I mostly write Harry Potter fics but I have written a few little MLP Harry Potter crossover fics and that was how I found myself on this fandom and falling in love with this whole setting.
Not long after Luna's first Nightmare Night while wondering through Ponyville Princess Luna meets an unuseral Stallon by the name of Harry Night-sky and finds herself wondering who this strange stallion is and what serects he is hiding.
Little does she know that learning some of his serects is going to lead to a new adventure that could change the world of not just Equestia but also Harry's old home.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This story seems interesting so far a few spelling mistakes here and there such as glad not having an e but promising non the less I will track this
like it so far but there are a few grammatical errors, other then that i am liking how it coming out
One huge thing you might want to fix. Your long and short descriptions are MASSIVE run on sentences. That makes a lot of people read a quick blurb and 'nope' the hell out of there.
I also read fanfiction.net and read the same story on there my only question is why is there six chapters there and only for here don't get me wrong I love your stories I hope you update soon!
Huzzah an update more more more!!!!!
I've read this story on Fanfiction.net and enjoyed it, but I have to tell you, you have some serious grammar issues and a few spelling errors which made this a difficult read for me. I'm only going to use one paragraph as an example and I'm only going to concentrate on the grammar rather than the spelling, but similar issues run throughout this chapter and the story on the whole. I will warn you now, my criticisms will be direct because I do not believe in glossing around the issue. I hope you take them as constructive input and not as an attack.
This paragraph is only one sentence. A very long run on sentence that conveys too many subjects and objects with no discernible organization. It needs to be broken down into multiple simpler sentences.
You are switching between past and present tenses: "The unicorn says" (present tense); "as the mirror case glowed" (past tense); "the unicorn giving the price" (present tense); "which Luna paid for" (past tense). There are very few instances where switching tenses is acceptable. In fiction it is generally wise to pick one tense and stick with it. I recommend past tense as it is—in my experience—easier to write. Present tense just looks so out of place in fiction, but as it is a style choice it is still valid as long as it is consistent.
I'm going to show you one way to rewrite the paragraph that would make it cleaner and easier to read in both a grammatical and cadential sense. I have also changed some of the descriptors of the characters and items to provide variety, but that too is a style choice.
There are many other ways the paragraph could be changed if what I wrote does not convey the context that you were looking for. The important thing is to make sure you keep your sentences from being overly complex and to maintain one tense, be it past or present.
Your story is creative and entertaining. It would have to be otherwise I wouldn't have bothered to read past the first chapter, much less provide you with feedback. Feedback which I hope you find constructive and useful.
A few grammatical errors? About every fifth word is the wrong word; glade instead of glad, defiances instead of differences, stiles instead of styles...
This seriously needs to be beaten half-to-death with a grammar stick.
i have a question is this human tag necessary? it seems like everyone is a pony