Chapter 26 - Guts
The Traveling Tutor and the Royal Exam
Guts
Time: 7:40 P.M. 48 Hours and 20 minutes until Zero Hour
Scheduled Event: Departure Ceremony, Griffon Emperor
State of Alicorn Anxiety: Orange shading to Red with Violet tints
Papercut should have been panicking.
A good scream while running around in circles had a certain attractive appeal to his hindbrain at the moment. He really wanted to panic. All of his instincts and senses fairly demanded that he panic, from his battered ears filled with the sheer vocal volume of nearly a hundred griffons all forcefully voiding their crops, some more violently than others, to the nauseating eye-watering and nostril-burning smell of it all. But then again, if he had panicked already, he most certainly would have been hit right in the face when Crosswind slammed a forehoof into Sophia’s bulging crop and the griffon princess had promptly voided nearly everything she had eaten this evening in his direction.
As it was, his jacket had been undoubtedly ruined beyond any possible cleaning spell, as well as the terminal damage to all of the Septenary dining hall tables and a parquet teak floor that had been, in castle terms, almost brand new, having just been finished barely a decade ago. All across the formal dining hall, the scene was repeating. Sheer chaos could not describe the sight of various Royals running around in a distraught tizzy while others buckled down and helped the vomiting griffons purge the henbane-tainted fish with repeated crop pressure and ice-water flushes whenever they had gotten empty enough to drink. Which reminded him.
“Take another drink, Your Highness,” said Papercut through gritted teeth, holding the ice-water pitcher over the weakened griffon hen. “Crosswind said to keep purging you with water until she returned, and that goes for you too, Sleet.”
Both griffons attempted to wave off the floating pitcher, Sleet with a distinct grimace as if to indicate that the relatively little fish he had eaten had already been returned to the sticky floor of the room, although Sophia made the mistake of opening her mouth to weakly protest her treatment. Most of the water went down her gullet when Papercut poured, but a considerable amount poured down her sopping wet neck too, washing away some insignificant amount of the chunky fish residue that Papercut could not bear to think about.
He focused on his task instead. It was either that or scream.
The entire dining room was filled with similar scenes being played out with differing results. He could see several of the medical ponies who had materialized almost immediately after Pumpernickel’s rather dramatic assault on Emperor Ripping Claw, but the immense griffon was only an aside to their ministrations. Griffons lay stretched out on tables, sprawled in the aisles between tables, and bent over chairs as ponies helped in whatever way they could, from rather less dramatic crop pressure than Wingmaster Pumpernickel had provided in order to promote vomiting, or pouring water as Papercut was doing. Even Discord—
He squinted and turned his head sideways, trying to make sense of the mismatched chaos god holding a seltzer bottle and spraying it into a griffon until the creature was nearly spherical, then pulling out a pin. Fortunately, Fluttershy was in the immediate vicinity.
The rest of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony had reacted nearly as quickly as Princess Twilight Sparkle, pitching into the disgusting activity without any complaints at all. Even Rarity had bent to the task with grim determination and considerable skill, assisting Green Grass and Twilight with the little fledgeling princess and her repeated regurgitations, while Applejack and Pinkie Pie had cleared out the worst of the panicking Royals and chased in the hesitant servers carrying extra water as if they had been herding bunnies.
“‘nuff!” spluttered Sophia, coughing and retching under the flow of icy water that Papercut had forgotten he was pouring. “I need to get to my father. Need to get there now!”
Despite being sick with henbane poisoning and dressed in the sodden remnants of the stylish blue dress she had been filling out so well, there was a sincerity of purpose about the female griffon that spoke rather directly about Papercut’s future health if he were to obstruct her determined path. “After one more purge,” he managed to say through gritted teeth. “And that goes for you too, Sleet.”
The photographer took the remainder of the pitcher that Papercut floated over and managed to chug it down even while feebly taking a few more pictures of the ongoing disaster, a process that even seeing his Emperor being punched in the throat had not slowed very much. Papercut placed his magic against Sophia’s crop in a gesture that still nauseated him to his tail and gave a short but strong push in an upwards direction, trying his best not to join the griffon when she spewed the watery contents of her crop out onto the dining hall floor.
