So much fail. Any particular reason you decided to make Whipwind a caricature instead of a character? One that is trying WAY too hard to be 'horrid'. He is a joke... and not a very good one. The pacing issue alone makes this hard to get into and Whipwind had this chapter opened in a background tab on my tablet for weeks. I only was able to read it now because I'm too exhausted to really care and I couldn't go to bed until my virus scan finished.
Interesting chapter. I really hope you can get an editor in here at one point, though. Not to be rude but there's a ton of missing periods and commas and loads of little mistakes, like saying Apple Jack over and over instead of just Applejack. It's one word and has always been one word.
Nitpicks aside, a fairly interesting story you got here.
OMG!!! i love this story!! Its gotten me to laugh like crazy and filled me w rage and cry like a foal and everything in btwn......NEVER STOP WRITING!!! i mean i know this story has to end some time but i will make sure to follow you so i can read ALL your stories. *bows down to you*
Dis gettin' gud
i was most scared when you pointed out he had a drunk boner, "well shit is about to go down" is what i thought
my feel is hurt.
Mason is going to flip shit, now.
Mason, would you kindly wreck this insignificant waste of flesh, then drop kick him into a communal latrine in Tartarus?
Thanks!
5426931 Would you like me to add a branding iron to that?
So much fail. Any particular reason you decided to make Whipwind a caricature instead of a character? One that is trying WAY too hard to be 'horrid'. He is a joke... and not a very good one. The pacing issue alone makes this hard to get into and Whipwind had this chapter opened in a background tab on my tablet for weeks. I only was able to read it now because I'm too exhausted to really care and I couldn't go to bed until my virus scan finished.
My reaction when he had a drunk boner:
i.ytimg.com/vi/MQZXsG7wQds/maxresdefault.jpg
OMG pure AB and Scoots ,Time for Mason ,AJ,Big Mac and RD to kick some ass.
The only solution at this point that will make me happy is if Big Mac bucks him so hard his insides become outside.
Close call, but we're not out of the woods yet...
Interesting chapter. I really hope you can get an editor in here at one point, though. Not to be rude but there's a ton of missing periods and commas and loads of little mistakes, like saying Apple Jack over and over instead of just Applejack. It's one word and has always been one word.
Nitpicks aside, a fairly interesting story you got here.
OMG!!! i love this story!! Its gotten me to laugh like crazy and filled me w rage and cry like a foal and everything in btwn......NEVER STOP WRITING!!! i mean i know this story has to end some time but i will make sure to follow you so i can read ALL your stories.
*bows down to you*
5756606
I've known people who were like this version of Scoot's father, actually.
Also, hi from the future.
5756606
I'm honestly glad you've never had the misfortune of meeting someone like this in real life, but trust me when I say, they exist.