• Published 15th Dec 2014
  • 23,014 Views, 1,155 Comments

The Human Condition - Gilded Tome



When a human shows up to Equestria, will cooler heads prevail?

  • ...
109
 1,155
 23,014

Storm: 22

Andrew awoke to the smell of jasmine. He pondered for a long while, his eyes still closed, on how he knew what jasmine smelled like. He eventually concluded that it had been one of Old Mary’s favorite tea flavors. He remembered brewing a cup for himself one morning, remembered it being okay, though he also remembered thinking that it smelled a lot better than it tasted. With that nostalgic memory dancing around his head, he nuzzled his chin into the blanket he was holding, only to have fur tickle him back. Confused, he opened his eyes for a moment, shutting them again once he figured out what he was looking at.

I’m sleeping next to Luna. He thought calmly to himself, slowly waking up, memory of the previous night returning. Right. I guess I must have fallen asleep after all… that.

Andrew opened his eyes again, watching the alicorn sleep peacefully, though he couldn’t really see her face. She was curled up beside him, her back to his stomach and her head on his arm. His free arm was draped around her and he could feel her stomach move as she breathed.

There’s no way I could get out without waking her up. Though I suppose with her still sleeping the only reason for getting up early is out the window.

Fortunately, while Andrew was debating what he should do, Luna woke up and decided for him. She woke up slowly at first, stirring against him. When she finally realized she wasn’t alone she tensed against Andrew’s stomach. Before he could speak up to explain more or calm her down she relaxed on her own, her breath slowly returning to normal.

“I do not remember falling asleep in such a position Andrew.” She said, when she finally recovered from her surprise.

“Well, if I had known I was going to sleep here I would have warned you that I’m a snuggler.” He admitted abashedly. “Sorry.”

Luna pulled away a bit, spinning around so that she was facing him.

“Do not apologize, if I wanted to I could have carried you into your bed.” She pointed out, lifting the blanket over both of them for emphasis. “I had planned on doing just that actually, only you where…”

“Nightmares, right?” He finished for her, pulling the covers tight. “Yeah, they happen sometimes. Did I keep you up?”

“Not exactly.” She said vaguely, looking away and, a slight blush on her cheeks.

“You stayed up all night, didn’t you?”

“No, not all night. Just until you seemed to calm down…”

“You really didn’t have to do that. I’ve dealt with nightmares for years, even before Alice…” Andrew started, trailing off quickly as he looked down. “Sorry. It’s still hard to talk about it.”

“It is alright Andrew, I understand.” She assured him, her hoof lifting his chin. “As for staying awake, it is my duty to watch over those who suffer in the dream world, even if I am banned from helping them directly.”

“Well… in the future… I suppose you could help me with your fancy pants dream magic.”

“Truly?” Luna replied, surprised. “Well… thank you Andrew. I am honored.”

Andrew nodded, a happy smile on his face. Luna mirrored his smile, before slowly sitting up, stretching her front hooves.

“It is time we begin our morning I think.” She suggested, levitating the blanket off them both. “We should visit Big Mac today, seeing as neither of us did yesterday.”

“Yeah. Wanna go after some breakfast?”

“You mean lunch I assume?” She said teasingly, nodding to the wall clock.

“Lunch, Breakfast. Hell lets skip right to dinner and go get some beers.” Andrew joked back, which got him a sour look from Luna. “Yeah yeah, don’t worry. I don’t actually drink that much normally.”

“I should hope not.”

Andew stood and walked to the door, only to pause with his hand on the door knob. He turned , fixing Luna with a serious look.

“Thank you. Really, you were there for me even when I didn’t want you to be.”

“I will always be here for you Andrew.” She said with a solemn yet happy smile. “You would do well to remember that.”

“I’ll try my best.” He assured her, opening the door and entering the hall. “See you in a bit.”

He closed the door, turning towards his room when he heard the floor creak behind him. He hunched over in surprise, turning to find Autumn staring at him with wide eyes. He stared back for a long moment before standing up straight.

“What? I’m only human and that flank is perfect.” He explained with a goofy grin, making curving motions with his hands.

Autumn’s eyes opened even wider, and her face reddened even deeper than it was normally. Just before Andrew doubled over in laughter, Luna came out of her bedroom, now wearing her unicorn disguise.

“Yours isn’t bad either.” She teased with a wink, heading to the bathroom before Andrew could process what she had said.

Autumn bolted to her room, leaving Andrew alone in the hallway. He frowned and scratched his head, having the distinct feeling that though he had started it, the joke was definitely now on him.


