy. That Pinkie Pie was crazy was something everyone already knew but Twilight was supposed to be the smart but she acted sometimes like an idiot. He remembered when she got two golden tickets but instead asking for more in the first place, she just let everyone in Town do things for her; even she didn't wanted them do these things; and asked for more when it already turned into a 'desaster'.

Taking a break from the spying, he noticed an Antasmunchie that held the spirit of an familiar evil alicorn. Even it can't be seen, she glared at him. "You will not get away with this bat." She hissed, her voice coming out of the Dark Orb. The Bat King only smirked before he replied, "I don't think so. I told vou that you could be of use und vhile vee are talking thee changes are taking their effect on you."

"What are you talking about, my King?" She asked before the shock came. "Wait what did I just say?"

"That's vut I mean. I put a spell on that Antasmunchie to change you und it slowly erases your vishes, your desires und maybe your memories und personality."

"W-what do you mean with that?" She asked with a bit fear.

"I mean that you vill become my servant. You vill think that you vere destinied to serve me, SCREEP!, und you vill listen to every of my commands...und don't think I mean commands vhere you vould do things that you vouldn't vant to do. I'm not that kind of bat."

Nightmare was horrified. The thought that someone would change her was scaring her but she didn't wanted to accept it. No. She is Nightmare Moon, the Queen and true ruler of Equestria! She would never be someponies servant. But she called him her King. It was just to confusing for her. "I will never be a servant or slave to somepony like you."

"Vee vill see. The Antasmunchie will give you your own body vhen your transformation is done. It vill look und be exact the same body you had vhen you used the body of this 'Luna'. Goodnight Nightmare Moon."

Nightmare fought against the changes after Antasma was gone. But she wasn't strong enough to beat them. Slowly her thoughts began to change to exactly what Antasma told her. She still tried to fight but the thought of serving her master was stronger. She closed her 'eyes' before she saw only darkness.

After hours, she woke up and found out that she was back in her old body that she had now only for herself. She didn't had her armor anymore but she didn't care. All she now cared about was serving her master and do everything he commands her to do. She saw her mirror image in the nearby window and for some reason, the thought to look good for him came into her mind. She went into her old room and brushes her mane. When she went out of it, Antasma came into the room and she instantly bowed. "Good morning my lord. What can I do for you?"

"Hm looks like the transformation vas a success. Good. Now I don't vant anything. You can go." He said.

"As you wish." She said but for some reason, she wanted to be close to him. She felt so safe being near him and she is happy to have him as her master. But she noticed that she stared at his chest for a few minutes. Antasma didn't said anything, he neither didn't notice her staring at him or he didn't care. She began to ponder these thoughts but then it hit her. She still knew Antasma changed her into that way but she didn't mind that. It was that he had by accident made her having a crush on him. 'But this isn't important right now. I need to be a good servant, that's what matters.' She thought to herself. She went back to her business and tried to guard the castle if an intruder gets there, even though it would only be the Mane Six.

Antasma then continued his spying with a bored exprission. This is going to be a loooooooooong day.

Author's Note:

Hello everybody!

Here's the third chapter and Antasma made Nightmare Moon his servant. I know it wouldn't be that easy but she was still weak after the Elements of Harmony defeated her so it would make sense.

See you later in the next chapter.

Comments

[fallout_death_ninja]

Your writing style seems alright, a couple of mistakes here and there, but overall you seem to be alright in that regard. Portal was misspelled as 'portel' in the prologue, but the concept was passed on nicely. I was amused by the whole 'white dinosaur' bit.

The basic back story of Antasma, from what I have read, is that a few thousand years ago he was a normal bat who sought after the power of the Darkstone. He became the bat king by feeding off the nightmare of a Pi'illo's nightmare, then was banished by the Pi'illos, but shattered the stone, turning all of them to stone.

Now here is my main complaint(the only real complaint I have), no offense, but Antasma is a bit overpowered in this story, the Antasmunchies do not have the ability to brainwash any sentient creature, they are capable of raising his attack power, absorb Dream Luigi into one and consume it for a major pow increase, use it to attack while he 'hibernates', and if they are not all destroyed they raise a shield to heal him. Nowhere was it stated that he could enslave any sentient, let alone Nightmare moon/Princess Luna who is an immortal alicorn of great power and has the ability to banish nightmares, which is exactly what Antasma is, according to you.

I am sorry if my comment comes across as crass or mean, but I felt like this needed to be said. As a side note your writing style is pretty good, it just needs a bit of fine tuning to make it truly grand. As an apology, if you are offended by my comment,
have this gif of pinkie iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/tumblr_m0xwl7fAh21r4jx9e.gif

[Shinigami]

6220631 To be fair, as long as the canon didn't say it is impossible for a character to do something, it still plausible. And after getting hit by a Deus Ex Machina, whatever essence left of Nightmare Moon are probably weak enough to be contained easily. Plus the Antasmunchies are nightmare's container, made to hold nightmares for him to snack on. And from my understanding, Nightmare Moon by itself is but a manifestation of Luna's jealousy and envy, and not an actual 'immortal alicorn' by any mean.

And many 'magical' villains could always use their own essence and energy to create a physical object or even a monster. So i reckon giving NM a body wouldn't be impossible.

I don't think i even need to explain the brainwash theory, as crap load of baddies does that on a daily basis. And many of those are not even a 'Boss' ranked enemy.

Key words:

whatever essence left of Nightmare Moon are probably weak enough

[fallout_death_ninja]

6220745 You do have a logical point there. Perhaps I was a bit harsh, sorry about that.

[Shinigami]

6220782 It's your opinion, so there no need to consider it as harsh.

Also, i personally find it okay for a villain character to be overpowered (as long as it isn't to the point of a Deus Ex Machina that is). A lot of video games villains are always introduced at the start by making them look invincible, so it gave the heroes the sense of accomplishment when they finally arrive at the Final Boss room. Especially in RPGs, villains tend to have scripted battles where it is impossible to kill him until either [the heroes loss, villain laugh at them and spare their lives just to mock them]; [something stupid happened and cause the villain to lose his invincibility]; [someone suddenly arrive and help fend off the villain or help heroes escape]; or [heroes used 'The power of Hope and all things Holy...yada yada yada...' and kill the villain in one-shot].

[Cipher800]

Wow! Incredible.