Chapter 13 - Wake-Up Call
The Traveling Tutor and the Royal Exam
Wake-Up Call
Twilight Sparkle loved the mountains.
Well, that wasn’t quite true. Twilight Sparkle loved wherever she was when her friends were there with her. Even on this short notice, Fancy Pants had surprised her by inviting Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash to the ski chalet on the pretext of getting their input on the proposed ski development, both for their talents in weather management and wildlife management. After all, a ski slope would be a dull place without snow, and no ponies would go skiing if they were to disturb any sleeping bears in the process. And of course Rarity had to tag along, riding in a very small cart pulled by the two pegasi and having proved her dedication to her friends by enduring the mane-ruffling wind with no complaints and only packing one small bag.
Admittedly, the contents were compressed to nearly the density of lead, but it still was only one bag.
Their late lunch had segued effortlessly into a tour of the prospective development, still a little cool despite the nearness of summer but with the snow long-gone from the slopes. Fluttershy was chatting with some squirrels to see if they would be too inconvenienced by having to move off the prospective slopes, Rainbow Dash had retrieved a small leftover snowcloud and was checking the prevailing wind patterns, and Rarity was gushing happily with Fleur de Lis about plans for a winter line of ski clothes that would theoretically harmonize with the mountain environment while still being vivid enough to allow the ski patrol to find ponies who had managed to bury themselves in a snowbank. It made for a nice afternoon of quiet digestion while poking around on the overgrown trails that wound through the sharp slopes with Green Grass at her side, alone except for the two of them.
Her future husband was being unusually quiet as they climbed and descended the trails, comparing leaves and pine cones to the genus and species in the reference book she had brought along. Greenie had always complained, in a warm way, about her ability to read him like a book, and he seemed to be stuck on one of her favorite chapters this afternoon: Teaching a Simple Lesson Isn’t Working.
“Worried about Papercut?” she finally asked while sticking a leaf in her book for later drying and pressing.
“Both of them, actually. They’re a couple of puzzle pieces that I’m not sure really belong together, but I’ll be schnooked if I’m going to get between them after all the effort they’re expending to keep us apart. I think it’s the same darned thing that Princess Celestia was trying to un-teach me about my parents controlling my life coming back to bite me in the cutie mark. My whole life I’ve tried to keep other ponies from making my decisions for me, and now those two make me just want to reach out and—” Green Grass held his front two hooves apart, and then smacked them together with a popping noise from his new HighPeaks climbing shoes.
“They’re going to have to make their own decision and mistakes,” said Twilight with a smirk as she watched Green Grass’ tail twitch.
“But what if they choose wrong? Oh, fiddlesticks.” He harrumphed and kicked a pine cone down the brushy slope they had just ascended. “I’m turning into my father.”
Twilight shrugged with a shake of her head. “A rational adult head of a stable family who attends court regularly, manages the affairs of a Barony in a competent fashion and profitably enough to maintain a huge library, and who raised a rather thick-headed child in such a way that he attracted a princess for a mate. You make it sound bad.”
His only response was a low grumbling and another pine cone kicked down the slope.
“Besides,” she chided, “I rather like your family from the brief exposure I’ve had to them so far. Even your mother. ‘Nice wide hips for foals’ indeed.” Twilight twisted around a bit and bumped Green Grass with one hip. “I’m looking forward to meeting her again. I thought that was so horrid when she said it, but now it really doesn’t seem so bad.”
“Really?” Green Grass looked up from his supposed deep concentration of another pine cone’s aerodynamic suitability. “Because if Blueblood is half as much of a… well, Blueblood, then my parents may be driven out of business and become bitless. Do you think you could appreciate her as much if she were living in the same tree?”
Twilight kissed him behind one ear. “Let’s just make sure that doesn’t happen, shall we?”
~ ~ ♥ ~ ~
Morning dawned across the mountain chalet in a dazzling display of snow-capped mountain top reflections and a colorful riot of singing birds, encouraged in their early chorus by a certain happy yellow pegasus who was flying among them and adding her own voice to their song. Twilight bounded from bed to look out the window at the morning display, trying not to laugh at the apparent entrancement of her pegasus guards at the morning display.
“S’ere’s a window open,” mumbled Green Grass, groping with a hoof from under the blankets at the curtain pulls across the room and coming up several yards short. “S’bright. Not noon yet.”
Twilight picked up a pillow in her magic and ‘thwapped’ it solidly against the Green Grass sized lump in the bed. “Silly goose. Get up. We’re going to the Crystal Empire today.”
