Poppy was a simple unicorn that was content with taking care of her flowers. But when her mother died of an illness that many consider incurable, she went on a quest to find the cure for herself, no matter where it might take her.
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 24th Oct, 2014
- offline last seen February 19th
Kokuoh
I lurk, read fanfiction, and occasionally write stuff. But mostly just lurk
Kokuoh
Joined 24th Oct, 2014 ·
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A young colt, unless a sex change was involved. ( Joyous Smile sounds like a female name, but maybe it's just me. )
There are some spelling errors and weird tense uses - just like we all, you need a proofreader.
Actually, it looks serious enough, that if you don't correct the mistakes, the level of language will put off readers, and then it won't matter how good your plot idea is.
And speaking of plot, a topic like illegally cutting up dead bodies probably qualifies it to T rating.
Split it up. The wall of text is overwhelming.
the first person narration is an interesting idea. Since your story is currently rated 2/1, I assume the likes are for the story and the dislike is for mistakes - someone looked in, scowled a few times and left without reading further.
5492951
Thanks for the feedback. Ive edited the story based on your suggestions.
I was a bit sceptical. There are still some errors. Isn´t it ´to treat´instead of ´to tread´?
An elipsis is three dots, not four, not two, three.
Overal, it reads fluently.
But the thing of poppy cutting open her own öother after she had died, damn that is some dark stuf.
Have a like.
5577264
Fixed. I also took the chance to slightly edit the dialogue a bit