derpestia red flag ryze & fall: re-heated revendetta: the spoiled broth [an absurdist fantasy]

by Blank!

Chapter Zero: "Ressentiment" or "Smile!"

Derpy was flying the graveyard shift. Again. Very little traffic, of ponies and of letters. Minimal risk. No-one ever trusted her with any responsibility. She’d learned to smile through her frustration.

A single mother. A slurred voice. Cross-eyed.

Why, obviously, an idiot!

Not just your garden-variety idiot, but a lovable idiot, one people wanted to protect. One people couldn’t help but patronize.

Why would you be mean to Derpy?

She’d learned to smile through it, and play along.

Play dumb.

Frowns don’t look good on you, my sweetheart, her mother would say. Smile! Why don’t you give me a nice smile! It was never “Why are you frowning?” or “What’s wrong?” or “How are you feeling?”

Her feelings didn’t matter.

All that mattered, was that she smile.

That she be, well, if not beautiful, then at least adorable. An ornamental mare, a background pony. She couldn't even be a trophy wife—barely a mascot.

Even becoming a widow hadn’t give her a shred more of dignity. She was only pitied.

Why don’t you smile?

So she smiled that sheepish smile of hers. She turned her feelings into something to smile about. Decrying all the things that she couldn’t get, and elevating all the things that she didn’t want, but happened to have.

‘Sexlessness’ became ‘purity’.

‘Weakness’ became ‘meekness’.

‘Submission to people one can't stand’ became ‘obedience’.

And ‘not being able to take revenge’ turned into ‘forgiveness’.
She blended into the herd, and forgot herself.

But sometimes, when she was flying alone, in the cold dusk, her thoughts would wander, and she would remember, all that she wasn’t, all that she’d never have, all that she’d never attain.

Meeting Celestia… had changed things.

Wait, what? They had met? Ho—Derpy’s mounting confusion at the strange thought suddenly went quiet, somehow. It wasn’t important. But her thoughts had turned to Celestia and—

A green flash, in the night, through narrow windows. There it was. Golden-Oak library. A letter had just been sent. By the amazing, fantastic, super-special Twilight Sparkle, to the brilliant, dazzling, magnificent Princess Celestia. She enviedadmired them, these wonderful ponies. She wished she had all of Celestia’s attention like that… What would it be like, to bask in her warmth? To lose her mind in her ethereal hair...

If she only knew… Wha—

D̵̢̳̖̗͔̞̫̫̬̗ǫ̵̦̫͔̪̱͇̰͉͚ ̸̧̮̠͉̬͚̬̥͜ͅY̵̧̢̳̙̯̖̫̙̘͓o̷̡̝̤̫̭̲̪̠̖̫u̴̫̖͓̞͍͓͔͜͜ͅ ̵̧̖̖͍̝͉͙̹͖̖R̵͔̭̜̯̜̣̙͚̠̗e̶̢̡̜̦͖̹͍̻̻̜m̸̖͍̥̝̖̜͎̟͎͉e̴͕̼͖̳̤̰͔̘̫̩m̴̧͙͖͖͚̻̳͈͖̩b̸̧̦̻͉̘̝͕̺̙̥e̶̡̞̲͍͓͍̙͎͇͉r̴͕̣̹̤̻̰̮̪͔͜ ̷̫̱͖̱͓̜͕͚̫̲Ṱ̵̤̘͖͔̘̗̺͖͚h̶̤̰̜͎̘̠͎̘͍̖e̶̡̢̢̥̫̥̪̤̞̘ ̴̼̫̥͈̩͎̬͓̝̯Ţ̵͖͔̦̜̺͕̙̯͜i̵̡̨̢̫̺̻̪̻̗̺m̶̡̧̲̳͕̫̤͚͇̥ȩ̸̢͇̗̣̗̺̻̟͜
̷̧̥̦̗̤̩̭̗̱ͅW̴̧̧͍̫͙̱̮̖̙͇h̵̢̡͕̙̭̦͚̗̱̺ę̶̡͓͚̲̯͉̻̮͜n̸̡̗͖̗̣̲̬͕̹̹ ̵̹̼̭͔̼̤̯̳͜ͅW̷͖̖̣͚̤̟͔͖̖ͅȩ̵̢̯̦̥̗̻̲͜ͅ ̶̰͍͉̘̤͙͔͇̠ͅF̶̡̧̨̖̙͈̟͕̮̺ḙ̵̰̘͇̱̩̖̙̗̙l̴̬͙̰͓̘̬̣̖̻̟l̵̨̨͖̺͙͇̯̮̲͜ ̷̧̡̢̟̣̗͉̗̰̙Į̴̧̱̰̳̩̯̥͎̝n̴̯̻̗̞̭̙̞͍ͅͅ ̴̨̦̬͖̭̫̭̩̜̫L̸̮͇̟̠̣̼͉̫͇͇o̷̧̡͚̣̻̘̮̰͙̠v̷̡̫̖͖̳͙̖͍͔̻e̵̡̹̜͈̤͎͎̗̘͚