A small bit of green nose emerged from under the blanket. “Where your brother controls the military, and could have me thrown into prison or executed?”
“Don’t be a chicken, Greenie. Shining Armor would never throw you in prison.”
“Have a nice time, dear.” The nose vanished back under the blankets, which worked just fine until Twilight yanked the covers off and stood the bed on edge with her magic.
“Do I at least get a blindfold?” said Green Grass with a yawn as he picked himself up off the floor.
Twilight Sparkle tutted quietly to herself as she grabbed a manebrush in her magic and ran it quickly through his shortened mane. “I’m sure my brother will love having you as a brother-in-law, Greenie.”
He raised one eyebrow at the rather vigorous brushing and observed the guilty expression across Twilight’s face. “You haven’t told him yet?”
“They get newspapers in the Crystal Empire,” groused Twilight. “I’m sure he knows.”
* ♥ *
Shining Armor dragged himself through the door to the Crystal Empire Guard quarters and accepted the tall glass of frothy liquid his adjunct hooved over to him for breakfast without complaint. The complaint came after he had downed the entire contents in one long swig and a brief swear at the end.
“Good heavens, Kernite. I thought the last glass of health food stuff you made tasted like horseapples. How in heck did you manage to make this taste worse?” He ran his tongue around the inside of his mouth and made a face. “I swear, there’s sand in this one.”
“Just a little gypsum, sir. It’s good for your bones and will keep you awake at work.” The rock-solid expression on the hefty crystal pony did not change a bit when Shining Armor cast him a quick glance, but a tiny flicker of a smile snuck out when his superior officer yawned while leafing through the morning orders on his desk. “Late night, sir?”
“Late night, early morning, and some inbetween.” He yawned again and took a deep drink from the carafe of coffee at his desk, not even bothering to get out a cup. “Sergeant, do you have any idea what a pain it is to see the young colt that knocked up your baby sister featured in the newspapers every day? And now he’s going to be tromping through our castle in a couple of hours, and I’m going to have to be the one to socialize with him while my sister and my wife sneak off somewhere and talk about foals.” He took another drink of coffee and snorted in disdain.
“My heart bleeds for you, sir. Married to the Alicorn of Love and trying for a foal. Must be rough.”
Shining Armor grinned in response, leafing through a few more papers.
* ♥ *
“I’m just surprised they haven’t dropped by Ponyville to visit since the news came out,” said Green Grass. “I know they’re busy reorganizing the whole city since King Sombra was defeated, but he’s your brother. I mean after all, my brother sent…” He trailed off and thought for a moment. “Regal sent a nice letter and a donation to the wedding fund, April Showers sent me a letter and a bottle of wine with a card from her law firm. Graphite drops by every day or two so he can give me heck about taking so long to propose, and Frost sent us this really cute animated statue she enchanted that shows us kissing under a rose trellis.”
“Really?” Twilight’s ears perked straight up. “Did she use Pocketlint’s Conditional Transformation or Abeline’s Activating Aura?”
“Probably,” he responded, poking through the collection of shoes they had packed. It was a short poke, because with only three pairs of shoes, there was not much to poke at. “So do you think the Salvidore Trottè formals again or the Le Velocidad running shoes for our trip, dear?”
“The formals, of course,” she huffed, opening up the closet and pulling out a dress. “You’re not going to outrun my brother. And you had better hurry up and get dressed. We’ve only got two hours before we’re scheduled to leave, and—”
“Done,” announced Green Grass, buttoning up the last button of his new jacket.
Twilight glared at him, still pulling out accessories that went with her ‘I’m a Pretty Princess Now’ ensemble. “Sometimes, I hate you so much.”
“I love you too, dear.” They exchanged nuzzles before Green Grass turned for the door. “I’ll just go get Rarity to help you get into your outfit.”
The opening door slammed shut so quickly that Green Grass stepped backwards and ran his tongue around his mouth to make sure he had not lost a tooth. “Are you crazy?” hissed Twilight. “She just woke up. Do you have any idea how cranky she is before putting on her makeup?”
A light tapping at the door preceded Spike’s cheery voice. “She wasn’t cranky at all this morning when I got her breakfast order. I’m starting the waffles downstairs, Twilight. How many do you want?”
“Four,” she responded instantly. “And a banana-nut muffin. And some haycon. Orange juice. Three pieces of toast with marmalade. And eggs, over easy, with some hash browns. Two bowls of oatmeal with brown sugar and maple syrup, and a grapefruit on the side. And stop looking at me like that!”
