Part 9: She Clearly Has.
For the true feel of the train scene, feel free to play:
Part 9
“You got your cutie mark!”
“Oh, it’s so pretty!”
“A mark like that belongs on a mare.”
She Clearly Has
It had been another typical day in Ponyville: The sun had been out all day warming the backs and hearts of the townsponies. There had been an impromptu parade as the counter for ‘Days since monster attack’ shifted from 13 to 14.
The train had arrived just a half an hour ago, and Escargot was already with her friends. The whole group had come out to meet her as she got off the train.
“Was it fun?!” Sweetie Belle called out.
“Who’s your friend?” Scootaloo asked.
Apple Bloom butted in, “Didja remember to bring back some apples?”
Escargot barely had time to open her mouth before the screams started. The flower trio ran by, screaming in terror. Ponyville descended into chaos as its citizens panicked.
A young mare galloped headlong into a board labeled ‘days since last monster attack’, sending the numbers tumbling to the ground. Days since last monster attack: 0. Twilight ran towards her castle to gather the elements.
“What’s going on?” Noi asked, shivering in fear against Escargot.
Dinky trembled and hid under Escargot. “I want my mommy.”
Another roar filled the air. A large, black creature leapt from the roof of the train with feline grace. It was catlike and well-muscled, shrouded in mist and smoke. Down its back, a row of misty tendrils lashed in all directions. The creature was larger than Big Mac, and twice as long.
As Apple Bloom turned to run, a tendril whipped towards her and grabbed her leg, throwing her against the wall hard enough to knock the wind from the little filly.
Sweetie Belle tried the only spell she’d practiced, and launched a little sparkly bolt at the creature. It sputtered and bounced harmlessly off an ethereal shield guarding the monster.
Glancing at the girls, Escargot did the only thing she really knew how to do- she lit her horn. Maybe the light would catch the attention of the Element Bearers and they would come to save them.
The creature recoiled at the light, hissing. “Do you really think that will save you, pony? How long do you think you can keep that up, hmm? Seconds? Minutes? Eventually you will tire, then I shall have you and your little friends for myself.” It grinned.
Escargot stepped back, looking for an escape route.
“Run, flee little thing. Save yourself and leave the others to me.” The shadow licked its lips in anticipation.
She looked at her friends. They needed her- she couldn’t just run.
Their love and friendship bound them together, gave her strength, cause, and purpose. Escargot looked at her friends around her and turned to face the creature. “I won’t abandon them, ever!”
She could feel their love coursing through her, giving her strength and power. She channeled their love through her light, giving her what she needed. It was a weapon against the shadow, a weapon of pure love and light to banish the darkness.
Digging her hooves in, she faced the creature, letting their energies flow through her. She cried out, “You are a creature of darkness and hate, you have no power here!”
Horn glowing brightly, she lashed out with everything she had, smashing the creature’s shield with a brilliant beam of light. It pierced through the creature, it in half until it faded into nothing. Panting hard, Escargot lowered her horn, her hips burning with heat and energy.
“Escargot, look! You got your cutie mark!!!” Scootaloo cried out in excitement.
Looking back at her flank, she saw a bright red jeweled heart, encircled by a lace ribbon tied with a delicate bow. It was a symbol of the love everyone had for her, how that love tied her friends together.
“Oh, it’s so pretty! And the lace, so feminine! It fits you perfectly!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed.
Apple Bloom bounced up, “Yeah! She clearly has!”
Looking at her mark, she began running in circles in a frenzy. “Oh no, Oh no, Oh no!”
“What’s wrong, Escargot?” She heard her mom call out.
“Snails is a stallion- a mark like that belongs on a mare. One who uses magic, and one that has no place in this house.” Her dad called out
Looking down, Escargot saw her shadow- the long legs, the slender body, the long horn. Slowly, a pair of wings formed, spreading out from behind her shadow. It was just too much. Escargot collapsed to the ground and started bawling her eyes out.
