First time for everything

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Comments ( 11 )

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PhoKingAzn

PhoKingAzn #1 · May 1st, 2012 · · · The morning after ·

since no one commented yet... dafuq and interesting....

Flyingspud

Flyingspud #2 · May 1st, 2012 · · · The morning after ·

Umm.... what did I just read?

Anyway, I must criticize your over-use of dialogue in the first chapter. It was very difficult to read properly, resulting in just skimming it. Other than that, I will not complain.

BryanPiekarski

BryanPiekarski #3 · May 1st, 2012 · · · Used for more than magic ·

You really should add some back-story and build-up. Not only does it set the mood, but it helps us get to know the characters which is one of the most important factors in a story, and it is necessary in fanfiction especially when an original character is involved.

Thunder2140

Thunder2140 #4 · May 1st, 2012 · · · The morning after ·

You said fingers.... is this a human or pony fic? If human you should specify with the tags.

BryanPiekarski

BryanPiekarski #5 · May 1st, 2012 · · · The morning after ·

Wait a tick, I'm confused. Who is the human? The girl or the guy? And why do they both have odd "pony-like" names?

All American

All American #6 · May 1st, 2012 · · · The morning after ·

Wait... what?
fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/328/6/b/your_mind_is_blown_gif_by_vrbtny-d4h6rjq.gif

(Shameless self-promotion: "Devil's Due")

CuriousCurse

CuriousCurse #7 · May 2nd, 2012 · · · The morning after ·

Lol, semi nice comments and not a thumb up in sight, You could have totally made this about 120% cooler if you put some more detailed action in with all that freakin dialouge. I'll be nice and give it a thumb up if only to show you it wasn't a TOTAL fail, just a pretty epic fail...