I'm Just Me

DEAR DIARY,

HI! I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO SAY "DEAR DIARY" BEFORE SAY HI, BUT WHEN I TRIED TO SAY "HI" AND NOT "DEAR DIARY" THIS PURPLE PONY TOLD ME THAT I HAVE TO PUT DEAR DIARY IN IT. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

^ more fun

DO YOU LIKE FUN? I LOVE FUN! FUN IS FUNNER THAN EATING CANDY SPRINKLED WITH CHOCOLATE RAIN ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. FUN IS FUNNER THAN SAYING "FUN" ALL THE TIME.

DO YOU EVER HAVE FUN? I BET TH- Where's the rest of the sentence?

SORRY ABOUT THAT. I GOT REALLY EXCITED BECAUSE I WAS THINKING ABOUT SLIDING DOWN A SLIPPERY LOLLIPOP INTO A POOL OF CHOCOLATE. I GOT SO EXCITED THAT I STARTED BOUNCING AROUND.BUT THEN THAT SAME PURPLE PONY TOLD ME I HAD TO WRITE MORE INSIDE OF YOU. SO THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING. THERE ARE OTHER PONIES IN HERE BUT NONE OF THEM ARE HAVING ANY FUN. SOME OF THEM DO BUT THEN THE PURPLE PONY GOES UP TO THEM AND TELLS THEM TO WRITE MORE IN THEIR DIARIES. WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO BE SO NOT FUN AND MEAN?

WELL AT LEAST YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

^You're

ANYWAY, THE PURPLE PONY JUST READ YOU AND SHE SAID: "YOUR OFF TO A GOOD START WITH YOUR DIARY." I GUESS SHE ISN'T ALL MEAN BUT SHE ISN'T ALL FUN EITHER. MAYBE I SHOULD INVITE HER TO PLAY A GAME OR SOMETHING!

^You're ^You're

YOUR PRETTY FUN THOUGH. YOUR SO NICE AND YOU LISTEN TO EVERYTHING I SAY. MAYBE I SHOULD GET HER A DIARY OF HER OWN. THAT WAY SHE CAN WRITE STUFF DOWN WHILE HER DIARY LISTENS TO HER!

--PINKIE PIE

Good start! But don't capitalize every letter. As we move forward, you will start to learn about grammar. Also, my name is Twilight.

DEAR DIARY,

HI AGAIN. REMEMBER ME. I THINK YOU WOULD BECAUSE YOU HAVE EVERYTHING I SAID INSIDE OF YOU.

Oh yeah. I almost forgot about what the purple pony taught me today. We learned how to capitalize words and use periods at the end of our sentences. And she made such a fun game out of it too. We had to write down a bunch of different sentences and whoever wrote the best sentence got a piece of candy. I won a piece of chocolate. It was very delicious.

Wow. It is cool seeing what candy can do when you need to capitalize and put periods at the end of sentences. If the purple pony saw how I am doing, she would give me a bunch of candy. Well I don't know about that.

I JUST REMEMBERED Where's the rest of the sentence?

Oh right, I nearly forgot about capitalization. Anyway somepony said something really funny today. And I mean really funny. The purple pony was talking and writing on the wall with this delicious-looking sugar stick. And I'M TALKING ABOUT A SCRUMPTIOUS THING THAT I WANTED TO LICK UP AND EAT AND IT WOULD HAVE TASTED SO GOOD AND

Sorry I forgot about capitalization. Anyway, one of the ponies jumped up and said: "You should be eating that not writing with it." It was so funny that I started laughing. And I heard everypony else laughing as well. It was so funny that I couldn't stop. It was just that funny.

^ ?

You don't laugh a lot do you. I guess that's because you are a diary and diaries don't talk. Well that's okay. I like you no matter what.

-- Pinkie Pie

Good, but just be careful to finish every sentence. And also, the "purple pony" is named Twilight.

Dear Diary,

Twilight doesn't have to check our diaries anymore. That means we can write whatever we want whenever we want. Isn't that exciting? Plus, I learned some things about spelling and grammar that I can use.

