It was a sunny day as it usually was. Until something was out of place.
Chapters (1)
YugiohMAN420
Joined 27th Jan, 2015 ·
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Too many line skips, but a good story nonetheless. So, to quote my first follower:
Huh... this is way better than I expected.
hmm it seems like anything with roseluck is either a dark or sad story... still good though!
Ooh.
Okay, I decided to take a look at this story as the rest of them have the "sex" tag...
So, storywise, it was not bad. More description could be used at the end and about the "grey bits", because these felt kind of rushed and missing some important information.
I was able to find a bunch grammar and spelling mistakes. Some like these below are thorough the whole text. Let's take
Should be just "I run to the bathroom".
Why is her arm twitching? It wasn't mentioned before. And why is it the reason to leave the bathroom?
However most of errors are in the first paragraph, easily scaring readers away. Now, let's see:
If you want to discuss something, feel free to PM me