• Published 15th Dec 2014
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The Human Condition - Gilded Tome



When a human shows up to Equestria, will cooler heads prevail?

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“-er side!” Andrew shouted, the crackling magic dissipating completely from his hand. “Dammit, should have timed that better.”

The passed out form of Big Mac was still in front of him, now laying on a clean tiled floor. The field was gone, replaced by the hospital waiting room, and a score of stunned ponies. They stared at him, frozen by his sudden appearance.

“Hello? Bleeding guy on the floor?!” He said, waving to the doctors. “Maybe you should help?”

His words shocked the ponies into action, a flurry of activity filling the room. A gurney was rushed in, and Big Mac was quickly hoisted onto it. A nurse applied the proper pressure to the injured ponies leg, while a doctor pressed a stethoscope to his chest.

“He had been bleeding for a while when we found him.” Andrew explained, shouting over the loud room. “His leg was pinned under a rock.”

One of the tending doctors nodded, then lead the nurses as they rushed him from the room. Another doctor kneeled beside Andrew, scanning his left arm with magic.

“No no, I’m fine, just the delivery service.” Andrew assured the unicorn doctor, shrugging him off, his adrenaline still pumping. “Just take care of Big Mac.”

“I beg to differ.” The pony insisted. “You seem quite injured to me.”

“It’s probably just the big guys bloo-.” Andrew started, looking down to where the doctor was focusing. “Oh…”

As he finally looked down he noticed he had in fact not made it through the teleportation unscathed. From his shoulder down to his fingertips was an increasingly severe burn, from what looked like a sun burn on his shoulder to a few inches of blistered burns on his fingers. He flex the toasted digits, still not quite understanding what he was looking at. They hurt to move, a dull throbbing ache that was getting rather hard to ignore.

“Huh…Well I kinda wish you hadn’t pointed it out, because now it’s starting to really hurt.”

Another gurney was pushed into the room, sidled alongside Andrew. He shook his head, trying to stand on his own. The doctor helped him stand but gestured to the gurney.

“Humor me, it doesn’t look that severe but until we are sure…”

“Fine fine, whatever. But I’m not staying overnight again.”

The doctor nodded and let Andrew hop onto the small wheeled bed. His feet hung off the end, but he hardly noticed as the rush of adrenaline began to ebb, tiredness filling him as the dull ache of his arm pulsed with his heartbeat.


Andrew sat on the end of an examination table, the doctor treating the worst parts of his arm. He dabbed a blue salve onto it, which stung at first but slowly dissolved into a cooling sensation.

“This potion was made for us by Zecora.” The unicorn explained as he went. “I don’t know how she does it, but that zebra has a way with potions.”

“Zecora… she’s the one who lives in the forest, right?” Andrew asked, happy for the distraction.

“That’s right, though she isn’t there now.” He continued as he finished the last patch of untreated skin. “Back home in Zebrica I believe, visiting family.”

“Oh, good for her I suppose.”

“Indeed, though not so good for you.” He explained. “The potions she last made us are getting a bit stale. They are still better than anything we could make mind you, and perfectly safe, but it’s the difference between a recovery time of a few days or a week.”

“A week huh?”

“Indeed, you should be mostly healed by then.” The doctor said with a smile. “Now, let’s get this all covered up.”

The doctor’s horn glowed as he floated a roll of gauze over to Andrew’s arm, carefully wrapping from his elbow down to his fingers, wrapping them together with a few layers of gauze in between. He struggled for a minute as he tried to figure out the best way to wrap around the dexterous digits, but soon he was done, taping off the end around his elbow.

“Alright, that looks good. Now I want you to move it as little as possible until its done healing, so I’m going to give you a sling.” The doctor said as he levitated a cloth sling over and around Andrew’s neck, helping him into it. “You shouldn’t get any scarring, the blistering makes it look worse than it actually is. Just take it easy, re-wrap it every other day, every day if the blisters burst or it starts weeping. If it looks infected when you open it, come back and we will take a look at it.”

