The Passing of Childhood

by HikariAkai

The Passing of Childhood

I remember the day I met her, as if it had happened yesterday.

My toy line had been a complete failure. The fillies didn’t want a Smarty Pants doll; they wanted brightly colored princesses with manes you could brush and lots of accessories. We watched in envy as the other toys got sold, and dreamed of the adventures they could go on, adventures that we would never experience. We all knew it was a matter of time before we would all be simply thrown out.

“Mommy! Mommy! Can I have one?” The voice of a young filly begged. I peeked over the other toys to see what she wanted. A very young purple unicorn sat on the floor, cradling another Miss Smarty Pants doll. Even though I knew that we were all just as likely to get picked up as any other toy, I still seethed with jealousy all the same.

“Not now Twilight.” The mother answered gently, using her magic to put the doll back on the shelf. The little filly pouted, but didn't put up anymore of a fight, letting her mother lead her out of the aisle and taking our hopes away with them.
***

When the store was closed for the night, all the toys could leave their shelves and talk to one another. It was easy to tell which toys were new, and which toys had been there a long time. The newest toys were cheerful and full of hope, chatting with one another about what little child would pick them up and the games they would play together. The older toys, however, the spark in them was fading, and they didn't say or do very much. There were some who had been left there for far too long, and couldn't speak or move at all. We avoided them as best as we could, but they were inescapable; grim reminders of the fate we too would meet if some little pony didn't adopt us soon.

The Smarty Pants dolls mostly stuck together and avoided the other toys. The other toys sometimes snickered at our meager appearance, but most of them were simply too uncomfortable around such pathetic toys, and frankly their pity was more painful. So we stuck together, or around other unpopular toys without a chance of being sold.

The topic on everyone's mind that night was the near sell. “A kid finally wants us, and its parents are big ol' sticks in the mud.” One said bitterly, scuffing a felt foot on the ground.

“Maybe they’ll come back.” Another chipped in hopefully. None of us answered. We had seen too many toys get placed back on the shelf and then be immediately forgotten. We knew better than to get our hopes up.

Another toy broke the deafening silence. “What…did it feel like?” It asked the question we all wanted to. “To be held?”

The Smarty Pants that had been held didn’t respond, but instead stared off into space. “It was…” It paused, searching for the right words. “Warm. And safe. Like nothing could ever hurt me. Like eternal bliss.” Its voice hardened. “But it’s gone now. And it’ll never come back.”

I hope that doll found a home.

I sighed, blowing away the film of dust that had settled on me. It was unusual for me to reminisce on those dreary days in the store. Must be the dark getting to me. Usually, I stuck to the happy memories, like the first time Twilight held me, that eternal second when all that mattered was right in front of me, and I just knew I would forever be loved.

I was always so proud to be Twilight’s. She was so smart, so curious about everything. She spent her time divided between reading anything and everything she could find and exploring the big and beautiful world of Equestria.

“Take notes Smarty Pants!” Twilight whispered. “We have to record this historic moment!” She snuck behind a barrel, peeking out over it at the griffon walking down Canterlot’s main road. “For the first time in Equestria, the mysterious Epimanchus gryphos, common name griffon, has been spotted! Once believed to be a beast of legends, all doubts to its existence have now been dispelled!”

She turned to me.”You got all that?” she whispered. I nodded, my quill furiously scratching the notebook. “Isn’t she a beauty? Or is it a he? It’s hard to tell with birds of prey.”

“Why don’t you ask?” I whispered back. Twilight’s eyes widened.

“Oh that would be so amazing!” Her eyes sparkled. “Talking to a griffon! What do you think they talk about?”

I nudged her side and grinned. “Here’s your chance to find out! Who knows when you’ll see a griffon again?”

Twilight took a deep breath. “Okay, I’m gonna do it!” She stepped out from behind the barrel, only to see that the griffon was now long gone. Her ears flattened against her head.

I need to stop doing this. I had been warned by the other toys that Twilight had already outgrown. The older toys were wise, experienced, and knew better than I what was to come. I had seen many toys come and go, but I refused to see the signs. I was special, and Twilight would always love me. But childhood could only last so long. Twilight Sparkle has grown up, and no amount of dreaming was going to get that purple filly to poke her head in and go on an adventure with me.

Twilight flipped through the tattered encyclopedia. “Here it is! It’s a Chrysemys picta!"

