Andrew crossed the distance between his friends and Nightmare Terror at a deliberate pace, the runes on his stomach and chest still glowing. He stopped only feet away, watching the mare struggle and moan. Her eyes opened and she fumbled with her hooves, trying to stand up. She managed to get her front hooves under her, trying her best to get her back hooves working as well. Finally she stood on all fours, blood steadily dripping from her mouth. Her knees shook, and her horn sparked as she tried to cast magic and failed.
“The fight is over Nightmare.” Andrew said definitively, watching her struggle. “You lost. Accept it and ease your punishment.”
“Punishment?” She snarled, spitting a glob of blood onto the ground. “Who are you to pu-”
Andrew cut off the beaten mare, raising his hands and clapping a single time. As the loud sound echoed, chains sprung into existence and wrapped themselves around her, pulling tight. No glow of magic could be seen as more iron links sprung out of the ground, wrapping around her hooves and holding them down. Once she was secure, Andrew closed the final distance between them.
Nightmare Terrors eyes widened, and she struggled against her newly formed chains.
“What are you?” She shouted, looking at the chains, searching desperately for a way to escape. “I scanned you, you were nothing special!”
“Your right, I wasn’t.” Andrew agreed. “and like I said, I made improvements.”
“That’s impossible! I know this type of magic! You can’t just carve runes into yourself and get that kind of power!
“Your right.” Andrew once again agreed, looking down at the panicked mare. “It’s a complicated story, and to be honest…”
Andrew clapped his hands again, the chains around Terrors chest getting tighter. The mare let out a gasp as the air was squeezed from her for a moment.
“I don’t have time to explain it to you.”
Nightmare Terror squirmed within the chains, trying to overcome the iron shackles. Andrew looked down on her, waiting for her to give up. Eventually she did, breathing heavily from the effort. She stared back at Andrew, her mane wild and her eyes bloodshot.
“Defeated as I may be, you can’t punish me properly. The Elements failed to hurt me, and you can’t separate me from my host without them. I know your rules, you can’t hurt an innocent pony!”
“First, she isn’t innocent, I can tell.” He explained. “And second…”
Andrew wrapped his fist around Terrors horn, and with a grunt, yanked on it. He pulled to the side and away, the force pulling Terror against the chains, before something inside her gave. Suddenly his pulling kept going, a light blue mare emerging from the chains, stumbling and collapsing a few feet away. Inside the chains Nightmare was shaking, her fur changing from the light blue had been to a pale gray, her thigh bare of any mark. The weight of the chains forced her to her knees, while ropes grew out of the ground to hold the blue pony in place.
“What… what did you do to me?!” She demanded, weakly struggling against the chains before finally catching sight of the mare Andrew had separated her from. “No! That’s not possible!”
“Clearly it is.” Andrew countered. “You yourself said you recognized the type of magic I was using.”
Before Nightmare could speak again, Twilight and Applejack rushed to the newly freed pony.
“Well I’m as surprised as an apple in a barrel of oranges, its Trixie!” Applejack pointed out when they finally arrived. “How in tarnation did she get caught up in all this?”
“She isn’t innocent.” Andrew explained simply, looking back over his shoulder. “I’ll get to her after I’m done with Nightmare.”
Applejack and Twilight shared a confused look, walking closer to Andrew until they stood on either side of him.
“Is that Nightmare? How did you manage to separate them without the elements?” Twilight asked. “What kind of magic are you using?”
“Ask Princess Celestia when this is all over, she can explain it. Now step back.” Andrew responded. “Please, I don’t have a lot of time left.”
Twilight and Applejack stepped back, watching Andrew carefully as he clapped his hands again. The chains holding Nightmare disappeared, the now gray unicorn floated into the air, straining to fight the magic that was holding her.