Andrew and Luna entered the hospital a bit later than they had intended. Andrew had insisted on eating a large block of tofu for lunch, which took a while once he immediately remembered how much he hated it. Luna quickly finished a respectable tomato sandwich, which Andrew drooled over from the other side of the table. Once she was done she rewrapped Andrew’s hand, carefully covering his burn with gauze. By the time they had finally left it was about one in the afternoon, arriving at the hospital about fifteen minutes later. They made their way to the counter, getting a nurses attention.

“Hello Andrew, how can I help you?” She asked with a smile. “Everything all right with your arm?”

“Yeah, feels better already.” He assured the earth pony mare. “We are here to visit Big Mac?”

“Right, of course.” She nodded with a polite smile. “This way.”

The nurse guided the two through the unfortunately familiar halls, eventually leading them to a closed door.

“How is he?” Andrew asked as the nurse turned to leave.

“He’s doing as well as can be expected, he is due for a few more nights of observation before we release him.” She assured him. “The leg is a major break however, so he will need to keep the cast on for quite a while, which by the way hasn’t been put on yet, so don’t jostle him.”

“Thanks” He replied simply, pushing the door open and entering the hospital room, Luna right behind him.

Unsurprisingly, the room was almost an exact copy of the room that Andrew had stayed in earlier that week, save that this room had no window. Big Mac occupied the bed, while Applejack sat next to him in a chair she had pulled from one of the corners. The red stallions leg was elevated on a stack of pillows, wrapped in gauze and some restrictive braces.

“Well howdy you two!” Applejack greeted with a smile. “How y’all doing?”

“We are well Applejack, just wanted to stop by and check how your brother is doing.” Luna explained.

“I’m do’in fine, all things considered.” Big Mac answered, giving them a tired but happy wave.

“It’s the Apple in em.” Applejack explained proudly. “Ain’t nothing that can keep us down fer long.”

“cept a boulder.” Big Mac said with a grin, garnering a glower from his sister.

“That’s not funny ya big dummy.” Applejack said, thumping him gently on the shoulder. “Ignore him, he has a terrible sense of humor.”

“Oh yeah… totally, terrible.” Andrew agreed holding back his laughter. “Shame on you Big Mac.”

“Stallions.” Applejack said, rolling her eyes. “Anyway, me an Big Mac were going over the farm numbers, figuring out how many farm hands we are gonna have ta hire this season.”

“Oh, damn. I didn’t even think about that.” Andrew admitted. “Are you guys gonna be okay? Because I could pitch in if you need some help around the farm.”

“No no no, the insurance company is gonna cover everything.” Applejack assured him. “The paper work is gonna be like pulling hoof nails though. Thankfully, Big Mac will be able to handle all the books until he heals up completely.”

“Eyup, I’ll be hobbling around, filling out paper work before ya know it.” He said confidently.

“Well that’s good.” Luna said happily. “If you need any assistance financially, I’m sure I could convince Princess Luna to-”

“Oh no, Princess Celestia gave us enough when she handed us the deed to our land way back when.” Applejack cut off adamantly. “We couldn’t rightly accept any more charity.”

“Better person than me.” Andrew admitted with a self-deprecating laugh. “Back home I would have grabbed that and ran.”

“Well by the way ya tell it, you had your sister to take care of.” Applejack pointed out. “Family comes first, way before pride.”

“Fair enough I suppose.” He admitted, a bit awkwardly. “But yeah, sorry for not coming by yesterday.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Big Mac said, waving off his apology. “Was too busy anyway.”

“Did the whole town come visit?” Andrew asked jokingly.

“It certainly seemed like it.” Applejack agreed with a laugh. “Most my brother has talked in years.”

“With the least variety.” Big Mac added. “Hello, I’m doing fine, thanks for coming, bye.”

The group shared a chuckle, trailing off while Applejack adjusted Big Mac’s pillows.

“Nurse said you’d be out of here in a few days, looking forward to it?” Andrew asked.

“Ya know it.” Big Mac. “Ah miss Granny Smiths cookin already.”

“I know what you mean, I miss it too and I’ve only had it once.” He agreed. “Best apple pie I’ve ever had.”

“Truly?” Luna asked. “That certainly is some high praise.”

“She’s earned it.” Applejack insisted. “You should come around and try it out, a friend of Andrews is a friend of ours.”

The four talked for a while, about the Sweet Apple Acres, Luna’s stay in Ponyville as Eve and finally about Andrew’s progress in his magical training.

“He has made great strides so far.” Luna said proudly. “My student had the odds stacked against him, but he has made amazing progress.”

“She means I can access my magic, then use it to give myself a concussion.” Andrew translated. “Except when I’m using runes.”

“An’ why exactly is that?” Applejack asked curiously. “What’s so different?”