I hope to write in you every day.

I would also like to announce my new name: Happy Smiles. I know that I called myself Pinkie Pie, but Twilight told me that although I look like Pinkie Pie, I'm my own pony. Therefore I should have my own name. So I did some super-duper tough thinking before I came up with a name that fits me. Happy, because I'm always happy. And Smiles, because they are my favorite thing in the world.

I hope you don't mind, Diary.

Well, it's time to go off into the wonderful world of dreamland!

-- Happy Smiles (that's my new name)

Dear Diary,

I have once again learned something new. Twilight was teaching us how to survive a job interview. Who knew that there were so many things to keep in mind?

Anyhow, Twilight also threw us a party today. It was to celebrate three months of being in the camp. When I got there, I was surprised by how elaborate everything was: from the streamers to the balloons. And there was even a party cannon to get things rolling. I never would've guessed that Twilight knew some stuff about throwing parties. But then it turned out that she didn't. It was actually one of her friends by the name of Pinkie Pie.

Like I've said before, I have nothing against her. After all she did bring me and my friends into this world. But there was this one moment during the party where I felt envious, like she's above me. That reminded me of that dream I had a couple nights ago. Every part of that scene was recreated in mind, only this time it was Pinkie's neck I had my hooves around.

But as I have said, I have nothing against her or Twilight. And like that morning after I woke up, I snapped to my senses and put the thought to rest. I hope it doesn't come back, though.

That's all I have to say tonight. Hope you sleep well!

-- Happy Smiles

Dear Diary,

Today was okay. Twilight was going on and on about something, but I felt bored. It's as if she had suddenly gone from being somepony worth listening to to a boring, dull pony that lectures. I barely remember anything from the class. All I know is that it was something about jobs and money. But it was just so hard for me to stay awake.

Once the class was over, I started to feel really bad for not paying attention. There was this awful feeling in my tummy, liKE EATING TOO MUCH CANDY and getting a tummy ache.

Did you just notice that, Diary? I didn't mean to do that. I must have forgot for a second.

Anyway, because I felt really bad I decided to talk to Twilight to tell her. She was a little disappointed, but she knew how bad I felt about it and said it was okay. I will make sure to never let it happen again. I promise.

But aside from that, there was some funny things happening today. Pink Frills told me a really funny joke about fish. Bouncy Balloons invited me and a couple friends over to her room to play a game of Hungry Hungry Ponies. I tried to garble up as much marbles as I could, but Bouncy Balloons was really good and won. After that, we all had some delicious chocolate.

So I guess today wasn't so bad. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

-- Happy Smiles

Dear Diary,

It happened again last night. That's the eighth night in a row. I thought I was done having those dreams, but they just keep coming back. Oh Diary, does this make me a bad pony? I don't want to be a bad pony.

Every time I see Twilight or one of her friends, memories of it just flash back and then this voice rings in my head. It tells me: "Strangle them, it'd be so easy". That awful voice just makes me feel really sick. I shouldn't be killing them, I should be hugging them and making them feel happy.

I know! I'll just throw a party for all six of them. We'll have cake, play games, and there will be a lot of smiles. That's what I'll do!

-- Happy Smiles

P.S. Diary, can you please not tell anypony about my dreams. Thanks!

Dear Diary,

I was wrong. Now it's the ninth time it has happened.

And my feeling of badness just wouldn't go away. Even at the surprise party I threw for Twilight, all I could see was me cutting her up like a cake. With every smile I saw on her face, my mind played nothing but screaming. I felt so awful that my tummy started to hurt. When we finally ate the cake, it tasted nasty.

I know I keep saying it, but I just feel horrendous for thinking such thoughts. And I feel even worse for having you listen to this. And now I'm sure you're sad too. I know diaries don't have faces, but I can see a frown hidden deep within this page. I hope my hug will make you smile again.

-- Happy Smiles

Dear Diary,

Well, I got in trouble today.

