Gabe Newell Challenges Celestia To A Competitive Gaming Match

by That_Gamer_Scout

The Afterparty

Luckily for us, Gabe didn’t die of a heart attack last chapter. From being scared that is, not because he’s fat because he totally isn’t! He’s just has really flabby muscles!

The after party was off to a great start, and of course Pinkie Pie was the one who organized it (because who else could? Somepony else? This is MLP, of course Pinkie organized it). The party was being held at Applejack’s big ass barn who prepared a shit ton of hard apple cider, well, she didn’t intentionally make it hard cider… Gabe just poured a bottle of vodka into the barrel.

Mike rolled Gabe over to Celestia, Gabe stood up and burped loudly as he extended his hand.

“Congratulations on your win”

Celestia lets out a little, semi-drunk, laugh and shakes Gabe’s hand. “Oh, well, thanks. That was a lot of fun. Honestly, my sister was the big reason we won tonight”

Luna quickly runs over and pokes Gabe in the side. “Ha, looks like we beat ya Gaben”

Gabe laughs as he pokes Luna back “Yeah, whatever Woona”

“It’s Lu, and you know that!”

Celestia shakes her head. “Wait!... You know each other?”

Luna rolls her eyes. “Yeah sister, we’re Steam friends, we game all the time”

“Wah?!”

Luna rolls her eyes again as she turns towards Gabe. “Sorry Gabe, my sister is such a scrub”

Gabe laughs and takes a drink from his cup. “That’s quite alright Lu”

“So Gabe, now that you’re here in person… When are you going to release Half-Life 3?”

“Umm…” Gabe quickly pulls out his iPad and opens Google Docs as he selects a document titled ‘List Of Excuses’

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Error Document Cannot Be Loaded

“This isn’t working…” Gabe quickly looks around and spots Mike, Gabe quickly grabs him and puts him in front of Luna

“Here, Mike will tell you why”

Luna stares at Mike as Mike quickly thinks of a reason why.

“Uh… It’s because Valve is still working on the Source 2 engine”

Gabe nods and whispers to Mike. “Nice work Mike, have a cookie” he says as he shoves a cookie into his back pocket, slaps his ass, and pushes him aside.

Celestia then walks over to Gabe pushing Luna out of the way.

“So Gabe, what’s a ‘TF2 Exclusive Item’?”

“It’s an in game item your character wears to show that you’re better than someone else”

“Oh…”

Applejack walks over carrying cups on a tray on her back.

“Ya’ll need more drinks?”

---

“HA HA HA!” laughs Gabe. “No, freaking, way!”

“Yes way!” Celestia quickly retorts. “And the best part is; I’m the one who invited Discord to the Gala”

“Ooooooh! Man!” Gabe and Celestia take a swig from their fourth drink. “That’s crazy!”

Luna stumbles over to the table “So… Gabe, you got any stories to tell”

“Uh…”

Mike comes out from under the table.

“Mike!” burps Gabe “what the heck were you doing under there!?”

“Umm… I was reading…”

“What!?”

Just then, Twilight comes out from under the table carrying the book ‘All You Need To Know About Dota 2’

“You know what, Mike, let’s tell them the story of Half-Life”

“Uh… Alright”

“Shut up Mike I’m talking!”

Gabe pulls out a scrapbook out of nowhere with the title ‘My First Half-Life’

“This story all starts where most miracles happen. In a small, crowded, office. When we first started; Valve was little more than an organization of geeks. Unlike now which is an organization of geeks with a shit ton of money, but I’m getting off track. Anyway, we we’re making a new game at the time on a modified quake engine. It was going to be a story driven, intuitive, first person shooter, which at the time was revolutionary. So we made it, it released to major success and critical acclaim, we created Steam, we made millions, released three more sequels, and delayed the last and final sequel for all time so no one will ever know how the story will end. But, you know, I’ll eventually release it sometime...”

Mike looks into Gabe’s eyes

“We sure had a good run Gabe…”

“Yeah Mike… We did…”

“So… Gabe” Mike pulls at his shirt collar.

“Yeah Mike…”

“I think… I think I’ll take up your offer on coming back to Valve, if you know what I mean”

“Yeah Mike… I get what you mean” Gabe extends his arm around Mike. “And all I gotta say is… You’re fired”

“What?”

“You heard me” Gabe pushes Mike aside. “You’re fired, get the fuck outta here”

“Well… I… Screw you Gabe!”

Mike storms off holding up two middle fingers at Gabe and everypony else in the barn as he makes his way out the door.

“Screw you Gabe, and screw all of you! I’m outta here bitches! I’m gonna catch the late bus, assholes!”

Mike slams the barn door as everyone goes back to drinking as Gabe’s phone alarm goes off.

“Oh look at that, time to start the sale”

Gabe pulls a button panel from his pocket with three buttons with glass cases around each button. Each button was labeled, the first button was labeled ‘Steam Update’ (this button looked heavily used), the second button was labeled ‘Release Half-Life 3’ (the glass case around this button was super-glued shut), and the third button was labeled ‘Start Seasonal Sale’, Gabe lifts the glass case and presses the button as he quickly looks at his bank account info on his iPad. Almost instantly money was being flooded into his account; hundreds, millions, billions of dollars were being deposited into his account.

“Well, looks like I gotta go”

“Aw!” groans Luna. “Don’t go yet Gabe, we didn’t even get to have a LAN party”

Gabe looks at Luna, Celestia, Twilight, and the rest of the ponies.

“Well, how about a parting gift”

Gabe reaches his right hand into his fat folds and pulls out a handful of Steam machines as he reaches his left hand into his pocket and pulls out a handful of Steam VR headsets. as tosses them to everypony in the barn.

“Woah” Luna levitates one of the headsets over to herself as she examines it closely. “No way! Thanks Gabe!”

“It’s the least I could do, now, I must be off”

Twilight quickly steps forward. “But… When will you return”

Gabe smiles. “I’ll return when I’m needed. Like PC gaming, no matter how bleak the times may seem, and no matter how many butthurt console peasants gang up on us, I will always be there”

Gabe raises his arms in the air as a vortex with a spinning Steam logo appears around him.

“Farewell my friends”

All the ponies in the barn wave goodbye as Gabe disappears.

Celestia clears her throat. “Well, that was fun”

Twilight quickly turns to Celestia. “Does this mean you won’t ruin the Gala this year?”

“Ha ha!... No”

Author's Note:

The-freaking-end.

Thanks for reading.

Comments

[ProjectRabbid]

Ha ha... no