“Do your worse ape.” she said back venomously, finally giving up her struggling. “There is nothing you can do to really stop me. I will never stop seeking revenge, and now you’re on my list. You may put off my plans, but I promise you someday I will return! A week, a month, a year, a decade, time means nothing to me!”
“It seems that you still don’t understand what my purpose is Nightmare. Let me show you.” Andrew responded quietly when Nightmare finished her rant. “For two hundred and fifty nine murders, including a carrier of royal blood, innumerable crimes against nature and equinity, the torture of hundreds and for attempting to doom Equestria to death by blocking out the sun permanently, all with magic that is forbidden, taboo and unnatural, I find you guilty. The punishment is as follows.”
Andrew clapped again, once again wrapped his fist around Nightmares horn. Like before he pulled, only this time he strained, pulling until the horn itself came off. Like an uncorked champagne bottle grey smoke poured from where the horn had been, fading and disappearing just as fast as it came out. Andrew dropped the horn on the ground, and stomped it into dust.
“I strip you of your magic. Never again will you bend nature or pony to your will.”
Nightmares eyes bulged out, and her mouth opened wide, but before she could scream, Andrew clapped again. She strained, her mouth open wide, her eyes bloodshot and tearing, but no sound emerged. Twilight gasped from behind Andrew, but said nothing.
“I strip you of your voice. Never again will you seduce the weak to do your bidding, only speaking when asked a question.”
Again Andrew clapped, this time watching as Nightmares body became smaller, her muscles shrinking and her once pointed fangs falling out.
“I strip you of your strength. No longer will you threaten or scare innocent ponies.”
Nightmare feebly flailed around, opening her mouth to shout, growing more and more upset as no sound emerged.
“Do you feel guilt Nightmare?” Andrew asked simply
“Guilty? Don’t be ridiculous!” She immediately shouted back, snarling and spitting. “Getting what I want is all that matters, I’ll kill as many worthless ponies as I want! Guilt is for the weak and those who don’t deserve power!”
“Exactly. You’ve twisted your soul with your unnatural magic Nightmare. You have destroyed your conscience from centuries of ruthlessness and cursed rituals. But don’t worry, I’ll just have to bring it back.”
Andrew clapped again, then put his hands around Nightmares head, his palms on her temples. He stared deeply into her eyes, his gaze piercing.
“Your final punishment is that you will live with the burden of what you have done with the conscience you had before you became this twisted husk. You will remember every crime you have ever committed in perfect clarity, viewed through an untainted morality. You will not escape this fate through death, life will not leave you until you have endured enough. For every day you stole from innocents, you will live two.”
Nightmares jaw clenched as Andrew closed his eyes, a barely audible groan coming from her throat. Andrew held her head steady in his hands, closing his eyes and breathing out a slow, steady breath. Nightmares eyes shot open wide, her whole body beginning to shake as if she was having a seizure. Andrew held her head tightly as her pupils shrunk to pin pricks finally rolling back after a long tenuous moment. The broken mare sagged, the strain of Andrew’s punishment knocking her out.
“Andrew, what did you do?” Twilight asked, rushing to his side. “Is she…?”
“I ended the cycle.” Andrew explained simply. “And no, she is alive.”
“How are you doing all of this Andrew?” Twilight asked again. “This is not normal magic! You’re acting strange, your even talking differently.”
“I know. And like I said before, ask Princess Celestia to explain it to you when this is all over, I don’t have time to do it now.”
With another clap, Andrew summoned large shackles that latched on to each of Nightmares legs, another strand of links connecting to a thick iron band around her neck. After he checked the chains he turned, making his way to Trixie’s restrained form. He kneeled behind the collapsed mar, patting the ropes that needlessly held her down. They uncoiled and retreated into the ground, like weeds growing in reverse.
“What are you going to do to her?” Applejack asked, having followed him with Twilight. “She ain’t ma favorite pony, that’s fer sure, but the mare don’t deserve punishment if she was the victim.”
“Trixie Lulamoon.” Andrew called, ignoring Applejack. “Wake up.”
