It's been five weeks since the Dazzlings' defeat. So much had changed between them and the Rainbooms after Princess Twilight left for Equestria. They had managed to forgive and forget. They're all friends now.
But perfect moments don't last.
A new portal opens up at the base of the Wondercolt statue, just opposite the portal to Equestria. A girl comes through--and she bears semblance to Flash Sentry. She introduces herself as Flare Warden, and asks the nine for help. Finding it difficult to explain the entire situation, Flare decides to show them instead.
Only then do the girls realize the grim future Flare's world has ahead of her… if they cannot help her set things right.
(A/N: Since I'm debating myself on whether or not to cancel Time to Go Wild and The New Lunar Colony is on a long hiatus, I've decided to start a new story. No, actually, dared into it, but don't ask. I've got an awful case of writer's block, so please forgive me if some parts seems rushed or sloppy.
But I think this story will actually go along pretty well.
Cover art belongs to JaquelinDreamz via DeviantArt. Don't mind Sonata's and Aria's counterparts having more piercings aside from their amulets, 'cause they don't have them here. XD)
He's a she and she's a he, so if she's a he I-
GAH!
Quick questions are the Dazzlings dudes or Girls? If they're girls your cover art's misleading.
ANYWAY!
I like this, take my fave and my like.
this could be interesting.
The picture could have been a prototype look for The Blasters back in my trilogy.
So glad I decided against that...
5594846 Can't tell you~
5594975 The Blasters?
5595025 The brothers of The Dazzlings that plan on reviving all other Lyrican Sirens, just so they can use them to drive humanity and equinity to complete extinction.
5595058 Whoop! Not brothers, but close enough. Not sure about the extinction part – however, *INSERT SPOILER BLOCKER HERE XD*.
One thing I can clarify is that they are NOT called the Blasters, and the names will probably be very different.
5595025
NAOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
The cliffhanging is real. Great job so far! I'll keep an eye on this.
Congratulations on getting your story through moderation and posted. I'm glad that I was able to provide a little bit of inspiration and assistance. I'm far from an expert in writing and am certainly new to the fandom, but I've learned to appreciate and grow from feedback, so here goes:
You certainly have a passionate idea for an Equestria Girls-universe story involving reformed Sirens and the Humane 6. You've obviously given some thought to developing an additional, yet-unseen alternate universe along with a story for Adagio (in particular) becoming good after the events of Rainbow Rocks. Keep those ideas as the core of what you develop, but the trick is to translate the clear ideas in your mind into words that paint a picture that all of us can understand. This is the essence of the advice that I provided via PM.
Now, I have a fairly formal writing style. You have selected a style different from mine. Some readers will find the additional letters and multiple exclamation marks of your first line to be a turn-off. Admittedly, it's tough for me to get past. Also, you use slang terms to describe character actions and the background environment that aren't readily understood by all readers. I try to confine many of those terms to dialogue where their use would be in character for your cast - but again, your style is different than mine.
The hardest lesson I had to learn in attempting an epic is to slow down and let the characters develop by showing what they do over a long period of time. Showing is more immersive than telling, but takes much more time. Remember, I'm still new at this, too. My story has only existed since October.
Good luck with Chapter 2 and I hope that your ideas are well received!
5597051 Aw, thank you! Admittedly, I like receiving help from you; it's very relieving to have a person help me out when I'm down in the dumps.
Hehe, my ideas do tend to go overboard… and that's how my fics are born.
Yes, I have given some serious thought, but keeping certain things as the core will be pretty tricky. Though I'm not gonna switch from third person to first person or something, there will be changes in perspective throughout the whole story (Celestia knows how many chapters), and I may or may not include some red herrings (still deciding).
Yes, our writing styles are different. But, hey, you're a guy who's got a family to take care of, and I'm a student who's being pressured to go to a good college, so no real surprise there.
While I wouldn't say this lesson was a hard one for me, the difficulty I will have would be to make sure that my plans for the story are intact. I do know how to show rather than tell, but I like to start with tell, and near the end of my prologue or first chapter, I start delving into show. Dialogue tends to be my strength when it comes to fictional writing, and I intend to put it to good use. Y'know, if your story's lasted for 4 months or something, than that's AWESOME.
You can still help me with Chapter 2, right? If not, I guess I can help you instead…
Flare Warden meets Flash Sentry:
FW: "I am he...and he is me"
I like it! Although if I have a complaint, it's that a lot of the story gets 'told' to us in retrospect (ie. the Dazzling's reformation), which makes it a little harder to swallow than actually seeing it happen. Some of those things would have made for pretty awesome flashbacks. Nice start, though. :)
5602022 Yes, I am aware, and have always been aware of it. But it's my style. If talking about past incidents are in the intro, then I start off with tell (because I feel that too many flashbacks at the intro will ruin everything). And then in later chapters, I start showing flashbacks, and I'll start getting into a whole HECK of a lot of detail. (I'm actually thinking the showing part will start somewhere in the second or the third chapter, though it won't have to do with the Dazzlings' past… yet.)
Trust me, they will get better. And I'm a novice writer.
5602037
As a seasoned writer, I must give you this advice:
Give it your all, especially in the first chapters. It's irrelevant if the later chapters have more flourish to it if the reader stops him or herself from reading any further than chapter one.
Don't leave a bad taste for your viewers in your first chapter. It basically determines wether your story will be successful or not.
Once again; just advice. Hope you heed it so that you will not make the same mistakes that I've made.
5606451 Heh, thanks. I've tried giving the best flourish I could without leaving too many spoilers. I was also multi-tasking (read DOING MY FRIGGIN' HOMEWORK
I HATE EM SO MUCH) while writing this, so I couldn't give as much focus as I usually did. But I can promise that the story will get better as time goes on. If I feel that I should, I will give the first chapter a re-edit session – but that's only if my friend deems necessary (remember, I got dared into writing this story).5594846
The dazzlings are girls. However, given the fact that rule 63 FS just showed up through another portal, there's a decent chance the picture is depicting the rule 63 dazzlings from where she came from.
5647055 Yup! Though I'd appreciate it if you covered "Rule 63 FS" with spoiler blocks next time.
5648210
Oh, that was a spoiler? I thought it was just a description of the premise from the summary. Maybe I'm just too familiar with this type of story. Anyway, I changed it.
5648391 Yeah, don't worry. You can stop blocking them after I post Chapter 2 or 3. That's when shebang gets revealed.
Not usually a fan of R63, but I'm keeping an eye on this one because it has potential.
5660612 Aw. . . thank you!
are you continue this?
6202029 Yes, I will continue this. Life has just been very hectic, lately.
More!
6568797 Will come!
After I show life who's boss