“What the hay does that mean?” I laughed. The turtle squirmed out of my hooves. Not too difficult, considering I was made of felt and linen.

Twilight lay flat on the ground, eye level with the turtle. “It’s a painted turtle.” She explained. The turtle crawled slowly on the ground, pausing when Twilight’s leg blocked its path. We giggled. It attempted to crawl over her, but it wasn’t big enough. It continued to stubbornly attempt, until Twilight lifted her leg, allowing the turtle to crawl back into the stream and swim away.

“What a silly turtle.” Twilight laughed.

I shivered. The sun was beginning to glow a dark orange, the clouds various shades of pink and yellow. “We should go. The pegasi are starting to paint the sky.”

Twilight pouted. “But we didn’t find the end of the stream yet.”

“We’ll find it some other time. Right now we need to get home before dark. Being stuck in the woods at night is scary, and Mom and Dad will be mad if you don’t get home.”

The woods looked a lot different with the light fading. I wasn’t sure where we were going, but Twilight was depending on me. I couldn’t let anything happen to her.

We walked into a little clearing. Fireflies flew lazily around us, blinking erratically. It was the first time we had ever seen them. Fireflies don't like living in places with too many ponies like Canterlot.

Everything in the woods was starting to look the same to me. I was scared. But Twilight hadn't noticed, enamored she was with the fireflies, who multiplied the closer to nightfall it was. They swarmed around us, allowing me to catch one between my hooves and place it on Twilight's leg. Twilight was delighted. We forgot about going home, forgot the very concept of time as we chased the fireflies, long after the sun had set.

But the best was yet to come. The stars blinked into the sky, first slow and sparse, then multiplying rapidly, until the entire sky was lit up by vast numbers of tiny little lights. Twilight didn't say a word, just stared at the sky silently. In that moment we were smaller and younger than we'd ever been. The universe drowned out our existence.

When Twilight’s parents found us, Twilight was deep in sleep. They lifted her off the ground and carried her home. Twilight was in a lot of trouble the next morning for leaving without them, but they were glad that she was okay.

Yes, that was a good memory. Twilight grew more mature that night, and fell in love with the stars. We snuck out every night after that to watch the stars, and Twilight got a telescope her next birthday.

Those happy memories were bittersweet now, like sugarcoated tears. Such beautiful moments stood in stark contrast to the dark interior of the musty chest. I can't even remember the last time I saw a star. I wish I had known at that time I wouldn't see the stars again. I would have memorized every particle of light, absorbed every second of it.

“Where’s my calendar, where’s my calendar?” Twilight muffled voice seeped through the chest I had been kept in, pulling me out of my memories. That poor girl never handled pressure very well.

“Um...where it always is?” Spike responded. Oh Spike...as dependable as ever. I wonder if he’s grown any since I’ve last seen him.

I used to really hate Spike. When Twilight first brought him back home after passing her entrance exam, it was fun to have someone else to play with. But after he began talking, Twilight started talking to me much less often. I felt like he had stolen my dearest friend away from me.

I was so young back then. My bond with Twilight had already weakened; I just didn’t realize it yet. It probably started when Twilight started becoming interested in magic, when she started spending nearly all of her time reading and practicing magic and didn't have any time for me. It was inevitable.

No, Twilight needed a friend besides me. I am only a doll; I was outgrown and have lost my spark. But Spike was real. He would always be able to respond and move on his own accord. He existed independently of Twilight. A doll only exists as long as its owner remembers it. The moment I got thrown away or given away, this me would cease to be, and a new me would be born, to be created by the next child who took me in.

It was a lesson I learned late, and one I still struggle with. The idea that I will one day be forgotten, that the world will continue on after I'm gone as if I had never been there, is terrifying. I wonder why I even existed at all, if only to cease to be, alone and unloved.

“Hold still.” Twilight said, concentrating hard to push the thread through the needle with her magic. She held the detached leg next to the rest of my body, and pushed the needle through the cloth. She messed up several times, but then again, her eyes were full of tears.

“I should have known better than to take you to school.” She said, her voice shaky. “Everypony at magic kindergarten is so mean to me! I hate school!”

I smiled. “Don't worry about me Twilight. It doesn’t hurt; I am a doll after all.”

Twilight continued bitterly. “Well who needs them? I sure don’t! I don’t need any other friends, as long as I have you!” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “You’ll always be my friend, right?”

