I put out fires, write stories, other fun stuff in between too~
Moonbeam Crater is a troubled kid in a sense. Not knowing his parents, he was left to the Equestrian Child Services. Finally able to find a suitable couple after 12 sets of foster parents, Moonbeam looks like he's going to be able to settle down. Until she came. Turning his life upside down.
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I like this. I think it's very well written with solid grammar for you're first story. I wish mine was this well at first XD keep up the good work and if you need any kind of help, do not hesitate to contact me. Thank you for your time.
With regards, Req.
wait... so is this a romance between Moonbeam and AJ or Moonbeam and Luna?
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Thank you so much! It means a lot!
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Those details will become evident in the next few chapters!
5438243 lol Okay
A little speedy but that's okay. First stories are like that as authors want to get to the action XD Suggestions:
Work on your pacing. It's one of the most important things to reign in.
A bit more exposition at parts like Luna being his mom. I understand if it's being saved for later.
I feel as if he accepted that she was his mom way too quick. No anger at all?
Keeping characters in character. Twilight could be a real perv, but you need to play her hooves correctly. Either slow her advances down or just slow the scene itself down.
All in all, you are still writing excellently. See if you can improve in those areas and it will be even better. I wish people told me these things as I was writing, would have helped a ton. I like where you're going with this and ask that no matter what people say, you follow your heart on this one. If your heart tells you to end the story, then do it. But if it tells you to continue on while others say shut it down, follow your instinct. Do what makes you happy. Good luck, and write hard!
Well I think that answers my earlier question lol.
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He is holding his anger back. Once again, this will become obvious in a later chapter.
Also Twilight is going to be a huge perv and obstruction in the story.
Not mad? See now that's the load of garbage I'm tired of seeing, jackass.