Part 4
“I’m a colt.”
“A princess like you deserves to be treated properly.”
“You’re a very special filly that just draws friends to her.”
Snails ½: Must Find
squee, squee
squee, squee
Escargot opened an eye and stared balefully at the alarm clock. It was only 7 am. Why did fillies have to get up so early? Why couldn’t they be like stallions, and just sleep in till 8:00? Why did mom put a bunny alarm clock in Escargot’s bedroom that made such cute sounds?
Reaching over, Escargot turned off the alarm clock and sat up. Unwrapping her mane, he grumbled, “How do they sleep with long manes?”
Escargot picked up a hairbrush and started brushing out his mane and tail a bit, just enough to untangle it. “I wish I could just sleep as a colt. I am a colt. I’m a colt. I’m a colt.”
Snails Mom opened the door and looked in, “Are you OK?”
“I’m a cold.”
“Oh poor thing, it’s probably just nerves. After all, you’re going on a trip with the Princess of Magic to meet the Princess of Love. That’s bound to have any foal’s stomach in knots.” Mrs Hall moved over to give Escargot a quick hug.
“About last night...” He could tell her, he could bring himself to tell her…
“Oh, It was such a wonderful gift, but you must promise me to never ever to show that around my husband. He’d want you out of the house in an instant.”
Never mind.
“Rarity has me set up with 3 suitcases for a 2 day trip. I still don’t know why I need a case just for makeup and mane-care products.” Escargot grumbled looking at the pile.
Escargot got into her sun dress quickly, as it was shorter and easier to put on than other outfits, which meant there was no fumbling or confusion.
“Royal functions. You are likely to need it for them. Sometimes, there is a certain expectation for mares to wear makeup at formal functions or important occasions.” Picking up Escargot’s hat, his mom smiled, “Don’t forget this.”
Gathering up all his gear, Escargot made her way downstairs. Honestly, Snails wouldn’t pack this much to go camping for 3 days. What is it with fillies? Picking up a few muffins, Escargot bounded out the door and ran for Rarity’s boutique.
Rarity was waiting at the door, smiling, “Ok darling, let’s give you a quick walk-around.”
“Aren’t you coming?”
“Are you not coming, dear. Please watch your language. You don’t want to sound like a colt, do you?” Rarity smiled. This little filly was definitely a must-find.
Lowering his head, Escargot sighed, “No ma’am.”
“I’m sorry dear, a major order just came in. Do not fret, Twilight is by far the best teacher you could hope for. You can tell her anything. I trust her, and so should you.” Rarity smiled.
“Oh, I see.” Escargot said nervously.
“It needs one last thing.” Rarity lifted off Escargot’s hat, and with alarming swiftness, attacked her tail and mane with hair spray, brushes, combs and even a curling iron. It took less than 3 minutes, but by the time she was done, Escargot had curls much like Rarity’s. “There, now you should be able to ask Spike to help you with your bags quite easily.”
“Huh?”
“Oh, nothing.” Rarity said with an all-too-innocent smile. “Enjoy your trip!”
With a quick hug, Escargot was off. It was just a short trot to the train station, and still before 8:00. Rainbow Dash was up unbelievably early, for some reason. She was off singing with Fluttershy about something, heading for the Apple Farm. It must be a cider day (thankfully not the Cider Day, but that was another story).
Slowing to a stop, Escargot spotted Twilight and Spike on the platform and smiled.
“Spike, did you ever find that book on Crystal Empire customs?” Twilight asked as she went over her checklist.
When he saw Escargot, Spike’s jaw dropped and he took on the look of a colt hit by a double shot of love poison. “Woah, I ne-”
“What was that Spike?” Twilight said looking down.
Shaking his head, Spike coughed, “I need to help her with her bags, that’s too much for her to carry.”
Escargot blinked as Spike ran over and gathered all the bags, hauling them up the platform and setting them beside Twilight. “There you are, my lady.”
Twilight blinked, looking at Escargot’s mane. “Did you do that?”
Escargot blinked and shook his head, “No, Princess Twilight. Rarity said I needed one last touch before the trip.”
Spike sat watching Escargot, unable to take his eyes off of her. Her mane & tail, her gentle features... She was like a Rarity, but his age. He must find a way to impress her.
“Oh look daddy, it’s the little blank-flank.” Diamond Tiara sneered as her travel cases were unloaded. “She isn’t late for the train this time.”
