Applebloom is tasked with writing a story about how siblings help ponies to meet society's expectations. In so doing, she learns a very important lesson about her and Applejack's relationship.
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- Member Since 4th Aug, 2013
- offline last seen May 5th, 2019
Slate Sadpony
Male earth pony. Exceptionally weird.
Slate Sadpony
Joined 4th Aug, 2013 ·
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There are a couple odd sentences here 'n' there, and I almost wish you'd let yourself pause a bit more to focus on Applejack and Apple Bloom's dynamic, but this is a perfectly charming little story, and I very much appreciated how well you capture all the characters' voices throughout. The warm, caring energy you put into showing Applejack and Apple Bloom's feelings for each other rings true from start to finish, and you do a nice job of keeping the story's pacing and flow tight and coherent. Very nice work. ^_^
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It could use some work, but I wanted to do it under "simulated" writeoff conditions, i.e. "you have 48 hours GO!" That leaves limited room for going back to correct mistakes or take second passes. I'm trying to pressure myself to write really good first drafts (which this is), figuring that editing and improving can always come in later if people actually like the story's core ideas.
Speaking of, I'm glad you liked the story's core ideas. AJ and AB aren't my favorites on the show, but they really do care about one another and I wanted to make sure that showed through.
I also really put the time and effort into the dialogue, I'm glad you feel I succeeded.
Thank you for your comment!
Very nicely done. I would've liked to see more of AJ and AB talking about things before the eventual report, but I can understand wanting to stick to the restrictions of the writeoff.
Bravo on pushing through!