During Twilight's lecture, I started to get really irritated. I just Twilight going on and on about something unimportant. I just thought about the dream over and over again and I wished that it wasn't just a dream. I started to see someone that acted as if they were above me. Not just above me, but above all of my friends. We had been taught from the beginning of this cursed program that we were less than ponies, less than them. We could have easily been killed and not a single soul would mourn us. To them, we were weakening the race. I was growing loathsome of it, wishing I could just stick it to them.

And then I did.

I jumped from my seat and climbed over the rows in front of. She noticed me and urged me to sit back down. But I didn't. I was tired of listening to her.

When I finally reached the front of the room, the poor unicorn was somewhat stunned. But I didn't care. I roared and I pounced on her, tackling her to the floor. Flailing my hooves, I pounded her with punch after punch after punch. Each one felt great and coaxed me to strike even harder. The terrified thing cried for help, but I never yielded.

As I continued, I started to feel resistance. I glanced to see it was one of the other students. Why they were trying to stop their crusader was a mystery to me. But I knew I couldn't just give in. I had to fight until she was dead.

But that never came.

More of them pulled me from Twilight until they managed to completely pry me away. I was only able to make her muzzle bleed. Curses!

After that ordeal, they were ordered by Twilight to carry me down to Dr. Goodtalk's office. I hated it!

She asked me repeatedly what I did, but I never told her. I wanted to attack her, but the others were still holding me down. Can't they see what good I'm doing for them?

And then after a couple minutes, she came in. Oh how I wanted to wrap my hooves around her!

She dismissed the ponies that were holding her down. I instantly thought it was my chance! As they reluctantly let go, I bolted. But that unicorn was one step ahead of me as she applied a magical dome around me. I struck it with all my might, but the barrier didn't budge. I was stuck.

We spent the next few hours doing some boring interrogation, but I denied everything. I said I attacked her because I was trying to play a game, but she never bought it. As my punishment, I have to spend the next two days in a white room alone.

I hate those ponies!

Dear Diary,

I'm sorry for getting you wet, Diary. I'm just so sad to be in here, all alone. Not only am I alone, but I'm also sick and scared. I never meant to do any of that.

I promise to throw Twilight a super, duper, special "I'm Sorry For Hurting You, Twilight" party once I get out of here. I'll invite Twilight, all of her friends, and all of my friends. It'll be the bestest party ever.

There's a light switch here in here, but I'm afraid to flick it off because it gets really dark. But I guess that's what I get for being a bad pony. Nopony is supposed to have dreams of hurting their friends. And even more importantly, nopony is supposed to actually hurt their friends.

I'm probably getting you a little wet, so I'll stop.

--Happy Smiles

"Dear Diary,

I miss you very much. I didn't know that they would take you away from me. I would tell you not to tell them what I said, but I guess I can't make you choose. After all, once they open you, you have to tell them. But, I'll try to tell you what I'm feeling tonight, even if you can't hear it.

Oh...who am I kidding. What is there to talk about at this point?

You already know I'm a monster-pony. Nopony wants to be around me anymore. And I don't even have you anymore.

What else is there to say?

-- Happy Smiles"

"Dear Diary,

Twilight called me to Goodtalk's office today. They told me that they took you from me because they saw me writing in you through a hidden camera while I was in that lonely room. They read you and found out all the awful things I've been saying. They told me that they were concerned and they wanted to know why I've been feeling this way. I told them I didn't know.

Despite that, they told me that they need to do more in order to figure everything out. To do that, they sent me to the hospital in Ponyville where they did some tests on me. I was extremely scared during every one, but the nurses tried to make me feel better by giving me lollipops. I knew I didn't deserve them, but they tasted really good. And the smile they had on their faces made me smile too.

But then, the doctor came in and told me what was wrong.

It turns out that I have a monster inside my brain. It was apparently one that Twilight and her friends had to fight. Its name was Sombra. The doctor said that once he was defeated, he searched around for a body and decided to use mine. It was a weird case that he had never seen before and one that he would need to think about.

And then I felt really bad. Because it turns out I really am a monster. Diary, I know you can't hear, but....I miss you. I wished I had you in my hooves so that I could tell you. That would make me feel better. I hope you're alright.