̴̯͈͖̟͓͖̻͈͖͜D̷̢̤̺̦̠̙͍͚̭͎ọ̴̢̧̳̰̖̼͓̲͙ ̷̬̩̼͍͚̜̼̞͖͍Y̵̨͈̫̩̠̺̬͚̣̼o̶̢̧͙̞̫̣͚̩̙̪ų̷͙̮͚̮̟̜͔̼ͅ ̶̝̖̳̰̠͉̯̠͕̳R̴̨̟͖̪̬̼̙̥̼͜ȩ̷̞̘͔̲̻͕̥̻ͅm̸̡̘̫̜̰̗̰̙͙̳e̸̡̢̦̫̤͔̭̫͍ͅm̵̨̥̘̹̝̲̫͔̘̦ḇ̵̨̩̹̦̻̦͈̙͜e̶͎̼͍̜̖̪̝̳̰ͅr̶̢̢̧̭̼̩̰̲͙͈ ̴̡̻̱̲̟̝̺̗̩̖T̴͔̯̟̜̜̩͚̯̳̻h̶̨̩͖͇͉̘̰͚̯̘e̷͚͇̤̣͙̘̮̻͜ͅ ̴̗̖̖̘͈͙̭̮̦͓T̷͚̜͓̺̯͇̳͔̲ͅi̷̡͈͇̣̳̹͈͚͜͜m̴̢̜̱̜̲͈̖̦̥͚e̷̥̩̬͖͈̲̼̬͜͜
̶̨̪̝͉̪̪͕͎̰̲W̶̨̘͖̫͓̪̙͙̰͙ḩ̵̧̜͖̟̲̦͎̭̭e̷̢̗͉̠̝͚̣̞̜̜n̵̡̧̹͙̭͖̥̬̯̹ ̴̺̗̺͈̟̺̩̼̪͚W̴̡̥̹̳̭̘͍̘̙͇ę̸̜̠̯͔̲̯̥̙ͅ ̶̨̨͇̣̙̭͍̦̥̟F̷̻̫͎̗̹̝̰͕̞̦i̷̢̢̬͔̠̜̫̩͔̙r̷̨͖̟̥͇͉͔̳̠͖s̶̟̰̱͎̬̫͇̰̠ͅt̴̖͖̪̲̙̟̞̫̰̮ ̵̖͉͍̱̻̰͖̺̮͎M̶̙̙͚̪̟̥̘̰̠͓e̶̡̪̼͕̱̹̼͔̹̞t̸̢̡̺͇̦͇̥̝̻͉

Comments

[Hurgusburgus]

rs1ci.memecdn.com/103/5820103.gif

[Blank!]

5381305 Well, it is very bitter.

[GroaningGreyAgony]

5381267

It is.

5381132

It is not always considered, while dancing, to check the strings, though one might be blamed over the other. Instead they turn away. And how solemnly begin the redactive foibles. Through chanvey, through flen and screaming roulth, they press their futile mouths. Who thereafter could say that? In the end, the erudite drops are counted.

Earns a thumbskew.

[The Guardian and Friends]

There's trollfics, and then there's this.

[Pirate Jesus]

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the masterpiece that Fimfiction has been prophesied for ages! Forget Biblical Monsters. Forget Vinyl Scratch and Octavia: University Days. Forget For the Ones we Love. This is true art! I demand you all jizz every pair of pants you have in anticipation of the amazing revolutionary enlightenment this story has brought us.

[Pirate Jesus]

P.S. You're still missing the "deleted comments" red flag.

[Blank!]

5469252
I was actually planning to do that from the next chapter onwards, mostly by asking everyone to say very nice things about the story and to each other, with heavy usage of >> , and then arbitrarily deleting here and there.

[bobbananaville]

Okay, is there a game in your blog where you ask everyone to call this story shit and dislike it?
Because unless you edited it heavily, that's the only explanation I can think of. This story is beautiful.

[Blank!]

5510046 The point is to hit as many badfic patterns as possible while still keeping this somewhat readable and fun.

[bobbananaville]

5512223 I don't know enough badfic patterns to judge as to whether you succeed, but DAMN this stuff makes me contemplative.
When all that's expected of you is a smile, does anything you do actually matter? Is it absurd to study friendship as a science rather than value it as a fact of life, or is turning friendship into math not only feasible, but desirable? When the big things come crashing down on you, do the little things cease to be as important as they had been?
This story isn't the best story for thinking about stuff, but I imagine that in a year, it'll come to mind readily.

[Lucasmembrane]

This is bizarrely brilliant. Or brilliantly bizarre? Or maybe it's just almost, but not quite, entirely unlike some other unspecified referent. I'll go with "somethingly something something." Definitely somethingy enough to keep an eye on.