“Almost no fish in that one,” she gasped while coughing. “How’s Sleet.”
He repeated the motion with the photographer, who somehow managed to throw up gracefully on the muck-strewn floor in a stream of clear fluid that had only a tint of yellow. “He didn’t get nearly the dose you did, Your Highness.”
“Dad always used to squawk at me for snitching food off the other plates,” explained Sophia with a series of weak coughs. “Never thought it would be the death of me. Let’s go see about the old bird and the rest of them now.”
Papercut lifted streaming eyes and squinted at the far end of the room where a densely-packed crowd of medical ponies were fussing over an immense grey mountain of soiled feathers. Even at this range, he could see the emperor’s derisive gestures even if he could not hear the virulent curses that most likely accompanied them, or at least that was the language that the scandalized look on Rarity’s face seemed to indicate was being liberally applied to anypony in the vicinity.
To one side, the little griffon princess had been lifted up on the table and was being tended to by Green Grass. He was splattered and smeared with the fishy residue of her vomit but still diligently pouring water down her throat, much like Crosswind was doing a few tables away to a number of griffons several multiples her size. Although the rest of the outnumbered medical ponies all were busy as could possibly be, there did not seem to be any of the griffons in much more serious danger than the rest, and even little Sunny seemed more angry than deathly ill. To Papercut’s disgust, the emperor’s son Sky appeared to be just as lightly affected as Sleet, most probably due to his deep suspicions of the pony-filled room that had made him pick listlessly at his food and therefore reduced his intake of poisonous henbane.
“I don’t see anygriffon in deep distress,” said Papercut. “I would hesitate to offer a medical opinion, but we’d just be underhoof next to your father because the crisis appears to be under control.”
“Not likely,” growled Sophia. “Poison is a coward’s weapon. The perpetrator must be found soon, or the Empire may blame the Equestrians.”
“You mean will,” said Sleet, who had returned to his photography with a vengeance, seeming to click the shutter each time with a particular deadly enthusiasm. Papercut regarded the vomit-strewn room with a sense of growing unease that could be felt even above his already overstressed stomach and snot-streaming nose. It had been an assassination attempt on Emperor Ripping Claw, no doubt about it, but not even the most politically inept Equestrian Royal would have been stupid enough to try it here. Not even Blueblood, who Papercut had caught a glimpse of fleeing the dining hall in abject terror after the first griffons had started upchucking. And with as little as he knew of Griffons, he still doubted their involvement, particularly the ones who had been spewing their crops all over Celestia’s dining hall. That left several of the other races of Equestria, but the Empire was at a remarkably peaceful period, at least outside of their fluid boundaries. It could have even been a particularly clumsy attempt to derail Princess Twilight Sparkle’s wedding, but it would have been an act of supreme idiocy or bull-headed cluelessness.
Or there is something here that I’m not seeing. Green Grass said there was something big behind the scenes that Celestia was worried about, but this wasn’t an attack on Equestria, was it? Could there be something bigger and deadlier behind this?
“Mister Papercut.” He looked up with a nervous twitch at the disheveled Princess of the Night, who was standing within touching distance and flanked by both Prince Sky and Soon-To-Be-Prince Green Grass on one side, and a female Night Guard on the other. “The medical ponies have procured a treatment to the vile poison and shall be distributing it momentarily. Will Lady Sophia be comfortable without your presence for a few minutes?”
“Yes, Princess Luna,” said Sophia with a muffled cough. “I’ll just sit here for a while and drink my water. Go on, Papercut.”
“Very well. Attend us.”
With that, Luna strode off through the crowd, followed by her rather odd retinue and a trembling servant who still felt a little miffed that his input had not been requested on his rental for whatever task was ahead. The sticky adhesion of his formal jacket to his own coat by way of vomit and other unmentionable fluids tugged at his legs with every step and gave him a cold chill up his back as they walked, but he took some small pleasure at noticing that his regurgitation dodging abilities apparently were superior to his ‘owner,’ who was even more disheveled. Princess Sun Shines had apparently consumed a great deal of fish and had scored a somewhat more direct hit upon the tutor than his own disgusting experience with Sophia’s aim. Out of a sense of responsibility, Papercut floated his last remaining somewhat clean kerchief out of a pocket and dabbed rather ineffectually on Green Grass’ fish-splattered face as they walked.