Escargot blinked, “You’re coming too?”
“Why, of course! My father has important trade deals in the Empire.” She said, sticking her nose up disdainfully.
“And that would be the less pleasant side of the trip.” Twilight said, “Negotiations with the trade ponies. At least you won’t have to be involved in that.”
“Luckily, I have my butler to carry my bags.” Diamond Tiara boasted.
“Actually dear, Randolph must return home, but I’m sure you can manage your own bag.” Filthy Rich said firmly as he picked up his suit case.
As the train pulled up, Spike dove under Escargot’s bags and picked them up with easy zeal, “I’ve got this!”
“Thank you Spike, but you need not.” Escargot said lifting a hoof.
“Nope, sorry. I can’t let you strain yourself.” Spike said as he hauled her load to the train. “A princess like you deserves to be treated properly.”
As she watched Diamond Tiara, Escargot cringed. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t ask for this. He didn’t try to make Spike be his servant.
Diamond Tiara snarled, gnashing her teeth. The idea that she was outdone yet again by this- mule -was unacceptable. She would need to get her back, somehow.
Swallowing her dread, Escargot boarded the train with Twilight. The conductor was smiling as he helped Diamond Tiara into the first class car. “This will be where you enjoy the ride. We will have fresh meal and drinks prepared for you and the rest of the First Class passengers, as well as complimentary drink services. If you need anything, one of our servers will be at your service.”
Sitting down on one of the silk couches, Escargot glanced around the plush, opulent room.
“Oh, please, do not sit there, this isn’t where you shall be riding.” The conductor said urgently to Escargot.
Diamond Tiara stuck her nose in the air, “I should think not! This is for the elite, not for poor, useless blank-flanks like you.” She taunted.
“Princess Cadence sent her personal carriage. The Royal Car is fully at the disposal of Princess Twilight and her guest, Escargot.” The conductor motioned Escargot and Twilight further back.
“What?” Diamond Tiara looked on shocked.
“You will be traveling in the lap of luxury. Your food will be prepared by a royal chef, whom I’m told is five-star. Private servants will wait on your every need, and personal guards to ensure that no rabble shall disturb you.” With that, the Conductor shot a disapproving glance at Diamond Tiara, then lead Twilight and Escargot into the royal car.
“WHAT!” Diamond Tiara yelled and looked at her father, wild rage in her eyes. I must find something to use against her.
Sitting down in the royal car, Escargot just knew she was going to pay for this. It wasn’t her fault, as usual. Of course, Diamond would still hold her responsible. Why are fillies all nuts?
“Honestly, this isn’t my normal style. I usually just travel coach.” Twilight said re-assuredly.
“But you’re a princess! Why?”
“I wasn’t always a princess, and I like being with my friends. Being secluded away means I can’t be with them.” Twilight said, “And the Princess of Friendship being all alone just doesn’t seem right.”
“There’s really only one friend I hang around with.” Escargot said. He must find a way out of this situation.
“That’s not true. Noi, Sweetie Belle, Dinky, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo all care about you deeply. You might not notice it, but they all think you’re a great friend. You’re a very special filly that just draws friends to her.” Twilight said and ruffled Escargot’s mane comfortingly.
“But I’m a colt.” Escargot mumbled dejectedly to himself.
So who thinks karma is catching up to Diamond Tiara? Every time she sticks up her nose it gets swatted down. I hope that Twilight will be brought into the secret soon as she is in a position to help Snail's with this interesting situation. Great chapter and looking forward to the next chapter!
I don't like Snails dad,he seems to be a close minded idiot, and I feel like he going to do something that will cost him his wife and son if not drive them away.
Love the update and I look forward to the next!
Wow, Diamond Tiara is earning her come upends.
Poor snail being dragged along, and his dad is a bigot.
Princess of Love. That’s bound to
should be able to ask spike to help
thankfully not /the/ Cider Day
What was that spike
You’re coming to
at Diamond Tiara, then lead Rarity & Escargot into the royal car
1. Extra spacing.
2. Forgot to capitalise.
3. Personally, I think just italicizing this would be fine. But that's just my personal thoughts.
4. Forgot to capitalise.
5. Too.
6. Led. Also, don't you mean Twilight? Rarity didn't get on the train.
But I’m a colt I super good chapter I love it.
good work KC.
