Dawn of The First Day
Hearing his alarm go off, Lost pulled the blanket over his head, blindly trying to turn his alarm off. It took him less then a minute but it still annoyed him a lot since he hated getting up. Sitting up, he yawned looking at the time. When he saw the current time being 7:10 am; Lost jumped out of bed, having to get ready fast since he had to leave for school in twenty minutes. And he usually left early so that made him panic a bit. He spent five minutes getting this things together since he forgot to the previous night. After that he just had to get dressed and get something to eat. Lost's room was a simple dark blue on the walls and ceiling. He had a tv, couch and a desk where his laptop was with a lot of his art materials covering the desk. It looked like a mess since there was remnants of dried up pain on the desk as well.
He picked out one of his shifts, slipping it on as it matched his hair color, being the colors of a rainbow. His pants were just the colors brown, grey, pink and purple. If anyone saw him in this they would call him a hippie, which he got called a lot.
"Lost you ready to go now?" His mother yelled from downstairs.
"Yeah mom just give me a second." Sighing, she walked back to her desk, trying to get back to work. Lost's mother owned a jewelry store in town. She use to be the person who had cute the gems into shapes for the jewelry before she was able to open her own store. Sapphire had white skin like her son did, but, she had light blue and blue hair and green eyes; unlike her son who had rainbow hair and red eyes. She wore a simple blue shirt and jeans. She wasn't one to care to much about how she looks; aside from putting makeup on. Lost finally got everything he needed to get going. He ran out of his room, almost falling down the stairs as he was still running.
"By mom see you later." He said to her, running on his way to school now. She watched him trip from the view she had from a window near her. "He really needs to calm down about this kind of thing, even if it is his first day." After seeing him get back up and get going again, she got up herself, walking upstairs to his room. "Sure knows how to leave a mess."
As he ran, Lost looked at his phone, seeing the time was 7: 40 am. Starting to relax,he slowed down his pace once he realized he was closer to the school then his previous one. "I get worked up way to easily." After a few more minutes it he finally arrived at Canterlot High. Looking at the time again it was 7:50 am now. Taking out his schedule, he looked for the room number for the home room he should be going to. "Ms. Cheerilee, huh, wonder what she's like. I also hope no one decides to call me a hippie like about everyone did back in middle school." He said to himself. Looking around a bit he found the room two minutes before the bell ran. Opening the door, he quickly sat down at one of the open desks in the room, sighing. "Got here on time, barley."
As he waited for the teacher to show up, he got out a sketch book and pencil, starting to draw. Just as the bell ran the teacher came into the room. Lost quickly put his sketch book away as she entered. She wore a green skirt with light green and yellow flowers, a white shirt, a brown button-less vest, and a light green necklace.
He payed half attention as she spoke to the home room class. Looking back up at the mention of lockers. Looking at the number he was given, he went out to the hallway, as the rest of the class did as well. He finally got his locker open after four tries doing it. He put in a few of his art thing he tended to take with him anywhere if he had a bag on him. Since it was the first day of school it would be a half day at the place. He went to the rest of his classes, having just got a summary of what the classes were about for the rest of the school day. When the bell finally rang, he just sighed, smiling. Grabbing his bag; Lost went straight to leaving the place, trying to avoid anyone if possible. As he was about to exit the place. He opened the door at the entrance, bumping into someone.
"Ow. Sorry about that." After rubbing his head a little, he looked at who he bumped into. It was some girl with frizzy, big bright pink hair and pale pink skin. She had blue eyes and wore a white shirt with a heart on it. She also wore a blue jacket over her shirt. She also had on a pink skirt with balloons on it. She also wore blue boots with pink bows on them. "Hi. I'm Pinkie Pie. You new here?" She asked him.
Lost was a bit surprised by the sudden question. "Um yeah I am. I'm Lost Canvas. Anyway, sorry for bumping into you again. See you around Pinkie." Lost passed by her, looking around a bit so that wouldn't happen again. As he was walking Pinkie Pie suddenly showed up in front of him. When he noticed her, Lost jumped back, tripping on something he fell onto the sidewalk. "Gah. Please don't do that again." Lost said to Pinkie, who just nodded.
Standing back up, he asked her, "So do you want something" She smiled at him saying, "Yes. I was just wondering if you would want to be friends at all." Lost was very surprised by what Pinkie had just asked him, having a stoic expression on his face. "No thanks Pinkie. I'm good." Throwing has bag back on him, he walked the rest of the way back home.
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Summaries.
Could barely read description. Work on that.
Doesn't appear to be the only thing you suck at.
ginoraidy.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/482.jpg
Your story has potential in my opinion but, there is a lot of mistakes and errors that need to be fixed. I see many grammatical errors that can be an easy fix.
I would rather say
Just something to help if you are thinking of revising.
You also say in your author's notes you meant to have this story written months ago. Don't pressure yourself into writing super fast so you can get it out there and then have it shot down. Take your time with writing and pace yourself so that it can be the best it can possibly be.
P.S.
Summaries.
Hope this helps!
5921450 and I do not care
5921503 thanks for being the only positive one so far.
I agree with red pony. It can work. Just fix a few grammar problems and it's good.
5921615 I know. I'm not the best writer anyway but I try :P
5921628 Not everyone is the greatest writer in the world when they first start. It's all baby steps. I'm very happy that you are trying because many ponies give up on writing because they just don't try. Here is a little secret that can really help with your writing: Read. Just read like a lot. The two ways that will help your writing is if you keep trying and reading. No body can keep you from writing. They will give you criticism and flak but, use that to your advantage.
Hope this all helps!
5921672 thanks. One thing I know I have trouble with is I tend to always have run on sentences.
5921681 It's rather common with many writers (including myself). I recommend looking at the Fimfiction Writing Guide and even just looking up common writing mistakes. It can really help in the long run.
5921628 well don't give up
5921686 Didn't you comment on my other story?
5921694 I don't believe I have read your other story.
5921698 Meh. I don't really care to much if people read my things or not. And if people like or dislike my things.
5921702 You should care what people have to say about your work. They may love it and try to tell you how much they love it. Or they might be giving you constructive criticism to better develop your story. Or they might have a question about your story and you can answer it for them. Your audience is one of the most powerful tools you can have and if you lose them...well I shouldn't really say.
5921716 well I should I have said I don't care mostly about the negative things compared to the positive ones. I gt better reviews of my things on fanfiction.net then here.
5921730
Gee, I wonder why.
5922415 maybe because I've been on that site longer.
5922644
Or it could have something to do with Fanfiction.net having absolutely no standards what-so-ever.
5922415
I can't believe I actually just sat and watched the entire 11 minutes video... What am I doing with my life...