Luna slowly lowered her wings to her side and silently approached Escargot. She had sensed the turmoil in this filly’s dreams- she could sense her distress from the Crystal Empire, all the way to Canterlot.
Luna sat next to Escargot and put her wing gently around the little foal. “What’s wrong, little one?”
Escargot sniffled and kept crying while trying to talk. “I don’t wanna be a princess. I don’t wanna be an alicorn. I don’t wanna live on the street and then get banished to the moon.”
Banished to the moon? Luna leaned away a little from the foal. “Who would banish you?”
“Twilight, Celestia, and even you cuz I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve any of this.” Escargot whimpered, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Luna looked down and used her other wing to wipe the little foal’s eyes. “This is just a bad dream, a nightmare. You’re not an alicorn, and not really a princess.”
“But what about the mark?” He said looking at the mark on his hip. “I got it for saving my friends?”
“It’s only a dream: the mark isn’t real. Maybe that will be your mark someday, or maybe it will be something different. Whatever happens, you must know- it’s just for you, and nopony else can judge it.” Luna smiled reassuringly.
“Celestia wants me to go to the school for gifted unicorns. Twilight is teaching me, and I really like magic.” Escargot sniffled. “My dad hates magic though. if I use magic, he’ll kick me out of the house.”
“I’ll talk to my sister and see what we can do to help.” Luna said softly. “You shouldn’t fear this though- I will be here help you through this, as will Twilight. However, I ask you to consider this for a moment: You dream about saving your friends and protecting them. What does that say about you?”
“Would they still be my friends if they knew the truth? If they knew I was really-”
“MORNING, ESCARGOT!”
Escargot bolted upright as the full force of the little griffin landed on her stomach and- well, she was grateful she wasn’t a colt right now. Still, it was a tender spot that the grifflet’s hind legs landed on. Feeling a little ill, Escargot coughed a few times.
“Morning, Gisa.” Escargot picked up the little griffin and gave her a bear hug. Not because Gisa needed it, but because she did.
“You were whimpering in your sleep! Are you ok, princess?”
Escargot quickly checked her hip in a flash of alarm. His blank flank had never been more comforting. Strange, who would have though being a blank flank would bring such a feeling of relief to anypony?
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XD that monsters inc. Referance, nice.
Just a dream. Is this a reaction to the most recent episode perhaps? Either way glad to see Luna able to provide some relief, even if she does not know what it going on yet.
Luna slowly her wings to her side and silently approached Escargot
1. Luna slowly lowered her wings to her side.
... did she just dream of becoming Pony Sailor Moon before roflstomping an imaginary Displacer Beast?
Given this IS Equestria, it may not have actually been imaginary...
Luna, why is this confused filly dreaming of smiting Displacer Beasts?
prefect chapter. to bade this was a dream scape thing I was so hoping Escargot hade got her tattoo darn maybe latter on in the story.
Harts Fire
Exultant work KC.
oops, forgot this.
pre00.deviantart.net/5756/th/pre/i/2015/193/d/9/escargot_cutie_mark_by_alkarasu-d90zr0d.jpg
now how fitting is that for escargot :)
There needs to be a certain panda looking out for him.
...
Wait, I was thinking of a cat actually.
The panda's useless.
Unless it's Dreamworks.
6517341 Sorry, Agent Bon Bon captured the panda once and locked it up in tartars. After it escaped it came looking for revenge but the mane 6 managed to capture the panda again and send it back to the underworld.
Genma is safely locked away in the underworld.
6517350 Good...
But we should have a lemming appear.
Lemmings are indestructible.
*notices what you did there*
6516962 This chapter was written July, 12. Probably even 11, since it took me a day to draw the butt stamp.
You might understand now why there's a huge changeling horde en-route to bug the editor.
And why there's no doubt that Kitsy is either psychic, or has access to the season 5 scripts.
6518013 *looks innocent* Do princesses dream of electric sheep came out 2015-07-11.