“What’s going on, sir?” he whispered as the five of them passed out of a back door in the dining hall and picked their pace up into an uncomfortably rapid trot down a utility corridor.
“Now that the immediate danger is over, Twilight and her friends are going to be hustled off to a safer location,” responded Green Grass with a bitter twist to his face as Papercut applied the kerchief. “Security thinks that if they surround her with guards ex post facto, that’ll somehow make things all better. At least it will give the Royal Guard something to do other than panic. How’s Sophia?”
“Significantly ill, but I believe she will recover without lasting effect.” With a sharp glance at Prince Sky, who was trotting alongside Princess Luna as if he had been ordered by his pony Wingmaster, and would much rather have a limb amputated instead, he continued somewhat louder. “Princess Twilight most likely saved the lives of every griffon in that room. I noticed the fish had some unknown substance on it when I t-t-tried—” Papercut swallowed, as if the fish was about to make an reappearance. “I used a recipe spell on it in order to identify that rather bitter trace hiding under the curry powder. It was most definitely not parsley flakes, but I lacked the experience to identify the herb.”
“I would have thought Security would have twigged to the henbane when they brought out the fish,” said Green Grass with a thoughtful frown. “Certainly there would be a few unicorns with detection spells scattered among the servers.”
“According to Princess Sophia, Chef Flay was quite insistent on the dish being prepared without any unicorn magic.” Papercut unconsciously rubbed the back of one hoof across his lips before realizing what was smeared across it. With a brief cough, he continued, “That appears to have been followed with the serving too. She claimed that it was a high honor for the other Wingmasters and the off-duty Blutwache.”
“About the last honor they would have received too,” mused Green Grass. “Did you notice a pattern to the distribution of the poison?”
“Of course, sir. It had been placed only upon the fish dishes.”
“Exactly.” Green Grass trotted along with the rest of the group, his face locked into a grim frown. “The flakes of henbane had been seared into the fish, so they must have been added during the cooking process. And there’s only one griffon who could have done that.”
“Two,” said Luna, not slowing her punishing pace even slightly. “Chef Flay has been evacuated from the kitchens and is being taken to our finest hospital under strict guard. Apparently he and Chef Sizzler had sat down for a quiet dinner together after the main course had been sent to be served, and were sharing one of the last trout when he took ill.”
“I knew it,” growled Sky, picking up his pace into a peculiar groundbound griffon half-trot, half-gallop down the corridor. “A pony. We shall carry out the interrogation on The Indomitable and—”
There was a rather offsetting noise that griffon claws and paws made on granite floor tiles while scrambling for purchase. The screech slipped in sideways through the ears, down the spine, and caused pony hooves to lock up into a skidding halt also, leaving the entire group stopped in the utility corridor with Prince Sky’s beak being firmly held in a powerful indigo magic as he was turned to look at a solemn Princess of the Night.
"Let me make myself perfectly clear," said Luna as she took a step forward to look down at the suddenly cringing griffon. "We are seeking a suspect who had reason to assault your father, perhaps somegriffon who stood to gain when he was slain. Suspicion would seem to fall upon one of his sons who recently had been humiliated by a pony and who did not consume enough of the poisoned flesh to be seriously injured. A suspect who meets these criteria could quite easily be arrested on what little evidence we have and turned over to Emperor Ripping Claw for… questioning. And if this suspect were to die during questioning, a great amount of blame for this assault could be easily placed firmly upon his beak. Now, do you have any further useful observations, or shall we return to our investigation?"
The griffon did not seem cowed by his situation, and growled once Luna released his beak. “You’re just covering up for a pony.”
“On the contrary,” replied Luna in just as flat a tone as before. “Should it be a pony who has committed this crime, they shall certainly pay in full. You must realize, Prince Sky, the reason you are here to observe our investigation is two-fold. For starters, I am in serious need of a representative of the Griffons who can act as both witness and skeptic. In that regard, you are highly qualified. Secondly, the points I raised previously will soon be raised by your peers. A mob is a terrible thing, and should the rest of the griffons seize upon your good fortune as an example of your guilt or foreknowledge of the attack, your life would be in grave danger. It is in both of our best interests to discover the true culprit as soon as possible.”
