Human in Equestria Department

by AzelTheMantis

Phase 4: The First Job

Phase 4: The First Job

"I think I'm gonna be sick..." Rainbow Dash said, clutching her mouth with her front hooves and slumping to the floor of the transport tube. The sudden takeoff had left her stomach turning, ready to shoot some rather gross projectiles at any second.

"Don't throw up on your suit, speedster", M told her as he loaded his gun. Type-B's were one of the few humans an HiED agent shouldn't take lightly, especially since the incident four years before.

In a matter of seconds, the transport tube stopped almost as suddenly as it took off. The cylinder swung open, revealing a large town hall which the rainbow-maned pegasus recognized as Ponyville's Town Hall.

"Ponyville?...What...if...the others see us?", Rainbow Dash barely managed to blurt out as she swallowed the fluids that were trying to force their way out.

"Not our main concern. The major predicament is that the Type-B might have already made it in here", M replied, hiding his gun inside his suit, "Get up, speedster. We'll check out the farm first".

"Sweet Apple Acres?" Rainbow Dash asked, stepping outside the tube which was curiously enough, unnoticed by any of the ponies nearby.

"That's right. By some damned luck, our target has decided to take a little breather at a barn", M said.

"Wait, today's not a school day, right?" Rainbow Dash suddenly remembered something, "Oh buck! Those three are probably at the farm right now!" she panicked a bit at the thought that the Cutie Mark Crusaders might have met their target.

"Don't worry about them, they'll be fine", M simply told her without a single hint of concern.

"They'll be fine? Didn't you hear what O said? She specifically told us to be careful! Look, I'm not really the cautious type but we need to make sure Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle are safe and out of danger", Rainbow Dash suggested.

"No can do, speedster. It's a waste of time. Either we go right for the Type-B or we don't", M sternly replied.

"For the love of..." Rainbow Dash facehoofed herself, "They're just little fillies for Celestia's sake!"

"They're okay, speedster"

"And now suddenly you have awesome knowledge-y skills?"

"They're right behind you"

"I mean, what's so hard about making sure they're..." Rainbow Dash continued before she turned around slowly, "...alright..." she finished bluntly when she saw the three, slightly puzzled fillies.

"Hi Rainbow Dash, Mr. Business Guy", Apple Bloom greeted the HiED agents.

"Hey...you three..." Rainbow Dash nervously gave them a wave while M slowly took out his neuralyzer.

"Uh...Rainbow Dash, why are you wearing a suit?" Sweetie Belle asked.

And what's with your hair?" Scootaloo added when she saw Rainbow Dash's combed hairdo.

"Oh, right...", Rainbow Dash chuckled before she hastily fixed her do, "Well...I...um...we...", she stammered, trying to explain the situation to the three.

Even though she knew that the Crusaders would hang by her every word, she wasn't able to find the right alibi to make them go away. She turned her head towards M who was already sporting his shades which probably meant that she needed to reach for hers asap.

"Nice shades", Scootaloo commented.

"Would you three look right here?" M asked before light flashed from the neuralyzer.

"What the hay was that for!? I had the situation under control. I was gonna send them off", Rainbow Dash groaned.

"No, you were never gonna come up with a good enough reason for wearing that suit", M replied.

"I was gonna!"

"That's not the impression I got, speedster"

"And now you suddenly have a cool predicting gimmick or something?" Rainbow Dash asked with a hint of sarcasm.

While the two were bickering, the Crusaders were slowly getting back to their senses. They hadn't remembered a thing about suddenly meeting a suited Rainbow Dash but it appeared that she was arguing with somepony, presumably her new boss.

"Rainbow Dash? Why are you arguing with your boss?" Scootaloo inquired, abruptly stopping the argument between the two ponies.

Rainbow Dash raised her eyebrow in surprise while M neuralyzed them again, much to the annoyance of the pegasus.

"What's the matter with you? You're gonna fry their brains or something", Rainbow Dash retorted, barely managing to put her shades back on before the neuralyzation.

"Never hurt them before", M replied.

"What do you mean "before"?" Rainbow Dash asked, "Did you flashy thing them before"

"Come on, speedster", M simply pulled her away from the trio, "We're gonna be late for our little date with the Type-B".

"I'm serious, M. Did you flashy thing them before?" Rainbow Dash asked as she begrudgingly followed the agent.

Meanwhile, in Canterlot

Twilight Sparkle and the rest of the mane six had already reached Joe's Donut Shop. Upon inquiring the stallion, they learned that Rainbow Dash had already gone back to Ponyville after she had met with somepony simply named M.

Joe was a bit tense when asked by the group but nevertheless, he managed to steer them away from the backdoor momentarily, a feat which would've been deemed impossible especially when Twilight Sparkle of all ponies was questioning about it. With some orders from Glock, he directed them to Ponyville where M would be ready to take care of them.