I sat up, and wrapped her up in a tight embrace. “I love you Twilight, and I will always be your friend.” I wiped her eyes with my felt hoof. “So don’t worry about being alone. As long as I’m here, you’re never alone.”

Twilight hiccuped, and smiled through her tears. "So we'll always be together, even when I'm an old granny-pony?”

"You'll be the cutest grandma in Equestria." I teased, rubbed my still attached leg against her belly in a tickling motion. Twilight shrieked in laughter, and tried to escape my tickling clutches. Briefly, she forgot all about her rotten day, focused instead on our shared happy moment.

I was startled by a sudden bright light. Looking right at me was Twilight, her face desperate and scared. I wanted to ask her what happened, to comfort her. Most of all, I wanted to reach out and touch her, to know she was really there. I couldn't.

She lifted me out of the chest, giggling, broken down by stress. “Let’s find you a new home.”

***
I wasn’t ready yet. No amount of preparation could have prepared me for this moment, no matter how many times I told myself it was inevitable, that it was the natural order of things. But Twilight still had so much of her life left, so much that I wanted to see. I wanted to watch her grow old and accomplish all the things she dreamed of. Even if I could never speak or move again, I didn't mind, as long as I got to see her become everything she wanted to be.

At the very least, I want to say good-bye.

***

The fight over me had ended, and I flopped to the ground. The ponies that had previously been fighting over me stepped on me, the final indignity. I had been forgotten, and now abandoned. There wasn’t a thing in the world that wanted me. I would have wept, if I had tears to weep.

A warm mouth closed around one of my legs. I saw the red stallion from earlier (Big Macintosh?) carrying me, his eyes full of affection.

“Twilight don’t seem t’want ya no more.” He said softly. “Maybe, if it’s a’right, I can have ya.”

He walked a ways away with me, all the while peeking around to make sure we were alone. Once he was assured, he lay down in the grass, staring up into the sky while clutching me tightly. He was warm, and safe, like eternal bliss. “Ain’t it pretty?” He whispered. “I think it’s gotten prettier ever since that Princess Luna came back.”

The sky, the sky! It was just as beautiful, no, more beautiful than I had remembered it. Each star shone so clearly, twinkled so merrily. Their numbers infinite and beyond comprehension. Timeless, eternal, ancient splendor. And I, a tiny speck of existence, who couldn't even begin to properly describe it, let alone influence or affect it.

Somehow, that was okay. My existence meant very little, but Twilight had once needed me. That was enough.

She doesn't need me now. She has friends, real friends, who can hurt her, love her, protect her in ways I never could, because they truly existed. My chapter in the life of Twilight Sparkle was over.

And a new one is beginning. I felt a warmth rush through my body, coming to life as I did when I first met Twilight. What was my new friend going to be like? What kind of games would we play? The more I thought about it, the more excited I became. Someone would play with me! Someone would want me!

And Twilight... I beamed with pride at the thought of her. Such a special girl, and I had played a role in her life. That was something I would always be proud of. I hope to be able to keep watching over her, even if it must be from afar. Even if I wasn't hers anymore.

"Thank you so much Mom and Dad! It's just what I wanted!" Twilight hugged her parents, then tenderly lifted me out of the mess of wrapping paper and tissue, cradling me in her hoofs. I never realized how warm living beings were.

Time froze, as I stared up into her affectionate, anticipating eyes. And it struck me; I knew why I was here. I was here to make this filly happy.

And I would always love her.

Comments

This... is beautiful.
Well done.

[Eclipse]

Well written. Very nice

[rhiiazami]

This is amazing, very well done.

[blehp]

I was just convinced to register, and I feel like I need to explain more why I love this.
It's like a MLP version of The Velveteen Rabbit (which is fantastic and anyone who hasn't read it should right now).
http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/williams/rabbit/rabbit.html
Both have a charming and bittersweet way to look at children's toys and childhood in general, and I think you've made something really lovely here. I honestly can't even think of any criticisms for this. Maybe later I'll come back and nitpick, but anything I complain about will be very minor.
Keep on keepin' on.

[HikariAkai]

32612>>32658

Thank you

32679

This...is the highest compliment I could possibly hope to receive. To be compared to such a story as The Velveteen Rabbit, one of if not the cornerstone of many people's childhoods, is so mind-blowing that I don't even know what to say. I don't know if I deserve it, but thanks so much

[Meta Knight]

that was beautiful.

[Fin]

I loved this story, well done.
Its always the bittersweet stories that pull on my heart strings.