“Didn’t say a word, dear.” Rolling his eyes again, Green Grass addressed the closed door. “Just a grapefruit and some toast for me, Spike. Don’t want to go flying on a full stomach.”
“Got it. Are you sure she’s eating for just two?”
Green Grass caught his prospective wife as she lunged for the door and called out, “Run, Spike! Run for your life!”
After reducing her prospective husband to a helpless giggling puddle with a quick series of tickles, Twilight poked her nose out into the hallway, returning once she had established the wisecracking dragon had made a successful getaway with the aid of his accomplice.
“Wings. Unfair. Advantage,” gasped Green Grass after Twilight added one more tickle before returning to her dressing.
“They’re an optional accessory with this model,” quipped Twilight.
“It wasn’t a complaint, dear. It was a comment. Compliment, even.”
He remained on his back, watching as Twilight wrestled with the dress, earning him an extra good-natured glare and a pouting frown before she spoke up again. “What? I thought you were going to go help Spike with breakfast.”
“I like the view from down here. Somehow I don’t think the dressing clubs⁽*⁾ that Shining Armor is probably planning on visiting during my upcoming epic bachelor party are going have this kind of view.” He dodged a throw pillow, rolling to a more strategic spot on the floor before giving a low whistle and calling out, “Put it on. Put it all on.”
(*) The Equestrian version of a strip club. Nubile young mares strut across the stage and put on clothes to the sounds of rather suggestive music while young stallions drink overpriced and oversalted drinks. Also referred to as ‘Having Socks.’
—
Twilight paused with a particularly large pillow held in her magical field and looked towards the window, where a dark shadow had fallen across the brilliant morning sunrise. “Is that the coach already? Or is Rainbow just pulling some sort of prank?”
The two of them looked out the window, squinting into the morning sun until the obstructing object leveled out and swung gracefully to park directly above the ski chalet. Nothing that large should have moved that smoothly across the sky with only a low thrum of heavy engines and the whisper of high-altitude wings to announce itself. The zeppelin was huge, far larger than any vehicle Twilight had ever seen in the air before, with a sharp yellow protrusion on the front and a pair of giant eyes painted on the sides like some gigantic bird of prey. Surrounding the vehicle were at least a hundred soaring griffons, circling at a respectful distance away from the four huge engines that drove the lighter-than-air craft. It all made Twilight feel very much like a small rabbit looking up at a swooping hawk.
“What is it?” she gasped, trying to look from the front to the back and get a sense of scale other than ‘All of those griffons look so small.’
“The Indomitable,” said Green Grass in a very quiet and unusually calm voice. “Flagship of the Griffon Empire and personal transport for Emperor Ripping Claw. Three hundred and twenty meters from prow to tailfins, driven by a quad of rock-oil burning engines that push it to speeds that no pegasus can match over the long run. Carries a mixed crew of two hundred with a grand dining hall, a ballroom, and even a pool. Every other airship in Great Griffon is smaller or slower than it except The Imperator, which is still in the design phase. I made a little 1:144 scale model of it when I was a colt. It was a little over two meters long.” He held up two hooves and squinted. “Like I thought, I didn’t get the eyes painted on right. And they must have upgraded the engines in the last decade, because those look different.”
“You don’t sound worried,” said Twilight, fidgeting in place while looking up.
“Oh, I’m terrified beyond words. I just don’t think whatever I’ve done wrong is worth having the Emperor of all the Griffons drop down on top of my head. I wonder if Princess Sunny is up there.”
“The little griffon you wanted to be flowerfilly? Flowergriffon.” She looked up at the looming airship and gulped. “Seems a little excessive for just transportation.”
“You know, I don’t think the Griffon language has a word for excessive.” Green Grass thought for a moment before letting out a brief series of squawks and chirps.
“Wasteful violence that makes small prey inedible,” said Twilight Sparkle. “Right?”
“Yeah.” Green Grass pointed with one hoof at a small speck that had just detached from the immense airship. “I’ll bet that’s His Imperial Majesty, Emperor Ripping Claws Strip The Flesh From Enemies That Fall Beneath His Swift Vengeance coming down for a Royal Visit to meet us. Well, you. I’ll just be hiding under the bed if you need me.”
“Oh, no!” Twilight grabbed the dress and began flipping it over, looking for the entrance. “What should I wear? Will this be fancy enough? Or should I just wear the crown?”