The mare stirred under his hand, her eyes fluttering before opening wide, her limbs flailing in panic.
“Trixie, calm yourself.” He insisted, holding her down gently. “You are free.”
The mare slowly came to her senses, pulling her hooves under herself, looking up at Andrew. She looked around confused, then focused back on the human.
“This… Is this a trick?” She asked weakly, timidly. “She is tricking me again, isn’t she?”
“No, Nightmare has been defeated.” He assured her, gesturing to the shackled form not far away. “You are free.”
“I’m… free?” The mare asked, seemingly confused. “And you… You are the one who freed me?” She asked nervously. “You beat her?”
“I did.”
“Thank you!” Trixie finally gushed, tears welling in her eyes. “You saved me, I was a captive in my own mind! I could see everything and… and… and!”
The tears that had threatened to fall streamed down Trixie’s face, wetting her fur as she cried. She pushed against Andrew, who did his best to keep her calm.
“I’m sorry.” She eventually said, looking up at Andrew, then to Applejack and Twilight. “This is all my fault. I wanted… I wanted to get back at this town for humiliating me… but seeing what she did… hearing how uncaring she was, how insane…”
“Now don’t you worry, I’m sure that it ain’t rea-”Applejack started before Andrew cut her off, holding his hand up.
“I’m sorry Trixie.” Andrew said instead, patting her head. “But I know the whole story. I can’t just let it slide.”
Trixie stared up at Andrew, her eyes wide, before looking down defeated. Tears continued to fall, wetting Andrew’s legs and ground beneath her with pinpricks of moisture.
“What do you mean?” Twilight asked. “I mean sure you were kind of a jerk last time we met but she was clearly using you… right?”
“When you saw her… yes.” The crying mare explained. “But at first…”
“She realized who Nightmare was the minute she entered her mind.” Andrew continued. “Nightmare was still weak from your last battle, she couldn’t do anything other than whisper in a ponies ear.”
“Yes.” Trixie agreed, slowly nodded, to guilty to meet anyone’s eyes. “I knew who she was… but she promised me power… and revenge. I was so blind to think that she would stop at just humiliating. I’m so sorry I hurt everyone.”
“You didn’t hurt anyone Trixie.” Andrew countered. “Not directly at least. I know Nightmare was in control by the time you got here. I also know it was you who helped me beat her.”
“Wait, it worked!?” Trixie’s asked excitedly, her eyes opened wide. “I couldn’t tell if it did anything, she had me locked up so tightly when she was in control.”
“It worked.” Andrew assured her. “I know you never gave up, once you realized what she had planned. Despite how much she tortured you mind.”
Trixie shook when Andrew mentioned torture, her whole body tensing at once. Her eyes widened and she struggled for a moment, Andrew trying to calm her down. Eventually she did, breathing heavily.
“Sorry.” She said meekly. “I just… can’t stop the memories…”
“I understand.” Andrew said softly. “Which makes this all the harder.”
He clapped once, a ring materializing, dropping into his open palm. He rolled the ring around his fingers, the iron circle black and perfectly smooth.
“You are not innocent in this, I can’t just ignore it.”
“W-what does it do?” Trixie asked, obviously nervous.
“Nothing nearly as harsh as what I did to Nightmare. Nothing permanent either.” Andrew explained. “It keeps you from casting spells of any kind. You will still have magic, meaning you won’t feel disconnected or anything like that.”
Trixie stared at the iron ring that Andrew held out to her. The tears began to slowly stop, and she wiped her eyes with her leg. Finally, she nodded.
“Trixie Lulamoon, for the use of taboo and unnatural magic to aid a murderer and fiend, I ban you from preforming magic.” Andrew said, dropping the ring down Trixie’s horn. “You will regain your ability once you no longer want it back.”
