• Member Since 31st Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Yoshikage Kira


"Beautiful Duwang" - Crossovers and Sci-Fi. Proud Inquisitor of Protect Flurry Heart and dedicated Video Game Writer.

Sequels1

Comments ( 1055 )

Awesome, cannot wait to read what you have in store for us. Also, great timing, I just finished playing all three of them not too long ago.

nice. not too bad. Just fix the spelling mistakes and you're good. :pinkiehappy:

Aw Chet.. You could make this epic. Or crap. So be careful.....

“MY CABBAGES!”

mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/My-Cabbages-Gif-On-Avatar-The-Last-Airbender.gif

All kidding aside, apart from several grammar errors, mostly punctuation, I feel like the characters are a little... well, out of character. However, I love Dead Space, ponies, and helping people who want it, so I'll stick along for the ride.

I'm interested. Not the typical Dead Space crossover, but it's interesting so far.

3864918
I kind of wrote this half-awake during lunch at school so... :ajsleepy:

I didn't waste any class time on it though! :scootangel:

You need to edit somethings here and there, but other than that this story pretty interesting.

Repetitions. Avoid them.

3866321
I shall give random advice from time to time. :pinkiesmile:

Aww yiss.

Motha

Fuckin

Dead Space.

Comment posted by Yoshikage Kira deleted Jan 30th, 2014
Comment posted by Yoshikage Kira deleted Jan 30th, 2014

Next chapter is almost done and will be Twice as long.
Say WHAT!? :pinkiegasp:
Pinkie, get off the computer. :ajbemused:

This appears to be your first story, and let me tell you sir, you have potential. I'm loving the story so far, can't wait to see what's in store for Isaac.




:pinkiecrazy:

3867199
Just wait until the Pacific Rim story! :pinkiecrazy:

Deadspace crissover just GREAT!

3867890 EVAD? What's that? :rainbowhuh:

haha oh god how will issac cope with this sitaution:rainbowlaugh:

Alright, first thing:

“I don’t mind at all. I was having this terrible dream where there were zombies, guys shooting at us, a wibbly-wobbly camera, making me all dizzy, and then, the worst of it, QUICK TIME EVENTS THAT COMPLETELY RUINED THE SEQUENCES!”

Are you talking about a group of games or one in particular, because Dead Space 3 was the shit.

Moving on, I noticed quite a few things that need to be fixed. There were a lot of instances where two different characters are speaking in the same paragraph. If there's a new speaker, always make a new paragraph.
You also used capital letters a couple times to emphasize some things. Personally, I don't think you should try to emphasize anything in prose, but rather, use what your characters say to emphasize points. I don't know if there's any rules against emphasizing in prose or how you should do it if you can, though. Look it up and judge for yourself.
Isaac's use of language. I know he uses a lot of it when he's getting attacked or he's pissed, but he doesn't use it every single sentence. Might want to tone it down a bit.
Finally, Fluttershy's stuttering. This is a major folly for new writers, and I assume (which is a bad idea, but I'm full of bad ideas) you're a new one by taking into consideration that this is your first story. You don't want to do what you did in the story EVER. What I usually do is I only stutter the first word in a sentence. If it's a long sentence, I'll stutter one or two more words, but I won't do tons of it. You can make up your own system if you want, but what you did isn't the best thing to do.

I really hope you take what I've said into some kind of consideration. I'm only trying to help.

3869523
Thank you for your input. I'm trying to get into a career for writing and was starting here to look into how I can improve. Thank you for your input and for the record it was just Resident Evil 6 I was complaining about. Look up the song Wiggle sticks by miracleofsound. i shall try to correct this stuttering issue. Thank you.

3870015 That's gonna be in my head forever now.
I wish DS3 had more of the stick-hold QTE events (like when you're climbing the bulldozer as it's falling off the cliff when you're about to face the Snowbeast) so it felt like you were actually trying to get somewhere.

What if it’s an ALIEN! With super cool gadgets and armor and weapons and gizmos and-

Rainbow Dash, a.k.a jinx-master 5000

Actually girls, I went to investigate earlier...

Fluttershy.
Went to investigate.
Something unknown that came in like a fucking wrecking ball (Iregretnothing).
All by herself.
...
The fuck?

What in tar-nation is ‘at supposed ta mean?

i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/516/386/0e7.gif
Really Applejack?

Fucking really?

PERFECT EQUESTRIAN

SINCE WHEN WAS THAT A SURPRISE?! FLUTTERSHY LITERALLY JUST SAID HE ASKED FOR HELP! (apparently Applejack speaks some other language)

Ah! This will be a good story, I can already feel it. Doesn't matter if it has those minor oddities, it's still a motherfucking crossover with the motherfucking Dead Space!
This is screaming yes in 10 languages already.

Yo new on the site:ajbemused: also why are there never enough chapters its to interesting to just stop so soon:flutterrage:!

3871762
I wrote two chapters in six hours and have benchmarks at school along with a massive 200 question review in Calculus that is due at the end of the week and I just started a day before this story. :ajbemused::ajbemused:

AND I'm about to finish Chapter 3, OKAY!?:twilightangry2:

More chapters will be uploaded when I have time. Not this weekend because I have a paper to write for Democracy class at the Austin Community College, but after that, I whould be able to make a new chapter every week. :eeyup:

OKAY!? :flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

If only I had known:pinkiesad2: anyways good chapter look forward to the next:raritywink:

oh god we need markiplier to cameo haha :rainbowlaugh: but oh man great chapter dude :twilightsmile:

Good job sir. Quite a good show.:moustache:

P
E
C
L


That's what we've got so far. Let's hope they mean something.

Comment posted by Yoshikage Kira deleted Feb 5th, 2014

3868266 A gaming group that I play with, never mind

3872493 Now that you mention Celestia, I can kinda imagined that if she were to retaliate against Isaac with an anti-gravity spell... well, we wouldn't be reading this if we didn't have our own fun with zero-g.

3872929
Grav jets and mag boots son!:coolphoto:
Keeps Isaac leveled and down to Earth. :moustache:

Shining Asshole... Nice xD anyway I look forward to next chapter with cadence.

3873013 Exactly, just a thought.

Also great story by the way.

Awww...Isaac didn't get a chance to break Rarity's mind with the fact that every pony in Equestria is pretty much naked.

Thought I smelled a Markilier reference with that "fuckity fucking fuck".:pinkiehappy:

Yup, fucking flawless.

3874916
I have school to go through, a paper to write, and s trimester to finish. As soon as I get to spring break, expect one every two days.

“My most faithful student, thank you for considering the safety of our beings, but do not forget that there is little that can harm us.

I hope that's just pony naivety speaking....

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