“Griffons don’t directly associate clothes with status, dear. Inside their society, the less armor they wear, generally the higher up in the pecking order they are, so Emperor Ripping Claw will probably not wear any at all. But they view ponies wearing clothes as an essential element, probably to help them separate the eatable from the inedible species and I’m rambling again, aren’t I, dear?”
Twilight held the dress out in front of her, wadded up in a ball of magic. “Dress or not?”
“Dress,” he responded. “And crown thingie. I would suppose since he’s dropping in on us with no real notice, he won’t care about any little wrinkles or — let me help you with that sleeve, dear.” Green Grass tugged on the obstinate dress, helping smooth the wrinkles and tuck it under her wings while contributing his best effort to keep Twilight calm.
“Don’t worry, dear. Everything will go just fine as long as nopony panics and does anything stupid.”
Twilight looked up and promptly thwacked Green Grass on the back of his head with a wingtip as a rainbow-colored contrail of an ascending pegasus climbed into the sky on an interception course with the descending griffon chariot.
“You just had to say it, Greenie.”
* ♥ *
The kitchen of the ski chalet was a warm oasis of sizzling pans and a toasty oven, with one small dragon doing his best to make them all sing a song of gastronomic glee for a particular beautiful unicorn who had mumbled her order out through a closed door, followed by a distinct “Jus fiv mor mintits.”
When the rest of the guests came downstairs for breakfast and Rarity was still up in her room, Spike would ‘spontaneously’ volunteer to bring her a breakfast tray in bed. She would be appreciative, he would be modest, the food would be perfect, and…
He blinked a bit as he craned his eyes skyward through the kitchen windows and took in the huge airship and the griffons flying around. It was a minor setback, and he muttered while grabbing more ingredients and putting a couple of extra pans on the stove.
“Looks like we’re going to need a lot more waffles.”
~ ~ ♥ ~ ~
The scent of cooking soaked through Rarity’s sleepy mind enough to bring her out of bed and over to the door before realizing it was not the charred, carbon-covered cooking of Sweetie Belle attempting Orange Juice Flambè again, but a rich and delicious scent of high-calorie extravagance that could only be from her favorite dragon attempting to woo her heart by way of her taste buds. He was such a darling young drake, and she had to admit that something deep in her heart fluttered whenever he tried to charm her with his childish attempts at romance despite their age and species differences.
Someday, perhaps, she would have to politely inform him that their differences were too great for a romance to be properly consummated, but to be honest, she had not met a stallion yet who could even hold a small candle to the fierce roaring fire in his heart. After all, a lady could not help but be charmed by a suitor who considered her to be the perfect object of his burning desire, and there was a certain improper… giddiness that coursed through her every time she recalled being swept off her hooves and carried away to his mountaintop cave. There had even been a few dreams since that she most certainly was not going to relate to anypony at all, and that she sincerely hoped were beneath the notice of Princess Luna.
She yawned while making her way to the bathroom for her toilet, trying to determine if it would be conniving or just proper etiquette to slip beneath the covers afterwards and await what certainly was a planned romantic breakfast in bed.
Until she looked out the window.
That was the Griffon Emperor’s airship; she was quite positive, because the pictures she had gone over with Fancy Pants and Fleur on the day of their airship christening had used it for a comparison model, making his new sky-yacht seem like a tiny bow on a gigantic ballgown next to it. And if the Emperor of all Griffons was here…
Rarity flung herself into the closet and hooved frantically through her miniscule dress collection. They were all suitable for greeting royalty, but this was an emperor! She needed something more brash, more daring than these silly old frocks, something that would not clash with Twilight’s lone dress, which she was certainly putting on wrong at this very minute. She pushed the drapes to one side while looking up at the descending sky-chariot that would be here in mere moments and her eyes contracted to tiny pinpoints. The emperor was going to be here. In the chalet! Being introduced to her! She had nothing to wear! Neither did Fleur! This was going to be a fashion disaster of the century, and it would be all her fault for not planning ahead! She yanked the curtains closed on the window while panting from sheer panic before inspiration struck with the force of an avalanche.
There was only one thing to do.
* ♥ *
Sheer frustration had caused Papercut to put his coat trimmer back into the toiletry bag, determining that even after he received approval to remove the medical horn restraining ring, he was still going to make it a specific point to visit one of the better shops in Canterlot to get a trimmer that did not require magic to operate. Until then, nopony would notice the somewhat ragged edges on his facial hairs or the few loose hairs that stuck out of his mane. Well, nopony except himself. The struggle with the toothpaste and toothbrush seemed easier at least, and he regarded the fresh toothbrush package in his bag with a subdued frown.