“Thanks. Any news about Big Mac?” Andrew asked as he stood and stretched carefully.

“He’s still in surgery now.” The doctor explained as he walked Andrew out from the room. “His family and friends are in the emergency room waiting area, I’ll take you there.”

Andrew grabbed a sheet as he followed the doctor out, fitting it around himself as best he could, tying it off to create an impromptu poncho. By the time he had finished tying it all off they had arrived at the waiting room. The doctor stopped before they turned the corner, putting his hoof on Andrew’s side.

“Remember what I said, take it easy and move your arm as little as possible while it’s healing. If you can’t find gauze anywhere, come to us and we will give you some.”

“Thanks Doc’, I appreciate it.”

The pony nodded and turned to walk back the way they came, leaving Andrew to cross the remaining distance by himself. Applejack was pacing the room, eyes on the ground, while Twilight watched the earth pony closely, her eyes filled with worry. Autumn was the first to notice Andrew, jumping from her seat and rushing to give him a hug. Andrew hissed through his teeth as she pressed against his hand.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Autumn apologized, pulling away from him. “Are you okay? The nurse wouldn’t tell us what room you were in and I was worried and I-”

“I’m okay, I’m okay I promise.” He assured her, patting her head. “Just a bit burnt from the teleport.”

“It’s called thaumic scorch.” Twilight explained as the other two made their way to him. “It can happen when spells get misaligned, which is exactly what happens when a single pony teleport is used to teleport two at once.”

“Huh. Well as long as Big Mac didn’t get any it’s fine.”

“How bad is it?” Applejack asked, her voice soft and her eyes red.

“Not bad at all. Most of it’s like a bad sunburn.” He explained, pulling up the poncho to show them his upper arm. “The worst part was my fingers and they were hardly second degree burns. Doc said I’ll be good in a week or so.”

“Then you were lucky.” Twilight assured the human. “Thaumic scorch like this has been known to… well…. burn limbs off.”

“Then I’m glad I used the runic circle.”

“How did you use the runic circle?” Twilight asked. “And the runes you used to move the rock. You borrowed that book for one night, how could you know how to-”

“Twilight… Maybe we can figure that out later?” Autumn suggested, standing close to Andrew. “Now might not be the best time.”

“Right, sorry.” Twilight solemnly agreed, biting her lip.

Andrew patted Autumn’s neck before sitting down in one of the chairs with a tired grown, the blonde pony sitting on his right side. The waiting room was sparsely decorated, a painting or two on the white walls. Twilight sat down in her original spot, watching Applejack as she began to pace again.

“Turner left a bit ago after we managed to convince the nurse to tell us you where okay.” Autumn quietly explained after a few minutes of tense silence. “Ditzy flew herself ragged and Turner wanted to make sure she wasn’t beating herself up about it.”

Andrew nodded, his eyes focused on the white double doors that led to the operating room, occasionally changing to watch Applejack pace. He was startled out of his revere when Autumn poked his side.

“What’s up?” He asked, finally tearing his eyes from Applejack and the doors.

“You did everything you could.” She assured him quietly. “Actually that’s not true. You did all you could and then some. Everything is going to be okay.”

“I know, I hope so. I just wish I could have gotten there sooner.”

Andrew returned his gaze to Applejack and her pacing. He shook his head after a long moment, rubbing his face with his healthy hand.

“I fucking hate hospitals.”


After an hour or so of worry filled waiting, the double doors were finally pushed open. A single Earth pony doctor came out, heading straight for Applejack. Everyone quickly stood and headed to her, with Twilight pressed tight against Applejacks side, supporting her with a reassuring hoof.

“First thing’s first, Big Macintosh pulled through.” The doctor said quickly to allay every ones fears. “He’s weak, but alive.”

