Daniel Blaze is a human who’s has lost the few people he had close to his heart and has experienced nothing but pain and suffering for years. But all changed when he was brought to a world ruled by anthro ponies, and other mythical creatures.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I give this a thumbs up and will see where it goes from here
A diamond and obsidian katana? Sounds like someone got their knowledge of swordsmithing from Minecraft. I'll give it a read, but I don't expect anything spectacular.
Hmmm, you have my interest, I'll give a fave, hopefully this will be updated often
5929719 A lot more will happen soon. Believe me. Six more Chapters are actually done, but I'm waiting for The Great Reader to finish with the editing. Things will get more exciting, believe me.
5930017 Thanks you. I try my best.
5930176 It will. Six Chapters are done, but are being edited for the moment. It will be updated soon.
5930146 It will get interested soon. But if you don't enjoy it, it's understandable.
When one must edit an entire chapter on their own that not only requires edits, but changes to description and other elements of the chapter every so often, it'll take a few days per chapter at least lol.
I get that you are six chapters in, but I honestly think the sword should be changed. A sword made of diamond and obsidian would be pretty impractical, and improbable. Those materials are actually quite brittle pretty brittle, and the longest blade that could be made with obsidian is just about nine inches.
Maybe instead a dagger or knife made obsidian, and a steel, or titanium if it has to be that special, sword with a diamond serated edge. It follows the anime rule of cool while still being somewhat realistic.
Other then that I am interested in seeing where this goes.
other than the sword this is pretty good :P
This chapter was good but I think he should have held onto his anger a little longer I mean Rainbow did smash the only thing he has to remember his mother. I mean he should have at least brought it up before forgiving them but that's just me I guess
5931677 he still does, but he's keeping his anger in check. When he was with his grandfather, he also did meditation, which helps keep his mind and body calm.
This got boring. There's Pipsqueak, generic guy being generic hero. Saved him, and went to Ponyville. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash attack and being an asshole. Seen it.
Then the guy is being attacked by a freaking anthro and he decides to risk everything by sheathing the sword and fighting hand to hand? Why the hell not draw the sword, back away slowly, and hope she's not stupid enough to impale herself on it?
Now we have the mother's pendant, and all that crap happening, and then he's being all nice and forgiving. I've seen this dozens of times.
The human arrives in ponyland, gets hurt and misunderstood, and forgives them because they're cute, and the abusive relationship continues. For the love of God, do something original!
Make him pull out the sword and have Rainbow back off. In fact, make Rainbow be a little bit less of a headstrong cock and have her have learned from her adventures in the past 3-4 seasons depending on your interpretation. Make him slowly put down Pip and leave until the ponies want to contact him again. Make Pinkie stop being such an immature, irritating psychopathic shit. Make the freaking sword out of actual metal... I just can't even...
This guy is a pushover because he allows himself to get pushed over. It's kinda boring.
nice chapter, hope to see more.
5936747 Diamonds are pretty tough material, and they can't be broken easily, but it's not truly the strongest material to be known on Earth. I've studied that the carbon Crystal that is form within a meteor is actually the toughest crystal around, at least that's what I think. So Diamonds, obsidian, meteorite and the carbon crystal are what I think are the toughest material to be known in my opinion.
We are not Homo Sapiens, we have since evolved and are now Homo Sapien Sapiens. Sorry if I sound rude I just noticed you called us Homo sapiens in your story.
5937489 nah, don't worry about it.
Since I see lots of comments about the sword and it's materials, let me hint that you'll completely understand it in the coming chapters. There will be a bit of story to how it was made and what it is actually made of. Not only will it make the sword make sense, as well as some other things, but will expand everyone's understanding of the story.
On another note, I do agree with some that the story is a bit rushed in the first two chapters, but the pacing Shadic has in the following chapters improves as it goes. Not only that but I am helping him with it as well since I am his editor, so expect continued improvement as the story progresses.
5942060 If you look to what I've said before, the sword will make perfect sense in one of the coming chapters.
5939244 Shadic is going along the route that he didn't want to risk severely hurting Rainbow Dash or the others. If you know anything about Karate, it's not meant for anything other than self defense. That's one of the biggest things they teach those training in that form of martial arts, discipline is important to those that use it and train it.