If she wants it, she will ask for it. The toothbrush, that is.
A gentlestallion’s morning toilet would not be complete without a brisk splash of cologne, and the fresh smell brought his heart back to a calm and solid thumping, washing away any worries about crazy princesses, irritating ‘owners,’ or unwelcome amorous advances from co-workers. A deep breath turned into a brief coughing spree at the sheer volume of cologne his clumsy hooves had splashed out of the bottle, and while opening the window for a breath of fresh mountain air, he happened to glance in an upward direction. The calm beating of his heart turned into a panicked hammering at the sight of descending griffons, dropping out of the sky.
The cologne bottle had not bounced once on the bathroom rug before Papercut was dashing out of the door and into the hallway, screaming at the top of his lungs⁽¹⁾.
(1) One of the tests Papercut took as a prospective employee of the Crown was a stress test. He reacted to it in much this same fashion, as did all of his fellow applicants, although he was the first pony to return to the testing room and ask, “Are those real spiders?”
—
* ♥ *
Rainbow Dash was torn.
On the one hoof, the airship hovering over the ski chalet was awesomely cool, bigger and faster than anything she had seen before.
On the other hoof, she could recognize Gilda sitting upright in the big chariot dropping down from the zeppelin, and so could Fluttershy from the terrified squeak she had let out and the way she dove back into the chalet.
The airship needed to be checked out.
Gilda needed to be reminded not to scare Fluttershy like this.
Cool airship.
Not-cool griffon who scared Fluttershy.
The airship would wait.
Whatever high-feathered big griffon was sitting next to Gilda in the chariot must have been important, because he had at least four big griffons carrying pikes fly down to block Rainbow Dash’s path. The armor and helmets only slowed them down, and after a quick dart and a zig-zag between them, she poured on the speed in her climb, catching Gilda right around the midsection and knocking her clean out of the pokey vehicle.
It was just like Flight Camp all over again. Holding Gilda in a headlock while rubbing noogies on her fluffy head. Two sets of wings flapping in different directions as they plunged towards the ground and certain death. Gilda’s spluttered obscenities getting more profane as the ground rushed up. Tumbling out of the way as golden-armored griffon guards snatched at them on the way down.
Well, it wasn’t exactly like Flight Camp. The instructors had been a lot more agile.
She broke off the headlock with a vigorous boot to Gilda’s backside at least a hundred feet off the ground, just in case Gilda had gotten soft. Rainbow was actually surprised as Gilda recovered from the dive in record time, turning and darting at the pegasus with open talons and wide beak in a way she had never done before. It took dodging three murderous assaults before her friend stopped spluttering incoherently and screeched, “Rainbow Dash, you blithering idiot!”
“Hey!” Rainbow hovered and scowled. “I’m not blithering!”
“Do you have any idea who that is in the chariot? It’s the bucking Emperor of the Griffon Empire!”
“Unfair!” shouted Rainbow Dash. “You didn’t let me guess.” She scowled back at Gilda until adding a waggled wingtip, she asked, “Do you think I can get a tour of his airship? It looks really awesome!”
* ♥ *
“Griffons!” screamed Papercut, darting down the hallway in a clatter of bare hooves. They had to be attacking while Princess Sparkle was away from most of her security. At best, there were only moments before they broke into the chalet and killed every pony here. Crosswind’s door loomed up in front of him, and he burst through it with one final shout that almost instantly turned into a screech of terror.
There was something large and amorphous lying in the middle of the room, taking up most of the floor. In the dim light of closed curtains, it looked like an enormous grey amoeba that moved independently with little whistling and rasping snores that turned into several abrupt snorts of alarm as Papercut screeched to a halt and screamed at the top of his lungs. To his shock and horror, yellow eyes began to open up in the middle of the strange beast, all of them looking at the terrified unicorn who had disturbed their slumber. Sharp teeth and fluttering bat wings appeared next as the monster gave a horrible lurch, separating out into several groggy Night Guards who stumbled away from their mutual huddle with the intent of asking the annoying appointment secretary just what in the star’s name was he thinking by breaking into their sleeping time and screaming like a little filly.
But Papercut was already gone, darting back out the door he came in with only the bouncing of a hospital magic suppressor ring on the carpet behind to show he had ever been there.