The ring fell down to the base of her horn, glowing slightly as it fell. Trixie’ horn glowed in response, her magic feeding into the ring. The ring pulsed, then began to shrink, tightening around Trixie’s horn until it was snug, fitting into the grooves that spiraled up the side. Andrew clapped then, and with a quiet moan, Trixie’s eyes shut, the mare falling into a deep sleep.
“Did she pass out?” Applejack asked, biting her lip.
“No, I put her to sleep.” Andrew explained, standing slowly.
The battered and bruised human took two slow steps away from the now sleeping mare, and wobbled slightly. He stopped, pausing to regain his balance. The runes on his stomach dimmed slightly, save for the ones higher on his chest, which continued to glow. H tried again to continue his way to Luna before his legs gave out again. He fell to his knees, starting to collapse before Twilight caught him in her magic, laying him down on his back. Both she and Applejack rushed to the collapsed human’s side. The runes on his stomach had grown dark, leaving behind grotesque blackened lines.
“Andrew!” Applejack shouted, nudging his leg. “Y’all alright?”
“No. I am at my limit.” He explained. “I’m going to pass out, and I won’t be waking up for a long time. I need you to help me Twilight, as you promised.”
“What is it?” She asked, stepping closer. “What do you want me to do?”
“I need you to burn these runes off.” He explained, pointing weakly to the two Tiwaz runes that still glowed with his red magic. “Use your magic and burn them off completely. I would do it myself but I don’t trust my magic to be that precise.”
“Burn them? Off?!” Twilight asked, clearly upset at the concept. “I can’t hurt you like that!”
“You have to.”
“Why? You haven’t explained any of this!”
“When I carved these runes, I started something that wasn’t meant to start yet. My body isn’t strong enough for these changes. In all honesty I didn’t understand why I included those two but I did, and now they will kill me if I don’t remove them.”
“Kill you?” Twilight gasped. “How?”
“The longer they stay active, the more likely it gets that the changes won’t disappear when they do.” Andrew explained. “Twilight I need you to do this, please.”
“A-alright.” She finally agreed. “Let me put you to sleep first, then I will-“
“No! I need to be awake, so I can tell you if the connection has been severed.”
“What?! I can’t do that!”
“Twilight you have to!” Andrew shouted. “My life literally depends on it!”
“Fine!” She said, tears welling in her eyes. “I’ll do it!”
The lavender pony pulled a rock from the ground, shaking the dirt off of it. Her horn sparked again, the rock cracking down the side, exposing a relatively smooth face. With a grimace her magic, pulsing again, the rock slowly heating up as her energy swirled around it. The stone creaked and groaned as it slowly heated up, soon exuding a slight red glow.
“Are you ready?” She asked when she was done, hovering the reddish stone above Andrew.
Andrew nodded, and with a gulp Twilight lowered the heated stone, until it was inches from his skin. She hesitated for a moment, before finally taking a deep breath and lowering the rock against Andrew’s skin. His flesh sizzled as the stone burned him, the humans back arching as he struggled to hold back a scream. He gritted his teeth, his hand balled into fists. Revolting smoke poured from his chest once again, obliterating one of the runes.
“Enough” He managed to hiss out after a long moment of burning, his jaw clenched shut.
Twilight immediately pulling the stone away, tears pouring down her face. Applejack stood beside her, her face a bit green but refusing to look away as she comforted her friend.
“Next one” Andrew said simply, breathing heavily.
Twilight nodded, lowering the rock against the second rune, the sizzling starting immediately. Andrew tried to bite back a scream again, this time failing. The pain born yell echoed through the square, reverberating and reinforced by his gasping. He clawed at the ground under him, eyes staring up at the cloudy sky as acrid smoke rose to meet them.
“That’s it!” He shouted, scaring Twilight, her magic almost faltering. “It’d done!”
Twilight hurled the rock away from herself, turning and running to a nearby bush. She retched and gagged, the terrible smell and guilt making her sick to her stomach.