"See! I told you she had a super duper secret coltfriend", Pinkie Pie gave a huge, victorious smile as she and the others sans Twilight sat around a table. Joe had offered them coffee and some donuts as compensation for their troubles and with some extra persuasion from the pink pony, they decided it was best to just enjoy the drinks.

"We don't know that", Applejack said, "Besides, if she had a coltfriend, we'd probably know about it beforehoof".

"Exactly! We all know how...er...inexperienced Rainbow Dash is regarding love", Rarity agreed.

"I-I hope she's alright", Fluttershy said with concern.

"Don't worry, Fluttershy. We're goin' to get to the bottom of this", Applejack assured her before she turned to Twilight who was having a little chat with Joe behind the counter, "Isn't that right, Twilight?" she yelled a bit.

"Um...Yeah!...I think...", Twilight mumbled, resuming her conversation with Joe, "So, do you think you could pack some donuts for Spike? He'll probably know we had some of your donuts and bug us about it", she asked.

"Why not! Anything for my best customers", Joe smiled as he turned to get a fresh batch of donuts, "I'll be right back", he said, disappearing behind a door in seconds.

Twilight Sparkle was about to join her friends outside when she heard some sounds of machinery from behind another door. She turned her attention to the door and noticed a bunch of numbers above it, almost like it was some kind of elevator.

"Hey, Twilight! Are you gonna join us or not?" Applejack shouted again.

"I'll be there in a sec", she quickly replied, moving closer and closer, "What's this?", she asked herself as she pushed a button at the side.

The next moment, Twilight found herself stumbling inside the door which had been opened, right into an elevator. The others quickly rose up from their seats as they noticed their friend had vanished.

"Oww..." Twilight muttered as she rubbed her head.

"Twilight, are you alright?" Rarity asked as she and the others gathered near the fallen unicorn.

"I'm okay", Twilight replied, standing up, "Looks like this is an elevator of sorts", she said, examining the insides of the "door".

"Seems like it", Applejack added as all of them entered the elevator.

"Ooooo...Shiny buttons..." the others could hear Pinkie Pie squeal with glee.

"Pinkie! No...!" Twilight barely managed to yell before the door instantly shut and the elevator began descending deep beneath ground.

A few seconds later, Joe arrived with a plastic bag full of baked goods. With a wide smile on his face, he headed towards the counter.

"Sorry for taking a bit too long, the donuts were a bit..." Joe said before he noticed the absence of his customers, "...cold?"

He instinctively headed straight for the backdoor with the hope that the elevator hadn't been used at all. Unfortunately, a blinking red light above the door welcomed him, indicating that somepony or someponies had entered the elevator.

"Er...Glock?" he gulped, touching a concealed headset, "I think you may have some guests".

The same time, at the Sweet Apple Acres

"This is so awesome!" Rainbow Dash snickered for the seventh time while she floated near M who merely gave a sigh of annoyance. He was starting to regret ever giving her the headpiece.

On the way to the farm, O had informed him that the R.A.I.S.I.N. had forgotten to place the headpiece inside Rainbow Dash's ear and since it was protocol, he had to lend her a headpiece.

"Stay on target, speedster", M said before he noticed some movement behind a large barn, "We've got company", he added as he drew his gun.

"Speedster to old guy. I've got your flank, over"

"Don't call me old and stop toying around", M scolded the pegasus.

"I'm still covering your behind, over. Old guy *snicker* over"

Before M could even reply, a 2x4 flew right at him. He barely managed to mutter a swear word before he dodged it and it whizzed past him...right at Rainbow Dash's face. The resulting contact caused the pegasus to cry out in pain as she fell to the ground.

"Arghhhh...what the hay was that for!?" Rainbow Dash yelled, pissed off by the flying piece of wood.

"Thanks for the cover, speedster *chuckle* over"

"You're welcome", Rainbow Dash groaned as she held her a hoof to her face, "Oww...that really smarts".

"Come out, we know you're here", M said out loud before he blasted a stack of hay, setting it on fire on contact.

"Hey! You're not planning on destroying AJ's farm, are you?" Rainbow Dash asked accusingly.

"If it's necessary, speedster. If it's necessary" M calmly replied.

The next moment, M quickly pointed his gun at an awkwardly placed barrel. He gave a signal to Rainbow Dash who quietly flew upwards and glided behind to get a better look.

As anticipated, there was a male human crouching behind the barrels. He had long hair and a bushy beard and some clothes that Rarity would've been disgusted to look at. Without warning, she tackled the human and pinned him to the ground before he could even move.

"That was not part of the plan, speedster", M growled with a rare hint of anger. Anger at Rainbow Dash due to her not following the discreet way of apprehension he signaled to her.