“How can I trust you?” muttered Sky. “You know nothing of our kind.”
Princess Luna tilted her head a fraction to one side and cleared her throat, continuing in flawless Griffon. “<I swear by the First Egg, in the Name of the Great Wyrm, that we shall find the one who committed this deed, and that whoever they may be, pony, griffon, or other, they shall die before me.>”
The words seemed to sink into Sky’s head with considerable pain, causing him to shift his expression several times until his feathery face settled into a glower of sincere reluctance and grudging assent. When the group stopped at a set of closed swinging doors guarded by a rather middle-aged female Night Guard, he even gave a short nod of acknowledgement while Luna spoke with her.
“Specialist Rose. Has there been any change in in the situation since I was informed of Chef Flay’s condition?”
“No, Ma’am. Chef Sizzler still won’t let anypony into this section of the kitchen other than you or Princess Celestia.” The middle-aged guard glanced at the floor and shifted position, which drew Papercut’s attention to the runny smears of Griffon vomit and possibly other unmentionable substances that streaked the otherwise pristine tile floors and detailed Chef Flay’s undignified path towards medical treatment. Whatever had overcome the griffon chef had obviously been treated in the same disgusting fashion as the dining hall, only on a somewhat smaller and more controlled scale.
“And in your opinion, how is he taking the poisoning attempt?”
“Badly, Ma’am,” responded the guard, looking rather nervously over her shoulder again at the closed swinging doors. “He’s always been a little… off, if you know what I mean, but I’ve never seen him angry before.”
“Understandable,” said Luna with a brief nod. “Now if you will stand to one side—”
“Not just yet, Ma’am.” The nervous guard brushed a strand of dark pink mane back under her helmet and lit her horn with a pale pink glow. “Need to run the changeling detection spell first. Can’t be too sure.”
“True.” Luna stood very still while the guard waved her glowing horn over her body and moved to the rest of the delegation. “In your opinion, Specialist Rose, could Chef Sizzler have committed the crime?”
“No,” said the guard rather bluntly. “Nor could Chef Flay. They were both too angry at whoever poisoned Emperor Ripping Claw to have been faking it. I’d feel a lot better if we could put a full forensic team into the kitchen and give the whole place a complete working over.”
“A full pony team,” said Luna. It was obviously not a question.
“Ah… I see your point, Ma’am.”
“Nonetheless, I have ordered a police forensic team to inspect the scene after our investigation has been completed to my satisfaction,” continued Luna in a controlled tone that matched a certain rigidity that had settled over her features like setting glue. “Could an outside agent have accessed the kitchens while the chefs were at work?
“No, Ma’am,” responded the guard while she ran her horn’s glow over Specialist Grace. “The meat station is fairly isolated from the rest of the kitchens by solid scent-blocking partitions and a full set of organic barrier spells. The only connection between it and the rest of the kitchens are these doors and their shared oven space, which means any intruder would have to go past me or through the hot ovens. I was on duty at this door all evening, from the time the—” she swallowed, with her horn’s pale glow flickering for a moment “—fish arrived until the servers picked it up. A few griffons came along to assist with the delivery, but they left afterwards, and no ponies other than Chef Sizzler have been in the kitchen since then.”
“Perchance, was Prince Sky among the delivery griffons?”
The griffon was about to whirl around and face Luna with his wings just beginning to extend when a sharp wince of pain seemed to stop him, and he ever so slowly put his wings back onto his flanks.
“No, Ma’am,” replied the guard. “He did drop by during the reception, but Chef Flay sent him away without even opening the door.” The guard looked up at Prince Sky, who was regarding her in return with a distinctive glower. She finished waving her horn over him, and then after a brief hesitation, patted him gently on one shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’m sure your father will be just fine after treatment. He was treated soon enough after the poisoning so that he should recover in a day or two.”
Sky’s expression darkened as he glanced at the violet armor that the female Night Guard was wearing. “And just why should you be concerned about my father? I don’t need the fake compassion of another pony.”