“Go, comfort her.” Andrew told Applejack, who was watching her from her spot next to him.
“What about you?” She asked, stopping herself from immediately going to help her.
Andrew didn’t respond, only closed his eyes, oblivion over taking him.
Merciful Emperor.... I... I have no words to describe how I'm feeling after reading this chapter... You've managed to shock me speechless this chapter, and I have a feeling that this is gonna get interesting soon... Keep it up!
WELP! That happened -sits back in awe- Very interested to hear what the hell Celestia will explain about all of this
I wonder what Luna's reaction is going to be when she sees nightmare?
Whoa.......whelp........that happened.
And I doubt they'll be answered anytime soon
7143750
I have a few.... What the fuck happen here?
7143751
The human is mister MacGuffin holder/container/wielder/is the MacGuffin
7143786
Hot damn! You got shat on kid! Git reckt!
Not cool. Good chapter, but seriously not cool. Trixie may have deserved to be punished for assisting Nightmare but what he did to Trixie wasn't punishment or justice. It was cruel. In all likelyhood she will never get her magic back, not with those restrictions. A person who has a talent that they enjoy and use to make their living and it's suddenly stripped away? Of course they are going to want that back. In much the same way a marathon runner who was suddenly made into a parapalegic would want their legs to work again. The same way a talented surgeon would want their hands back if something happened to them. Kind of like a beloved pet dying, you will always want them back.
She was run out of town, her home/stage and personal belongings were destroyed, her reputation ruined, of course she wanted payback! All because of a couple of halfwit children and some hecklers with the same boasting problems as they accused her of. As the saying I'm slightly misquoting goes; We hate most in other's the thing we have ourselves.
As a side note I am still not telling the author what to do. Just voicing my opinion that the character over stepped his bounds with a punishment that was complete overkill.
Also, it seems like someone has been channeling their inner Gideon Jura.
I feel like after 24 chapters of good character development, the protagonist was suddenly replaced by an obnoxious, walking contrivance.
7143848
Ditto.
i.imgur.com/q7latyb.gif
7143904
I'm truly hoping someone with authority and real sense comes and sees this and overrules what was done to Trixie.
7143904
More like have with all the mind stuff he did.
7143956
Same. This litterally came out of nowhere
Wow, Nightmare will really feel this for years to come.
... really don't like what was done to Nightmare, either. Prefer to see her redeemed. Preferably by Twilight Sparkle. Someone else - as seen here - would've gotten it wrong.
I really hope this is all explained in a reasonable way given how deus ex machina this whole thing was and you've pretty much turned him from an interesting OC to a Gary Stu with this whole arc. I'm actually a little put off from it as I hate it when characters like this suddenly get over powered with vague or no reason behind it other than 'for plot reasons'. Also he over stepped himself there, with Nightmare I can see him doing what he did but with Trixie he doesn't have any authority to act as judge and jury for her, hell what he did was illegal itself which I bet you'll never have this mentioned, brought up or his own punishment for taking the law into his own hands unless someone brought this up.
There were a few little mistakes like how you said 'you mind' instead of 'your mind' or how you used 'your right' twice instead of 'you're right' but those are just little spelling mistakes I figured that a spell checker wouldn't pick up on.
All in all this arc and this chapter especially was my least favorite of this story, I know you wanted some big epic thing but it really just kind of fell flat for me and from the looks a few others. I think you just went overboard with his powers and what happened in here. I feel like the next chapter or two will tell if I continue to have an interest in this story if it keeps to this kind of level.
i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/019/749/catroomguardian.JPG
I suppose I should be glad everyone is picking up on *cough* certain things >_<
7144252
Think of it this way. Fan loyalty. You have it. Consider it a good thing that you are able to make us feel something we dont really care for and still stick around, if only to find out what the hell caused this.