The group physically sagged with released tension, with Applejack nearly falling over with relief. Autumn leaned against Andrew’s thigh, smiling up at him when he looked down at her.

“He lost a lot of blood, but thankfully it looks like he was brought to us before it did any serious damage.” The doctor continued after giving Andrew a knowing look. “Unfortunately the breaks were fairly severe.”

Applejack chewed her lip nervously before speaking. “You didn’t have to…?”

“Oh no, I’m happy to say the leg is definitely going to heal.” He corrected happily before getting more serious. “All in all, it could have been worse. The compound fracture, the one responsible for all the external bleeding was his Metatarsus, the lower back leg bone. However, there was quite a few hairline fractures on his Tibia, and his joint was damaged as well. But like I said, it could have been worse.”

“Thank you doctor.” Applejack finally said from behind her hat, having pulled it down to hide what was definitely not tears of joy. “Any Idea when I can see ma brother?”

“Well the other surgeons are closing up the wound now, and he is going to be out for a while.” He explained. “You can see him in two maybe three hours, but we are going to keep him under a sleep spell to keep his blood pressure stable and his leg still.”

“When will he wake up?” Twilight asked.

“Well we will probably remove the spell sometime tomorrow morning. After that it’s up to his body when he will wake up.” He explained. “As tough as it may be, my recommendation would be to go home and get some rest then come back tomorrow morning.”

“Thanks Doc, but I can’t leave ma brother alone here.” Applejack said with assured finality, before turning to the others. “But Y’all should get some rest. I appreciate you staying with me fer as long as ya did.”

“I’m not leaving you alone either.” Twilight said, with equal determination. “Like I could get any rest with you here anyway.”

Applejack gave Twilight an appreciative smile, before turning to Andrew and Autumn.

“You should get some rest, you probably need it the most out of any of us.” She said, pointing toward his injured arm.

“I’m fine, I-”

“Will be going home with me, if I have to get one of these nurses to knock you out with your own sleeping spell, then carry you home on my back.” Autumn said, cutting off any assurances Andrew had been about to say. “You’ve been through a lot the past few days, you need rest.”

“She’s right.” Twilight agreed. “We will keep you in the loop, and let you know when he’s awake so you can visit him.”

“But-”

“Andrew, you’ve done more than ah could ever ask for.” Applejack assured him, looking at him with a tired, but finally happy look. “Go home, get some rest.”

“Well… fine.” Andrew relented. “I guess I could use it.”

The two left the mares alone after a few goodbye’s, following the doctor to complete some paper work. After that they began the slow trek home.


When Andrew and Autumn finally reached home night had fallen and the moon was up. The living room light was on, and as they walked to the front door Andrew could see Luna in her Eve disguise pacing back and forth.

“Eve, we’re back!” He shouted after opening the front door. “We uh… have a bit of a story.”

“I should hope so, I didn’t-” She started before turning the corner into the main hall. “Andrew! What happened to you?!”

“It’s a bit of a long story…” Andrew started. “Can I sit down first?”

Luna nodded, moving to the side so he could make his way to the living room, watching him closely as he did. Autumn followed close behind, as if worried to let him out of her sight. Andrew sat down in the chair heavily, hissing in annoyance when doing so bumped his burnt arm.

“So, what did you do to yourself?”

“Well, it happened on the way home from hanging out with Turner and Ditzy…”

Andrew began to explain the afternoon’s events, running through them in his mind as he did, letting Autumn chime in when she wanted to. Eventually Luna seemed satisfied with the duo’s retelling.

“You really can’t go a day without either making trouble or sniffing it out, can you?” She asked Andrew with an exasperated shake of her head.

“I’m just glad he was there to help.” Autumn said. “Though I wish he didn’t get hurt in the process.”

“Indeed. You were very lucky to get off this light Andrew, thaumic scorch from misaligned teleporting can cause much more than some severe surface burns.”

“I know, Twilight said it’s been known to burn off limbs.”