“Well runes are actually made for ponies and creatures with magical energy but no ability to cast spells.” Luna explained. “Earth ponies pioneered their creation, and were among the first runic mages”

“Now that’s sillier than a pig wearing flying goggles.” Applejack started with a laugh. “Who ever heard of ah earth pony using magic?”

“Now AJ, don’t go saying things you don’t know the truth of.” Big Mac said, chastising his sister, his expression hiding excitement. “You were too young to remember, but Dad used to tell stories of earth pony wizards, claimed that a few were even loosely connected to apple family line far far back.”

The other three gaped at the red stallion, Applejack in particular almost falling out of her seat.

“Seriously?” She asked when she finally found her voice. “Earth pony mages?”

“Wait, your father knew about runes?” Andrew asked, before looking toward Luna. “What happened to it being a dead magic?”

“Well not runes really. Just earth pony wizards…” Big Mac corrected, before abashedly adding. “Generally fighting evil pegasus or greedy unicorns.”

“Well, old folktales do often walk the line of prejudice.” Luna volunteered. “A different time I suppose. Still, very interesting. I think there are quite a few scholars that would love to hear those stories, if you’d be willing.”

“I’ll have to think ‘bout it.” Big Mac answered. “Some of those stories were passed down from his father’s father.”

“So if you can use runes, and earth ponies can too…. Why aren’t they still around today?” Applejack asked, changing the subject. “Seems like if earth folk like us could use magic more of us would.”

“A small handful of catastrophes are linked directly to improper rune usage.” Luna explained. “They quickly garnered a cursed reputation, as did all magic.”

“Basically runes have a primary meaning and a dozen or so secondary meanings. Connecting different runes into a string will kind of access those secondary functions.” Andrew explained. “The problem is that sometimes this will access a meaning that wasn’t intended. With hundreds of potential variables with only two runes, using them in strings can get messy real quick. Seems I have a talent in it though.”

“A talent, you mean like…?” Applejack asked, trailing off with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, I mean like that.” Andrew answered, turning and lifting his shirt, his cutie mark clearly visible.

“Oh… well congrats.” Big Mac said. “and here I was thinking that ponies where the only ones to get cutie marks.”

“You are.” Andrew explained, letting he shirt fall down. “I’m just kind of an exception.”

Before either Applejack or Big Mac could ask any more questions, there was a knock on the door, which promptly opened, a unicorn doctor entering the room.

“Oh, hello.” He greeted. “Sorry if I’m interrupting, but Big Macintosh’s bandages need to be re-applied, and we need to check his leg for infection.”

“Well alrighty then, I’ll go walk these two out big guy.” Applejack told her brother, getting up from her seat. “Be back in a bit.”

Big Mac waved as they left, the doctor heading over to the bed as the three closed the door behind them. Andrew and Luna followed behind Applejack, who was quiet as they walked through the halls. On the way to the exit they passed through an empty waiting room, and Applejack stopped.

“What’s up?” Andrew asked, pausing beside her.

“I was wondering if ah could talk to Andrew privately.” She asked, looking at Luna. “Ah promise I won’t keep him long.”

“Of course.” Luna replied, nodding her head. “I’ll wait by the entrance.”

Luna headed on her own, eventually turning the corner, leaving Applejack and Andrew alone.

“Look, AJ, it’s no big deal, I just did-” Andrew started, stopping when Applejack looked back at him, tears in her eyes. “Oh. Oh okay, shutting up now.”

Applejack wrapped her front legs around Andrew, giving him a bear hug so strong that it cracked his back. When she finally released him, she fixed him with another watery eyed, serious look.

“Andrew Dike. You saved ma brothers life.” She stated. “Putting yer life on the line, you saved him.”

Andrew tried to speak again but Applejack waved him off, so he remained silent.

“I heard exactly how it happened, Autumn visited yesterday.” She assured him. “From the bottom of ma heart. Thank you. I could never…. without him I-”

Andrew kneeled in front of Applejack, his hand sliding around her neck and pulling her into another hug. Applejack put a hoof around him, her face in against his neck.

“Don’t think of the if’s.” He told her, trying to reassure her. “You have him, he’s going to be okay.”

“Because of what you did.” She replied into his shoulder. “Ah can never repay you.”

“Oh no, none of that. I don’t want any attempts at repayment or anything like that. I only did what was right.”

“Oh stop being so modest and just listen you dunderhead.” She said, smiling through the few tears that had fallen. “I can’t repay you, nothing ah could give you would be enough. An’ I know that you’re not the kinda stallion to ask fer a reward, or even take one if ah offered. But I want ya to know that whenever you need help, us Apples will have your back. Don’t matter what it is, whatever serious or silly, us Apples will help any way we can.”

“Wow. Applejack, that’s…” Andrew started, losing his words half way through. “That’s… Thank you.”

