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Better than jail

The Story takes place in an alternate Universe, Ponyville is an existing village and the reader is traveling there to do some work. Story is second person, so you are the main character.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 4 )

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gamer4COD

gamer4COD #1 · Apr 15th, 2015 · · · 1. Stupid Train ·

Sony takes porn seriously.

gamer4COD

gamer4COD #2 · Apr 15th, 2015 · · · 2. Fresh Air ·

Totally gonna have a good time.

Texus

Texus #3 · Apr 18th, 2015 · · · 2. Fresh Air ·

your chapters should be around 2000 words at least.
hhhmmmmm there is not enough to say, that you rush the story, but take your time please.

The idea is not bad i guess, but i feat that it maybe going to be bad, if you make it that short, and well rush everything.

His reaction to Rarity is probably okay, i can´t say anything against it, but it was just a little scene, and well it seems to be something, like those 2-5 minutes short videos.

Since i can´t explain it good enough right now, just make it a bit longer, take your time to describe more i guess, and please don´t rush the romance.

I give you a chance, but i don´t vote yet, it is not really bad, but nothing special till now.

Texus