-Fin

[Nikola of Tesla]

If everything turned out happy in the end why am I so sad? I agree with Fin 33020 these stories are always the ones that get me. Amazing job please write more.

-Nikola of Tesla
Head of Applied Magic, Canterlot Institute of Technology

[HikariAkai]

32797>
Thank you
>33020>
Would it come as a surprise to you that bittersweet is my guilty pleasure? I'll roll my eyes at most depictions of suicide (it's really hard to portray without coming off as overly melodramatic) but a toy getting abandoned? Cue the waterworks!
>33062
I'm glad you considered it happy! I was worried that people respond with "Y U SO SAD", but I wanted it to be a hopeful story. I think a story of hope, tinged with tears, is much more memorable than a straight up heart-breaking, "i may never feel happy again" story.

Don't worry, there's much more where that comes from! Hikari's "in the zone" as it t'were! Even since I started writing again, my imagination has been sparked, and I've got so many ideas panned. My next story is going to be a comedy however, I need some lightening up around here (Of course, that's what I intended to do right after my previous story, and then this piece came out. You never know exactly when inspiration will strike.

[Princess Unoriginal]

I amost cried.
Almost.
This was so beautiful. I loved it. 5/5

Amazing. That's the only word I have to describe this. It's like three cups Velveteen Rabbit, one cup Calvin and Hobbes, and a tablespoon of Toy Story all folded into Friendship is Magic and blended expertly.

This moved me to tears. Thank you.

[Silver Tail]

So awesome, I wish my stories could be as good as this.

THanks for making me sad. And happy.

[HikariAkai]

34409

When I have more than one comment to respond to, I usually round them up into one post. This time however, I feel the need to respond to this comment in-depth, because I know that this is something that every writer deals with in the beginning.

Writing is hard, ungodly painfully hard. I could sit here and say I'm just a naturally gifted writer, but I'll be honest, I have been doing this for as long as I can remember. When I was in kindergarten, I made comic books and gave them to my teacher's aid to read. My middle school teacher had us write two books every year, not to mention the short stories, poems and journal entries we wrote every single day.This same teacher also pounded grammar into our heads, and to this day, I can't make a grammar error on the internet without wincing! In high school, I took creative writing classes, and wrote so many pages of essays I could wallpaper my room with them. I have a lot of experience behind me, but I am still learning. You will never master writing, it is a never ending process of making mistakes and learning from them. You experiment with different styles, you play with language, you find out what works and what doesn't.

I went through a very long writer's block right before this, and it was depressing. Everything I wrote was shit, and I knew it. Worst part was, I had a final project for Creative Writing, and absolutely nothing to turn in. I started and stopped several different projects, and had nothing to show for it. I eventually threw something together at the last minute, and turned it in in shame. Now that it's past me, I can see that was I needed was inspiration. But you don't just sit around and wait for inspiration, you go out and find it. This story came to me when I saw a piece of fanart of Smarty Pants, but there are so many other ways to find inspiration. Go read a book, watch a movie, pay attention to the things people do! I get most of my ideas from the people I see on the streets or on a daily basis. Pay attention to the stuff you like, analyze the shit out of it even, and pick out what it is you like about it and let it influence you.

Write the things you want to read. The best thing about being a writer is if you want a story to exist, then voila! It exists! Do you sit there thinking "You know what I want to read? A MLP crossover with Citizen Kane!" Then what are you waiting for? Write it! You need to write for yourself. Hell, that's what made this show so popular! The writers for FiM weren't trying to write something for a male demographic, they wrote for themselves. That is very special and very important to remember when writing. The things you want to write may not be what's popular right now, and your views might suffer for it, but it's far more important that you're pleased with it.

It's important to know the rules of the language you're writing in. Run spellchecker several times while you're writing, but be careful; I tend to use spellchecker when I'm procrastinating. You also should re-read the story for errors spellchecker missed. But just as important is to know when to break the rules. A story with perfect grammar is terribly stilted, and can be as much a chore to sit through as a story with painful grammar. Break the rules, shred them to pieces even; but you can only do it right if you actually know the rules in the first place.

It's important to learn how to self-edit. After I write, I let it sit for a while, then return to it and I hi-lite everything I don't like about it in yellow, and everything I do like in red. It helps me hone in on where I need to work the most, and it also keeps my morale up when I emphasize what I really like about it. Recognize when something works, and when it falls flat. It is also incredibly important to learn how to accept criticism, even if you disagree. When you take criticism seriously, you learn far more than you could possibly learn alone. Know the difference between good and bad criticism though, and don't let it change your story into something that's not yours. Remember "Art of the Dress"?

