The Bar

“Pour the drink and listen to me, kid: the night is old, but I’m still young enough to spend it right.”

Submitted to this contest.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 6 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 6
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Unknown Six

Unknown Six #1 · Jul 22nd, 2015 · · ·

The second half of this story...took me by surprise quite a bit. The boss-like, authoritative, badass type of character gives his life story to some meek bartender, and promptly gets murdered. Well, shit. At most I was thinking he was going to threaten and/or kill the barkeep, but it just so happens that the barkeep is a seasoned serial killer.

Man, I love it when stories take dark turns.

The story as a whole is great. No spelling or grammar errors as far as I can tell. ~~I just wish it weren't a one-shot, I kinda wanna see how the Sculptor's new "plan" goes along.~~ I especially liked the believable and interesting character of the "House" stallion. It kinda feels like I'm reading Kaleb's Critters, what with the gritty atmosphere.

Anyway, 'tis a good one-shot.

A Hollow Shell

A Hollow Shell #2 · Aug 11th, 2015 · 1 · ·

Hehehe...well, you've got my villain story beat.
Not that I won't still try, though.
This was a fun read, and geez did it turn dark quickly.
And now for the editor in me:
While I enjoyed the story, reading it again puts the beginning off a bit. I don't think that the bartender was afraid of being murdered, and even if he was just pretending, we were reading this story through the first ~~person~~ pony point of view, so we would have seen his true thoughts and intentions.
Also, seriously, description description description. There was a lot of it, sure, and that was great and better than most of the other writers I've seen, but...I had to read it again before realizing that Lula was a cockatrice. It's not a bad thing when things are simply said.
That's my tidbit, sorry if it was harsh I really did like it, and that was just my nit-picking.
Good Day and Good Health
First Spark