-- Happy Smiles"

Dear Diary,

I'm really happy to have you back! So happy, in fact, that I started crying happy tears.

How did I get you back?

I asked Twilight that I wanted you because I missed you. She then told me that she didn't need to use you and decided to give you back to me.

You have no idea how much i missed you. I know it sounds crazy for me to say that to a diary, but you give me so much comfort. With you, I can talk to you and share my feelings with you. I'm sure you knew that from the beginning, but it's true.

Well, now that you're back, I can talk to you about what's going on. And in all honesty, given the amount of awfulness going on right now, getting you back has really been a relief.

The doctor is still trying to work something out. All the while, Twilight is keeping an eye on me to make sure I don't do anything bad.

I wish things could have just been normal for me. I wish I could just get up in the morning, go to class, and then spend time with my friends. But than meanie Sombra won't let me. Who made him so mean that he could hurt other ponies?

I hope that once I get better, I'll be able to get everything back to normal. I'll throw a special party for everypony in the program. I'll make sure they all know that I'm sorry for this mess I'm going through right now. Even you will be there, Diary.

I'm getting tired. Well then, good night, Diary.

-- Happy Smiles

Dear Diary,

Today I found out just how strong that dome is.

I'm so scared that I don't even know what to do.

I guess you should know.

The doctor came to visit me today. I was in Goodtalk's office with Twilight when he came. He finally figured out the solution. He said that he could extract Sombra from my brain and imprison him in a container. I smiled upon hearing that. I was really happy to find out that there was a way to bring things back to normal. But the doctor wasn't smiling at all. His face had turned from a blank expression to a frown. And as you know, I don't like frowns at all. I asked him what was wrong.

He didn't talk at first. This made me really nervous because I thought it was going to be something bad. And I was right.

He said that the extraction spell would kill me.

And then I started to get scared. The type of scared that causes your whole body to ache and shake. I quickly asked him if there was any other way.

He said no.

No more fun. No more parties. No more Happy Smiles. Everypony I knew would be sad, even if I was a monster. I was scared by what death would feel like. At the same time, I was sad that I it had to be me.

It couldn't be me.

I rushed out of the room and out of the building. I thought to myself that this couldn't be happening. I've been having nightmares of Sombra taking over the world, mixed in with me trying to kill Twilight. Clearly, this had to be another one. And then I would wake up and everything would be fine. Or even better, it would have all been a big prank that everypony was pulling on me. I didn't know which idea to think, so I just accepted them all.

And then I crashed.

My face hurt and I fell to the ground. My eyes saw the magical dome that surrounded our little town. Why wasn't I allowed out? Twilight was able to get me out when we went to the hospital? Did she want me to die?

I then got the thought that Twilight was trying to kill me because I knew too much. I then pushed that mean thought away. It must have been because of Sombra.

My cheek hurt a lot from the crash and I brought my hoof to it in order to lessen the pain. But it felt wet. I was crying.

I didn't ask for any of this.

Diary, what should I do?

-- Happy Smiles

Dear Diary,

This is going to be the last time you hear from me, Diary. After a lot of time and thinking, I've decided to accept the treatment.

Twilight came by to help ease the anxiety I felt. I had to admit it really helped. But she wasn't what convinced me. I convinced myself.

The doctor told me that Sombra would only continue to grow in my brain until he had complete control. Sombra would have then caused chaos to everypony everywhere. That would not have been fun. Also, Twilight would have had to kill my body eventually to defeat Sombra if he got that powerful.

Upon realizing this, it hit me.

The doctor wasn't asking me if I would die. He was asking me if I would make the right choice.

It was hard for me to accept, but I know now that it is better to die for the sake of everypony else than to live at the cost of everypony before being killed like a monster.

I know you will miss me very dearly, even if you can't cry. I just hope that you understand why I'm choosing this. It's alright if you don't get it right away. I know I didn't. But hopefully with time, you can come to accept it.