“Indeed it has, it’s been known to do worse as well.” She added before changing the topic. “I’m also shocked with how well you utilized the runic magic. I would very much like to examine the boulder, as well as the “focusing circle”, as you called it.”

“I didn’t call it that, it’s what the book called it. It was originally created to help stabilize runic enchantments that were either complex, unstable, or being set into weaker materials. I just kinda rejiggered it to stabilize the teleport.”

“You did all this after only reading one book on runes?” Luna asked. “That’s either unbelievably lucky, or a miracle.”

“Either way I’ll take it.”

Andrew answered, standing up slowly, holding his back as he did.

“Everything alright?” Autumn asked, noticing him hold his back.

“Yeah, my backs just a little tight, must have strained it when I was trying to push the boulder. It doesn’t hurt, just feels stiff.”

“Well what did the doctor say about it?” She asked.

“I uh… I didn’t tell him. Like I said, probably just a strained muscle, it’ll be gone in a few days.”

Andrew headed out of the room, and into the kitchen. He pulled open the ice box, pulling out an apple. Luna and Autumn followed him into the kitchen, watching him closely as he took a large bite, chewing it loudly.

“What?” He asked around the food, moderately annoyed by their hovering “I get it, strange shit’s going on, I’m lucky to have all four limbs and I need to be more careful. Don’t worry, I’m fine”

“Well… yeah, I guess.” Autumn replied, rubbing the back of her head nervously. “We’re just worried about you. So much has happened…”

“I’m fine, really.” Andrew assured her, taking another bite of his apple. “I just need some sleep.”

“I suppose that’s only natural, given what you’ve done and experienced today.” Luna agreed. “Go, sleep, so we may examine this in more detail tomorrow.”

Andrew nodded and left the kitchen, taking his apple with him. When he reached the top of the stairs he pulled off his impromptu covering and threw it back down.

“Burn that for me, will ya?” He shouted down to the other room, heading down the hall to his room. “It smells like a hospital.”


Luna, still in her Eve disguise, sat in the living room the next morning, quietly reading a book she had found in the office. It was almost ten o’clock, and the sun well on its way to the highest point in the sky.

“Oh, Hey Eve” Autumn greeted as she rounded the corner into the living room. “I didn’t realize you were still home, I thought you would still be out training Andrew.”

“Normally I would.” Luna agreed, flipping a page. “I decided that in the interest of Andrews’s sanity I would give him the day off.”

“He’ll appreciate that, I’m sure.” She replied, pausing for a moment, gathering her nerve. “Eve, could I ask you a question?”

“I believe you just did, but I suppose I could allow you a second.” Luna joked as she marked her page and put down her book, next to a cup of tea.

“Do you think… Andrew is going to be alright?” She asked. “I know you haven’t known him very long but…”

“I know him well enough I should think. And as for your question… I suppose it depends on what you would define as alright.” Luna explained, looking wistfully out the front window. “He is going through a lot, as I no doubt you know. He has revealed some old wounds, but I believe he is still hiding others.”

“Yeah, makes sense I suppose.” Autumn agreed, sitting in one of the chairs across the room. “I just wish there was something I could do to help.”

“I suspect he will ask for help when he wants it, rather than when he needs it.” Luna guessed, taking a sip of her tea. “All we can do is help when he lets us.”

The two sat in contemplative silence, with Luna sipping her tea and Autumn fidgeting in her seat, watching the disguised alicorn. After a long pause Luna continued.

“I do realize that I haven’t answered your question.” She said, answering Autumn’s nervous looks. “I hesitate because in all honesty, I do not know. I know quite a few ponies who would react much worse to so much dramatic change, and so much pressure. Pulled from his home, given new power, told that power could hurt the ponies around him. Then told he may never see his home again. And let us not forget the poor luck he has had since he has arrived…”

Luna let her voiced concerns hang in the air as she finished her tea. She picked her book back up, resuming her reading. Finally she looked back to Autumn.