* ♥ *
Twilight Sparkle stood by the side of her prospective mate and watched the ongoing drama in three parts. First there was Rainbow Dash and Gilda standing nose-to-beak screaming at each other, with threats of physical violence being dished out on both sides with insults as toppings and the occasional rude gesture thrown in as the sprinkles across the top.
Then there were the four chagrined griffon Imperial Guards, who were taking their embarrassing performance of being breezed past twice as a personal insult to their profession, and appeared to be holding back a few acts of physical violence themselves due to the high probability of a physical altercation breaking out at any moment between the principals of the conflict. Or maybe they just wanted to see who would emerge from the upcoming fight⁽²⁾ victorious.
(2) Griffons have a saying that roughly translates “It’s either murder or mating.” Generally in their culture, it is considered impolite to interrupt either.
—
And last, there was the gilded carriage gliding down to land nearby with four proud griffon Imperial Guards in the harness and three remaining passengers. Ambassador Sharp Feather stood tall in the back, although somewhat distracted by the upcoming fight building at ground level. And leaning over the front of the chariot just had to be Princess Sun Shines of the Misty Mountain aerie. She was much like Green Grass had described, only slightly more fledged with that awkward ragged collection of first flight feathers a young griffon acquired while the rest of her wings caught up. Both clawed talons were braced on the top edge of the chariot front, trembling with anticipation and sparkling in the morning light. As was the rest of her young body too.
There was a distinct tinge of Crystal Empire magic across the young griffon fledgeling, bringing a glitter and shine to every new feather and sharp claw. Shining Armor had written about the phenomena, and said that older ponies took longer than young ponies to ‘harmonize’ with the magical crystal aura that filled the city, and that sparkly harmonization evidently included griffons. What this was going to do for the population balance of the empire when the glitter-loving Griffons all across Equestria found out was a little scary, but despite some initial diplomatic rumblings when the Crystal Empire had first emerged, there had been peace between ponies and griffons since. A large part of that peace was directly due to the nearby Misty Mountain aerie, of which young Sunny was a member of their royal family, and what Celestia had called ‘The most dramatic change of Wingmasters that she had never seen, and hopefully would never see again.’
She had not met the previous Wingmaster Talon, but Green Grass had called him “One ton of mean compressed into a half-ton of gristle.” Still, no matter who she had asked in the diplomatic wing of the castle, she had never gotten a straight answer as to who the new Wingmaster was, other than “All diplomatic contact with the aerie is to be handled by First Heir Gilda, or Second Heir Sunny if she is not available.”
Even with the sparkling glitter, the little griffon did not act much like a ‘proper princess’ but more like a young and more impulsive — she suppressed a shudder at the thought — Rainbow Dash, pinfeathered wings open to the wind and leonine hindquarters tensed to leap off the chariot as soon as it touched down. If it were not for the huge grey griffon occupying most of the center of the chariot, Twilight was positive Sunny would have jumped out already and glided down to the ground.
Being as the third griffon was Emperor Ripping Claw, the undisputed ruler of every griffon in the entire empire and many outlying outposts such as the Misty Mountain aerie, it was understandable that she was exhibiting some form of self-control.
Twilight had gotten used to having a rather large and powerful presence around during her decade as Princess Celestia’s student, so the impressive bulk of the huge grey griffon should not have unnerved her as much as it was. True, he had a raptor’s hooked beak and a set of talons on his front claws longer than any knife she had ever seen, as well as clawed back paws the size of dinner plates, but he was the royal leader of a mighty nation, and therefore a peaceful fellow leader. That look in his golden eyes should only be appreciation for Equestria’s newest princess, not hunger, and that curious upward perk at the corners of his beak had to be an indication of good humor. Besides, Princess Celestia had made it a special point to meet with every griffon emperor soon after they were crowned and their scars from the succession fight had a chance to heal, although the knowledge that she would have warned her student if he was a danger was a cold comfort as the chariot touched the leaf-strewn ground. It still was difficult to think of him in Celestia’s place. Perhaps it was some underlying knowledge that at least Celestia would not eat her if she made a mistake in her protocol.
* ♥ *
Papercut bounded through the hallway past Rarity, who was towing a large clump of curtains in her magic, and made a sharp left turn this time to crash through Crosswind’s bedroom door. He skidded to a halt in front of her bed and blurted out, “Griffons! Attacking! We need to — what are you doing?!”
“Nothing!” screeched Crosswind, frantically grabbing for the bedsheet and scattering tissues all over the rug. “What do you mean, griffons?”