The female guard looked back, just as peaceful and compassionate as if she was talking to a small child who had just lost their favorite toy. “Prince Sky, the details of your encounter with Optio Pumpernickel have been all over the castle. Obviously, he didn’t like what he had to do to you, but that doesn’t mean he hates you. Be assured that Lumpy has a deep respect for the way that you’re willing to stand up and speak out for what you believe in, as does your father. Deep inside, you realize it too. As much as you claim a sincere dislike of ponies, you worry about the way your father has been opening up to other pony-friendly factions and you’re afraid that he has gone too far.”
“Why… yes.” Sky blinked a few times and turned his head slightly to one side. “But that doesn’t explain how you know how much poison my father had ingested or his present condition.”
Specialist Rose tapped one hoof against her helmet. “Communication crystals. They’re clearing the corridors to transport him to the hospital now, and I can hear him complaining to the other guards.” She turned to Luna with a nod. “All clear, Your Highness. No changelings in your party, just one worried young griffon who will do anything for his father.” She patted him on the shoulder again with a gentle smile and returned to her position guarding the swinging doors.
“Thank you, Specialist Rose.” Before opening the doors, Princess Luna regarded the rest of the group with a level stare and a few cautionary words. “Please be aware that Chef Sizzler is a valued member of the castle staff. He is a trifle… eccentric, as artists tend to be, but I will not tolerate any disparaging comments about his differences or his talent. Is that clear?” The Princess of the Night’s evaluating gaze swept across the waiting ponies and griffon, seeming only to hesitate for a brief moment longer on Papercut than was necessary.
“Very well, then. Let us proceed.” The indigo glow of Princess Luna’s magic on the doors caused them to swing open, but there was very little if any proceeding that followed.
Hanging suspended in the open doorway was a large cleaver, from which drops of fresh blood appeared to be dripping.
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And here we go. A chapter a day until Chapter 36 - Errata, and it's over. Enjoy. (working on a blog post)
Yay!
Nice. One of the best treatments for poisons; flushing. Disgusting but effective.
A wild Georg Chapter appeared.
FancyFan used freetime on the wild Georg Chapter.
FancyFan feels great.
Whoooo! Hooooo! The story continues and the wait was worth it.
More than a week of daily Royal Exam updates? That's certainly something to be thankful for.
Disgusting but high-quality character work in this chapter. Not much else to say, except that I'm looking forward to seeing the disturbing-sounding phenomenon that is an angry Sizzler.
6663331
And here I thought needing to be peed on after stepping on a sea urchin was the most disgusting remedy. Seems I was wrong.
I'm immensely grateful that smell does not truly translate through words because you did a good job describing the scene.
6663219
I think I might die of Goodness!!!
Sweet Celestia I am so happy!!
Aw shit, son, moar sillygreen and purplesmart!
It continues!
My god, fishy catbird barf everywhere.
I can't help but imagine that like 60% of the impressive disgusting mess reaction speed comes from cleaning up after the CMC.
Shesh, the urge to snack Sky upside his head lasted from the first word of his this chapter all the way to the end.
Huh. At least this time it'll only be hanging around til tomorrow.
Funny, I had just finished re-reading this story earlier today and now we get a new chapter. And we're getting a chapter a day. That's some good timing.
You and your damn cliffhangers lol
Awesome chapter, and well worth the wait.
And the rivers full of fish chunks flew freely, everything stank to high heavens and castle maids spent years on therapy.
Great update and another awesome cleaverhanger.
Okay, whoever is behind this clearly isn't about to let something as simple as the poisoning not working as planned to slow them down. Either insane or insanely dedicated to their cause.
The Mist Mountain gryphon who was given tofu in the previous chapter only for the Emperor to insist be given fish clearly did it.
6664749
That wasn't a griffon, that was Optio Pumpernickel, one of the Nocturne ponies. He's the wingmaster of Misty Mountain Aerie due to an unusual set of circumstances detailed in another story, and recounted earlier in this one.
Whoo! Finally more of this, and I finally have time to catch up
Wow. That's dedication
Well, she may have a millennium to catch up on, but who knows how many she's lived before that?
Right. On to the actual investigation!
I'm pretty sure Luna is old enough to Have forgotten more about your kind than you will ever learn... wow it was nice to see him shut up a little. Also some more character development for him as well.
Sky gets another small helping of humble pie. Hopefully his shut mouth can allow him to listen for a second or so...