"...only for the blade to shatter like hollywood stunt glass. 'Dangit, Granddad!' I shouted as the wolf did to me what a Salad Shooter does to a leaf of lettuce."
5937511 This is a really good story.
It's one of the few stories of where I actually 'read' the lines of the story XD.
Keep up the amazing work, and I hope that Dash will get what she deserves for what she did to Daniel's pendant.
Didn't know it or not, she needs to pay for her sins :(
6071507 who would dislike this
Yeah! Listen to Torgue I mean Pipsqueak
Alright, decent enough story, chock full of tropes, but decent.
Now, i only have one major complaint. ASSESS YOUR CHARACTERS POWER LEVEL. The guy jumps of a cliff when cornered by three bullies, but takes down three timberwolves with ease? Dude.
Look, it'd be fine if one of the bullies had a gun. Then everything would work well-ish.
And that pussy cop-out line of "I was kicked out of school cause i beat up my bullies"? Don't give us that garbage. You could say... they attacked me, on the street, and i defended myself wit the sword. Maybe a boy lost an ear, or got half his face torn off. THEN that would work.
Also... Minecraft logic. A diamond sword is useless. 110% crap. You could never make one.
Obsidian would work actually, provided you NEVER hit anything but soft squishy skin. Thats why Native American's made arrowheads out of it.
Lastly. COUGHING up blood. That means internal bleeding. Idiotic considering rainbow dash only gave him a few bruises. But wait, APPLEJACK kicked him in the head. Instead of internal bleeding, change it to a wicked concussion. Same effect, but it gives your writing the added oomph of real world physics.
Holy hell... I will begin to decipher this code. *many months later*
It took me many months but I cracked the code... Here's what it says.
...Wait a minute....
... N..Nurse Red Heart is Princess Celestia!!!!
orig06.deviantart.net/c9d9/f/2014/005/a/1/pinkie_pie___didny_worl__by_pinkiepizzles-d5so3yo.gif
6458248 *epic dun* ddddddduuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnn
5932953 *reads your unwanted dumbass comment*hmmmmmmm then why keep reading chapters
OK, I'm only 2 chapters in.. and already I count 14 things 15 if you count the manticore stinger that would have lead up to or just outright killed this guy just from the manticore scene alone and that's before he managed to kill them I mean he has what internal damage, quite possible a concussion, a broken nose, possible cracked ribs, and that's before the manticore fight, now add the three slashes to his chest which if going by what the manticores size sounds like, the slashes would be both pretty deep and wide even at just the claw tips alone.. now throw in more internal damage from being thrown into a tree, another slash along his leg(which should cripple him regardless of adrenaline), and then there's the stingers which you state show signs of dripping venom which means that regardless of whether or not he pulled the stinger out of himself in the TENTH of a SECOND it would require to prevent the venom sack from releasing inside him the venom on the stingers outer coating would have still claimed him over all he should have quintessentially been dead before the second manticore even dropped!
Now lets look at the fact that he some how is fighting like some anime warrior rather then Oh I don't know, someone who's supposedly been trained to use a sword, preform Karate, and do most if not all forms of MMA in the span of what 10 years all of which to properly learn enough while learning to do the park-our required to fight like one of them anime warrior is physically impossible for someone to do in said span of time while also maintaining schooling (which regardless of being expelled for that completely retarded excuse that wouldn't cause an expulsion unless he used a weapon himself in a US public school) he would have to have been in at least his late twenties/ early thirties to have that kind of experience, and that's being generous considering I'm taking into account the combat experience and quite possibly the possession by some form of godlike entity or spirit.
Personally I don't care how the sword is made like everyone else apparently, cause some how that's more important then the physical and mental capabilities of a twenty year old who's had what amounts to a shit hand filled with jokers.
I hope the story gets better cause as it stands, your Gary Stu is TO Gary Stu, you need to temperament how much god power you put into your character for schizzle brah.
6585406 well let me debunk your ENTIRE RANT about this story in one fell swoop.
IT IS CALLED FICTION FOR A REASON
thank you have a nice day
Wow, he was able to defeat 3 manticores while severely injured? that's hardcore!
that was awesome read he is a total BAD ASS !!!!!!!!
sorry but he a beast and this cracks me up and this is how i flat wall i was reading it.
