• Published 6th Jul 2015
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Gabe Newell Challenges Celestia To A Competitive Gaming Match - That_Gamer_Scout



Gabe Newell challenges Celestia to a competitive gaming match, the title kinda speaks for itself.

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CS: GO, TF2, And Dota 2

Gabe Newell Challenges Celestia To A Competitive Gaming Match (Chapter 2)

Unfortunately written by: That_Gamer_Scout

The Counter-Strike Round

This event became one of the biggest events in all of Equestria; Gabe Newell vs. Princess Celestia in an all out 5v5 match to determine who is more MLG (and in turn get an exclusive TF2 item), ponies around the world flocked to the castle to watch such a grand event, as well as millions and millions of Steam users getting online to watch the stream live.

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Mike stands up and says to everyone “The rules are simple, the terrorists are trying to plant the bomb at site A or B, the counter-terrorists are trying to stop them. The T’s win if the bomb detonates or all CT’s are dead. The CT’s win if the bomb is diffused or all the T’s are dead. Every round each team gets more money to buy better weapons and the winning team gets a cash bonus. There will be 30 rounds, after the first 15 rounds the teams will switch, and the first team to reach 16 points wins. Also no auto-snipers, those are for noobs”

Everyone puts their headsets on as they place their hands and hooves on their keyboards and mouses.

“Mike!” vomits Gabe. “let’s do this!”

Round 1

Shining Armor stares at his screen, confused, and turns towards Twilight.

“Twily, what am I supposed to do?”

Twilight stares at her screen confused. “Uh… I don’t know, this wasn’t covered in any of my books”

Celestia facehooved before getting the attention of her team. “Everypony, just follow my lead”

Round 5

Terrorists: 4
Counter-Terrorists: 0

Counter-Strike was not an easy to learn game for beginners like Celestia, Twilight, and the rest of the pony crew. They were getting their asses handed to them; they were getting AWP’ed from across the map, flashbanged around every corner, and the livestream chat was going crazy.

Celestia composed herself and took a quick glance at the livestream chat.

Pootman: dude, celestia is getting rekt

hollahollaget$: praise lord Gaben!

Ermack [LEC]: celestia needs to get gud

Lightning: Don’t lose hope celestia, us bronies still <3 u

burripo: Love isn’t going to get you un-rekt

[WRaP] Pierate: ^lol

It was true, Celestia was getting ‘rekt’ and she knew it. She had to devise a new plan, and fast.

“Alright everypony listen up. Me and Shining Armor will watch B, everypony else watch A”

The game starts as Celestia and Shining Armor make their way towards B, as they cross the middle point Celestia gets shot by Gaben with an AWP.

Celestia throws off her headset “Horse Apples!”

Shining Armor quickly equips his P90 and runs to a corner at bombsite B, he was alone now. With everypony else watching A all he could do was clutch if anyone came to B... And just then, he heard footsteps in the tunnels to B.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” screams Shining Armor as he runs around the corner and sprays bullets everywhere killing all five terrorists as the announcer announces.

“Counter-Terrorists Win”

The Valve employees let out a collective groan as the ponies all jump up from their seats cheering.

“We won one! We won one!”

They all quickly sit back down as Celestia announces to her team confidently.

“It can only go up from here!”

Round 10

Terrorists: 8
Counter-Terrorists: 1

“Why is everypony always using an AWP!?” yells a frustrated Shining Armor.

Round 12

Terrorists: 9
Counter-Terrorists: 2

“I said no auto-snipers!” yells Mike.

Round 15

Terrorists: 12
Counter-Terrorists: 2

“Terrorists Win”

The in-game chat is filled almost instantly as the scoreboard appears on-screen with the words “The teams will now be switched”

Gabe: gh
Mike: gh
jmccaskey: gh
Drunken F00l: gh
JacobU: gh

Round 18

Counter-Terrorists: 15
Terrorist: 2

The pony team quickly huddles up.

“Alright everypony” says Celestia who (at this point) was two parts annoyed and three parts irritated. “now, we might not be able to win this. But we can come out with a tie”

The game starts as everyone quickly buys their weapons spending every last cent on any grenade or gun they’ll need, the timer counts down and once it reaches zero all mayhem breaks loose: grenades, flashbangs, and molotovs flung everywhere, bullets whizzed by as everyone was either carrying an AWP or some sort of machine gun, smoke grenades filled the air with so much smoke that the current map could be confused for Snoop Dogg’s house.

“Come on everypony! We can do it!”

Just then a CT ran through the smoke carrying a Netgev and sprayed bullets everywhere finishing off the pony team.

“Aaaaaaaaaaagh!” groaned the pony team as the announcer said.

“Counter-Terrorists win”

And the in-game chat fills with.

Gabe: gg
Mike: gg
jmccaskey: gg
Drunken F00l: gg
JacobU: gg

The Team Fortress 2 Round

Mike stands up.

“Alright everyone, this is the Team Fortress round and the rules are also simple. Whichever team captures the intel three times wins the game. That’s pretty much it”

“Mike!” barfs Gabe “let’s do this!”

The pony team enters a quick huddle.

“Alright everypony, we lost the Counter-Strike round. But I heard that Team Fortress is an easier game to learn. So let’s give it our all!”

The pony team quickly jumps back to their PCs as the game loads up.

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Everyone spawns in as the administrator counts down on the clock.