Applejack hugged Andrew again, before pulling back and wiping her eyes. She sniffed and looked around as if checking to make sure no one had stumbled into her little speech.

“An iffen you tell anybody that ah was cryin’ I’ll hog tie ya and throw you in the Everfree.” She joked, thumping Andrew in the shoulder.

“Your secret is safe with me.” He assured her, standing up and ruffling her hair. “Now get back to your brother.”

Applejack nodded, walking around him and heading back the way they had come. She turned and waved to him, which Andrew mimicked, before turning a corner.

“I swear, these ponies are going to make me soft.” He said to himself, before rubbing his shoulder, where Applejack had thumped him teasingly, and hissed. “Or kill me with super human strength, whichever comes first.”


“How did it go?” Luna asked when Andrew finally arrived at the entrance of the hospital. “I am assuming she wanted to thank you?”

“Yup, it was very touching.” Andrew answered vaguely.

“I suppose those things are private.” Luna said, agreeing with his unspoken sentiment, nodding her head. “So, what shall we do now?”

“I don’t know, it’s getting a bit late to do anything isn’t it?” Andrew pointed out. “Maybe we should just head home. Besides, don’t you have a lunar activity to attend to?”

“Not for several hours.” She responded. “Though I suppose your right, it is a bit late in the day to start anything elaborate.”

The two walked side by side as they made their way back to town, cutting through the market place. The shop keepers were packing up quickly, many having already cleared out. Andrew and Luna shared a look, and they both headed for the nearest shopkeeper.

“Hello sir.” Luna called out when they got close. “You seem to be alarmed, is all well?”

“Huh?” The stall owner asked, turning around. “Oh, hello Miss. And you must be Andrew. I’d shake your hoof but I’m in a bit of a rush.”

“Yeah, that’s what we are curious about.” Andrew clarified. “Everyone’s running around, what’s up?”

“Oh, you haven’t heard?” The earth pony asked, surprised. “A freak thunderstorm was spotted brewing over the Everfree. Weather ponies say it’s gonna sweep over pretty soon.”

“Well crap, definitely going home now.” Andrew said grumpily. “I hate rain storms.”

“Truly? That is interesting.” Luna said, with a small smile. “Is my student afraid of thunder?”

“No, they are just stressful.” He insisted. “Bad shit happens during storms. Around me at least. Fucking bad omen.”

“Well you should get home as soon as you can.” The stall owner insisted. “It sounds like it’s going to be a doozy.”

Andrew nodded, and turned to go, stopping in his tracks and turning back around.

“Wait, Applejacks been with her brother the whole day, no way she’s heard about this.”

“Oh my, that may be true.” Luna agreed, her eyes wide. “Do you suppose we should head over, see if Granny Smith needs help preparing for the storm?”

“No need, Rainbow Dash insisted that the mayor send over some workers to help prepare the farm. They’re probably better off than the rest of us at this point.” The earth pony explained before turning to Andrew. “Which reminds me, I heard what you did for Big Mac. He’s a big part of this town, we owe you a lot for saving him.”

“Oh, well it was no problem, just doing what was right.” Andrew assured awkwardly. “Well if the Apples are all set, we should get home. I don’t want to get stuck in the rain.”

“Good luck!” The earth pony shouted after them as they hurried away, before returning to his work.

Andrew and Luna hurried down the streets of Ponyville, passing a few ponies as they went. The town was closing down rapidly, everyone preparing for the coming storm. When the two finally reach their home thunder could be heard rumbling in the distance, the clouds just beginning to open up.

“Whew. So glad we didn’t get caught in the rain.” Andrew said wearily as he shut the door behind him. “Walking in soggy clothes sucks.”

“I must confess I don’t know the feeling.” Luna teased, walking further into the house and turning into the kitchen. “Should we have some dinner?”

“I think I’ll just grab a snack and head to my room.” Andrew said halfheartedly, following behind her. “Not really hungry and I want to finish reading that rune book.”

“Well alright, have fun.” Luna said. “Oh, I believe your book is in my room, I brought it back with us when we left the bar.”

“Oh. Right. Thanks.” Andrew replied, opening the fridge and grabbing a few carrots. “I didn’t even-”

Andrew’s words were cut off as the kitchen was lit by a bright flash, almost instantly followed by a sharp retort of thunder that seemed to shake the house. Andrew let out a string of curses that lasted long past the rolling echo of the thunder.

“Andrew, are you sure you’re not afraid of thunderstorms?” Luna asked, worriedly. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of if you are…”

“No, I’m not scared of thunder.” He answered, turning and heading to the hall, stopping at the entrance. “Bad things happen during storms.”

Before Luna could respond Andrew left, climbing the stairs with slow, deliberate steps. Luna could hear him shut the door to his room, and the click of the door lock.