Everything seemed normal in Ponyville until the Princess of Friendship passes away
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Feel free to hate this but I was listening to some sad music for some reason and thought of this. Hope you enjoy!
I draw stuff and write stuff, nuff said
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Never, EVER do this
Who's spectrum?
Also...
wat
--SYA, The Horse
Sorry, but this isn't a good fic. If you wanted to do a fic where a character dies you could have done a better then this. Sorry
Oh Spec... Great idea.... poor execution. Once again, this felt more like an outline, than a story.
OMGFU?! TWILGHT DIEZ?!!!! DIZLIEK!!!
Hmmm... as Cowgirl said. The ideas are there, but it doesn't really look or feel like a story, more like an outline.
As the first comment stated, it's usually not a good idea to simply state who the P.O.V. is currently with. Thats where the outline feel comes from, turning it more into a collection of ideas instead of a story.
Everything happened a bit too fast, and i see you included Spectrum, but it's going to be difficult for those who don't know you to know who she is.
If you wish to take the time and try to expand it a little, you definitely have many parts you could improve upon. As i said though, the outline feel will make most who look at it feel like it was rushed.
Keep working Spectrum, it's all a learning process Let me know if you have any questions i'll be happy to help you out, as always.
To make an immersive and great story, you have to have alot of different elements, one of those being subtlety and knowing how to make the story flow correctly. Being too blatant insults the reader's intelligence, and breaks the immersion. It could have been handled better.
TL;DR
I should not be told which point of view the story is being told in a blatant way, and i should not be forced to accept the quick shifts of the point of view.
Um that was rilly good but I did see one problem in the first part at flutters whys pov were it says
"I asked in a quiet voice, “Twilight? No…” it should say I said in a quiet voice , "Twilight? No..." In my Veiw it sound better but that's just me.
You people are blind to a good story. there are flaws, yes. but all you moronic people are doing is focusing on the bad stuff. it is a great story, nice work.
6133827 thanks ^^
Im going to at some point re upload it with better grammar and the plot spread out more so its better
sequal?