And I want you to tell anypony else who reads you that they are special to me. Even if I wasn't supposed to be the real Pinkie Pie, I lived a nice life as Happy Smiles. Like her, I wanted you all to smile. For the few of you ponies that still don't think I'm a monster, I hope that you are able to do that. And for the many that do, I wish you the same thing.

Goodbye.

--Happy Smiles

Dear Diary,

It's weird talking to a diary like it's an actual pony, but I guess I'll give it a shot.

Diary, I wanted to tell you that Happy Smiles was a very special pony. Even if she was a clone, she lived her life as if she was a full-fledged being. I want to assure you that Sombra has been contained and the world is safe.

It saddens me that such a carefree pony had to go through something this awful. And I'm sure that you must be feeling the same way.

We do not think she was a monster. Her friends remember her for what she has done and her heroic sacrifice. And as they continue their journey to becoming regular citizens, they do what Happy Smiles wanted them to: smile.

Even if I can't see it, I wonder if you're smiling too. I like to say you are.

And I guess to finish off like her, good night.

-- Twilight Sparkle

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Comments ( 11 )

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Nocturnal Derp

Nocturnal Derp #1 · Jan 25th, 2015 · · ·

This was an interesting concept. Feel bad for Happy though, but that was the point I assume.
I liked it... have a like!

eLLen

eLLen #2 · Jan 25th, 2015 · · ·

Slap a sad tag and a dark tag on this cause it needs it. It's a sad little story, but that's the point, so it's a good story.

howard035

howard035 #3 · Jan 26th, 2015 · · ·

Great story, I figured building the newborn clones their own community was how that episode was going to end in the first place, right until the end. Was this story inspired by this? mlpchan.net/pony/src/1375404833761.jpeg

Gumball2

Gumball2 #4 · Jan 26th, 2015 · 1 · ·

5551039

No. I got the idea from watching the episode itself. I found Twilight's solution to the problem to be extreme. In addition, her rapid fire elimination of the clones was just careless, especially for her. I figured this would make a bit more sense.

I actually had this idea for a while and was going to make the story about how Twilight struggled to get the program started. The only thing, though, was that I never had time to sit down and write. But then I saw that Equestria Daily was having a contest and I decided to use it.

I'm really glad you liked the story.

Dafaddah

Dafaddah #5 · Jan 26th, 2015 · · ·

Very interesting fix on what I also consider the big weakness of that episode. The cruelty of just eliminating all the Pinkie clones left a very bad taste in my mouth. Kudos to you for writing this bittersweet story and turning that frown upside down - a very Pinkie thing to do!

Soge

Soge #6 · Jan 28th, 2015 · · ·

Hey, I wrote a review for this story. In case you are interested, it can be found here.

Overall, I found the concept very interesting, but felt that it was brought down by significant issues with the execution.

Ultra-the-HedgeToaster

Ultra-the-HedgeToaster #7 · Mar 15th, 2015 · · ·

This should have a much higher rating.

I absolutely adore your portrail of "Happy Smiles", and the insights you give us through her diary-entries.

The idea of the Pinkies going through what is essentially Kindergarden is just flatout adorable.

The only thing I didn't like ... was that it had to end in tragedy.

I'm not exactly a fan of "sad", especially not "tragedy"-tagged stories.

That I read this one anyway was due to the intriguing concept of "Pinkies forming a separate society" and "being taught to integrate".

It's too bad the mane six gave up the Elements of Harmony to the Tree, or else they could've probably exorcized Sombra from her body or something.

...

Wait, this is pre-season 4. They still have the Elements. DOH.

Ah well, woops.

I guess you could argue that... the Elements couldn't be used on Sombra for the same reason Celestia didn't give them to Twilight to stop him originally?
...Then what about the Crystal Heart? Or is that what ended up being used here and it couldn't tell her and Sombra appart?

But really now, I think you're on to something here with how you show us the inner thoughts of a Pinkie-clone.

How about a sequel? (Preferable less tragic than the original story, though that's just my personal taste.)

The other Pinkies settling in into their new lives, and sending letters back to Ponyville.

mastermenthe