I may not be the best person to be telling you this, and I'm certainly not the greatest writer of fanfiction out there. I have terrible writing habits; I procrastinate, and write very slowly. 2500 words took me days to write. I also can be really cruel to myself. At one point, while forcing myself through a writing block, I just wrote Fuck twenty times and even wrote a song about how this fanfiction needed to be sent to the moon. I almost deleted this a thousand times, and my heart was in my throat when I posted it.

Sweet crap, I've been writing this a long time. Anyways, be confident. If your story doesn't get noticed or gets a bad reception, don't let it stop you cold. Keep writing what you love, and if you aim to improve and build on what you've done, I guarantee you'll improve!

Urgh...I need to go to bed...Hopefully that helps, or makes a lick of sense. And after all that time spent writing, hopefully you see this

This stirred emotions I haven't felt since the first time I read the ending of The Amber Spyglass, and that's a very special book.

34314
Yeah i liked this story too, and if you read too much grimdark lately... Read "My little Dashie" it is such a sweet story and it has made me cry everytime i think of it...

[Dublio]

Whatever you do, don't read this story while playing this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wujiEeZje_M

It's "When she loved me," by Sarah McLachlan. Jesse's song in Toy Story 2.

[Wanderer D]

This is a great story! Thank you for sharing it!

Arg, my heart!

*heart explodes*

[richfiles]

34290

I did...

It just kills me that she forgot... I love she got a new start, but why lose ones past memory, the love and joys she once knew... It's so sad.

Omg, so sad and beautiful Kind of reminds me of the end of Toy Story 3.

[NimbleBolt]

must not cry must not cry ok I'm not cry but its still very sad and very good.

[wlyteth]

That was lovely, thank you for this sweet story.

[Silver Tail]

34537

Wow, this is certainly the longest response I've gotten online in a long time, so first let me say thanks.

I've been writing for over 5 years, but whenever I write MLP it's utter crap. My one story on Equestria Daily is the least viewed and most hated story on the entire site, and I know because I look at every single fic that gets put up on there. Every single one of them gets more ratings and comments in its first DAY than mine has gotten in the months it's been up. On here my stories are lucky if they get a single comment and 100 views. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, or why I'm the most hated writer on five fanfic sites, I just know I am and I doubt any amount of practice will change that.

[HikariAkai]

44793
Sorry about that I was trying to say all the things I wish I had known when I was at rock bottom, and it ended up taking up a lot of space. But I wouldn't have responded if I hadn't been in the position you're in before, so believe me when I say that I truly and honestly believe that it will get better at some point.

That was so sad... Fantastically written,though.

I guess this story struck at some deeply rooted fear, because I cried for two hours last night after reading it. Congratulations on your effective use of pathos.

[HikariAkai]

Somewhat re-written. Prose is a little bit more tightened, and grammar mistakes (which I frankly can't believe haven't been pointed out before) have been fixed. Hopefully, all of them have been taken care of.

Also, having 29 comments is slightly bugging me, so I'm bringing it up to a nice, round 30

[Cerulean Starlight]

>this story
Argh, I don't know how to word my response. Those Pinkies will do.

[HikariAkai]

198817

The mistakes, they just won't LEAVE!

Seriously though, thanks a lot. Though technically since pegasus is Greek, it should be pegasuses (which still makes me wrong) but since the series uses the Latin plural, I probably should too.

[Samusbot]

Wow. Having read this, I feel as though my heart has exploded from the sadness.
I've read a fanfic of Calvin & Hobbes in which Calvin grows up and forgets Hobbes, leaving him for real friends, then finding him again later in with his stuff, remembers all the good times, then passes Hobbes down to his own child to play with.
I've also more recently read a fic on this site called One Last Song, which I also remembered instantly after reading this.
Five stars, and track-track-track.

[HikariAkai]

211255

That Calvin and Hobbes fic...where did you find it??? Calvin and Hobbes has been my personal favorite ever since I was two. It's been such a huge inspiration for me, and I've never seen any fanfiction for it before.

[Everyday We Shufflin]

insert Calvin and Hobbes joke here and were good to go.

[Private Riften Guard]

Is anyone out there?