“There’s a chariot full of griffons flying down from the airship parked over the chalet—” started Papercut, his mind slowly making sense of two different situations at the same time “—and I bet that’s the griffon emperor making a surprise visit and I’m so stupid.” He paused to facehoof solidly, and winced at the residual pain as well as the scent of cologne that was not covering up an entirely different scent that filled Crosswind’s room. “I’m sorry.”
“I am too,” growled Crosswind, apparently wrestling with the sheets. “Now either get out or come here and be useful.”
“Pardon?” Papercut stopped his turn halfway to the door. His co-worker was unwrapping the sheets from around her rigid wings, her tail lifted partway up in a very compromising position. The scent he had been smelling before suddenly made sense, and deep primal instincts warred with his iron control in the presence of a fertile mare in the grip of her hormones.
“I’m in heat!” snarled Crosswind. “I told you we should have stopped by my apartment for a bottle of Chill Time before we left!”
“You most certainly did not!” snapped Papercut out of reflex before abruptly backtracking. “You only asked if I thought we could stop, you didn’t say why. If I had known your… condition was coming on, I would have insisted we pick up your medication before departing.”
“Well it’s too late now,” she moaned, curling up into a twitching ball on the bed with her tail flailing back and forth. “Arghhhh! This sucks! You horn-heads have it easy. You’ve probably got a dozen spells that can put out this fire. Come on, zap me with one.”
“Madam,” he thundered, “my talents do not lie in the field of gynecology. Or pornography,” he quickly added as she turned and lifted her tail far higher than any mare he had ever been around, blatantly exposing the burning object of her ire.
“The first day is always the worst,” she snapped. “I’ve been up for hours, and it’s just getting stronger. I’m going to be bucking useless all day if I don’t get some relief, and since the griffon emperor is here, Princess Twilight is going to need my services and not in that way oh stop thinking that! Think of it as a secretarial duty like adding a position to your staff or checking out a new hire but either do something about it or get the buck out of my room!”
In the resulting quiet, the sound of hooves could be heard going over to the door. There was the faint sound of the door closing, then the hoofsteps resumed, fading down the hallway.
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I see Rarity as Carol Burnette so easily.
Good grief, it's the perfect farce, never before have I seen literary vaudeville of this quality. This chapter contains supreme slapstick, the best buffoonery, the truest travesty.
The combination of skittishness, vanity, calm terror, absolute terror, culinary overdrive, instinctive randiness, and brash hotheadedness is just marvelous. I see that Fluttershy is not mentioned. 1 will get you 3 that she saw it ages ago and took it on the chin like a trooper, then hid in the coal cellar.
...Papercut, you are even more disappoint than you have been in all the previous chapters. The mare is subconsciously interested in you or even consciously but won't come out and say it and you know it and she just gave you a pass to rut her brains out. And you leave her to suffer.
5805418
I'm betting Papercut's leaving to get some help?
It looks like everybody has their own problems today.
The Emperor is probably going to leave Rainbow and Gilda to their argument/reconciliation (and I doubt either will be able to determine which it is). As Georg pointed out, murder or mating, it's private business and the fact that Rainbow is conducting it now is a clue no griffon would miss that they are to keep well out of it. I think that Papercut's xenophobia and panic will probably cause more troubles than Rainbow's "buck first and don't worry about the questions" attitude.
Sunny will probably consider this all hilariously funny but will be more interested in Twilight and Greeny. I'm sure that Twilight's greetings and manners will be book-perfect but whether they'll impress anygriffon is up in the air.
Sorry, Shiny. This is what you get for letting her find out about your wedding through the invitation.
Twilight and Greenie are being almost criminally cute.
Oh, Rainbow Dash. Causing international incidents in ten seconds flat. At least Pinkie isn't here; then the war would be nigh-inevitable.
I'm sure Rarity will reimburse Fancy Pants for the curtains. No doubt he'll try to wave it off, she'll insist, and so forth. I'm also fairly certain that the griffons will barely even notice her ensemble. Fairly. Knowing Rarity, it may be sparkly enough to qualify for admiration. (On a related note, crystallized Sunny is an adorable mental image. Thank you for it.)
As for Papercut and Crosswind... Well, there was always the possibility of choosing wrong. Now, let's see how they deal with it.
Also, congratulations! Successful updates every weekday in March!
lol *grabs some popcorn* this should be good
Judging strictly by cranial density, somewhere between white dwarf and magnatar. Papercut must somehow be related to Silent Knight*.