I feel that both punishments are completely justified since Trixie knew full well what Nightmare was capable of and in this fic it was obvious that Nightmare was beyond redemption
Well, I don't really have anything to say about those most recent two. That's just too much happening all at once to really say anything about it. From the distance, it really looks like a big-ass deus ex machina, though. I'm not quite sure what that has to do anymore with what the story started out as.
7144252 Glad? Honestly if I were in your position I would be more worried that the remarks are largely negative about the chapter. I guess you can go one of two ways, ignore the reactions and just do what you were doing (I coin this the Micheal Bay route, NOT saying you're him! Just the kind of thing he does after his Transformers films and stuff) or the Damage Control route which you've seen in film industries lately like with Sony giving Spider-Man to Marvel (well loan him out is more accurate)
Honestly it's really just up to you how you want to handle this, stay the course or make a course correction the only one that can tell you what you want to do is yourself.
Slight chance of spoilers, but probably only if your really nit picky about them
7144604 I say glad because a lot of the things people are picking up on are on purpose. I did anticipate some voiced concern about where this is going, and what goes on in this chapter. I know it might not allay many peoples fears, but I'm very aware of the dangers of gary stu's, deux ex machina's and all those types of story killers. I can't promise because everyones different, but i think that my story plan is doing a good job avoiding those pitfalls.
7144604
You know, I didn't even read the comments before writing mine and am, as such, rather surprised by how many people echoed it, but this is good advice.
Of course, we all know what to think of Michael Bay, don't we?
7144699
So you say, anyway, but right now it's kind of hard to actually see that in the chapter itself. You know, this is something I really see a lot around here: people who keep saying "I'm aware of this, don't worry" and things like that but then never actually change anything, as if just saying those phrases was magically enough to make it so. You actually need to change things if the story turns out to be going into a bad direction. It's not enough to just know that it does.
If the complaints keep coming, listen to them. Don't let your "vision" for the story turn it into something that no one actually enjoys to read.
...
7144739 Yet, people still watches Micheal Bay for whatever the reason.
And yeah. "Don't worry. I've got this!" Was/Is used a lot but not many can make good on those.
7144699 I actually don't mind Deus Ex Machina at all if it makes sense and the character(s) make(s) me feel that he/she/they deserves a Deus Ex Machina in the story.
And I sure hope you can make good on that "Don't worry. I've got this!".
7144848
Well, so long as you aren't expecting much, he can make an entertaining movie. As is "a" entertaining movie. The problem is that he can really only make the one and once you've seen it, you've really seen all of them.
My faith in humanity is restored. Well it was not really broken but it is nice to see a lot of peeps echo my ethical complaints. I am fine with the taking away Nightmare's ability to hurt or tempt other ponies. It is the last 2 punishments that I take issue with. Forcing an artificial conscience onto Nightmare is just going torture it and give it brain damage. It does nothing to reform or protect other ponies. Plus it is playing God. I would rather Andrew kill the parasite than the last punishment.
As for Trixie, Andrew overstepped his bounds. Trixie is a citizen of Equestria and is entitled to all the protection of the law and due process. Luna and Celestia are the only ones that mabee could pass summarily judgement. She should have been charged with a crime and had a trial and be judged by her peers, magistrates, or princesses. Plus the punishment for Trixie is cruel. The ending condition for the punishment will never come to pass no matter how reformed she becomes or how hard she tries. The analogy that comes to mind would be asking a person of 30 years that has just become blind to never want their sight back. For Trixie, magic is written into her biology, it is how she makes her livelihood, and is how she interacts with the environment.
From your comments, I gather that you generally agree with the audiences comments and with divulging reasons in a latter chapter. What I would suggest is to put an author note in the header without revealing spoilers that there is stuff that many might find questionable with it has a good reason for it and will be explained in further chapters. This chapter I actually had to force myself to read through.