5932953 lol no
5932953 Okay i can agree with a couple of ur points, just not the way you phrased them.
How do you put homemade drawings on fimfiction. I'v been trying to do that for days
6996686 Take a picture of it, upload it to deviantART, and... click the picture icon. I think you can figure the rest out.
Sigh
Wow, he got over his mother's pendant real fucking quick...
7288704 Yea! no kidding. i would have thought that RD would have apologized personally for that and twilight fixes it in order for him to get over it.
I prayed to the God Emperor that this would not be a generic hie fic and my faith proved strong
. . . Now i remember why i never favorited this . . . So Cringe-Worthy
This story went full on Anime...
You went full Anime, never go full Anime. Also this story is a copy and paste. This exact same story is on Fanfiction.net with over 100 chapters. My question is, did you get permission to upload this? I have been following the other story for over a year now and this is still in the first few chapters. I hope you asked if you could post this onto this site, if not then you are just stealing a story that another worked hard for.
Oh, another cliche found in HiEs. If they aren't transformed into a pony, they are attacked on sight by either Rainbow Dash, Applejack, or the guards, mostly because they look different.
Wow, that sentence is worded all wrong. I can hardly tell what it's supposed to say. I can't even think of a correct way to word it.
If this person was a normal human, he would have died, or at least had a number of broken bones. Only explanations: He isn't remotely human, or he's an anime protagonist.
Should be mother's.
And some are right greedy bastards that will burn down villages for gold and not give a shite.
Only now? You were listening to calming music a few minutes ago. If anything, you should have started bleeding out back then.
You know, it is not physically possible for a human to move faster than the eye can see without assistance and equipment to keep from injuring themselves, especially if it is an instant acceleration and deceleration. We can see cars moving, and there's no way a human can move as fast as one without assistance. The insanely high G-forces from the sudden acceleration and deceleration associated with accelerating and decelerating to and from such a high speed would likely harm them to a ridiculous point. There are things you can see moving and yet the acceleration and deceleration would rip their limbs off and shatter their bones, so no human could actually go at the speed described with the rapid acceleration and deceleration without becoming a fine, red misty substance, and that means they died and turned into gas.
Nevermind, he's an anime protagonist that is only part human and part Shinigami or some other supernatural creature of god-like proportion apparently. This begs the question: HOW WAS HE BULLIED AND PICKED UPON BY 3 IDIOTIC ORDINARY KIDS? Hell, if he can move at speeds that make him practically invisible while keeping sight of everything that's going on as he moves, he should actually be able to see and move out of the way of bullets with extreme ease. Humans have more mass and volume than a bullet, so accelerating them to a speed as fast as a bullet(approximately the speed of sound) is a lot harder than accelerating said bullet. Humans would have to go far faster than a bullet to be practically invisible, and there's no way someone that isn't at least part-immortal could actually move like that without dying instantly, so he's a super-powerful semi-human that was loosing to 3 pathetic humans, but beat 3 manticores is a fashion that would have to be done only by supernatural beings. Totally makes sense.
Still, it's not a bad story.
A tad cliche, and it's going a bit on the Anime side. However, it's readable, at least for me, so I'll give the rest a read.
First time reading, and good hopes for this.
So after nearly dying, being beaten by both Rainbow & Applejack to the point where he's literally coughing up blood, and fighting three manticore's. He's only out for two days, and they thought he'd never wake up........ Fuck that he should've been out for a week at least, for them to say some shit like that. Hell they should've said that he shouldn't be up. With the internal bleeding, broken limbs, and concussion, he should still be out. I mean fuck I get it he's an anime character, but even Goku was in the hospital for a whole week. And, your character is supposedly human. Yet he woke up in two days.... Got damn it you better have a good reason for this. Besides that good chapter. I've enjoyed the story so far.
8240580 healing factor
Whatever happened to the ball?
8417680
the ball died... poof
NO
It's not fucking tail, it's TALE!!! I can only assume autocorrect is behind this since towards the end, the error shows up for the third time.
This error is a pet peeve of mine so i can't just ignore it....