• Member Since 15th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen Nov 22nd, 2022

Gumball2


Just your average writer.

E
Source

After the events of "The Last Roundup", Rainbow Dash and the others find Pinkie and Rarity injured in the badlands. As they go to get help, Rainbow Dash evaluates the extent of her loyalty to her friends.

Revised August 4, 2014

Accepted into Nonpareil Fiction July 27, 2015

Now with a Dramatic Reading on Youtube

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 15 )

Wow! this was amazing!!! I love your writing style and I'll definitely be following you after this to see what else you have in store.

P.s. You look like you'd make a great tragedy fic.

Just some minor nits to pick. Rainbow is a strong runner from the Running of the Leaves episode, and in the chase she along with Fluttershy were actually pulling the cart. I suppose you could have it be that she was still tired from the chase though. This should be a slice of life too, I mean it is making a stupid decision that hurts other people and also unintentionally causing the hurt because of your own emotional baggage.

Other than that this was a fine piece, with lots of strong feels and emotions. I hope to read more of your work in the future.

Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

4657413

I submitted it to Equestria Daily this morning. I am still awaiting a response.

This was awesome.... Much better than the original ending...

"And I knew at that moment that I could consider myself a good friend as I could now all myself loyal."

That's some typo right there...

To me this story felt kind of melodramatic and had some logic errors like; if they went back for Rarity and Pinkie right after getting Applejack then why were Rarity and Pinkie dehydrated, exhausted and have sunstroke, I mean in the show Pinkie and Rarity were left out for at least a day but in this story they were only left alone for a few minutes; also the fact that Rainbow was paralyzed by her emotions for hours on end, basically the whole day, being shocked could stun her but for it to happen repeatedly and last for hours at a time is a bit of a stretch of the imagination.

Anyway though I did still enjoy the story so it gets a like from me.

Finished a review for you! :twilightsmile:

As a part of the pleasant commentator and review group. Here's the link.

Saw this in Twilight's Review. I will review it later and let you know how it is.

This review is brought you by Twilight's review(If that makes any sense:facehoof:)

Now to start off, sorry for taking so long. 11K story can be quite long(adding on stories on top of that can be a cluster screw). Now on to the main review

"And I knew at that moment that I could consider myself a good friend as I could now all myself loyal."

I won't lie, that's weird to say but it can be easy to fix so I won't go to great into detail about it. As for the story itself, it's a nice story with a few hiccups here and there but mostly minor thing so it doesn't mess up the story to much. While not my top 10 stories, it currently exceeds anything I have by a mile and then some. A few things to note though- The story felt kind of melodramatic and had some logic errors like...

If they went back for Rarity and Pinkie right after getting Applejack, then how come Rarity and Pinkie dehydrated, exhausted and have sunstroke? It's strange but not unbelievable. They were only left alone for a few minutes so that's why I say that.

Another example would be that RD was paralyzed by her emotions for quite a while(A whole day for a lack of a better words). I mean, I understand being surprised for a few minutes or something is understandable but for it to happen more then once and last for hours is a bit strange. Overall, the emotions were believable, the feelings were intact and it was a great read overall.

This concludes my review. Ty for your time.

This was soooo good! When Pinkie said that she was always there to make her smile, I couldn't help but cry, since it reminds me so much of my friends. They're always there for me. (But they call me the loyal one. Aaaaalright. XD) Anyway you hit me right in the feels!

To Answer Rainbow Dash’s Question Of The What If Scenario,
Like Owen Said In Total Drama Action
“I’m thinking that’s a No”
And I Agreed With the No Part
Rainbow Dash, even if you ran really fast, it is impossible for you to both. Pinkie Pie’s Leg is more severe when The Doctor is going to come in 5 minutes later and telling the group that there is a hospital error.
Rainbow Dash, You May have stopped one person from going down the wrong path, but the cost of a person’s Limb Permanently

Rarity Is Going To Need Therapy

Therapy and I think I know a Guy who can make sure no one is stupid.
Dr.Wolf

The story is almost perfect but twilight never said sorry for hurting rainbow over an accident. They were all trying to catch Applejack and they had the bad luck to get hurt.

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