As for the preemptive promise trope of the previous chapter, It turned out pretty good. It is just like a surgeon has to cut open a person in order fix whatever is wrong with the patient. In this chapter, Twilight had to break some runes in order to save Andrew. I do think it would be neat if Twilight came up with an elegant way to prevent pain. Something like chilling the tissues right under to runes in order to numb the damage she was about to do.
bye all that is Celestia wow this chapter is intense.
7144972
I was gonna put this into my post last chapter but for fear of adding little to nothing I left it out but here it will work.
A healing spell might have worked just as well with far less pain. Having the skin cells that made the scar tissue rapidly split and divide from underneath and removing the scar tissue with new skin might have worked to remove the runes.
But of course it would take a lot more energy and time from both of them that way and it takes far less of both to heat a rock and burn them...
I don't know, this comes out of nowhere and suddenly doesn't fit. I'm thinking dream sequence or some kind of mental test or something.
OK, I'm out.
A human in a strange land, befriending a fan-loved secondary character while learning to cope with having magic he never expected? That's interesting.
A human suddenly showing competence beyond the canon main characters in something present in their setting but absent in his and using it to curb-stomp a villain they couldn't defeat and then arguably do a better job of their preferred form of penance than they would, all without without proportionate build-up to justify it? That's bad writing and possibly Gary Stu-ism.
(Which also leans into that "ruining an engaging 'finding a new place to belong' conflict by ham-fistedly spoiling the tone by adding 'vs. villain' conflict(s) after the readers' expectations have solidified" pattern I see time and again from bad authors.)
i.. wow i love this hole battle but wow this came out of nowhere,
stayclassy
Wow, you just killed this story for me. And I was really fond of this one! Still, I'll stick around for a couple more chapters just in case you somehow redeem it.
I'm... Not quite sure what's going on with this story. It started out fairly fun and interesting, and then the last few chapters suddenly nose dived into awfulness. It's like you took a second, terrible story and just sort of Frankenstein stiched it to a different, better story. What the hell, man?
Events have unfolded. Knowledge has been obtained. Questions have been left unanswered. And we have been left at a cliff hanger, find out what happens in the next chapter.
I hope there's a good explanation coming. This power really came out of the blue.
Judgement against Trixie--- one: who gave him that authority? and two: excessive. Even the worst felons are not crippled for their crimes in civilized countries.
7149187 I think dying is pretty crippling.
Nightmare's Punishment OST:
7143956 You forgot to say "wat?".
This story went from good to garbage in a blink of an eye.
7143863 Shards of divinity? that Nicola tesla pony analogue? Unless that was another fic...
THIS CHAPTER WAS METAL!!
7923169
That is the best way to describe this chapter
Why can't you let me sleep!?
8573758
It's the trap that great authors lay
Hmmm, they never showed it in the film but in The Neverending Story (the book version) there were three "gates" between Atreyu and the Southern Oracle statues in his search for a way to give the Childlike Empress a new name. The Great Riddle Gate, The Magic Mirror Gate, and The No-Key Gate. The last of which would only open by not wanting to trespass the gate. Seemingly a paradox.
It will be interesting to see how you pull off Trixie's redemption. After all, the cutie mark Andrew bears has the meaning of justice, and locking her magic away behind a wall and merely saying it's a gate (or in other words: sealing her magic and lying about there being a way for her to get it back) would be an injustice.
As for Nightmare...
Exterminatus: Improved and Completed.
Ok, I like this story, but if you are an adult and value your sanity, just skip this chapter and head straight to the next one. Over all, this story is well done and very much seems to be written by an adult, until you get to this chapter. Chapter 25: Punishment. Which reads like the day dream of every socially abused twelve year old, who wished they had the power to punish evil people, who hurt them in their life. The character who was reasonable and level headed, instantly becomes a Gary Stu who suddenly begins meeting out judgements like some kind of god.
It really was painful to read. Especially since the rest of the story is so level headedly written. To have this twelve year old, boner fantasy, come out of left field like this really hit me as a complete WTF moment.
Monk