I started writing it acutally on the 10th, finished on the 12th. Realized the sailor moon link on the 13th.
Its a bad sign when you realize days after you finished that theres a parody in the story even you missed :)
6518232 Should I remind you of every time others had to point you to the reference you've made without noticing?
The mind is a strange thing, it doesn't always inform you of what it does...
...scratch that, it never does.
6518232
Wait, there was a Sailor Moon reference?! Guess I better go re read and find it! Kinda makes me want to find the Sailor Moon/Ranma 1/2 crossover that I have heard about.
6518711
...which one? Seriously, Ranmoon is such an overdone crossover/fusion that there's an entire subgenre just of parodies of Ranmoon crossovers and fusions. Not that there aren't GREAT tics out there (The Sailor Ranko saga by Becky Heineman is one example) but you're gonna have to be a little more specific. And by that I mean A LOT more specific.
6519099
If I could remember it name would be a boon. It's plot probably has been done some many times it boarders on a forgone conclusion. From what was told to me female Ranma became a sailor scout and everyone was forcing him to change into female form to fight. You know because he is simply a better martial artist then anyone they had. So the fact that there are so many similar flics makes finding it next to impossible. Sorry I could not narrow it down any farther.
6519154 From the description it sounds like Sailor Ranko, yes. The first one, at least, he got more comfortable with it in later ones.
6518232 I actually put in a ref in a story, then forgot what it was now I read it and it just sounds odd to me. :/
And yes there are tons of sailor moon1/2 stories out there. I personally liked a new home and no chance for fate. No ranma in a fuku.
6523130 For me, when i put a reference in... i try and make it "flow". If it doesn't seem like a natural part of the story then i don't include it.
Things like, JetStream narrowing her eyes at the dragon that got her caught, "Thanks for nothing, you useless reptile." or Snails, "I wonder if Twilight has a book on 'How to Feed your Griffin'."
little things like that pop culture references from kung fu panda to star trek are always fun to include.
Though with snails most of the humor is slapstick its still fun.
6523163 oh it was funny and part of the story, I just forgot what I was referencing, so now every time I read it, I know there's more to it, but don't remember what that 'more' was.
....and he wakes up at the last second.
Oh DAMMIT, author.
“You shouldn’t fear this though- I will be here and help you through this, as
Strange, who would have thought being a blank flank would bring such a feeling of relief to anypony?
All I can say is...0:18
In a scene that felt quite out of left field and abrupt. It all makes technical sense... it's just that it's too condensed to feel "right".
It needs:
1. ...to not be the first thing in the chapter or the first thing after a time-skip, to help make it feel more anchored. (ie. Maybe a little bit of time could have been spent chatting and walking before the monster attacked.)
2. ...to go into more detail on what Snails/Escargot is thinking/feeling during the events, so the "battle" doesn't feel so abrupt. (I thought I missed something on the first read-through and, after going back to re-read it, my response was still a bemused. "Well... OK. I guess that's a thing." sort of feeling.)
Technically, it's justifiable because it's revealed to be a dream, but I've always found "dreams are weird that way" to be a cheap excuse for bad writing because, in real life, you only realize that dreams don't make proper sense in hindsight once you wake up, so a proper representation of a dream should take into account that you can't force a reader to suspend their critical senses in the same way that a dreamer does.
(eg. Write it so the reader knows it's a dream from the beginning even if the character doesn't and/or write it so that it doesn't feel like bad writing until you slog through to the reveal that it's a dream.)
As-is, if you write something that is "true to dreaming" in that manner, what tends to happen is that Occam's Razor points to "bad writing" and immersion breaks until the reader manages to get far enough to realize what's going on.
In fact, I wrote everything prior to "Technically, ..." before realizing it was a dream, after re-reading it a couple of times to make sense of what I was reading. Good writing should not cause so much friction that the reader stops and tries again.
The hatchling needs to know NOW about snails.
9117287
This. Emphatically this.