“Mission begins in thirty seconds”

Everyone on RED starts doing the conga

“Mission begins in ten seconds”

Everyone on RED starts square dancing.

“5…”

Everyone on RED starts doing the Kazotsky kick.

“4… 3… 2… 1”

The starting alarm sounds as everyone rushes out on both sides.

*Many hours later*

Both teams were neck and neck with two intel captures on each side, only one team had to secure the intelligence one more time to ensure victory.

Gabe was playing as his favorite class (the Spy) as he was mere steps away from the intel room, he quickly cloaks and disguises once he hears footsteps. A Pyro guarding the intel, Gabe hovered his crosshair over the Pyro as the name ‘Cadence’ appeared on screen. Gabe quickly studied his surroundings and noticed that, if he was quick enough, he could de-cloak behind her and quickly get in a backstab. Gabe made his way around Cadence as his cloak was near depletion, he quickly un-cloaked, Cadence didn’t notice, Gabe rushed over and quickly hit the left mouse button, backstab! Too easy...

Beep

Before Gabe could react it was too late, that beep was from an all too familiar sound: a sentry gun. Before he had the chance to even move the sentry sent a storm of bullets straight through Gabe. The deathcam panned over to his killer as a name appears on screen.

Killed by ‘PrinCelestia’s’ sentry gun.

“Alert, the enemy has taken our intelligence!”

What!? Was no-one watching the intel?!

“I got it, I got it!” yells Flash Sentry who was playing as the Scout.

“Don’t let him get away!” yells Mike.

It was a race against the clock as Flash quickly ran out of the intel room, he quickly ran up the stairs and out to mid where the entirety of RED team was chasing him. His HP was dropping: 115, 85, 55, 35. Twilight, Shining Armor, and a newly re-spawned Cadence quickly ran to his aid. Bullets, rockets, fire, and bombs flew everywhere as Flash quickly made his way down the Blu team staircase and into his intel room where he quickly dropped off the briefcase as the screen then displays ‘Blu team wins’.

The pony team quickly hops into the air as they all jump into a group hug.

“We did it! We did it!” exclaims Twilight.

“Hmm, that was a very good play” says Gabe as he adjusts his glasses and says with confidence. “but it’s not over yet, this just leads us into our final round: the Dota 2 round”

The Dota 2 Round

Mike stands up.

“Ok, well the rules for Dota 2 aren’t as simple as CS: GO or TF2, so…”

Mike reaches down and pulls up a very large book labeled ‘All You Need To Know About Dota 2’ as Twilight perks up upon seeing the giant book.

“Dota 2 is a game where…”

“Sister!”

Everyone stops immediately and turns their attention towards the new voice.

Celestia quickly stands up from her chair. “Luna?”

“Yes, it’s me!” she says as she storms over to Celestia.

“Sister, did we wake you? I’m deeply sorry if...”

“No!” she quickly retorts. “It’s almost time to lower the sun, but that’s not important right now. What I want to know is why are you in a video game tournament, and why didn’t you invite me?!”

“Well… I just didn’t want to wake you”

“Tia...” Luna takes a deep breath and lets out a big sigh. “no offense sister, but you're not a gamer like me, you’re a newb, now move aside”

Luna pushes Celestia aside, puts on her headset and sits down at her PC.

“I’m going to win this”

*Many hours later*

“Just go after the Ancient! Focus on the Ancient!”

The pony team quickly moves in on the Dire Ancient quickly clicking away on their mouse buttons.

“How did they destroy our towers so fast?!” yells Gabe

“One… More… Second!”

The Dire Ancient quickly crumbles as the words ‘Radiant wins’ appear on screen

“Yes!”

The pony team quickly jumps from their seats as they all run into a group hug, cheering, and bouncing up and down.

Gabe slowly takes off his glasses and rubs his forehead.

“Dang it Mike, we lost... I really wanted that TF2 item”

Mike puts his hand on Gabe’s shoulder.

“Hey, don’t feel bad Gabe. How about we delay Half-Life 3 again, will that make you feel better?”

Gabe nods. “Yeah, a little”

Mike reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone as he calls Valve.

“Hey, it’s Mike… Gabe wants to delay Half-Life 3 again… Yes, again… Ok I’ll tell him”

Mike hangs up the phone.

“They delayed it for 15 more years”

Gabe smiles a little.

“Really?”

“Really”

Gabe sits back in his chair and looked into Mike’s eyes passionately.

“You’re right Mike, that did make me feel better”

“Yeah… I know Gabe...”

They awkwardly stare at each other for another ten minutes before Luna quickly runs over.

“So?... What now?”

Gabe puts his glasses back on.

“Afterparty”

Pinkie Pie literally appears right the fuck out of nowhere.

“Did somepony say party!”

“What the fuck?!” yells Gabe as he falls out of his chair from getting the shit scared out of him.

Author's Note:

I want to address a few things:

I'm sorry this chapter wasn't as funny/absurd as the last chapter, but that will all be fixed in chapter 3.

GabenMike is best ship.

I'm also sorry this took forever to write but I had to end up self-editing this one.

I'm very thrilled that my story got 100+ views, that's awesome! Thank you all so much for reading my crap. And thank you all for the up-votes too (to be honest I thought this story would have like 50 down-votes and like 2 up-votes so I'm just happy people like it).

Sorry for some of the errors when I first uploaded it, Google docs was being weird.

Praise Gaben.