“I think someday he may be alright. Time will heal almost all wounds. How much time it takes… that is entirely up to him.”

“It’s just that sometimes he seems so tough, and other times it’s like he’s about to explode and-”

“What the actual FUCK!?”

Autumn’s sentence was cut off by Andrew, who was screaming from the floor above. His voice was strained and filled with confusion. The two in the living room looked at each other, then hurriedly got up and rushed to the stairs, climbing them two at a time. When they finally arrived at the top, Andrew was standing in the hallway, having just exited the bathroom. His eyes were wide, filled with surprise and confusion.

“What’s wrong Andrew?” Autumn asked, clearly concerned. “Is everything okay?”

Instead of answering Andrew simply turned in place, his hand pointing at his lower back. There, clearly printed on his skin was the image of a rose colored stone marked with a runic letter. Andrew had earned his cutie mark.


Andrew sat cross-legged on the living room couch, facing away from Luna and towards the kitchen. He was hunched over, holding his injured arm in his lap as Luna scanned his back, and his new cutie mark. The spell Luna was using made his back tingle, like the layer of skin under the surface was getting tickled. The scan had been going on for what seemed like ages before Luna leaned back with a sigh.

“Well…” she finally said, her scanning spell deactivating. “You don’t have the cutie pox.”

“Well… that’s good I guess.” Andrew replied. “But then how do I have a cutie mark? Humans don’t get cutie marks!”

“To be perfectly honest my student, I don’t believe it is that strange that you found your special talent, or that it caused your cutie mark to appear.” Luna admitted, levitating Andrew’s shirt to him as he turned to sit normally. “You may be human, but magically speaking you’re a perfectly average unicorn pony.”

“You don’t get it! I’m a human, we don’t suddenly get tattoos on our backs!” He shouted. “Not without a long night of alcohol and mistakes first!”

“You aren’t just a human anymore. You have magic.” Luna explained. “You are part of this world, which means you’re subject to its whims and rules.”

“At least it explains how you’ve taken so well to runes… Right?” Autumn asked, trying to slow down Andrews rising emotions. “Assuming that’s what it is…”

“Yeah it’s a rune.” Andrew answered, rubbing his face again. “It’s called Tiwaz.”

“And what does it mean?” Luna asked curiously.

“By itself it means justice.” He answered. “It can mean honor, leadership, rationality or a bunch of other things when used with other runes.”

“It fits you.” Autumn said, looking to Andrew with a hopeful smile. “At least I think it does. I’m not sure if your name fits since I don’t know what your name means…”

“Neither do I.” Andrew answered with a shrug. “Some human names have secondary meanings but they tend to be from older languages. Mine could mean something I suppose, but I never really bothered to look it up.”

“Oh.” Autumn said sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“Andrew, everything is going to be okay.” Luna tried to assure him. “You-”

“No! Everything is not okay!” He shouted, finally exploded. “Every day I stay here I get more and more attached to this place! I am a human, from a different universe! I don’t belong here! What would happen now, if I made it back home? After all no magic means nothing being pulled into my mana pathways! Would I just keel over and die if I used any? Would I just die right off the bat?”

Autumn shrank back, surprised by Andrews sudden anger. Luna, on the other hand, simply watched the human as he ranted.

“I don’t know Andrew, I don’t have a way to know that-”

“Well I can’t just accept it and stay here! I need to get home!” Andrew shouted at no one in particular.

The upset human stormed from the room, through the kitchen and out the back door, slamming the glass sliding door shut. He jumped down the stairs three at a time, angrily stomping through the yard and into the trees.

Author's Note:

Chapter 20

First things first, sorry for the cliff hangers, they were just to tempting to resist!

beyond that though, I've been releasing them quicker because of course its winter break. fingers crossed i can keep that up! Let me know what you think in the comments!

Oh! And here is what andrews cutie mark looks like!
http://imgur.com/h9eh00T