Harts Fire.
PS my TeamSpeak is up.
6291269
Fixed, and Gurr. Extra spaces and formatting errors are a bane of FIM Fiction. When you upload a story, indents get all messed up even if you use the auto-indent fiction in FIM Fic itself. It will miss lines for indent and/or double indent some limes so you have to go and clean that up.
Also It has this love of adding in extra spaces. to make a sentence "fit" or justify better. Those are SO hard to catch especially if its on a word wrap, straddling a line.
I'm hoping that sometime soon Twilight will ask Escargot point blank how she came to be.
Thus taking one teeny-tiny bit of pressure off of Snails mind before he has a stress induced heart attack.
6290365 If karma had anything to do with it, DT would be enslaved by windigoes or something already, she's accumulating enough for at least that.
6290759 Or he might wake up one day, MLP is a well known place for redemption stories.
Though, being as stubborn as he is, it's unlikely. And will leave Snails without an excuse to keep it secret.
6291313
And overusing numbers as numbers is yours.
6291847 Snails is young, healthy and can take a bit more. It's not like they expect him to be a princess or something.
And in this chapter, our hero gets ready to board a train. Not much happens.
I'd be less upset over how slow this thong updates, if it it wasn't for the fact that said updates progress the story verrrry slowly. That and Snail/Escargot's situation has moved well past schadenfreude and into just sad.
I really hopen he gets someone to listen to him for once soon. Maybe get his secret off his chest.
Still surprised no one caught spike's Whoa I ne... Wo ai ni... Cathy Weseluck does the voice for Spike the dragon. She also did the voice for Xain Pu (shampoo). Wo ai ni was Xain Pu's catchline for Ranma. I love you in chinese LOL.
6292393 You may bug the editor, it usually helps to get updates faster. I'm currently out of bugs.
6292514 It was probably a bit too subtle.
6292514 i never saw the show but when i was in middle school years back i looked at a few of the ... Manga? ithink the strange backwards comic books. i thought it was pretty cool but due to me having to keep up the psycho image so people did not bother me i never really took a long look at them.
6317321 Don't worry, I'm writing this so its fun and enjoyable for those that don't follow ranma 1/2 as well. just some of the jokes will fit better for those that follow both :)
I do apologize, Swyrl, my editor has gotten very busy and warned it could take a week to several months before he can return to editing. I will need a temp editor in the short term.
6347754 Huh? i don't understand that one.
6347754
Yeah, what's a cold open?
6347754
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw9120_small.jpg
6333402
I don't think I am yet a competent enough writer to be an editor. But, I would like to see more frequent updates. So, I was wondering what services you are looking for from an interim or understudy editor. Maybe myself, or possibly any number of your eager followers, can help you commission the temporary aid of someone else. A friendly voice willing to devote more time, care, or attention to the task at hand. Because, as far as I know, there's nothing that says you cannot George Lucas your fiction (or the rules of the universe you've engineered) into oblivion if you get the chance to transform your interpretation of 'Twilight into '50 shades of Gray. Besides, Discord has already done it once anyway. And, more input and opinions means you could potentially generate more playful ideas.
I'm back, baby! And hey, I've done some editing! woohoo!
You got me rooting for poor snails/escargot. I want more than anything to see him come out on top, and his father eating dirt.
6880264
Same here .
I really want to see the father get what he deserves .
“There, now you should be able to ask Spike to help you with your bags quite easily.”
Shaking his head, Spike coughed, “I need to help her with her bags, that’s too much for her to carry.”
The conductor was smiling as he helped Diamond Tiara into the first class car.
I'm imagining his voice as the conductor from the polar express. I want to see the hot chocolate scene now!
personal guards to ensure that no rabble shall disturb you.
That's how I'm imagining Oswin and Derek in my story. (That I'm procrastinating on)
I know this started as a take on Ranma 1/2, but why is there a vibe from Misfile starting to show? Maybe I just read TV Tropes too much and I'm starting to see tropes everywhere.
Starting to have some gender confusion there, eh Snails? Even when he's reminding himself.
Once this line poped up
“There, now you should be able to ask Spike to help you with your bags quite easily.”
I was done
I am really liking what you are doing for Snails' main conflict here.
He isn't just a copy of Ranma despite their shared curse.
Why hasn't Diamond fallen into the pool that turns her into a cut little biggy yet?