"Well, I've got him, don't I?", Rainbow Dash chuckled as she moved her hooves in place to prevent the human from escaping, "Now, are you gonna go quietly or am I gonna have to use more awesome submission moves on you?", she asked the human, looking at the shirt he was wearing.

The next moment however, Rainbow Dash's jaw dropped before she darted towards M. She had seen something absolutely strange and shocking. Something she had never expected before.

Her picture on the front of the human's shirt.

"H-How? What the...?" she muttered. She was still shaking in her hooves as she hid behind the stallion.

"Type-B's know everything about us, speedster", M told her in his usual expressional voice, "Makes them all the more dangerous".

"Huh? I-I've never seen a human until yesterday. How the hay did he get my picture?" she asked again.

"Because you are the best..." the human grinned as he stood up, "You're the best pony in Equestria!" he announced.

"THEN WHY THE HAY DID YOU THROW A FREAKING PLANK AT MY FACE!?" Rainbow Dash shouted, still feeling the effects of the unpleasant contact. Both male pony and human were thoroughly astounded by the quick change in emotion.

"That's 'cause You ain't my waifu", the human placed his left hand behind his back.

"Uhh...what the hay's a waifu?" Rainbow Dash whispered to M.

"Doesn't matter, speedster", M replied, fixing his eyes at the human, "I suggest you give yourself in, slick. We ain't got all day", he pointed his gun at him.

"That's right, you don't have all day cause you're gonna DIEEEE!" the human yelled before he threw a rock at M.

Just as the stallion prepared to knock the rock back, a cyan hoof intercepted right before he could make contact. A second later, the rock flew right back at the thrower, hitting him at the forehand and rendering him unconscious on contact.

"Remember, you did hire me for my awesome skills, didn't you?" Rainbow Dash smirked, her left eye twitching a bit.

"Let it out, speedster", M chuckled.

"AAAARRRGGHHHH! Owwww...that hurts so bad!" she pranced around, holding her hoof in pain.

"Unorthodox but effective. Good job", M nodded his approval while he examined the unconscious human, checking whether he was alive or not. A small breath provided an almost immediate answer.

"Thanks", Rainbow Dash forced a smile while she shook her hoof, "What're we gonna do with him?"

"Miss O, do you mind sending over a containment squad at Point 45 Sweet Apple Acres?...Type-B apprehended...yes, he's unconscious...", M replied, holding his left forehoof near his ear.

"Tell her I knocked him unconscious...in an awesome way", Rainbow Dash smiled.

"No...it was Miss Dash, she knocked him unconscious...in an awesome way", M sighed, "Really?...don't code 43 them...we'll be right over...okay...", he ended his brief contact.

"What's wrong? Sounds like something's goin' down at HQ", Rainbow Dash inquired.

"Let's get moving, speedster. We're...no, I mean you're needed back in Canterlot", M replied.

A few minutes later, back at the HiED headquarters

"Maybe it's gonna be a huge celebration for me, you know, a "Good Work On Your First Job" kinda thing", Rainbow Dash eagerly said. She couldn't wait for whatever was waiting for her when the elevators door open.

"I doubt it's that", M said.

"Hey, I never asked you before. How long have you been in the HiED? Twenty-five years? Thirty? Fourty?"

"I'm not that old...Eleven years, if you're so curious"

"Eleven years? Wow, that's a lot of time. I guess you must have some awesome and exhilarating adventures along the way"

"It's a job, speedster. There is nothing remotely exhilarating about it"

"Killjoy", Rainbow Dash chuckled as the doors finally opened, "Now for the party!" she suddenly shouted.

Instead of the wild chants and applause she anticipated, she was only to met with curious looks from the ponies and the humans present in the office. Glock was the only one who gave her a smile but knowing him, he probably didn't know what the hell was happening.

M slowly stood next to her before he lightly patted her on the back. His hoofsteps as he approached Octavia were the only sounds heard inside the office. His ever-present scowl only seemed to intensify as he joined the others in staring the poor pegasus to death.

"RAINBOW DASH!" the cyan pegasus could hear an annoyed voice, a familiar one to be exact, call out to her.

"Oh...darn..." she smiled sheepishly when she saw a familiar group of mares below Glock's office, surrounded by a dozen agents including some humans.

"You've got some explainin' to do", Applejack growled.

Comments

[Awesomo3000]

So bronies are the enemy! OF COURSE!

[slendergun]

I know right?! (well we would probably be more of a problem than random people)

[AzelTheMantis]

5762629 Honestly, I thought the premise of a strange being who knew exactly who you are would be terrifying

[TimeTravelinc]

Oh crud. Now comes the trouble.

5759896 Bonies are probably the enemy if they don't cooperate or follow the rules. Some bronies (in some other universes, stories to you) leave Earth because there's nothing for them here on Earth anymore.

-The Character