*Silent Knight: Memoirs of a Royal Guard by Anzel
5805484
HA! Indeed. Every time there is ANYTHING involving Twilight getting married, pregnant, or just even dating, and she doesn't tell her BBBFF or Cadence, I see it as justified she doesn't tell them squat since she didn't even know about them dating let along getting engaged until just before the wedding.
5805705 you know... I am curious as to how it is that Twilight never knew about her brother and Cadance until right before the wedding? Something like that would have been prime gossip for Rarity, and I'm certain that there had to have been something in the papers about it. (Not every day that an Alicorn gets to shackle the ball-n'-chain onto another pony)
5805812 Likely very good cover ups. Like say Cadence goes out to eat, with Shining Armor being the guard escorting her and then pretends the date she was expecting stood her up, she "Finds out" Shining "Forgot" to eat before suiting up or whatever for the day as a guard so she "Orders" him to eat with her as she won't have her guard being distracted by Hunger. He'd obviously have to stay with her at movies/plays. So not too hard to create believable cover stories.
5805868 while Twi and Greenie are about as clandestine as a drunk Manticore in a china shop!
I'm getting the feeling that only works for crystal ponies, though...
Alicorn metabolism at work!
Looks like Twilight is either getting payback for not telling her about the wedding or forgetting to mention major life changing events is a Sparkle family trait.
Sunny sparkling is adorable, makes me want to hug her even more. I'm looking forward to the antics she might get up to with the Crusaders when they meet.
Rainbow "international incident" Dash... wow. Just Wow. She's so lucky the Emperor didn't decide to make a grab at her.
Papercut... well, on one hand I think he respect Crosswinds to much to take advantage of her.... on the other hand now she'll hate him. Oh, and he probably pissed off all the Night Guard in the estate... so I can just see him having to deal with glowing yellow eyes following him all evening. But hey, at least they're awake in case of trouble.
5806150
This part of the previous chapter should answer the first question.
Where was security when this monster airship was approaching? Surely it must have been visible a long way off!
5805293
Also,
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/invasorzim/images/1/1d/Gir-Wallpaper-invader-zim-8851017-1600-1200.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width/512?cb=20120411090051&path-prefix=es
5806025 Newsflash... even if she wasn't an Alicorn, she'd STILL order all that food: behold the food consumption powers of a pregnant woman!
5805484
Except he already knows cause of the news......
Nope he'd just have you executed on the spot.
Oh yes, he's having such a hart time right now.
Yep, she's going to be wearing the entire room before the visit ends, maybe a scale model of the airship?
Impressive.
Dang, there are certain grudges that Twilight apparently has had bronzed so that they'd last longer.
Heh.
I love how stoically Spike reacts to the gryphons, as well as how, er, non-stoically Rarity reacts.
Hmn.
Nice look into Dash's lack-of-thought process. She's definitely not blithering.
Fascinating.
Rarity has specialized packing spells. She could probably also use them to turn coal into diamond
They're like two trains on collision course heading for an inevitable and messy train wreck, aren't they?
Heh. Already considering labour pains, huh?
Ohgods
Projected conversation:
"Sup."
"Sup."
"So. Marriage, huh?"
"Yup."
"And you knocked her up."
"Um. Yup."
"Ugh, dude."
"Hey, you brought it up."
"Point. Welp. Take care of my lil' sis."
"Will do."
"Good talk."
"Yup. Good talk."
Bwahaha. Getting dressed will forever maintain Gender Inequality
Phhhaaahahaha! Oh wow. This made me laugh so hard
Griffins like waffles? Huh. I'd never have guessed.
Nobody informed her Griffins don't do fashion?
Oh no.
Oh gods no. Rainbow, don't.
Aaand Rainbow Dash just attacked the Emperor's carriage. Eeyup.
This whole conversation is hilarious
Honestly, I've thought that about Papercut and Crosswind a couple of times now
First Heir Gilda certainly seems to be dealing out some diplomatic contact
Murder or mating
Quitter
“Did she use Pocketlint’s Conditional Transformation or Abeline’s Activating Aura?”
“Probably”
Gotta love math and logic wiseacres. Velvet can't fault him for that.
Papercut, you are such a chicken!
5861763
Should've seen the one Celestia learned from Starswirl, who learned it from this guy (on his way to Bermuda):
5805293
... holy shit. You have no idea what horrors you've unleasehd upon my mind. Especially now that I try to imagine Spike as Harvey Korman.
Yes, Rainbow. You are blithering.
This is Equestria. So, basically
They're DOOMED!
