- Member Since 10th Jul, 2012
- offline last seen Saturday
Shadow Night
Normally I'm pretty shy, but if you talk to me I open up and can be very friendly. I'm not new to writing but i've never published much. I like action, comedy and all kinds of stories really.
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Glad there are some folks who like this. I know its not the best (first MLP fic) but I'm glad to see a few people like it. The ones who disliked and didn't say why I figure are just the "view title, down vote" Not fond of that. Message to those people. That doesn't help! I do want suggestions and creative criticism if any other authors have suggestions. Or tell me what you like. I'm going out of town so updates may not be for a few more days, but let me know if I should keep this going. Thanks everyone
Keep at this looks promising i would like to see where you head with this.
well here some help
"Destroy it. The object we seek is a mask that will corrupt and infect this world with a twisted cybernetic mind, robbing every sentient being on this world of their free will if not found and destroyed before it can be used. If it is ever put on, it will be the damnation of this world. We must find it and destroy it."
the ones in blue i would recommend an alternative word to take their place a thesaurus would help in that. As for the red you might consider getting rid of it all together since you've stated the same thing twice already in the previous sentences.
As for you felling off about this chapter i would have to agree the flow of it just seems different compared to the first two in some way and the flow of a work is something i myself have struggle with so... Although i can tell you've lost a bit of your descriptiveness in this chapter to a degree the only advice i could give about that would be to reread the previous chapters you wrote and see the differences.
The last bit of advice would be the obvious of get an editor but since that could take a bit the most helpful thing would be for more people to get involved at this point
:D
6044076 yeah. I think the moving across the country threw off the flow I had going. I may go back and revise this chapter later on, and I definitely need a pre-reader. I do want to move on with the story, but I'm just not really sure about the most recent chapter. I may go back and see what I can adjust. Well, At least the story is coming along. Thanks for the advice though. I appreciate anything that helps my story.
6046330
hey no prob
Please update soon.
Ohhh, nice start.
Also, I always though Loic as the silence guy and Hargreaves the one who talks.
Also, I think that Violence Hammer is a better weapon to Hargreaves, instead of Guillotine.
But hey, I'm not complainning. It's your story, pal.
Ahhh, the Guillotines. One of the best weapons in the game.
Good chapter, friend